This Relationship Ain't Big Enough for the Two of Us - Wink Production Authors: I hart Booth-Willgirl

Ohhhh. Willie and I are SO excited to bring you our next collaboration. I hope you love as muchas we do.

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Chapter One: Insanity Plea

“He’s making me crazy Angela. This is exactly why cohabitating is a bad idea. I knew it was. The last time I cohabitated was with Pete and we all know how that ended up. He got a bruised head and I got a broken tv.”

Brennan followed Angela around her friend’s favorite lingerie shop as she ranted her current ‘situation’ with her partner. When she’d called Angela telling her she needed to ‘unwind’ a bit, she’d had a vision of hard liquor and a loud bar. Angela had insisted on mojitos and shopping at Victoria’s Secret.

“Okay, first off sweetie, stop calling it cohabitating. It makes me feel like we’re monkeys in a zoo.”

“Cohabitating. Shacking up. Living together. Whatever you want to call it. It doesn’t change the fact that I won’t be able to be a forensic anthropologist anymore.” Brennan covered her face with her hands.

“Why not?” Angela asked innocently, more than a little amused by her friends dramatic and completely atypical tirade.

“Because I’m gonna kill him, Ange and they’re going to have to throw me in jail!”

Angela smiled and shook her head, now that was typical. Brennan couldn’t get past her sense of absolute certainly and black & white morals, even if it was to save herself from jail.

---

“She’s driving me completely insane!!” A perfectly calm and warm sunny day in a downtown DC park was pierced with a baritone voice filled with two parts helplessness, one part exhaustion.

Booth stopped jogging down the trail, flanked on one side by a bench and on the other by a small pond. His hands on his hips, he caught his breath. “Absolutely crazy Travis. And not in a good way.”

Travis was more the ‘sprint around the block after a killer’ type of guy, not the ‘make laps around the park for fun’ kind of guy. So he was nearly certain that when Seeley called him to ‘go for a run’, he’d been possessed by an evil demon with a sick sense of humor who caused him to say ‘yes’.

He flopped down on the bench, his shirt drenched in sweat and his chest heaving as he nodded, attempting to pay attention to his friends’ ranting and still breathe normally.

“If I don’t figure out something, one of us is going to end up as bones on her table.” Booth finished, somewhat dejectedly. “I don’t know what to do.”

---

“Okay this is what you do.” Angela smiled and laid a comforting hand on Brennan’s and waited for her to look up. “First, you don’t kill him. I mean, he’s a cop, so you would definitely go down for it, and he’s just too damn sexy for me to ever forgive you if you did.” She grinned. “And second, you don’t need to kill him, just find a way to spice things up a bit. Step outside your routine for a while.”

Brennan frowned, thumbing through a stack of turquoise striped cotton panties. “I like my routines Angela. They keep my life focused. They make sure everything that needs to be done gets done.”

“Yes, I realize you love your routines, Bren. But haven’t you ever, done something completely…unexpected?” She smiled, lifting a red leather corset for Brennan to see and raising her eyebrows suggestively.

“Yes, all the time.” She responded defensively, snatching the garment from Angela and putting it back on the rack, “Like last week when I rearranged the furniture in the living room so that it was more functional. By how irritated he got, I’d say it was very unexpected.”

“The furniture? Why?”

“Something about…his favorite chair…seeing the TV from an optimal position. I don’t know.” She shrugged and watched Angela as she tried to decide between the pink and the black ‘rock star’ camisoles.

“Sweetie, what exactly is it that he does that drives you so nuts?” She asked finally, putting back the pink.

---

Booth squirted some water into his mouth and over his head, shaking it before looking at his friend.

“You’re lookin’ at me?” Travis tried to laugh and choked. “Seeley-boy, I can’t keep a steady relationship with a woman fer more than two weeks withou’ getting a nose-bleed. And you’ve been living with her fer what, two months? I’m really no’ the one you wanna be looking to fer advice.”

“I realize that, but you know women better than anyone I know…not including me.” He added, preserving his ego firmly intact.

Travis rolled his eyes and climbed to his feet, his breath back. “Oh really? Then why do I keep gettin’ slapped all the time?”

“You know exactly why, Trav.”

“True.” He smiled, running a hand through his orange hair to push it back. “What is she doing that’s making you so insane anyway? She can’t be bad in the sack with a body like ‘ers.”

Booth rolled his eyes and glared down at him. “Keep your eyes to yourself.”

---

“Take your pick! Like, in the kitchen for example,” she began counting on her fingers and didn’t notice Angela’s eyes widening, no doubt wondering if this was going to be a room-by-room evaluation. “He drinks milk straight from the carton even though there are cups not even a foot and a half away. If he does the dishes he whistles the entire time, and there isn’t even a tune.”

“Wait, he willingly does the dishes? Hell, he could sing Liza Minelli for all I care if Jack would do the dishes without being asked.”

Brennan rolled her eyes. “Well he does the dishes but he won’t take out the trash until it’s nearly overflowing. If we’re watching tv, he changes the channel like every two seconds. He never stays on one thing.”

“It’s called surfing, sweetie. Channel surfing.” Angela piped up, though Brennan continued as if she hadn’t spoken.

“He leaves his shoes wherever he happens to be standing when he takes them off, which is definitely never in the closet where they belong. He won’t reload the toilet paper if it’s out and he never puts the seat down!”

Angela smiled, examining a pair of black lace panties. “Well he’s got those two in common with every other man in the world.”

“Angela.” She said exasperatedly.

“Sorry, go on.”

Brennan took a deep breath, rubbing her temples with one hand. “He completely ignores his own desires to fulfill mine.” She finished in a slightly more defeated tone.

Angela looked up and frowned, pulling her friend into one of the small alcoves of the store lined with various pink, feathery bustiers.

“Wait, do you mean…in the bedroom?”

Brennan nodded, lowering her voice to match Angela’s, though unsure as to why she was doing so. “Yes, Angela. Sometimes, I want him to be first but he always makes sure it’s me.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” Angela crossed her arms with a knowing smile.

“Yes it is. We’re partner’s Angela. In everything, he can’t always make it about me, it’s not fair.”

Angela frowned slightly, not fully understanding her friend’s reasoning. “Sweetie, you do realize that once he’s finished, the fun is over.”

Brennan’s steely gaze softened a bit. “Not necessarily. He’s very talented.”

Angela’s jaw dropped. “I don’t know whether to be grossed out or jealous.”

“What?” Brennan said, shrugging, “You’re the one that always wants ‘every dirty little detail’.”

---

“C’mon, lad. Spill.” Travis coaxed. Finally, with a deep sigh, Booth conceded.

“Man, it’s…it’s not everything. But it feels like everything. She’s organized the entire the house, from cd’s to videos to books to the damn spice rack. I feel like I live on Sesame Street.” He began pacing, making Travis tired just looking at him.

“She listens to the TV at levels of volume that make dogs cry, she never has anything supremely important to say unless it’s in the final moments of the fourth quarter of the closest football game of the century…” Travis nodded knowingly. “And if I don’t do things her way, then she vows to keep her pants on until I do.”

Travis winced. “Afraid thas common to all lasses Seel.”

Booth nodded, slumping down beside his friend on the bench. “Yeah. I know, it’s still a bitch though. And she can’t sleep in worth a damn. Everyday she’s up at six so she can be to the lab by seven-thirty. I swear, if I turned off the alarm one day and she missed that hour long shower she just has to have, she’d murder me in my sleep.”

“Really?”

“No, I guess not. She’s too aggressive for that. She’d probably want to fight me to the death.”

“No, I mean tha hour long shower thing.”

Booth frowned as he took another sip of his water. “Yeah. No joke man, a whole 60-minute hour. I mean, what the hell is she doing in there? Washing a car?”

Travis chuckled lightly, sitting forward to put his elbows on his knees. “I don’t know, lad. But I’ll tell you what she could be doing in there.” He paused dramatically. “Flatten her Seeley.”

Booth frowned, his mind adjusting to the Irish slang his friend was undoubtedly using. When he got it, he blushed deep red and punched Travis hard in the arm.

“She’s a lady, Travis.”

“I’ve no doubt o’ that. But she’s yer lady, ain’t she? Get yer oats, man!” Travis continued, now rubbing his sore arm.

Booth rose from his seat and put his hands on his hips, pacing thoughtfully. “You’re a pig…but you’re a genius pig, you know that?”

---

“Listen, Sweetie, I know all of that sucks. A lot…but it’s not really all that bad. You’ve been living with him for two months now. There’s gonna be things that you do to that get on each others nerves.” Brennan and Angela had found a small, quiet bar on the way back to town and stopped in for a drink. For Angela, a very dry martini. For Brennan, scotch straight up.

Brennan looked appalled. “What could I do that would possibly annoy him?”

Angela raised her eyebrow. “I love you sweetie, but you’re a pain. I guarantee that as many things that get on your nerves about him, get on his nerves about you. I mean you two spend every waking hour together, and all of your sleeping ones too. That’s a lot of time with one person. You’re bound to be at each other’s throats at least some of the time.”

“But it’s not that way for you and Jack.”

Angela scoffed, flipping her hair as she turned more fully to the bar, sucking down her martini. “Oh please, toenails on the bathroom floor, snores like a chainsaw, reads in bed. He drove me up the wall the first few weeks that we lived together.” She saw Brennan’s shoulders slump and smiled softly. “But we got through it.”

Brennan looked up.

“We learned to compromise. He cuts his nails over the sink and I wear earplugs and an eye mask.” She smiled. “You and Booth will find your way too. You just need to sit down and talk with him about it.”

Brennan looked thoughtful, and then smiled back. “Maybe you’re right, Ange.”

“Of course I am.”

---

“Oh and God willin’, don’t talk about it.”

“What makes you think she’s going to want to talk about this?”

“Seeley. You’re talkin’ to me, I’d be willin’ to bet ya dollars to pesos she’s talking to one of her friends and that friend is, without question, a lass.”

“Angela.” Booth said grimly.

“Exactly. That friend is goin’ to tell her, among other things, that she should talk to you about it. I mean, you’ve got to talk a bit about it but…don’t turn it into a big production and don’t cry.”

“Cry? I don’t cry.” Booth scoffed, getting up to begin jogging again, feeling he could breathe a bit easier after getting some of his worries off his chest.

“Yeah, right Seeley. You’re a huge weeper.”

“I am not a weeper.”

“You cried at the end of Titanic.”

“I…my sinuses were acting up and…it was a very well done movie.”

“I’ll never let go, Jack. I’ll never let go!” Travis was laughing and missed the amused glare he was receiving from Seeley, and the arm that shot out to give him a hard shove into the pond.

“I think you let go, Trav.”

---

Brennan sat, legs folded, in the middle of the queen size bed she and Booth shared. Biting her lip and filing her nails, Booth watched the frown form on her brow from the bathroom.

“You’re thinking Bones.” He put his toothbrush away and wiped his mouth.

She looked up and gave him a small smile. “That’s kind of what I do, Booth.”

He nodded as he shut off the light, making his way over to the chest of drawers so he could change into a pair of pajama pants. “Hey I, um, I talked to Travis today, we went running.”

“Yeah. Me too. I talked to Angela.” Brennan nodded, setting aside her nail file and stretching her legs out in front of her. “She seems to think our problems can all be solved with talking and sex.”

Booth laughed and nodded as he leaned against the dresser. “Travis seems to think about the same thing.”

Brennan smiled, studying the lime green M&M socks she wore, a gift from Booth.

“Hey Bones.”

The hesitance in his tone made her look up. He seemed to be having a hard time holding her gaze, and the way he kept shifting his weight and crossing and uncrossing his arms over his thin white muscle shirt made it more than obvious that he was anxious.

“What is it?”

Booth took a deep breath, smiling in embarrassment at his inability to simply ‘spit it out’.

“We aren’t…I mean, we’re not.” He shrugged and looked at the floor, before re-crossing his arms once more and looking at her again. “We’re okay, right?”

Brennan’s heart ached a little at the question, and it showed on her face. Slowly, she rose from the bed and walked over to him.

“I mean, I know I drive you crazy sometimes and you make me want to pull my hair out…but we’re okay, right?” He clasped his hands behind her back as she pressed herself against him, their faces close enough to feel the heat of one another’s breath.

She smiled. “I make you want to pull your hair out?”

“Don’t you think I’d look sexy bald?” He asked, playfully chasing her lips with his own, their noses caressing one another as they spoke.

She laughed and the vibration of it made his smile, just like always. “Not a chance.” She kissed him hard and pulled from his embrace, her blue eyes, dark with desire, daring him to chase her beneath the covers.

And he, of course, did. But not before the thought occurred to him, that she hadn’t really answered his question.

Ready for more? Next one is Willies! I'm so Excited

oh Hart and Willi that was great I loved it please keep it up and try not to make us cry to early though I did strap on my helmet first and bring the tissue box over next to me too just in case you can never tell with you two ya know

poly/polo

ok so far so good. Still really concerned over your reputed need to dehydrate everyone around you, but this was sweet and romantic and kinda funny. I'll be looking forward to the next chapter.

jerseybones

Oh you guys rock!
Love Travis... awesome character that I'm so glad has reappeared! The Titanic thing had me rolling!
And the end w/ Booth asking if they were okay was just so sweet... and this line:

He asked, playfully chasing her lips with his own, their noses caressing one another as they spoke.

totally made me picture George Clooney in One Fine Day, only not really him, but Booth... and truly, thanks for that visual!! Makes me all swoony!
I hope you guys don't have something horrific up your sleevies... one just never knows!
Can't wait for more!

space

willi tells me that for co authored stories, i'm not allowed to 'phone in' my reviews. goddammit, my written reviews always sound insincere! ok... *deep breath* here goes...

'cohabiting' ha! makes me laugh. i really appreciate the way that you have written booth and brennan to be so different in their personal habits.. only makes sense right? i mean, no matter how much you have in common with someone, there must be moving in growing pains...

the m&m socks at the end were a nice touch... and its interesting that both friends suggested sex as a solution to the problem. i know, i know, it wasn't the only solution offered, but i still think its interesting. sex doesn't solve problems.

hmmmm......

good work! looking forward to the monkey wrench that i'm sure you two are winding up and getting ready to throw any minute...

ta-dahhhh! my review *deep bow*

and now for a brief tangent: willi, you know the way that booth and brennan are written here, its very similar to the reason that you and i haven't 'cohabitated' in a festive, non-lesbian way. i'd be brennan and you'd be booth (with the toilet seat down, of course). HA!

PS hart, you have to write the smut, otherwise i can only skim read it at best. willi will explain why.

ehbee

nice start...please continue, I want more!

dbangelfan

oh, that was great... and travis is just downright hilarous

cheesebk

first of all......YES...very excited for you two to be back and writing together.......genius it is......splendid idea.....but then i read the title.....ugh.....then i read the first chapter...totally entertaining.......and travis is back...i love love love him........and also like the fact that seeley has someone to confide in.....like bones has angela......cannot believe at some of the things they are griping about in their relationship.....but i do understand working with someone and living with someone...little annoyances build up....trust me......and i wasnt really all that scared about this whole fic...even by the title...but at the end of the chap.....when bones didnt answer booth......okay.......NOW I AM SCARED...brilliant hart........you got me sucked in yet again...and now its time for your twins chap.......oh what will princess tormentia have in store for us now........and i hate to say this.....but i really cant wait............so i am buckled in very tight......perhaps wound a bit too tight also....am ready...so bring it on you two......................

ha ha...i so love ehbees comment about her and willi cohabitating...or rather the reason they cant.......i can so see that...........she would totally be booth..................rofl......................

Wink,

Even though this was a fantabulous start to a story that I believed was going to be angst ridden, I AM NOT REVIEWING!!

LOVE YOU BOTH!
Bella

what the hell.......why arent you reviewing

thrilled that the "Productions" are back and bad...
Thrilled to see Travis still in Seeley's life...that is awesome...

ehbee - they both got advice to "talk" and "have sex", don't forget the talkin....

they were very sweet at the end which is so unlike you two.....
Ok...I'm strapped in and helmut ready....

hugs
fab

[Only admins are allowed to see this image] OMG I was so excited to see this story...you two are such great writers, and I cannot wait to see where this goes...so far its such a cute idea, I love it....cohabiting lol....i can't wait to see what happens next....post soon please.... [Only admins are allowed to see this image]

switch

[cit]A2BOREANAZ wrote : what the hell.......why arent you reviewing [/cit]

Haha, because they kept fucking around and wouldn't say the title and then I said "I must be off to bed, if you don't tell me now, I won't review." and then they fucked around some more. So I was teasing Willi about it the other day, and Ehbee totally hit the nail on the head when she said, I was hard wired to review, and I said, no I could totally NOT do it! She was right! Even when I'm not 'reviewing' I left a review!! GOD DAMMIT!!

Bella

bella........your last post wasnt a review.....so technically we still need one from you.............

bella! here's my review of your 'review':

both angry and amusing at the same time, bella manages to maintain her inner struggle and reveal her turmoil; not officially reviewing, yet still letting the authors know she cares.

(ha ha ha, oh man. that was hilarious. keep those non-reviews coming!)

ehbee

This is amazing you two!! Love that both of them have someone to talk to, makes it funny! buuuut..Im with a2b on this one, Im SCARED about that last line, hmmm...but nevertheless, I love it, and cant wait for more.

ashangel

so, i've ignored it long enough... and i can't take it any more... what is with the "helmut" thing??? Is there some playbook or code of conduct or bylaws that I should be studying? And isn't it spelled helmEt???

space

[cit]Ehbee wrote : bella! here's my review of your 'review':

both angry and amusing at the same time, bella manages to maintain her inner struggle and reveal her turmoil; not officially reviewing, yet still letting the authors know she cares.

(ha ha ha, oh man. that was hilarious. keep those non-reviews coming!) [/cit]

ehbee........that was fantabulous........rofl

ok sue me I spelled it wrong [Only admins are allowed to see this image] :nux: [Only admins are allowed to see this image]

the helmEt thing is for thuding with little brain damage and protection from deaths and such...

fab

AH! AH! AH! ADORABLE BEYOND WORDS!

beagleluvr93

[cit]A2BOREANAZ wrote : bella........your last post wasnt a review.....so technically we still need one from you............. [/cit]

Haha, they don't NEED one from me, no one NEEDS my writing. They just enjoy it because I'm a crazy person who at times can make them laugh!!

I LOVED IT, but I'm still NOT reviewing!!

Bella

PS: I LOVE TRAVIS and I'm so glad you brought him back!!(still NOT a review!)

[cit]Ehbee wrote : bella! here's my review of your 'review':

both angry and amusing at the same time, bella manages to maintain her inner struggle and reveal her turmoil; not officially reviewing, yet still letting the authors know she cares.

(ha ha ha, oh man. that was hilarious. keep those non-reviews coming!) [/cit]


Seriously, it's KILLING me!! You were so right about me being hard wired to review, especially anything Willi, Tink, or Wink!! Oh well, I must perservere and NOT review!! I may need your help Ehbee, I may need your help.....

Bella

ok so is the angst not from the story but for the waiting for the next chapter?

interesting! still learning the mysteries of the wink network

jerseybones

No Jersey, if you have ever read a Wink Production before, you will understand the angst twins!! THEY ARE MEAN AND EVIL LIKE LITTLE OLE BOWEEVILS!! They will rip the beating heart out of your chest and then stomp on it all the while doing a jig and laughing. It's torment sometimes, but brilliant like only the two of them can make it!!

Bella