The Gun (K+ Humour) *1Shot*

************************************************************************

"So... have any issues arisen since our last session?" Sweets asked.

"You could say that." Booth said with tight lips.

"Wha-- There are no issues. I said I was sorry." Bones said in an innocent tone.

"An apology is an obscure concept, Bones, blah blah blah blah blah." He mocked.

"Apparently apologies are nil around this man. I can't work like this." Bones recrossed her legs so that they faced away from her partner.

"Words, Bones. Those are just words, but I know what you're really thinking deep, deep down, and you're thinking, 'Hey, if Booth decides to get a life again I'LL JUST SHOOT HIM!'"

"Uh-That's not what I was thinking, Booth!"

"What's another bullet, huh? Just another sexy scar to draw the ladies in."

"Women don't like scars, that's just a masculinized Neanderthal-like assumption with NO FACTS to support--It's an assumption... hardly what you or I would call an educated guess!" Her voice rose.

"More bullet wounds, Bones, more women. You might wanna take note of that. You might wanna get another gun."

"Agent Booth, did Dr. Brennan--?"

"Yes, Sweets! She SHOT me. She--" He raises his fingers like a gun. "POW POW POW!--shot me!"

"I did not!"

"You did, too."

"You make it sound like I did it on purpose!"

"Did you, Dr. Brennan?"

"No, I did not."

"You did, too, Bones and you know it. Even if it was subconscious, you did it ON PURPOSE." Booth crossed his arms across his chest.

"What exactly happened, guys? I'm like... totally lost here."

"Bones barges into my apartment--not the first time, mind you--and she's wielding her gun like a madman--"

"MadWOMAN!"

"Ah, she she ADMITS IT!"

"I do not admit ANYTHING."

"So she barges in, the gun's flailing about, thinking I had a girlfriend or something, and she SHOOTS me."

"In your toe. The pinkie toe, to be exact. That's an unnecessary phalange, by the way. UNNECESSARY. And I thought you were in danger."

"Doesn't matter, Bones. The point is, she SHOT my toe and now I've got no pinkie toe, Sweets. No PINKIE toe."

"Now you're being melodramatic." Bones crossed her arms on her chest.

"Melodramatic? You're calling me melodramatic?"

"Dr. Sweets, he didn't lose his toe. It was a flesh wound."

"Which could've been worse!"

"See, this is interesting, Dr. Brennan. Your legs are crossed away from Agent Booth, signifying aggression, or what I like to call, P-Oed. Anyhow, your legs are facing out and on the other hand, Agent Booth's legs are crossing towards you. I think he's not as mad as he looks."

"Does this have anything to do with the whole pistol wielding scenario?" Bones asked.

"No, Dr. Brennan. I'm simply stating that you two are constantly bickering--"

"Not-" She glanced at her partner. "Not bicker. We banter."

"I like to say that we discuss hotly."

"Nice use of the adverb hotly, Booth."

"Thanks, Bones."

"But you two always find a way to make amends in the end. You two are like peas and carrots."

Booth chuckled.

"Peas and carrots? Carrots are a root and peas are technically seeds. I... I don't see where you're going with this, Dr. Sweets."

"Bones, he's saying that we're meant to be together... professionally."

"Of course, what else would he mean?"

"Beats me, Bones." Their eyes swerved away from each other. "So, you do realize that I'm taking the gun back, right?"

"What? Why?!"

"Twenty four hours after I give it to you, I'm laying in agony on the kitchen floor and my shoe's full of blood! I'm just saying--"

"Well, what I'm saying is that if you try to take the gun from me, I'll be a more accurate shot next time around."

"Is that a threat?"

"I'm pretty sure it sounded like it. What do you think, Sweets?"

"I think... I think I miss doing couples therapy for people who didn't 'wield guns' and 'shoot' one another. Is twenty four too young for retirement? Dude, I'm gonna totally need an aspirin." Sweets rubbed his temples.

"Look, Sweets. Bones and I... we argue. But it doesn't mean anything, right, Bones?" He looked at his partner for support.

"Uh... right. Right, Dr. Sweets. We actually really like each other. Right, Booth?"

"Love. We LOVE one another, right Bones?"

"Love is a strong word, Booth."

"Bones... the boy's gonna retire before he gets chest hair, it's not right."

"Agent Booth, I do have chest hair... I just pluck it out. Makes for a--"

"You pluck it? You pluck your 'chest hair' as in a singular hair. You've got one hair?" Booth raised a brow.

"What? No. I meant wax. I wax it."

"Yowza!"

"Look, guys... maybe we could reschedule this, for like next century."

Bones sighed. "Dr. Sweets, yeah, we do love each other. I love you, Booth. There. See? We're all friends again."

Booth's eyebrow raised. "You love me, Bones?"

"Wha- N.. no... yeah. Yes."

"Love is a strong word, Bones."

"So is KILL, Booth."

"You know, if you define 'love' as being a really strong word for like, then you know what? I love you, too, Bones." He glanced towards Bones, then back at Sweets. "Sweets, you're OK, right? We're all good. We're chillaxin' now? We're cool with it? We're down with it? We're tight?" Booth asked in a mocking tone.

Sweets feigned a half smile. "Yeah, guys. I'm down with it."

"Awesome!" Booth clapped his hands together and walked towards the door. Bones rose and followed him out. "Cuz I'd really hate for us to have to go to the middle school and find us a new shrink. Besides... Bones might shoot one of them. And you know how people are with people shooting their kids..." Bones smacked his shoulder as the door closed. Sweets could hear them still arguing as they walked out of earshot. "Yow! Bones! Keep your hands to yourself. I told you I love you, but I thought Domestic Abuse didn't start until AFTER the honeymoon!"

**********************************************************************

she shot him?
in his pinkie toe?
and because she thought that there was a girlfriend?
or "danger"?

okay I'm still laughing.....and poor Sweets will retire before he got a second chest hair.....poor kid....

ohhh god, this was awesome!!

LMAO...seriously....it was So funny....hahahaaaaa
she shot his pinkie toe? LMAO
and Sweets has only 1 chest hair LOL...
thanks!

I'm glad I made y'all laugh!

that was fabulous...what a lovely afternoon I'm having reading

fab

Aww thank you!!

Bump!

Another amazing story and again very well written, but of course, since you wrote it.

I felt for Sweets, but he was very funny. I think anyone who works with the two of them would completely agree that twenty four is the perfect age to go into retirement. I do admire Sweets very much even if it just simply being the means of bringing about so many amazing and 'Awww'-inspiring conversations between Booth and Brennan.

Booth's little parting speech was great about having to find a new shrink at a middle school:)

Thanks for such a delightful read:)

Leah

I'm glad you liked it! I had to read it through myself. I'd forgotten what I wrote. I like it too now. I think it's funny lol.

That happens to me all the time. Someone will point out a specific part in my story in a review and I'll draw a complete blank.

LOL that's hilarious!

This kind of reminds me of that Sweets session in the last episode. They come in arguing, go out hand in hand. Kinda cute.