The Monthly *1shot* (K+ Humorous)

"Booth?" Bones asked with a worried expression on her face.

Booth took his eyes off the road and looked to his right. "Wha--Bones! What's wrong? Are you OK?"

"Well--I suppose that depends on your definition of that particular word. I'm healthy, mentally and bodily, if that's what you're asking."

"What's wrong?" Booth asked, his tone raising.

"I need you to run into the pharmacy for me."

"Do you have prescription or something? Cuz I can do that. You shouldn't be working if you're sick, Bones."

"I told you I'm not sick." Her cheeks blushed.

"What do you need then?"

"Tylenol... a heating pad would be nice..."

"You're sore? Hurting? Bones! I'm sure Cam wouldn't mind if you took the day off."

"And some... some... tampons." She could feel her face growing warm. It was such an embarrassing situation, but it was best handled if she remained matter-of-fact about it.

"Wh--WHAT?" Booth looked to his right with a look of horror on his face.

"Booth! Why are you looking at me like that? I'm not a leper!"

"Uh... Uh... I-I-I-I-I guess that I guess I never... uh, thought of you... like THAT, you know?"

"What? Like a woman?" Bones was beginning to--and quite understandably so--become irritable.

"No, Bones. I, I guess you're a woman. I mean, that's not what I mean. I mean... I guess I just try to, uh... forget... forget that fact, I guess."

"Are you nervous?"

"Bones! I'm not nervous, I'm just... I guess I'm surprised."

"Surprised? That I menstruate?"

"Bones!"

"I could say bleed."

"Bones!"

"Period..."

"Come on!"

"Aunt Flo's comin' for a visit..."

"Bones-- Aunt Flo?" Booth rolled down his window. "I need some air. Is it warm in here? I'm warm. I could use some-some-some--"

"Air?" Bones lifted an eyebrow.

"I'm just..."

"Every woman menstruates, Booth. The females of most mammalian species shed their endometrial lining. It's a natural bodily process. I thought you knew that."

"Of course I KNOW that, but Bones... you're... you're BONES."

"AND a woman."

"I try to separate myself from that fact, Bones."

"What? Why would you do do that?"

Quickly changing the subject to avoid that answer, Booth asked, "Don't you like... don't you carry... STUFF... with you in your purse or something?"

"I'm a few days early, apparently. I wasn't expecting it, yet."

"Bones... from now on, you're carrying those.. THINGS... around with you EVERYWHERE." Booth shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Booth, I'm not going to carry TAMPONS-" Booth winced. "Around with me everywhere I go!"

"Bones..."

"Maybe I should keep a box of tampons-" Booth flinched. "Right here in the SUV."

"I don't think so, Bones!"

"What? I think it's a logical solution to this problem. Either that or you'll have to run into the pharmacy for me next time around."

"Bones, you're not gonna girly up my SUV. This is a MAN truck. It's MANLY and gruff... It's five o'clock shadows... suits 'n ties... CHEST hair... power tools. It's not tampons, kittens, and pink lace!"

"Booth, now you're putting words in my mouth. I said absolutely nothing about pink lace or kittens!"

"What if I give Cullen a ride and he peeks in the glove box? 'Hey, Agent Booth, what are these? Cigars? Can I have one?' NO! NO! NO! DON'T SMOKE THAT, SIR!!!" Booth looked over at Bones. "Ain't gonna happen, Bones."

They pulled into the pharmacy and Booth jumped out. Bones sat with her arms crossed on her chest and said nothing. After a few minutes, Booth jumped back in, sweating and breathing heavily like he'd just returned from battle.

"Bones... there's... there's LOTS of those THINGS. Kotex, Tampax, Organix... then there's regular, medium, heavy... why would you want a heavy pad in your underwear? And why not just make one. Just ONE. You know? This one's for Bones. That one's for Cindy. This one's for Chrissy."

"Booth--"

"I think... I think some lady gave me a rude look, like why are you here? It might have been sympathy... or maybe she thought I was a perp... I'm not sure..."

"Booth--"

"I felt like all of the eyes in the place were on me! I was--"

"BOOTH!"

"What?"

Bones snatched the money out of his hand and jumped out of the SUV. "I'll do it myself! And I'll be sure to ask for a paper bag for you to breathe into."

omg poor Booth!
it's a miracle that he even survived that experience....

haha, very funny!

well i could certainly see him acting like this.........but of course you know he would do anything for his bones..............very funny............

Hahahahahaaaa.... how cute and funny!
LMAO
Poor Booth! Must have been a hard quest for him LOL

Hahahaaaa Sooo funny. I laughed so hard hahahaaa
Thanks for that!

again, adorable
very well written

fab

TY it wasn't my fave piece but people have seemed to like it.

Bump!

he is a whooped man, but still a man who is squimish about GIRLY things!

That was incredible and again, the dialogue was outstanding and so very, very funny!

I loved Booth defending the manliness of his truck and wanting his domain to stay masculine. And I loved how he tried to explain to Brennan that he tried to forget about Brennan as a woman who gets a monthly visit from 'Aunt Flo'. I've never heard that one before.

It's sweet that he would do it for anyway. But he'd do anything for her wouldn't he:) I could see him getting all worked up like that.

Terrific job!

Leah

Thank you Leah!