That First Night (Very Spoilery! T/M 1Shot)

WARNING!!!!!!!!!!! SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm trying to get my brain back into writing mode. I wrote this based on recent spoilers. You may not want to read unless you read spoilers!

How had they gotten here?

That question had run through his head at least three dozen times before she fell asleep. And did she have to fall asleep like that? In probably the most provocative way imaginable? With her leg entangling his, the soft hair between her legs against his thigh, her arm around his chest. Her breasts, full and soft and just as amazing as he’d ever thought, were pressed against him, his own hand resting near her naked ass. And every moment he realized that it wasn’t just anybody, it was HER, he found that he couldn’t breathe. And something happened inside of his chest—something that had happened before, on at least a hundred occasions. Like that time he told her about making love and she smiled in that way she smiles and…
She shifted. He felt her nipple rubbing against him. He had to catch his breath.

Yeah, he was definitely hallucinating again.

Or maybe he wasn’t. Nothing made sense any more. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn’t supposed to stay up all night making love to Brennan. And she wasn’t supposed to let him slowly undress her, lift her into his arms, take her to the bedroom—ravage her, love her, caress her, kiss her EVERYWHERE.
He was definitely insane. These kinds of things don’t happen. You don’t go from talking about babies, to hallucinating absurd things, to being diagnosed with House-esque disorders, to putting your tongue and—other body parts—in places you’ve only ever dreamed. That’s not real. This wasn’t real.

Retrace your steps.

Retrace your steps…

His mind only wanted to stay within the last twelve hours. God, what did she use on her skin? She was so damn soft. So soft… And she smelled amazing. She always did.

Retrace… Now!

He knew she was watching. They all were. From different parts of the lab, they watched as Cam embraced her daughter. The thing that was different? Cam seemed so… happy. So different.

She seemed quieter that day. Quieter? That was an understatement. They never stopped chatting, bickering. She was strangely different. It was completely out of character that she hadn’t said a word all afternoon.

She found him in the park that evening. The sun was setting. Parker was swinging. His straw colored hair drifted behind him, his feet pumping, his pink cheeks full of life. Booth gave him a few more pushes after he spotted Brennan walking up to them. She had her hands in the pockets of her black trench coat. She waved at them as she approached.

“I’m gonna go talk to Bones, Buddy.”

“K, Dad!” Parker wasn’t in the least bit discouraged. He kept swinging.

Booth smiled at Brennan as they met on the green field.

“When I was a child, Russ would do this thing—an ‘under doggy’…” she made it sound like a question at first, “then he would duck under the swing. I thought it was wonderful.”

Booth nodded. “I know what an under doggy is, Bones.”

Brennan’s eyes shifted to Parker once again. “Is that height safe?” Parker was getting quite a bit of air. Then he jumped out of the swing. Brennan sucked in a sharp breath as the boy tumbled in the wood chips. Then she laughed. “He’s quite the risk-taker… like his father.”

“Yeah… he’s gonna be just like his old man.”

“He seems to interact with his peers quite well. He’s very articulate. That comes from you, I’m sure. You are very good with people.”

Booth grinned. What was she up to? “Yeah, well… genetics, right?”

The smile disappeared from Brennan’s face once again. She watched as Parker ran back to the swing, jumped in, began to swing again. She looked at Booth. It seemed that the words caught on her tongue. “I…”

Booth’s brows rose in expectation.

“There’s something I want to discuss with you. I haven’t told Angela—I don’t think she’d approve.”

“Bones, what is it?” He smiled nervously.

“I’ve been thinking… I want to have a child… progeny.” Booth’s mouth began to open, so she quickly cut him off with a hurried explanation. “I’ve been thinking about it quite a while. I never do anything without thinking. You were right when you said that I don’t have much time to think about child-bearing. Fertility in women and the rates of healthy births drop drastically after thirty-five.” Booth didn’t say anything at first. To call it a shock… would’ve been an overstatement. She was, after all, a woman deep down inside with yearnings for love and companionship. “I just don’t want to reach forty or forty-five and realize that I made a huge mistake by not pursuing this.” She looked at him… almost as if she was searching for approval in his face. But he saw something else… Something that said, “I don’t want to be alone.”

The tension released from his face. “I’ve always told you that you’d be a great mom, Bones.”

She smiled, the stress lines softening. She had his approval. And somehow that was all that she needed at the time. She looked at Parker. They both looked at him. He jumped out of the swing again, landing in the bark dust. He brushed off his pants. “He seems to be having fun.”

Booth smiled, as if his mind was not at all on his son. “Yeah…”

Brennan looked at the man beside her. “I think you’re a very good father, Booth,” spoken with every bit of tenderness and honesty she could muster.

“Thanks, Bones.”

Yeah. That’s how it went. Maybe if he had been reading into things a little bit more, then he would’ve seen what came next.

Weeks, or days, later, they were sitting in Sweets’ office. Again. The kid looked tired. Probably stayed up late playing WoW into the early hours. He half expected Sweets to be writing his notes in Elvish.

Somewhere in the middle of that session, Sweets was blabbing on and on about the sense of inclusion. Something about… He really wasn’t listening.

All he remembered was what came next.

“Dr. Brennan, would you like to add anything?”

She looked up sharply.

“You seem to have your mind in the ionosphere, Dr. Brennan. Care to share?” Silence. “I could bring out the Honesty Box.”

“The what?” Now Booth was awake. And annoyed as hell.

Sweets sat up a bit. He loved sharing this kind of crap. “We are all equals in the Honesty Box. Nobody’s opinions are subject to persecution. Nobody’s belief systems are erroneous. All thoughts are safe…” he mimed a square… “in the box.”

Silence. Booth scowled. “Sweets, what the hell are you on?”

Sweets sighed. “Look, guys, it’s an honesty device. It’s supposed to make you feel safe to talk about your innermost thoughts to one another. Can’t we just go with this? I mean, most times I feel like I’m completely useless here. Just indulge me, OK?”

“Well, if you’re gonna beg…” Booth began.

“Agent Booth, have you noticed a change in your partner’s demeanor? I mean, I can’t be the only one, right?” Sweets gestured at Brennan.

Booth looked at Bones. Yeah, she was different. He HAD noticed.

“What’s up, Bones?”

Brennan looked at Sweets, then at Booth. It was now or never. “Remember when I told you that I wanted to conceive?”

“’Scuse me?” Sweets choked.

Booth shot him an annoyed glance. Then looked back at Brennan. “Yeah?”

“I’ve set up an appointment at the Fertility Center.”

“What? So you’re not gonna… do it the old fashioned way?” Leave it to Bones. Even having a baby was reduced to a few bottles of injectable hormones and a handful of test tubes. Had he expected anything less? No, he hadn’t.

“Of course not. Conception through natural processes, through intercourse, is only twenty-five percent successful. I simply don’t like those kinds of statistics.” She looked at Sweets. “Of course, relying on statistics is a terrible way to live.”

Sweets rolled his eyes. Another shot at psychology… a subtle one, but it hit the mark. Right in the testicles.

“Don’t you… wanna have fun? You know…”

“By having sex? Of course, but… I’m not currently dating. And…” And there was only one man who she wanted to father her child. Of course, that wasn’t possible. Unless...“I would like for you to donate your semen.”

If Booth wasn’t already sitting, he would’ve fallen out of the chair. Brennan was always straight-forward, but what the hell???!!! “Excuse me?”

“I would like for you to donate your semen,” she repeated. She allayed a complaint by blurting, “Genetically, you’re a perfect match. You are a strong alpha male, healthy, resilient, intelligent, physically strong, you have great features and you have certain capabilities that I lack, such as personal and interactive skills…”

“What?”

Sweets’ pen dropped from his hand, rolled off the tablet and onto the floor.

Then the cell phones rang and they were off. Again. To another crime scene. Between then and the time that he was filling up a little cup in a sterile white office, he was wondering what the Sam hell he was doing! Especially when Brennan was out there and he wanted to make love to her… instead, he found himself making love to a CUP.

He came to one conclusion and one conclusion only. He loved her. Why else would he agree to such a ridiculous charade? Why would he let Brennan carry his child? Her child? Their child? When he would have another baby out in the world without a daddy? When he wouldn’t be able to feel that first kick or change that first diaper…

Those thoughts and a host of others led to this. The culmination of hours and hours of stormy thoughts.

She knocked momentarily before entering his apartment. She rarely waited for his answer any more. And why would she when they were in such a sick, twisted, demented relationship? Love, fantasies, and now BABIES without SEX?!

It didn’t matter how many times he thought of the phrase, “This is OK. This is what she wants. I want her to be happy,” he was also squashing a more sinister thought: “This is fucking screwed up.”

Brennan took off her jacket and hung it up. She was smiling. And that hurt the most. Her hopeful smile. She was actually looking at the future for once and it had nothing to do with microscopes or novels. It had everything to do with what normal people think of—family, love, children, belonging.

She stopped once she registered Booth’s face. She wasn’t very good at reading faces, but she did know Booth’s face. It was the one face that she could read the majority of the time. And his face said…

“You might wanna take a seat, Bones.” He stood a few feet from her. He was wearing a tight tee, jeans, plaid socks…

“No,” she replied. She’d rather be standing if he was going to say what she knew he was going to say. That one phrase that she’d been afraid he’d mutter all along.

“Bones, take a seat.”

She shook her head.

He walked up to her. More silence. But he didn’t let her squirm internally for long. “I don’t want you to use my sperm donation.”

She didn’t know whether to feel hurt, betrayed, angry… But anger was always her first emotion. “You promised.”

“I didn’t promise. I said I would, but I never said ‘I promise.’”

She glared at him, then she started shoving her arms into her jacket. She buttoned it forcefully as she spoke, “I can’t believe you. I just can’t believe you. You’re a coward.”

“What??? I’m the coward? Bones, you’re choosing a CLINIC over a RELATIONSHIP. You’re choosing a SYRINGE over LOVE. And I’M the coward?”

“Yes!”

“No! I don’t think so, Bones. Reality check. I think I’m the only one here who’s still in the real world!”

She began to tie the tie around her waist. “You know what? I don’t want it. I don’t want your sperm. I’ll just use Fisher’s.”

He laughed. “Fisher’s? No. Uh-uh. That ain’t happenin’.”

“You can’t tell me what to do! You have no authority, Booth. I asked for your approval—OUT OF RESPECT. I asked for your donation. I didn’t ask for more. And maybe I was wrong. Perhaps I should choose an anonymous donor. It would make things a lot less messy!” She was positively seething. “Good night, Booth!”

She reached for the door.

Booth snatched her arm, whirling her back toward him, closing the door with one arm, basically pinning her between his body and the door.

“Fuck, Bones, don’t you get it?”

“Obviously not!” she shot back. She crossed her arms, widening the gap between their bodies to centimeters instead of millimeters.

His voice was low, dangerous. “I don’t want you to take my sperm bank donation, because families shouldn’t be created in a fucking lab, Bones. I don’t want you to take my ‘donation’ because I want you to take ME!”

Silence.

He closed his eyes. Held his breath. It wasn’t supposed to come out so bluntly.

But there it was. Just out there for her to do whatever she wanted with it.

“What?”

“Me, Bones. I want you… I want us.”

The anger melted away. At an alarming rate. “I thought you didn’t want… me.”

What she really thought was that she didn’t think he wanted ‘us’.

“What?” He shook his head. “No. Yes. I’ve always… ALWAYS…” They froze like that. So close that they could see each other’s pores, even in the dim light of the walkway. The heat began to boil from beneath his collar. And he knew what to do next. There was only one way to answer her. And it had nothing to do with words or eloquently thought-out speeches. He kissed her. He kissed her deeply. And it didn’t take too long before the buttons of her jacket were undone, he was pulling her shirt over her head. His jeans were shed. Her jeans. Their clothes. A trail of cotton. Socks. Panties. All shed at a fevered pace. A desire to touch forbidden flesh, kiss taboo locations…

Hours later and the uncertainty still was in the air. A part of him wanted her to stay asleep. Then they wouldn’t have to face reality. Face last night. Face the fact that the condoms were still untouched in the drawer. Face uncertainties. Was it just a night of unrequited passion? A night of procreative activity? Or was it more? Another part of him wanted her to open her cerulean eyes and tell him that she wanted him as much as he wanted her. He wanted her to stay. He wanted hundreds, thousands, more mornings like this. Sometimes uncertainty was better than certainty. The lie can sometimes be much less painful than the truth.

He cleared his mind. Pushing aside fears and doubts, he thought of the moment. The night. The fact that he had permission to run his hand along her side, kiss her temple, and pretend that this could be only a glimpse of the rest of his life.

Finally sth from Mama, I must say i missed reading your stuff ;D

LOL I missed writing it. I've felt so out of sorts!!!

Have I ever told you how much I enjoy reading your stuff? It's fantastic. Honestly.

Hehehe! Thank you MissDebra!

Anytime, Mama. I hope you post something again soon. =)

Thank you!!!

Hey Mama glad to see you're getting back into the swing of things! I've missed you! BTW is this really only going to be a one shot????

Yeah, just a one shot.

Glad to be back hehe.

I have to recommend this fic from Jamie (SSJL). It's another take on the finale: [Only admins are allowed to see this link]

I was wondering how long is was going to take you to get over Spring Break!! Glad you're back in the saddle, Mama! I loved it!

Thanks DB! I'm still getting over the spring break brain lol. I'm trying to kick it into drive before the next BIG ONE which is a semi-surprise.... Right, Milky?

This was wonderful Mama! I love your take on what the finale may be.

ForensicMama wrote:Thanks DB! I'm still getting over the spring break brain lol. I'm trying to kick it into drive before the next BIG ONE which is a semi-surprise.... Right, Milky?

*scrunches brow* Hmmm.

I don't know what that means?

I won't even guess in case I'm right, or in case I'm wrong! I LOVE surprises!!!

Surprises are always good!

ForensicMama wrote: Surprises are always good!

Unless they are bad LOL xD

*Vodzu* wrote:

ForensicMama wrote: Surprises are always good!

Unless they are bad LOL xD

LOL You got me there!!!

That was a very good 1shot.
And I missed your stories too!

I'm trying to get back on the bandwagon. lol!

Mama, this was wonderful, I can see this happening. Those two are going to have such a tough time with the morning after.

I can't wait for the morning after. It doesn't matter how it goes... lovey-dovey or fiery, I'm all for it! And I can't wait to watch!!!

I loved this Mama!!

Thank you Zeddie!

very nice work