The Truth that a Closet can Reveal (T-->M; B&B -Ange, Sweets; Romance +humor&angst) NOW COMPLETE!

I can't wait for more
but I guess equal waiting times are better.....

Wow! This is really good! hehehehehe MOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Oh and Aloemilk, I love your "FB-Eye Candy" siggy!

aww, i thought there was a new chapter...

i need so much fan fic these days to alleviate my whatdidchacallit BWS, it's ridiculous!

I am SO glad you're enjoying this story! Thank you all for your reviews
I also realize you all agree with what I thought in the beggining, that you'd prefer waiting about same amounts of time in between chapters... So that's what we're going to do

xoxoxoxoxoxox

They stared at each other, not knowing what to do.

Please, let someone interrupt us, he thought. But as seconds became minutes, no one else entered her office.

“I don’t know what to say,” he finally announced. He thought that it was simpler if he said what was on his mind, instead of trying to figure something clever that he hoped would let things go back to normal. But not one of the many things he’d thought seemed to fill the bill. “I’m sorry is not enough, ‘cause it won’t necessarily take things back to normal. Explaining why I did it won’t either. Ignoring it isn’t a solution. Just look where ignoring the closet incident took us,” he tried to joke to lighten up the air. To tell the truth, he was terrified. If there was a moment he thanked his years as a sniper, it was when he had to face strong, confusing feelings while showing a calm façade.

She looked too serious to him, making him nervous. But she was fighting a thousand battles inside that he couldn’t see. Why didn’t I let him stop? What do I do now? What will he do now? Will he leave me? What do I want him to do, for that matter? Why did he do it? Why did this happen?

She decided to try and understand. Maybe it wasn’t the wisest thing to do, but it was all she could feel comfortable with. “I guess I think it would be helpful if you told me why you did it, Booth.”

He looked at her trying to collect his thoughts. Then, trying to get more time, he stepped away from her and sat down on her couch. He closed his eyes, not knowing what to say, how much to say, how to say it. “I... I’m not sure, Bones. I guess you just looked too beautiful and I was too mad.” He finally opened his eyes to look at her, and found her frowning.

After a few moments she sat on the couch as well, leaving a safe distance between them. “I’d say it doesn’t make sense, but it actually does. It’s a proven fact that anger can be misunderstood as sexual arousal, because the body acts quite similarly, physiologically speaking, during both situations.”

He sighed, not sure if he was happy or disappointed at her explanation. If she found a reasonable way of explaining the kiss it was very possible for them to let it go, just as they had done with the mistletoe. But it also meant that this kiss would be trivialized as well and, even if it made him uncomfortable, he had to be honest and admit—at least to himself—that he wished the kiss had meant something for her as well.

Because no matter what explanations he was trying to give, he knew he would never forget the way his body had sung while having her in his arms.

“Why did you kiss me back, Bones? Why did you push it?” He needed to know. If they were going to have to put it all in a sealed box with a never-talk-about-it label, he needed to at least have this point cleared up.

“Push it? I did not push it,” she tried to convince him and herself. But it took one simple look at her partner to know she had to be as honest as he had been. She took a deep breath. “I—I don’t know. Booth, I really don’t know. It surprises me as much as it seems to be surprising you.”

They became silent, each deep in their own thoughts.

Finally, she broke the silence. “I guess we have to do something about it.”

“Do something about it? Do something like what?” he asked, a bit scared. He wasn’t sure if he trusted what her mind could come with in these kinds of situations.

He couldn’t know she wasn’t sure, either. But she had to at least try to apply some logic to it. All she knew was that she wasn’t ready to try and see what her feelings were trying to get her to do. “Something like—something that allows us to wear the tension off.”

Making love, he thought. That would do it. But it wouldn’t be just sex, and that was a problem. With her.

He panicked. She couldn’t be suggesting that; it had to be his imagination telling him that was where she was trying to lead the conversation. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Bones.”

“I think it is. We both seem to be having troubles managing this tension between us. We seem to have certain amount of unreleased sexu—”

“Whoa. Wait, Bones. Stop,” he said as he stood up from the couch, too nervous to stay there. “That is definitely not a good idea. We’re partners.”

“That’s exactly why we have to do something about it. We have to find a way to release the tension.”

“That’s fine. How about you write a new chapter for your book. I’ll go run a few miles.”

She actually considered it. The idea of just sleeping together to see if that could make them forget what had just happened made her more than slightly nervous and, surprisingly enough, this time she wasn’t convinced that was a logically positive answer.

Seeing she wasn’t sure what was the right thing to do either calmed him a bit. He crouched in front of her, trying to keep the eye level without being too close. At least not close enough to be tempted again. “We can still play it safe. We can put that line back to where it was,” he whispered.

Maybe she couldn’t quite name the feeling that filled her after hearing what he had just said, but she could categorize it easy enough. It was highly unpleasant. “Do you really want to?” Then, after seeing his shocked reaction, added “I mean, do you really think that will be enough?”

“I hope it is. I don’t want anything to change between us.”

“Me either.”

They looked at each other for a while.

She felt lost in his eyes once more.

He felt the need once more. And smiled. It seemed they were back to perfect normality. “I’d give you a guy hug to seal the matter, but I guess that’s not the best thing to do under the circumstances.”

She smiled, too, and gave him her hand to shake.

He took it and, standing up again, pulled her off of the couch. “Ok, Bones. Let’s go find some murderers.”
***
After a long day of crime-fighting, they were both tired and hungry. They currently were at the diner, sitting at their usual place, eating their usual food choices—a burger and fries for him, a healthy salad for her—and talking about the usual stuff. Work this time, mainly.

Routine was something they both needed badly to stop themselves from thinking.

“Ok, so this guy discovers the fraud, and tells them that unless they pay him a huge amount of money, he’s gonna call the cops. They let him believe he’s got it his way and, before he knows what’s happening, they kill him.”

“And that’s the first body we found.”

“Exactly. But they didn’t count on him telling his girlfriend. Now, this girlfriend is trying to decide what to do, right? Her boyfriend has disappeared and she’s certain it’s them that did something to him. She calls the cops to report him missing and then goes to these guys to ask for an answer. In the middle of the discussion, she tells them she knows about the fraud so they decide to kill her, too.”

“And because of that call you made the connection between both bodies and you could tell it was her body beforehand,” she said glad she’d been able to rationalize it.

“Well, yeah. Partially. It was mainly my gut. No one had reported her missing. Anyway, there’s only one thing that I can’t understand yet. They really seem to think they’re still safe. If they thought they were in danger they would try to protect their backs, which to them probably means to keep killing people. It’s the first killing that’s difficult, and we don’t know how many other people they’ve made disappear that we have yet to find.”

“Is that true?”

“What? What’s true?”

“That it’s the first killing that’s difficult. Seeing you I would have said every kill was difficult. That with every kill you felt something like what I felt when I killed Epps’s friend.”

Ok. That was something I wasn’t expecting, he thought. He took her hand without thinking, trying to comfort her. “Look, Bones... It’s different. We’re different from them. They—they kill because they see the other as a problem, as something that needs to be removed from their sight, from their plans. They’re objects to them, pieces in a gigantic chess board. That isn’t the way people like us see things.”

“Why, what’s different?”

“We wish we could have chosen differently. We wish we had never done that. We wish things like that didn’t happen in the world. And there’s something else. We can still see their faces when we close our eyes.”

“I’m sorry, Booth. I’m sorry you have this weight on you. I’m sorry you have to live with so much regret.”

There it was again, he realized. One of their moments. They looked at each other with such intensity that the world seemed to vanish around them.

He smiled and let go of her hand, trying to lighten up the mood and more than a bit touched by what she had just said. “Well, yeah. There’s just so much I’m regretful of. But there’s also a lot to be thankful for. We won’t forget that, ok? But for the time being, all we’ll think about is having a slice of pie and then going to bed.”

He felt the awkwardness fall on them as soon as he’d finished the sentence. They looked at each other confused by the implied meaning; they could choose to acknowledge it or not, trying to decide whether it had anything to do with the kissing event.

“Everything’s back to normal,” she said smiling.

“Perfectly normal,” he smiled back.
xoxoxoxoxoxox

Please don't hate me LOL
I swear it's gonna get better!

ForensicMama, I'm glad you liked my siggy I couldn't help myself when I saw this pic on Cass'es thread of snapshots! I just *saw* her staring at a a rather impressive Booth!
And lena? Maybe I can help a tiny little bit with your need for fanfic.
[Only admins are allowed to see this link]
I only have a couple oneshots there, but I've favorited a few stories and it might be that you haven't read some of them?

Oh I just loved that. They'll just have their pie and go to bed. No big deal. Everything's back to normal, they keep trying to convince themselves... SURE...

Oh and I love me some FB EYE Candy!

Really? They are just going to act like nothing happened? Gr....

missdebra87 wrote:Really? They are just going to act like nothing happened? Gr....

They'll *try*
I said it's gonna get better, right?

It better!

Exactly... they're trying. And they'll fail. Listen to them trying to convince each other!

thanks for the new chapter!

and i'll definitely go check out your ff account as soon as i can. stupid christmas. just doesn't leave enough time for the really important things in life. hahaha

happy holidays!

UH, oh.. I read the update in FF trough... GOOOD (Y) And for you to know - added you to story alert list.
Keep it going...


And Lena.. I just saw whar is written in Booth's chest.... Hahaha.. Hilarious

I don't think that they can deny what is happening between thzem for much longer.....but let them try if they want to....
they will realize that it won't work sooner or later

Can't wait for more!

I read that there is a timeline set p for each season to show how far they will go together and what happens when.

I love to watch them trip themselves up like this. They just get their legs under 'em again, then splaaatt! I'm ready for more when you are!!

It's time for an update, people!
I can't believe we're on the 6th chap already

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

A few days had passed and, as she looked back objectively, she realized that things had gone back to normal. Mostly.

They talked as they used to, went out following lines of investigation as usual, had lunch as usual. But there was something amiss and she had to find the anomaly to set her mind at ease again.

Right, she could always compartmentalize. But she also had an IQ high enough to do more than one thing at a time, so she allowed herself to wonder at what could be different while doing some paperwork.

Booth. Seeley Booth. Funny, she never called him by his first name, just as he never called her by hers. Not that they didn’t know each other well enough; in fact, she wondered if there was anyone who knew her better than he did. And, though she couldn’t tell how much she actually knew him, she was sure she was at least able to estimate with a high probability of success what he was going to do or how he was feeling at any given moment.

This Special Agent was special, indeed. If someone had told her a few years back that there would be someone who would change her the way he had, she would have laughed first and asked if they were being sarcastic second. She was self-aware enough to know that she still had problems reading people and that she still lacked a huge amount of social references and pop culture, but she had certainly evolved in her social abilities. And she knew it was his influence on her.

What made him different? What was there in him that could reach into her? What was in him, that for the first time, she wished she could be the kind of woman who would know how to relate to a man, to this man, in a deeper way?

She froze at that. Maybe she wasn’t so good at doing various things simultaneously. That could be the only way to explain why something like that appeared in her mind without being cut back by her defences. Sadly to her, once there, she had to think it through.

OK. He was an attractive man. His body was certainly something that would catch her attention, what with the way he moved, the perfect control he seemed to have of every muscle. But that was something she would notice in any man that had that characteristic, and something every woman would notice in him. But... did that include a certain sexual awareness? Could that be the reason why she’d become quite expectant of every time they touched, even if it was just as a result of casual moves?

She had to congratulate herself. She knew she had just been as honest as she could be to herself about herself when she admitted she was constantly aware of Booth’s touch. Following the openness pattern, she realized it had all gone beyond usual proportions after the kiss. Well, after the second kiss.

She still wondered what had made him kiss her in the first place. Did he want her beyond the kiss? The way they connected during the kiss told her he did, but the way he’d insisted they had to put the line back to place told her he didn’t. Certainly, she didn’t have skills enough to resolve that little riddle. And there was yet another thing to ponder. Why had she kissed him back? Why had she pushed it, as he’d called it? That question had been playing around in her head since he had voiced it, and the only answer she could come with wasn’t one that made her happy.

She’d pushed it because she’d wanted more. Every cell in her body had yelled for more. A lot more of... a lot more of him, whatever that included.

And that, definitely, wasn’t something she was ready to think about.

She breathed deeply and realized she had stopped filing the papers a long while ago and that she was in fact tapping the pen to the paper rather frantically. Trying to concentrate on the task, she tried hard to leave that particular train of thought for another opportunity, one when facing this kind of discoveries didn’t fill her with a sense of weakness.

When he entered her office, he found her head bent over a pile of papers. She was writing in a constant manner, her concentration put completely on her work, a lose ponytail that let free some strands of her hair, her brows furrowed in concentration, her lips a bit pursed. He couldn't help thinking she looked amazing.

“Bones! I’ve got good news!” He reached her desk and sat on one of the chairs, ignoring his wish to just lean towards her and kiss her softly this time. Somehow he found himself longing for a long, tortuous kiss—the kind of kiss they had yet to share. To mask this musings he put on his mid-way charm smile.

“Hello, Booth.” She finished writing the last bit and added her signature, not so much for having the thing done as for gaining time. Her previous meditations still had her feeling a bit uneasy. She finally raised her eyes to him and couldn’t help but smiling at the way he was noticeably more relaxed. “What is it?”

“We have them. The last bit of evidence has been processed and now we can arrest them. Congrats, Bones. The case is closed!”

They both smiled to each other for a while, content enough by success; they didn’t care for the need of words. No matter how many times they'd done the right thing and put the bad guys in prison, she still marvelled how she'd been a part of it—that they both made such a good team. A team that he thought did great on more than the crime solving level. After a while, though, they needed to break the contact. The thoughts behind the looks were making them self-conscious and more than slightly nervous.

“OK, then,” he said wondering what to do next. He wanted to invite her someplace else, where they could talk endlessly about whatever came to their minds. But since the kiss, he’d retained himself from those out-of-nowhere invitations, thinking that maybe they needed to cut back on their amounts of time spent together.

Even knowing that, he had the invitation on the tip of his tongue. He just stared at her, not noticing how intent his look was, how much energy seemed to radiate from his eyes—but he couldn't do otherwise. He was caught in the sight of her, thinking it was silly of him to miss her; they spent several hours a day together. But sometimes it just didn’t seem enough.

Holding his breath to stop himself from letting a sigh escape, he realized he had to leave or he wouldn't be able to hold himself back anymore.

It was seeing him there in front of her and feeling his gaze on her, feeling the intensity of such a simple gesture, that placed the last piece of the puzzle for her. She knew what had changed. It was simple, really; she wondered why she hadn’t been able to detect it.

They didn’t share their evenings with each other anymore.

True, they still did the usual things, but they had stopped assuming they’d have dinner together or take a cup or glass of something in the other’s place. They’d stopped assuming they’d be with each other for relaxing. And, she realized with a start, she missed it.

She saw him starting to rise from the chair, and decided in a split second—without having time enough for second thoughts or to wonder why—she had no reason to wait for him to invite her somewhere. “Booth, what do you think about going somewhere to celebrate the closing of the case?”

He froze in mid-movement. Then, slowly, he stood up completely.

He didn’t know what to say. He felt like she had read his thoughts and, even more, his wishes. “Well… Hum… That’s… It’s a great idea, Bones. Let’s do it. Where do you wanna go? I’ll drive,” he announced as he began leaving the place, trying not to think about how nervous that little, innocent proposition had made him.

“Of course you will,” she said to his retreating back, smiling.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Guess what comes next?

You are such a great writer! If English is your second language, then I'm flabbergasted!

Oh, what, oh what should come next? muwahahhahahahahaha

yay... celebration time! I can think of a few ways to celebrate...

all the ways they could celebrate......I have a few ideas how I would want to celebrate with Booth.....
don't let us wait too long!

ForensicMama wrote:You are such a great writer! If English is your second language, then I'm flabbergasted!

Oh, what, oh what should come next? muwahahhahahahahaha

Wow!
That was an amazing review! Left my ego up around the clouds!

Thank you, Mama

I'm currently writing the epilogue for this story, so I think it's time to show them how much they could really act as if nothing had happened!

Thank you all for your reviews. That's what's brought me here to post again so soon!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

The dinner had been a slow and quiet moment for them both; a time they’d relished as if thinking they had to commit every move, every word to memory, as if they felt they wouldn’t be enjoying each other’s company in a long time. After they ate, they decided to take a walk alongside the mirror pool. Even though neither of them said it aloud, they both felt it was a safe way to prolong the outing together. It was better to share time that way, than considering the chance to go to one of their places.

There was a soft, cold breeze, heavy with the smell of wet ground and recently mowed grass. The pool reflected the few stars strong enough to shed their light through the city skies, and she imagined how it would all look from a plane: a million coloured light points all tied together in a net, its asymmetric limits tied to other nets in the dark planes of the obscured side of Earth.

She thought it was a weird thing for her to imagine. These images usually appeared in her mind only when she was setting the atmosphere for her books' scenes, never when she was just walking along with her partner.

She looked at him walking next to her. He had his hands behind his back and was looking away, as if deep in thought. His brows weren't showing concentration, though; his look was more one of melancholy.

She thought that was a weird thing for him to be doing, if she read him correctly. She couldn't remember a time when she saw Booth melancholic; he was fairly open with his emotions, but there was just a certain range where she was allowed. The sight was so new to her that she started automatically second-guessing herself. Could she be wrong? Could she be mistaken in how she was reading him?

She just wanted to feel assured she knew how to understand him—if she couldn't understand anyone else, she had to know at least with him, she'd share this special connection.

“What are you thinking about, Booth?”

“Mh?” he looked at her sideways, started away from his meditations.

He knew he'd neglected the conversation they'd used as excuse to share this walk together, but he'd been comfortable in the kind of easy companionship that didn't need words to fill the space.

He'd been thinking about how everything seemed to be normal and dramatically different at the same time. They both acted as they always did and talked about the same things, but his feelings were in turmoil. He wasn't used to that. He was accustomed to knowing exactly what he felt in exactly the same moment his emotions took a grip on him. But now... All he could seem to think about was that he wished this walk was the kind of walk where he could just take her hand in his.

“You have a look,” she said, not certain of how to explain it further.

“I have a look?” he asked, amused. Even though he could tell she was being more open to discuss this kind of non-verbal communication issues, she was extremely insecure about it too.

“That's what I just said. You have a look.”

“And what kind of look would that be, Bones?” he smiled, not looking at her.

“If I knew how to interpret it, I wouldn't have voiced that assertion in such a vague way, would I?”

Booth's smile turned into a soft laugh. “Easy, Bones. It's ok. I know I have a look. Seriously, you're getting better at this reading-people business. You just need more confidence, more practice, and more openness.”

“I think you should explain yourself better, because that makes little sense to me,” she said in a dry tone of voice.

“And because me saying that makes you uncomfortable, and thus a little bit angry, right?” he added in what tried to be a soothing voice. He didn't want to fight with her; the night was far too beautiful and quiet to tear its magic away.

But, at seeing the look she sent him—a mix of anger and confusion—he knew he had to explain further. “Look, maybe it didn't come out right, but I think it's actually some kind of compliment. You are getting better at reading people. But you're not used to looking at people to try to read in them what they're thinking; you expect everyone to be as open and ready to say what's on their minds as you are, since you feel that if you want someone to know what's inside you, you'll just let them know. You expect everyone to act that way. But most people aren't that way. Most people just let you know the side of them they think you want to see or that they want you to see. And well, there's the little thing about feelings, too—not everyone is aware of what they're feeling. And most everyone can't hide that and show it on their faces, in the way their bodies stand, in the way they move. And, unless you know how you feel and how that shows, it'll be hard for you to be able to know the way others feel and how that shows on them. But, as you learn to look inwards—or being more open—, you start seeing people's emotions on their countenances. Practice at it, and as you start being successful, you gain confidence.”

“That's why you're so good at it?” she saw him smile at her compliment, but decided to ignore the resulting cockiness. “Since you know your emotions so well, you get to know everyone else's?”

“Uhm—I think that's a stretch. I wouldn't say I can read everyone as an open book. I'm just good at balancing the human ability at reading people with my guts to know what the person in front of me is feeling. But if I could simply look at someone and know what they're feeling or thinking I wouldn't need you, Bones. It'd be as simple as going to every suspect and seeing if they're guilty.”

She couldn't help feeling a little glad that he needed her. It was nice to know it was a mutual feeling. “That's what you've meant before when saying we're a great team, right?”

“That's right, Bones. It's because we complement each other that we're such a great team. But please, never tell Sweets I said that,” he joked.

And she smiled. “You don't have to worry, Booth, I think I learned my lesson. But I have a question.”

“Tell me.”

They stood and turned to look to each other. “If you're always so connected to your emotions... Well, isn't it complicated? I mean, I think it can be very tiresome.”

He smiled, and without noticing, he reached for her hands and started warming them between his. “Maybe. It can be tiresome, especially if you're confused by what you're feeling. But it's worth it. Every feeling is some kind of guidance about yourself or about your life.” He noticed he had finally gave in and held her hands, and let them free with a little pang of regret, hoping for her not to realize the confusion the gesture had brought to him. “And though every one of those feelings is some kind of a neon-lighted sign to tell you what's going on, since not every feeling is nice, it’s a natural response to try to hide them; especially if you're trying to hide that particular feeling from the world.”

“So not everyone hides their feelings because they're guilty of something, but because they're afraid?”

He was more than a bit shocked by her question. He would have supposed it was obvious. “Well, yeah, Bones. It's hard to express what's inside of us because it's so personal; we fear the other won't understand, or won't like it or whatever. So it's always like feeling and trying to decide how much of it to show to the world... But... Bones, why do you ask?”

“Just to be sure. I knew it to be that way—even when I don't understand why it should happen at all. Why would you be with someone to whom you can't show every aspect of yourself? It just doesn't make sense.”

She crossed her arms in front of her, deep in thought. He was a bit uncomfortable with the tone of the conversation; it seemed to him they were talking serious stuff in no clear terms... it felt like they were circling something he couldn't quite see. And what was worse, her insights troubled him.

How much was he hiding from her, from himself? Why would he want to hide it? What to do with it? Because it was true, there was really no point in showing only parts of yourself.

END OF PART I

PART II

“Uhm...” she interrupted his thoughts, talking softly without looking at him. “I know I don't hide what's inside, 'cause that would be irrational. If something was there, the best thing to do was to show it, to say it, or to do whatever is needed to satisfy what's there and move on. But I have to admit... I don't seem to always know what's there.”

Her easy assessment of the way she was still unable to understand her own feelings made her look vulnerable. He knew it wasn't easy for her to let someone know what was inside her unless she'd analysed and rationalized it beyond recognition; the fact she was able to show that bit of herself to him touched him.

When she looked at him, she saw something she couldn't quite name, but that she'd seen before. It was the same look he had when she'd asked if he would ever betray her.

“And you, Booth? How much do you let me know?”

It was obvious to him that she'd need something to rely on, or something to redirect her thoughts from her own insecurities. But he didn't expect that the new focus would be her insecurities of him. The point was, for her to care about that, she had to care about him. It was a great feeling. “I've shown you most of me, Bones. Maybe not all that there is yet, but certainly more than what I've let anyone see,” he whispered. “You just have my trust that way.”

Their eyes locked in the need to feel the other close, as close as they could be. The tension rose between them, making them long for what seemed to be so far away.

She remembered her meditations in her office. Did he want her? Did the way he looked now, so self-absorbed and so focused on her at the same time, seeming to be waiting for something to happen, mean he wanted to kiss her? Would he kiss her again?

He couldn't take his eyes off her eyes, just as he couldn’t help feeling for her. He wished they were somewhere else, some place where there was no danger in them being together: some place where she wasn’t afraid of her feelings and there were no more crimes. Some place he could just hold her close and never let go.

He was lost in those eyes, eyes that shone and looked bottomless. His hand seemed to be called to rest on her face, caressing the side of it, a replacement for the kiss he needed and denied himself.

She was completely confused. He seemed to be just about to kiss her, and she surprised herself in that she was not nervous at all. She was actually expectant, wishing for the touch of his lips on hers again. And at the same time, she couldn't help being afraid at whatever was retaining him. He was so alpha-male... why didn’t he just kiss her, if he wanted to?

But maybe the right question wasn't why he didn't kiss her, maybe it was whether she wanted to kiss him and if she did, why did she have to wait for him to take the first move?

He saw her get closer to him in what seemed to be a dream. The world lost its solidity and became a blur where all he could see was Bones reaching for him, her hands in his hair pulling him closer to her.

Their lips met softly, the sensation growing steadily. His hands travelled down to her hips, bringing her closer to him. Ever so slowly, the kiss deepened and they started to savour each other, sharing the same air.

She crossed her arms around his neck, lifting herself to stand on the points of her feet and resting herself against him. It amazed her how she felt that, in that moment there was nothing else she needed besides being there with him, in exactly that way. One of his hands caressed her back in a motion that was the echo of the way his tongue touched hers, while the other held her by the waist.

He finally broke the kiss, laying his forehead against hers. He took a deep breath and let it out in a way that made her think he seemed regretful.

She ignored the small pang of hurt. Or tried to.

“We can't keep this up, Bones”

“What... keep what up, exactly?”

“This. It's not good for us. We can't keep kissing this way.”

She let go of him and took a step back. “And here I was thinking it was a good kiss.”

As soon as she was away, arms crossed defensively in front of her, he knew he was doing a really poor job of making things right. “That's not what I mean, and you know that.”

“Why... I'm confused, Booth.” Her hands moved in the air trying to emphasize the logical steps her mind was yelling to her of why she'd kissed him. “I thought you wanted to kiss me, and since I did want to kiss you, I made the move. I know your conservative tendencies make you think it's not right for a woman to make the first move, but—”

“Bones,” he said, reaching for her with a hand unsuccessfully. She immediately took another step back.

“No, don't interrupt me that way, Booth. I really want to understand what's going on, and I can't see why this has to be so difficult to deal with.”

“Please, listen to me. I wasn't going to kiss you. I was going to hold myself back, because it's dangerous for us.” His voice was uncertain. He simply didn't know how to save the situation.

“If the kissing is dangerous to our relationship, feeling rejected is much worse.” She felt a distinctive pang at hearing herself say that; she hadn't known she was feeling rejected. But, somehow, it felt true. And awfully painful. “I don’t think I can be rejected many more times, Booth. I don’t know if I can handle rejection coming from you. I simply don’t have the emotional abilities.”

“Rejection?” He tried to get closer to her again, but she took another step back. “I'm not rejecting you, Bones. I'm trying to save us. I'm trying to save what's between us, don't you see?” He knew he was starting to sound a little despaired, but well... he was.

“No, I can't see.” Her body was beginning to feel stiff; she was too tense. She felt like she'd suddenly been left blindfolded in a labyrinth of which she had to find her way out alone. She simply didn't know what to do, what to say, how to work this thing out. She was painfully aware she was fighting against her vulnerabilities and against the idea of messing up her relationship with Booth, and she just didn't know how to do it. “You say you were going to hold yourself back, that means you did want to kiss me. That logically means there is a mutual interest. And if there is a mutual interest, I don't see why we shouldn't do something about it. It's a rational way to satisfy whatever's happening between us.”

“But that's too dangerous, Bones. There's just too much between us—We're friends, we're colleagues, we're partners. Partners, in every sense of the word. But if we take another step... If we do something towards whatever it is that's bringing us together...” He couldn't remember a time when he'd felt so at loss for words. There was so much he wanted to say, but he just couldn't find the words to describe what was going on inside him. And suddenly, he realized it was because he didn't know what was inside of him. “I... there's too much to lose. One false step, and this all goes to hell. I'm not ready to risk that.”

“Ok, I can accept that,” she said as she fell silent again. They both looked at each other, feeling lost in the turmoil of what had just happened. “That doesn't mean I understand it.” She turned and began to walk away.

“Bones, c'mon. Wait,” he began walking behind her, a few steps behind.

She turned again to face him as she sensed him doing that. “Don't follow me. Don't.”

“I'll take you home.”

“No, you won't. I'll take a cab.”

“We haven't finished this conversation. There’re still things we have to discuss if we want things to be back to normal again.”

“That's the problem. I'm not sure what that is anymore. But don't worry, I'm sure we'll find the time to talk about it—and it'll be a much better time, if only because we won't be assaulted by a million feelings we certainly don't know what to do with. If only, because we'll start using reason. I hope this mess helps you realise why that's the clever thing to do. I'm going home now, and I don't want you behind me. I don't want you near me at all until we're back to being ourselves again. As for now... Good night, Booth.”

And with that, he saw her walk away.

He sat in a park bench, put his elbows on his knees and his head on his hands. Letting his breath out, he allowed himself to connect to the shame that was creeping in him. Shame, because he'd acted so poorly. Shame, because he knew he'd thoroughly messed everything up. Shame, because he realized he'd used her fears to hide his own.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

So, a little more angst and it'll be the Time of the Fluff!
Be sure to check this thread,

[Only admins are allowed to see this link]

I'm hoping you'll like it!

sometimes Booth can be really stupid.....
he can't let his fears get in the way to finally be happy with Bones
I'm not allowing him to do so....that's just not a possibility.....he better made it better real soon, before I have to jump right into the story to make him see some reason.....

That's good! I love the direction this story is going. I like that Booth's fears are keeping him from pursuing Brennan. I love that Brennan is interested in the romantic relationship and Booth is making the excuses. Thanks for the great story. I love reading it!

Sigh. You just had to complicate things again, didn't you? I know, I know... It can't always be fluff and happiness. I love that Booth is trying to keep their friendship in tact, but we all know what will happen in the end.. or what better happen! I love this, dear! Can't wait for the next update.