jokes ! post em here - PG13 for some of them :D

THX1138 wrote:

DBCrazy wrote:Why do men become smarter during sex?



Why do you think?
Because they are plugged into a genius!

LMAO!!!

And here I thought it was because we were finally using both heads.


RM

And Ella, my source will remain secret until I get a chance to use a few more. I found me a goldmine!

haha!!! Robert, clearly you were wrong.. JK!

A man was in the hospital for a serious ailment. The doctor came out to speak with the family in the waiting room. “It’s very serious, but there is an experimental procedure that might work: brain transplant. The problem is that you’ll have to pay for the brain.”

One of the relatives asked, “What’s the cost?”

“A thousand for a man’s brain, $200 for a woman’s.”

The relatives looked at each other for a minute, then someone asked, “Why the price difference?”

“Well, a woman’s brain has been used.”

Hehe! Too true, dawn!


Why were men given larger brains than dogs?



Why do you think?
So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties!

DBCrazy wrote:Hehe! Too true, dawn!


Why were men given larger brains than dogs?



Why do you think?
So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties!

Really? That never stopped me before.

RM

LOL! Okay, so kings have special privileges, seeing's how they can hang anyone who looks at them sideways, but for the normal Joe ...

whatever you say, Majesty... Should I say I'm glad I've never attended a party with you in attendance?

dawnsfire wrote:whatever you say, Majesty... Should I say I'm glad I've never attended a party with you in attendance?

I think we might have a pretender to the throne in dawn!!
That was a beautiful comeback!!!

All I can say is it's a good thing that I didn't need to go to the bathroom before I read this!

A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up a hacksaw. The husband terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to......to....cut it off are you?!" The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."

A man with a stuttering problem tries everything he can to stop stuttering, but he can't. Finally, he goes to a world renowned doctor for help. The doctor examines him and says "I've found your problem. Your penis is twelve inches long. It weighs so much that it's pulling on your lungs, causing you to stutter." So he asks, "What's he cure, doc?" The doctor replies, "Well, we have to cut off six inches."

The man is eager to cure his stuttering so he agrees to the operation. The operation is a success, and he stops stuttering. Two months later, the man calls the doctor and tells him that since he's had the 6 inches cut off, all of his girlfriends have dumped him, and his love life has gone down the tubes. He insists that the doctor do another operation to add the six inches back on.

There is silence on the other end of the telephone, so the man repeats, "Hey doc, didn't you hear me? I want my six inches back!" Finally, the doctor responds, "F-f-f-f-f-f-u-c-k y-y-y-y-ou!

Those were great!!!

The dean of women at an exclusive girl's college was lecturing the incoming freshman class on propriety and the school's policy on sexual morality.

"Ask yourselves this ladies, when next you face temptation," said the speaker to the class, "ask yourselves this one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of regret?"

There was dead silence in the lecture hall until a sweet young thing stood up in the back of the room and asked, "How do you make it last an hour?"

RM

i just LOL'd in a quiet airplane and two people looked at me... It's funny!

This older guy walks into a bar, grabs a stool and sits down with a sigh. He doesn't even look up at the bartender simply stares at the bar top and says, "Give me six shots of tequila"

The Bartender gives the troubled man a long look but does as he asks, and lines up six shot glasses then pulls out the bottle of tequila and starts to pour. Then watches as the man takes each shot glass and downs it in one gulp, and before long all six are sitting empty in front of him. Curiosity getting the better of him he finally asks the man what's wrong.

"Why so glum chum?"

"Well I'll tell you, I'm 46 years old and today I finally had my first blow-job."

"Hey man, you went 46 years without a blowjob?!" The bartender pulls out one more shotglass and pours another shot of tequila. "Dude, let me buy you a shot on the house."

"Thanks but no thanks, if six shots of tequila can't get the taste of dick out of my mouth I doubt a seventh will help."


RM

DBCrazy wrote:LOL! Robert, I think you're playing on the wrong side!!


Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white?



So he can tell if he's coming or going!

Shecky DB ladies and gentlemen, and she's got all new material every show and the 10:05 runs a little blue. Try the veal and don't forget to tip your waitresses!

Seriously that was a groaner!

RM

ew, that was gross....

Hear about the cross eyed teacher? She just couldn't control her pupils.

Hear about the restaurant that opened up on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere.

RGPageantqueen wrote:i just LOL'd in a quiet airplane and two people looked at me... It's funny!

Ella, just hand 'em your laptop and let them have a laugh too!

PIMP wrote:Hear about the cross eyed teacher? She just couldn't control her pupils.

Thank you for taking out a little of the raunch that we've been mired in!

Once there was an old man sitting on a bench in the park crying. A younger man walked up to him and asked "What's wrong?" The old man replied "I am married to a sexy 21 year old woman who gives me two blowjobs a day and we have sex the minute I get home from work and right after dinner." The young man had a strange look on his face and asked "What's so bad about that? It sounds to me like you have a great sex life." The old man replied "I can't remember where I live!"

A guy was playing golf, a golf ball hit him in the balls and he passed out. His friends took him to the doctor. The man asked him, "Well, what do you think, doc?" The doctor replied," We're going to have to put in a support for about a week." He then takes four tongue depressors and ties them all together with string. The man's face looked disappointed, he told the doctor "But tonight's me and my wife's honeymoon." The doctor replied, "Your going to have to bear with it." Later that night, the man and his wife were in bed. She took off her shirt and grabs her breasts, "No one has ever seen these before." The man pulls out his wang and says, "Well mines still in the crate!"

A salesman knocks at the door of a home and it's answered by a 12yr old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half empty bottle of scotch in the other. The salesman asks the boy, "Excuse me son but is your mom or dad in?" To which the boy replies, "Does it fucking look like it?"