Sticky Situations-M-Humour (I hope...) – By kiki Posted 21/09/2007 08:54:02 PM

ashangel45-boothsbaby07

Posted 29/09/2007 08:26:03 PM


yay! i love that one kiki!!! haha.....cant wait for the other one!!! lovelovelove these!

Kiki

Posted 30/09/2007 07:46:18 PM

Thanks so much to grandma, poly and ash for reviewing! Love you guys!

**************************

The following day, Booth pulled into the car park of Brennan’s apartment complex. He glanced over at his partner, who sighed heavily, the long hours of the day evident on her face. They exited the vehicle silently.

At the front door of the complex, Brennan tossed him her keys telling him she had to pick up her mail and talk to the doorman about something. She advised him to go on up and let himself in.

Booth didn’t need telling twice. He arrived outside the apartment in a state of euphoria. He let himself in quickly, his mind on one thing.

Giggling madly to himself, Booth tore across the floor to her bedroom. His momentum was so great that he couldn’t stop himself before hitting the door.

Rubbing his poor innocent nose, he placed his hand on the door handle, savouring the moment. Curiosity quickly took over and he wrenched the door open, tripping up over himself in his eagerness to get inside.

He moved slowly across the room, not wanting to spoil the effect. He had built this moment up consistently since…well, yesterday.

Booth allowed his hands to hover over the third drawer, a delicious shiver of anticipation running through him.

Suddenly, as though possessed, he pulled the drawer toward himself with such force that it popped out of the dresser.

Easier access

Unnecessarily pleased with this turn of events, he gently carried the drawer over to the bed and carefully laid it down. For the first time, he allowed himself to look, really look, at the objects contained within.

His mouth went painfully dry as he simultaneously broke out into a cold sweat.

An array of colours danced before his eyes. Plucking up all the courage he had, he slid his fingers into the mass of material and began slowly swirling them around. Lace, satin, silk…

Getting braver, he picked up whatever was nearest. An extremely low cut lace bra greeted him. He had a quick mental image of Brennan wearing it, the wine coloured fabric contrasting perfectly with her pale skin and leaving little to the imagination. His knees seemed to be doubting the fact that they could support him. Not that that would matter. Falling face-first into this would be heaven.

His hands moved through the material, sating his curiosity. Along with the bras, in every shade and all deliciously skimpy, he found numerous pairs of underwear of the teeny weenie kind.

The more he searched, the more amazed he became. See-through underwear…garters…underwear with strategic sections missing… His imagination was overloading.

His fingers touched off something solid. Rationale having long since abandoned ship, he speedily removed every obstacle to the hidden object, bras and pants flying everywhere.

What he found there made his pulse pound in a very important region.

Underneath the underwear, lining the bottom of the drawer, was an array of…playthings.

He barely had time to register several whips and one seriously dangerous looking pair of handcuffs before he was interrupted.

“What are you doing?”

Unabashed, he faced her.

“You touched mine, I’m touching yours.”

Brennan folded her arms.

“I didn’t throw yours around the room.”

“You wouldn’t have been long at it if you had.”

She sighed. Taking this as permission, he moved his eyes back over the drawer.

“Is that a ruler? And a nurse’s cap? Hang on, is that a stake? Bones this is seriously…” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Looking up at him from her position on the floor, where she was attempting to gather the multitude of underwear to herself, she archly raised an eyebrow and gave him a belittling look.

“Oh please, Booth. Sex is sex. Expand your horizons a little. Open your mind.”

Unable to stop a fit of giggles, he held up a particularly interesting looking implement, bending over slightly as the extent of laughter prevented him from standing upright.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, Bones, but I’m fairly sure ‘your mind’ is not what this is intended to expand…let alone open.”

ashangel45-boothsbaby07

Posted 01/10/2007 09:08:19 PM


yep..loooove this one 2 girl...!!! keep em comin!

CheeseBK

Posted 03/10/2007 04:38:56 AM


muahahah.... i love the sticky situations....

Kiki

Posted 03/10/2007 01:58:12 PM

Thanks ash and cheese! Ooh, haven't updated this in a wee bit. Should probably post two now to make up for that... This one's for all the smutaholics...let's face it, who isn't...
***************
Startled, Brennan turned her head to face the front door of her apartment. Two sharp knocks had succeeded in breaking her concentration.

“Bones? Bones? You there?”

Smiling slightly, Brennan stood up. She shoved the exercise book she had been writing in behind one of the cushions on her couch. Smoothing her hair, she made her way to the door.

She was greeted with Booth’s smiling face. “Just thought I’d drop in and see how my favourite forensic anthropologist is doing.”

Smiling graciously at the compliment, although in Booth’s eyes it wasn’t as though Zach was any real competition, she stood aside to let him in.

“Did I interrupt anything?”

Shaking her head, Brennan directed him over to the couch she had only just vacated. He settled himself down and she joined him.

“Not at all. I was actually thinking of starting dinner soon. Would you like to stay?”

He flashed his charm smile at her and rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

“Indeed I would! Ah. Good company and not having to cook. Doesn’t get much better.”

She looked pointedly at him. “I’ll still make you help.” She leaned back and gazed languidly at him.

“You think I’m good company?”

“Yeah, but only in comparison to being alone.”

She gave him a quick push.

He laughed and pushed her back.

“You don’t intimidate me! I stand by my statement.”

Rolling her eyes, Brennan stood up and moved towards the kitchen. Booth made himself comfortable, listening to the sounds of presses and drawers being pulled open.

A moment later, Brennan’s head popped out of the kitchen.

“I kinda want Spaghetti Bolognese. Sound good?”

Booth let out a groan of longing.

“Sounds perfect!” He made a move to get up, but Brennan shook her head at him.

“Stay where you are. I just have to run out and get sauce. Mine has gone off.”

This time he did stand up. “I’ll get it. Don’t worry about it.”

She strode over and pushed him back onto the couch.

“No, you stay here. I’ll get it. I’ve a couple of other things I should pick up when I’m out.”

Shrugging in defeat, he sat back.

“Ok. Only if you’re sure.”

She nodded firmly, grabbing her bag from beside the couch. At the door, she turned her head towards him.

“Won’t be long. Make yourself comfortable.”

The door closed after her.

Taking her at her word, he settled back into the couch. As he did, he felt something hard digging against his back. Feeling inquisitive, he did a little search and found Brennan’s exercise book. His curiosity overcame him and he began to read. At first he thought it was her new book and was about to stop, but logic told him that it couldn’t possibly be. The next few lines confirmed this. He devoured the pages that she’d written, his eyes growing wider with each paragraph, an occasional chuckle escaping him.

When he heard her key turning in the lock, he placed the book discreetly beside him. She did a little whirlwind into the kitchen, depositing her bags as she did and apologising profusely for the length of time it took.

She emerged a few moments later, flicking hair off her face. She caught sight of the grin that was stretched from ear to ear and stopped short.

“What?”

“Hmm? Oh, nothing.” He shook his head slightly, the wattage of his smile increasing.

“Seriously, Booth, what is it?”

Unable to control himself, he sprang up, the book clutched firmly against his chest.

“You write porn!”

Brennan’s eyes widened, her face instantly flushed.

“I do not!”

“Kinda hard to argue it Bones when the evidence is right here.” He tapped the cover for emphasis.

“Now let’s see…” He rifled through the pages.

“It’s not porn!”

“Oh really… ‘Kathy felt the heat spread like wildfire across her scalp, quickly moving further and further down. She let out a low, desperate moan as she watched Andy pull off his boxers, liberating his throbbing….’”

“STOP!” She thought for a moment and then snapped her fingers.

“You know my books have love scenes, right? Well, it’s just a love scene. Practise.”

He didn’t buy it. “Uh huh. Might have believed you if the whole thing wasn’t full of it. Just like you. It’s just them moving from one sexual encounter to the next. You write porn!”

He did a little happy dance, waving the book around as he did.

After a beat, “You write inventive porn…how would that one even work…” He trailed off, keeping his eyes on the book, silently mouthing the words. He pushed his hips out slightly while simultaneously attempting to twist his upper body. After a few moments, he gave up, defeated.

She snatched the book off him, giving him a quick smack on the side of the head with it as she did.

She drew the book tightly against her chest, crossing her arms in front of it protectively. Sighing in annoyance, Brennan shrugged.

“Fine. It just shows I have a healthy sex drive.”

He let out a short bark of laughter.

She prickled. “Probably healthier than yours anyway.”

“Hey, my sex drive is just fine, I’ll have you know. I just don’t need to act out my fantasies in a little book”

Brennan glowered and began to move towards the kitchen.

“I’m starting dinner. When you’ve finished being childish, you can come join me.”

Unable to resist, he lowered his voice to a guttural growl, slowly drawing out his words.

“Be sure to make it very, very…hot. Nice and…steamy. Some gentle heat to begin with but I want it to be bubbling over by the end. I like things…spicy. I’ll be watching, Bones. Watching very closely. I want to see you SWEAT.”

He never saw the book coming.

Kiki

Posted 03/10/2007 02:06:22 PM

As promised...post the second...
**************
Booth leaned back into the couch, sighing satisfactorily to himself.

He cast a lazy eye over at his partner sitting next to him.

Temperance Brennan was stifling a yawn, her eyes tightly scrunched with the effort.

The pair had spent the last two hours putting their notes together for the prosecutor. It had been a tough case involving a serial killer and four young children. Booth didn’t like to dwell on the details too much. It had been extremely satisfying when they had finally caught the guy, but he almost felt more relieved now that all the work associated with the case was completely finished with. Almost.

“I’m in the mood for Chinese. You in?” Brennan nodded violently at his offer. Laughing softly, he tossed her the cordless phone.

“You ring. I did it last time.”

Brennan gave him a little scowl, but did as he asked.

When she was finished, Booth got up and stretched. He rubbed his neck, trying to work out the kinks.

“Would you mind if I went to take a quick shower? I’ll leave you some money, just in case it arrives before I’m done.” He finished his sentence by digging a crumpled 10-dollar note out of his jeans pocket and placing it on the coffee table.

Brennan nodded absently. “Sure. You go ahead.” She picked up his note and began smoothing it out.

Shaking his head slightly at her compulsive behaviour, Booth moved into his bathroom.

Once under the water, he turned the heat right up. His neck was really quite stiff and his upper back was starting to throb. As soon as he felt he had alleviated his bodily aches, he quickly washed his hair. He turned the shower off and stood for a few moments, listening to the final thrum of the last few drops.

He stuck his head out of the shower curtain and did a quick sweep of the room. Heart sinking slightly, he did it again. No, he had definitely forgotten to grab himself a towel.

Grumbling to himself, he slipped and slid his way out of the shower and stood in front of the door.

“Bones?”

“Booth? Are you ok?”

He quickly explained the situation to her, directing her towards the press down the hall where the towels were kept.

He waited, shivering slightly, as he heard her feet pad away. Moments later, she was back.

“Got it.”

“Great, thanks.”

He opened the door a crack. As he did so, Brennan’s hand appeared, groping blindly.

With a yowl, Booth jumped back, crashing into the sink.

Upon hearing this, Brennan began to push the door open wider. Booth reacted immediately. With a shout of “Don’t you even think about it!” he charged at the door and forced it closed.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Bones?”

“I was just checking to see where you were.”

“You don’t go in hands first!”

“I just wanted to figure out where you were standing.”

He spluttered, unable to form a coherent sentence.

When he managed to catch his breath, he calmly began to explain, as though to a child, “You should have put the towel over your hand and…and…felt your way like that.”

Brennan snorted.

“Don’t be ridiculous. My tactile senses would have been inhibited with the material over my hand, this is a very soft, fluffy towel by the way, you obviously like your comfort, so there’s a very good chance I wouldn’t have found you. Also, I could have dropped the towel as I was searching and, knowing you, you’ve probably left the floor absolutely soaking.”

Deciding it was better to pick his battles and not launch a full scale attack over her ‘soaking floor’ comment or the ‘fluffy’ reference, which he had a sinking suspicion had something to do with femininity, he returned to the matter at hand.

“You still don’t go pushing your grabby hands around doors…”

“I was not grabbing!”

“You were too! Do you have ANY idea what you could have touched…”

There was a sharp intake of breath on either side of the door and a prolonged silence as both parties considered the possibilities.

Brennan suddenly opened the door and pushed the towel through. Booth took it off her without a word. He heard her moving back to the couch, giggling uncontrollably.

He roughly dried himself, feeling as though every inch of his body was blushing. He did a number of quick head-in, head-out movements through the door to make sure she was really gone.

Satisfied, he strolled down to his room, forcing himself to carry his head high, the towel wrapped so tightly around his waist he felt sure his lower region would have to be amputated.

Minutes later, he was back in the living room, dressed now in jeans and a fresh t-shirt. Brennan glanced at him as he approached the couch and dissolved into giggles once more.

“Nice shirt, Booth. Very…appropriate.”

Fearing the worst, he glanced down at himself. His head had been so muddled that he hadn’t paid the slightest bit of attention to his clothes. Catching sight of the root of her hysterics, he groaned aloud.

Emblazoned across his chest in big, bold letters were the words “F.B.I.: For Bodily Inspection.”

Realising it would be far worse to make a fuss than to just shrug it off, he settled himself beside her. The remaining ten minutes waiting for the food was spent in silence, occasionally punctuated by furtive glances and snorts from Brennan.

It was another half hour before they could make eye contact.

The rest of the evening was spent with numerous “feeling” and “stroking” comments from Brennan while Booth just silently tried to weather the storm with as much dignity as he could muster.

He failed miserably.

Bella Loony

Posted 04/10/2007 02:26:04 PM


Haha, oh Kiki, I am so sorry, I have been lagging in my reading! I just read four chapters in a row and laughed out loud everytime! Those my friend were brilliant! The underwear drawers!! Haha, you are doing so great and this is very entertaining! I love how the situations change but the underlying theme is constant! Great job!

DDBL

Kiki

Posted 04/10/2007 08:13:54 PM

Aw, thanks loony! Yay! I have an underlying theme!
***********

Booth marched into the Jeffersonian. It was late evening and he was on a mission to bring his partner out for something to eat. Brennan spent the majority of her day thinking wonderful, complex thoughts and the mundane, ordinary things like three square meals a day often fell by the wayside.

He gave a cursory glance around the lab. Nope, no Brennan. No one else either. Sensible squints had probably gone home. His partner, however, was another matter entirely. He set his sights on her office.

Squaring his shoulders, he pushed open the door. As he glanced around the room, his argument died on his lips.

The lamp on her desk cast a soft glow around the room. Surprisingly, Brennan wasn’t making use of the lamp while she frowned at something on her computer. No, instead, his partner was curled up on her couch, fast asleep.

Her wavy hair tumbled about her face, some of the ends of it resting over the furniture’s edge. Her dark eyelashes contrasted perfectly against her porcelain skin. She had drawn her legs up close to her body and one arm lay across her knees. The other arm however…the other arm made Booth smile widely.

Brennan’s left arm was up against her face, her thumb firmly placed in her mouth. As Booth watched, the gentle movements of her cheeks, which threw her cheekbones into even sharper relief, let him know that his partner was, indeed, sucking her thumb.

Chuckling softly to himself, Booth watched her a moment more, then began to back quietly out of the room. He couldn’t take his eyes from her peaceful face and, so, didn’t look where he was going. Unfortunately, his foot hit off the doorframe with a loud clunk.

Brennan shot up, eyes wide and arms flailing. After a moment, she recovered her bearings and gave her partner a steely glare.

Booth shuffled sheepishly. “Sorry, Bones.”

Shaking her head slightly, Brennan stood up and stretched.

“It’s fine, Booth. What do you want?”

Choosing, not for the first time and certainly not for the last, to ignore her rather blunt manner, he flashed her a grin.

“I want to take you out for some dinner.”

To his astonishment, she cast a quick look around her office and then nodded slowly in agreement.

“Sure. I think I’m done here anyway.”

Recovering quickly, Booth’s grin grew even wider and he attempted to steer her towards the door. She flapped him away while she gathered up some papers off her desk. Several attempts and a stinging forearm later, he was pushing her out into the lab.

“You didn’t have to slap so hard, you know.” His voice was full of hurt and accusation as he tenderly rubbed the injured spot.

She rolled her eyes and quickened her pace slightly.

He jogged after her, placed his hands on her shoulders and forced her to slow to a walk.

“Easy, Bones. Long day. Not in the mood to go racing around after you.”

He shot a quick, sly glance at her.

“So…are you going to tell me about your little secret?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He smiled delightedly, nodding to himself in a very satisfied way.

“Mmhmm, I think you do. When I came into the room, you were sucking your thumb. Any comments?”

A light flush spread across Brennan’s cheek.

“Oh. Well, I was…you saw that?”

“So you admit it?”

“You can stop skipping about, Booth. It’s a calming movement. It’s completely reflexive. It’s been proven that young babies and children find it very soothing. And I have to say, I agree.”

“You agree?”

“Yes. I find sucking on it very relaxing.”

Booth nearly injured himself trying not to laugh.

“You’re gonna have to be very careful with what you say here, Bones.”

She looked very confused.

“What? I’m simply saying that by sucking on it, it can help to relieve my stress and so help me get to sleep. It’s not weird or anything. It’s extremely useful. I couldn’t do it all the time, though. That would be exhausting.”

Booth couldn’t stop a quick burst of laughter.

She looked accusingly at him.

“Laugh all you want, but I’m telling you, it works. You should try it sometime.”

“Eh, no, I don’t think I’ll be doing that, Bones. But…”

He lifted up the hand that wasn’t clutching papers and measured it against his own.

“If you ever want to try something bigger, you can suck on mine. I’m sure it would be just as…ah…soothing. Perhaps even more so.”

At his dissolution into giggles, Brennan’s brow furrowed and she stopped, looking at him suspiciously.

“Wait, what?”

His laughter increased, making it difficult for him to get his next words out.

“I think it’s a great idea. You will be nice and relaxed and I, well I’ll be helping you, so we’ll all be very happy. Just to warn you, though, it might take you a while to get your mouth around it.”

He nodded pityingly at her, desperately trying to keep his giggles under wraps.

“It’ll be a fair bit larger than what you’re used to, I can tell you that. You poor thing, look at what you’ve had to make do with. It’ll probably take a lot of practice. I’m sure if you keep trying though…”

At this point he couldn’t go on, his overpowering laughter making speech completely impossible.

“What are you talking about?”

He raised his eyebrows, all innocence. Looking at her in a very significant way, he slowly moved his hands apart, palms facing inward, stopping them quite a distance apart, as though measuring something rather long. He cleared his throat, never allowing his gaze to waver from her own, and then moved his fingers in against their respective palms so that only his thumbs remained sticking out. He gave them a quick, playful wiggle.

“My thumb, Bones. Thumbs. Isn’t that what we were talking about?”

Her frown deepened.

Suddenly I’m not so sure

BGWGscienceteacher

Posted 04/10/2007 11:26:12 PM


Well, thumbs wouldn't be what I would be talking about with him:O I love these little stories.

Bella Loony

Posted 05/10/2007 02:12:27 PM


I wouldn't be sucking his thumb that's for damn sure!! Haha, oh Kiki, your humour is hilarious, I LOVE IT!! These little 'situations' just keep getting better!! Keep it up!!

DDBL

Kiki

Posted 05/10/2007 08:44:19 PM

I know exactly what you mean loony and BG! His poor thumbs would be properly neglected if I was ever left alone with him. Thanks!

***********
Getting impatient, Brennan knocked on Booth’s door. Again. For the third time.

She had been sitting in her apartment, quite bored if truth be told, and decided to call in on her partner. It’s not like she had anything better to do with her evening. Why did they always have to meet in her apartment anyway?

“Just a minute!”

Brennan began to tap her foot.

“That’s the second time you’ve said that!”

“Yeah, well, it’s the second time I’ve meant it.”

She let out a little growl. Sometimes that man could be so infuriating.

Eventually, the door was pulled open.

“Did you just growl at me?”

Patience long gone, she barrelled past him into the apartment. At about six feet in, she ran out of steam and turned to face him. He was closing the door and avoiding her gaze.

“Booth…”

She caught sight of his face.

“Oh my…are you alright? What’s wrong? What happened?”

“What? Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s fine.”

He started to move past her, but she stopped him with her arm.

“You’ve been crying.”

He let out a snort, shifting his weight back.

“What? No I haven’t.”

“Booth, I can see tears on your face.”

He made something that sounded like a dismissive “psh” noise.

“No you can’t.”

Pursing her lips in determination, Brennan licked the pad of her index finger. Before Booth had time to react, she ran the finger down his cheek and returned it to her mouth.

“See! Salty! Told you.”

“Bones! You don’t just… You’re a very…special person, you know that?”

“Thank you.”

Shaking his head, he moved into the living room. Brennan followed at a distance.

“So…what happened? Is it Parker?”

Eyes huge, he spun around to face her.

“God, no. Nothing like that.”

“So there is something wrong.”

He closed his eyes and tilted his head upwards, breathing deeply.

“No there isn’t.”

But you’ve been crying.”

“No I haven’t.”

She could feel her cheeks turning red as she got more and more infuriated by the circular argument. She looked quickly around the room to try and calm herself down.

“Wait, were you watching TV?”

“No.” He suddenly looked very sheepish.

A smile twitched Brennan’s lips as she felt herself getting closer to victory.

“The TV’s clearly on, Booth. Although, it seems to be broken.”

She moved around him and stood in front of the machine.

She leaned forward and gave the screen a few experimental taps.

“Why’s it frozen?”

“No reason.”

Suddenly, all the pieces clicked into place.

“You were watching a…what do you call them…a DVD!”

Dizzy with success, she spun around in a circle, frantically searching for proof.

“Aha!”

She made quite an impressive dive towards the coffee table. Booth, seeing all was lost, got his neutral expression firmly in place.

Brow creased, she examined the box.

“You were watching Bambi? A children’s movie?”

“No I wasn’t.”

Not even dignifying his response with a glance, she scrutinised the front cover.

“This is about deer?”

Booth bit his tongue firmly against the “No it isn’t.” comment that was dying to escape. Instead he settled for some indistinguishable mumbling.

“Why would deer make you cry? There’s nothing sad about them. This fellow looks adorable.”

“Hismothergotshotanditwas…hedidn’tunderstand…he’sallalone.”

It was out before he even realised it.

Her eyebrows looked set to hit the ceiling.

“Excuse me? How would you know he didn’t understand? This isn’t one of those ridiculous films where they actually try to feed you the concept that animals can talk is it, because you know, Booth, that’s absolutely, completely…”

Annoyed at himself and at her, he threw himself down on the couch.

“You haven’t seen it. You wouldn’t know.” He continued to mutter angrily to himself.

Nearly bursting a blood vessel in the effort to keep a straight face, she sank down beside him.

“You’re right. I don’t know. Would you show me?” She handed him the remote.

“You want to see this?”

“Yes. Put it right back to the start.”

“Ok…” He pressed the necessary buttons and settled back.

Brennan was rummaging for something in her bag.

As the opening credits came on, in all mock seriousness, she held the object up to him.

“Tissue?”

Bella Loony

Posted 07/10/2007 02:59:22 PM


Haha, oh my god Kiki!! You are so funny, I am totally loving it!! I cry when I watch Bambi too!! I hate and love that movie all at the same time!! Oh, so funny!! How are you coming up with all these ideas? You have some kind of great imagination!! Brilliant job Kiki and please let me know when you have posted next time!!

DDBL

Kiki

Posted 08/10/2007 01:45:08 PM

*blushes* Aw, thanks loony. Continuation of Bambi idea...

**************

Seventy minutes later, Booth turned the DVD off. The endless list of writers, animators, directors and so on were wrecking havoc on his eyes. He momentarily shut them and gave the bridge of his nose a quick squeeze.

He twirled the remote around in his hands.

The seconds ticked past. He began to whistle, half out of nerves, half to simply give himself something to do.

“So….”

Finally, he allowed himself sneak a peek at his partner. He had expressly forbidden himself from doing so about forty minutes before. Once he did, he really wished he hadn’t.

The situation hadn’t improved much in the intervening time.

Brennan was inconsolable.

From a few minutes before the prophesised shooting scene occurred, up until the present, she had bawled her eyes out continuously. He was really quite worried about her hydration levels.

He had spent most of the time since that particular scene either running into the kitchen to fetch her glasses of water (whether she wanted them or not) or biting down hard on his tongue to stop the laughter that was building up inside of him from spilling over.

He had found a lump forming in his throat when it was coming up to the fatal shot and subsequent orphaning of the little deer, but her…extreme reaction had rapidly forced any depressing thoughts from his mind. He had never wanted to laugh so much in his life.

“So…you like it?”

She turned her stricken face to him, eyes huge and red rimmed, jaw slackened and skin blotchy from the avalanche of tears.

Booth just couldn’t help himself. He threw his head back and roared with laughter. Tears streamed down his face, his entire body shook uncontrollably and an intense pain began to throb in the pit of his stomach from the sheer exertion of it all.

He chanced a quick glance at Brennan. His eyes were so full of tears, however, that the image was incredibly blurry and slid haphazardly across his range of vision. In spite of this impediment, he could still tell that the figure before him was glaring furiously.

After some time, he calmed down enough to be able to roll his eyes heavenward and run his index fingers across the skin below them, to catch any remaining moisture. He let out one final hoot of mirth before meeting her eyes with his.

“That was not funny!”

Booth snorted. “I’ve never seen someone cry so much in my life. And so energetically too! That was hysterical!”

Her body was nearly trembling with rage.

“It was not! You were the one who was sobbing your heart out over it before I even arrived. All by yourself too.”

“Hold your horses now there, Bones. I never sob my heart out. Never. Stop trying to turn the embarrassment on me.”

“Horses?!! Stop trying to change the subject, Booth!”

That particular comment appeared to have enraged her even further, despite the fact that he would have thought that impossible.

“Calm down, Bones. I just meant that your…eh…natural and completely normal reaction was prolonged somewhat longer than usual.”

That earned him a hard thump on the arm. She was about to respond, when she suddenly became aggravated once more and whacked his thigh.

“And whose fault was that? Every single time I began to stop, you started shaking your head and moaning, “He’s all alone. Nobody’s there to love him. Completely...UTTERLY...TOTALLY alone.” What did you expect me to do?!”

Booth’s giggles returned so suddenly he choked, and needed a number of hearty (perhaps harder than they needed to be) smacks on the back to alleviate his breathing difficulty.

He turned to face her once more, the area surrounding his eyes looking, and feeling, quite damp.

“It was just too easy… But other than that, did you like it?”

She crossed her legs and folded her arms, eyes staring straight ahead. Booth could physically see her moving into analytical mode.

“Well, the comparisons between it and the Italian ‘bambino’ are glaringly obvious. Baby deer is born and is incredibly innocent and childlike through the majority of his development? Doesn’t take a genius to work that one out.”

Booth seemed to visibly shrink in on himself. He was suddenly very interested in his knees and replied, in a very small voice, “No. Obviously.”

Getting into the swing of it, Brennan pushed her hair back behind her ears and settled into the couch.

“The animation was blatantly inspired by Japanese art. All of the softened, misty backgrounds? Clearly Japanese. The forest itself was also taken from the area surrounding the Province Of Neuquén. Instantly recognisable. And then there was….”

Thirty minutes later, and sufficiently humbled, Booth said goodnight to his partner. He leaned back against the closed front door and sighed deeply, suddenly exhausted.

He really should have learnt his lesson by now.

Bella Loony

Posted 08/10/2007 01:57:24 PM


Oh Kiki, seriously, who researches Bambi that much? I mean I just put it in the DVD player and cry!! That's it!! Haha, I loved it when he kept egging her on to cry!! That part I could totally see!! "But he's all alone" Haha, she does have some maternal instincts!! Great job Kiki, I loved it!!

BDWSGBL

willgirl

Posted 08/10/2007 02:11:06 PM


Kiki! I sat down to read the last chap, and realized that I hadn't read the last five! Excellent! Hilarious, I love how she cried at Bambi! (But who doesn't, really?)

Kiki

Posted 17/10/2007 07:03:25 PM

Thanks loony! Love your reviews! Thanks willi! And, come on, everybody cries at Bambi! It's sooo sad!

Ok, [g]this one is definitely for turi[/g]. For being one of the most "enthusiastic" peeps I've ever met! Here ya go, hun. Enjoy.
**********
Without even glancing at the caller I.D, Brennan flicked her mobile phone open and held it to her ear, shaking her hair out of the way as she did.

“Brennan.”

“Bonesh! Bonesh! I’m soooo glad you called me.”

Brennan’s head did a little jerk backwards in confusion.

“I didn’t call you, Booth. You called me.”

“You’re so silly. Did I ever tell you how silly you are? You are very much silly. That’s a whole...this much.”

At this point he must have attempted to measure the amount by holding his two hands the relevant distance apart, forgetting all about the phone. There was a thump in Brennan’s ear and, a few seconds later, Booth’s voice returned, chuckling to himself.

“Silly phone.”

A slight smile broke out across Brennan’s face.

“Are you drunk, Booth?”

“Am not! You’re the one who’s...hic...drunk.”

“Booth, where are you?”

“Uuuuuuuuuuuum.” He drew the syllable out for about ten seconds, by the end of which, Brennan was ready to strangle him.

The next voice in Brennan’s ear was much deeper than Booth’s and far more sober.

“Are you the bones lady he hasn’t shut up about all night?”

“Um…I guess.”

In the background she could hear an incredibly whiny voice incessantly repeating “’Smy Bones, not your Bones. ’Smy Bones, not your Bones...”

The new voice increased in volume, attempting to drown out Booth’s repetitions.

“I’m Larry, the bartender here at Heaven & Hell. Your friend is out here at a stag party with us. He was being the responsible, sober one. Unfortunately his friends seemed to think he was being a spoilsport and so they laced his drink with vodka when he was in the toilet. Hence his present condition. I think he’s ready to go home, though. Do you think it would be possible for you to come pick him up?”

It didn’t cause her a second’s hesitation. “Sure, no problem.”

Larry gave her directions and Brennan promised to be there as soon as she could.

Fifteen minutes later, she was pulling open the bar door and peering through the hazy murkiness, searching for her partner.

A shout informed her she had been spotted.

“Bonesh! Bonesh!”

She saw Booth running full pelt towards her. Not knowing what else to do, she moved out of the way of the door, planted her feet squarely on the ground, closed her eyes and braced herself for the impact.

Ten seconds later, she was still waiting. She slowly peeked an eye open. She noticed a man behind the bar, waving, trying to catch her attention. Once he had succeeded, he pointed to the door. It seemed her partner had missed her completely and had simply continued moving.

Raising a hand in thanks, she turned around and jogged back outside.

Booth was standing in the car park, looking completely lost, head moving frantically back and forth.

Brennan tapped him on the shoulder. His relief was extreme.

“BONESH!! Found you.” He pulled her into one of the tightest hugs she had ever participated in. Gasping for breath and feeling her feet being lifted off the ground, she started pummelling his back with her closed fists and screaming into his chest.

“Boof! BOOF!!”

Eventually, he set her back down. He started wagging his finger at her.

“Couldn’t find you atall, atall. Looked everywhere...”

On the ‘everywhere’, he decided to do a spin around to emphasise his point. Unfortunately, his brain moved faster than his feet and he tripped up over himself.

With a loud call of “Man overboard!” he fell, rather unceremoniously, onto his backside. He sat mutely for a number of seconds, stunned, occasionally shaking his head, then began to giggle.

After a moment or two, he noticed Brennan still standing over him and roughly plonked her down next to him.

“Oow! Booth!”

He giggled harder.

“Did you see me, Bones? I went splat!” He doubled up, gasping for breath.

“Then...then...then so did you!” Tears were streaming down his face, his features completely contorted. In spite of herself, Brennan joined in on the laughter, though to a far lesser degree.

Presently, he calmed down. As he did, he seemed to forget all about her sitting next to him. He gazed curiously about, humming absently to himself.

His increasingly out of tune warbling was getting on her last nerve, so she poked him experimentally with her toe.

“Come on, Booth, I think it’s time we got you home.” She stood up, brushed off the seat of her pants and looked down expectantly at him

He jumped in surprise at her voice. Once he had registered what she had said he nodded vigorously and stretched out his arms towards her, wanting her to help him up.

“Booth! I can’t pull you. You’re too heavy.”

He wiggled his fingers in reply.

Several minutes later, both partners were upright. Booth was furiously rubbing his nose from when one of many attempts had gone seriously awry and Brennan had succeeded in kneeing him in the face.

Apologising profusely, she half-pulled, half-dragged him over to the car. As she stood fumbling for her keys, Booth decided the time was right for a little wander, complete with off-rhythm skipping and a deafening rendition of “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands”. All in all, it took a lot longer than it should have for the two to enter and strap themselves into the vehicle.

They had barely started moving when Booth thought it would be fun to point out every single solitary car that they passed. Even the parked ones. This incredibly annoying idea was accompanied by frantic hand gestures, just in case Brennan didn’t realise what he was referring to.

“Car...car...CAR...carCARcar...car...car...CARCAR...carCAR...car...carCAR...carCARCAR...”

Needless to say, within a few seconds, Brennan was screaming at him to shut up.

He turned his back on her and sulked out of the window. Soon enough he forgot all about being angry and decided it was time to get ready for bed. He had his shoes and socks off before Brennan realised what he was doing.

She spent the rest of the ride tying to convince him that this really wasn’t the right place. By the time they pulled up at Booth’s apartment he was topless, shoeless, sockless, and his pants were pulled down to his knees. Brennan glanced wearily at her partner, whose face was currently stuck to the passenger side window, snoring loudly.

Well that answers the briefs or boxers question Angela’s always wondering about

polygirl

Posted 17/10/2007 08:42:12 PM


omg I forgot how much I loved this one! kiki you are a genius

flyersfan35

Posted 17/10/2007 10:42:43 PM


rotflmao! Oh, kiki!! I didn't even realized I had missed the last few chapters....u are amazing, my sweet! Just an absolute genious at BB humor!!

Love ya, my sweet irish lass....

BGWGscienceteacher

Posted 17/10/2007 10:54:33 PM


OMG! I can't stop laughing. I'm about to roll out of my chair. Great story!

Bella Loony

Posted 18/10/2007 11:48:49 AM


Kiki,

I can barely contain my laughter long enough to write this review!! The whole, car.....car...carcarcar....car, oh my god, could you not see him doing that? Along with the, she's my Bonesh not your Bonesh!! That's pretty funny! Great job Kiki, this one is hysterical!!

BDWSGBL

Kiki

Posted 21/10/2007 03:58:04 PM

Aw, thanks so much poly, GG, BGWG and loony. Blushing like billio here. On we go with the intoxicated Booth storyline...
*******
“I was NOT drunk!”

Brennan sighed heavily.

“Of course not, Booth. You regularly decide to waltz down the hall with me when you’re shirtless. And when your elderly neighbour pops her head out to see what all the racket is, your normal response is always to ‘sush’ yourself and start exaggeratedly tiptoeing down the corridor. In the wrong direction, I might add.”

“Yeah, well...”

“And what about cheering me on when I was trying to put the key in the lock? And don’t you ever try to cartwheel in my presence again. You nearly took my eye out.”

“But that was because...”

“Also, when I was trying to get you in the door, you decided I looked like a horse and tried to climb on my back. Needless to say it didn’t work. But you still thought it was a great idea to use your tie as a whip anyway.”

Booth made a galloping motion, knees flying. “Gee up!”

“OH, and when I told you to please pull your trousers up in the car, you asked me if I was enjoying the view and that there was no charge for touching.”

Booth poked her a number of times in the side. “Just admit it, you loved it.” In spite of himself, his face has reddened significantly. He had really hoped that particular, rather hazy, memory had been a dream. A terribly embarrassing dream. He couldn’t possibly have pulled his trousers down in front of her. Right?

She slapped his hand away and strode purposefully into her office.

“And don’t even get me started about the trouble I had getting you into bed.”

A sharp intake of breath and a squeal told them the room wasn’t empty.

Angela had been arranging her sketch of the current victim’s face on Brennan’s desk, ready for when she arrived. Which, surprisingly, hadn’t been at the crack of dawn.

She turned to face them, her face more brightly lit up than Brennan had ever seen it.

“You guys finally gave in! Ohmygodohmygod!! Brennan! Details! Booth, shoo! I’m delighted for you and all…you poor thing…you looked wrecked. She is a feisty one! But seriously, girl talk.”

Both Brennan and Booth’s jaws had hit the floor at exactly the same instant. The two had also started defending themselves at the same moment, though without so much as looking at each other. After a few seconds of increasingly frantic blabbering, Angela stuck two fingers in her mouth and let out a piercing whistle. The partners stopped instantly.

Moving towards the door, Booth cast a quick glance at the wall behind Brennan’s head.

“Listen...eh...I’m going to step out for a minute. You can explain the...ah...events of last night to Angela and I’ll be back when you’re done.”

At these words he made a speedy exit and Angela started screaming anew.

It took Brennan so long to convince her friend that nothing of THAT nature had actually occurred, she half wished she was dealing with an intoxicated Booth once more.

Eventually, Angela was set on the right track. Although incredibly disappointed, she was making the most of this turn of events by extracting every ridiculous detail from her all-too-willing informant.

Some time later, Angela was leaning back in Brennan’s chair, helpless with laughter. Brennan, standing in front of the desk, couldn’t help but add a few chuckles of her own.

“Hang on...hang on...he actually built a fort?!”

Brennan nodded pityingly. “A very poorly constructed fort. That man would never last alone in the wild… Then, when I insisted that it was time for him to come out and go to bed, there was a big silence for about twenty seconds before he suddenly burst out, screaming at me to catch him. Of course, he ran straight into the coffee table. He insisted that I bring him into the kitchen and put a plaster of his knee while he sat on the counter.”

Angela was shaking back and forth in the chair as waves of silent laughter coursed through her at the idea of the macho F.B.I. being reduced to such childish behaviour.

“It took forever because he kept flinging his legs around the place and singing some inane song about a pineapple, an ocean and a sponge. He only seemed to remember about one in five words so it was incredibly repetitive. As he was singing, he kept attempting to jab the cartoon characters on the plaster, but, more often than not, he got me instead.”

When Angela had completely giggled herself out, she suddenly placed her hands on the desk and cocked her head as though remembering something.

“Did you say that he took his trousers off in the car?”

At this point, Booth re-entered the room.

“BONES!! Did you tell her what I was wearing under my trousers?”

He marched up to Brennan, looking extremely flustered.

Shaking her head innocently, Brennan replied “Oh course not.”

Increasingly nervous about the direction the conversation was taking, Booth turned and began to drag Brennan out of the office.

As she was still facing the opposite direction, Brennan saw Angela mouth “Briefs or boxers?” at her.

She slowly shook her head.

Angela scowled at her friend’s refusal to share the juicy gossip.

It was only when Brennan raised her eyebrows significantly that it dawned on Angela the other possible meaning a shake of the head could have.

Her mouth dropped open into a delighted, incredulous ‘o’.

Just as they reached the door, Brennan shook off Booth’s arm and stepped slowly back into the room with a “Wait.”

Her manner and tone of voice suggested that something relatively boring and unimportant had just occurred to her.

Careful to keep her voice both disinterested and vague, Brennan asked, “Angela, do you remember what it was we learned about certain...ah...people’s nicknames?”

Booth, figuring Brennan had just recalled some obscure detail about the case, had already continued out the door.

Angela nodded excitedly and leaned forward conspiratorially.

Brennan pressed her lips together against the smile that was forming, nodded once as though in approval and swept out of the room.

Angela threw her hands up in frustration.

“Brennan!”

Two seconds later, Brennan poked her head back in the door, a devilish grin on her face and an irresistible twinkle in her eye.

“I can’t even BEGIN to explain to you how miniscule the meaning of his must be.”

Bella Loony

Posted 21/10/2007 06:24:25 PM


Haha, OH Kiki, I don't know how but they keep getting better and funnier!!! Oh you are so hilarious, and I loved Angela's response!! So good, I am having a really crappy review day, so I am sorry this is lame, I'll try harder next time!!

Love ya!! You rock!
BDWSGBL

BGWGscienceteacher

Posted 21/10/2007 07:40:07 PM


That was hilarious. It took me twice as long as normal to read it because I couldn't quit laughing long enough to read a complete sentence.

miller0259

Posted 21/10/2007 08:39:12 PM


LOL I love this story! You know that scene where they're talking about nicknames always confused me - I *think* I know what they meant, but was never really sure, soooooooo... could someone please explain that? lol

BGWGscienceteacher

Posted 21/10/2007 09:01:22 PM


Miller, the nicknames mean the exact opposite when it comes to the guy "equipment" than the word would normally mean in normal conversation. So, when they said that Sully's nickname was peanut it meant that he had a really big dick Hate to bring Sully into anything, but it is an example. So Bones was letting Ange know that whatever Booth's nickname was wouldn't even begin to describe how big his is