Perdition and Paradise, rated M, B/B angst-by Jremme

Hey all, thought I'd post this too!! Enjoy! =)






Chapter 1: Long day



Temperance Brennan entered her home after a long day, depositing her keys and purse on the small table near the door and moving, as though in a trance, to the kitchen where she heated up some water for tea. She needed to relax. She had been so tense during this case; so much so more than usual that even she had noticed it, as well as her co-workers.

She poured the water into a cup and took a tentative sip before realizing she’d forgotten to add a tea bag. She sighed at herself and added the missing bag and sat down on her couch. She was tired. The day had been a blur, alternating between the field and the lab, back and forth, phone calls from her team while she was in the field, and calls from Booth when she was in the lab. It was never ending.

She wouldn’t ever want to do anything else with her life, but the day had sapped her energy. She blamed it on the lack of sleep the previous night. She’d had the most vivid dream about her partner, and it had ended with her sitting bolt upright in bed, a thin sheen of sweat covering her body. It wasn’t a bad dream; the opposite in fact. But it had been so real that when she woke up, she half expected to look at the other side of the bed and find him there.

She hadn’t been able to get back to sleep after that. She’d gotten up and sat in her living room with a cup of tea, much like she was doing now. She had mulled things over in her head, concluding that thinking about Booth wasn’t productive and that if she couldn’t get back to sleep because of a (meaningless?) dream, then she might as well get some work done on her novel.

She had gone to her office and booted up her computer. Once she’d begun to type, she’d felt herself relax slightly and become more focused. Unfortunately, the feeling didn’t last as the last time she’d written, she’d been on the verge of one of her steamy sex scenes.


As she plowed into the scene, she noted with frustration that the scene between Kathy and Andy was playing out like her dream had. She read it through and observed that at some point in the scene she had (unknowingly?) replaced the character’s names with her own and Booth’s. She angrily deleted the scene and did some breathing exercises to refocus.

She had tried to type the scene out the second time. It still played out like her dream, but she had typed the correct names throughout. She had decided that she was satisfied with this, and saved her work. The only problem with it she had found was that she’d just typed out a private dream for thousands upon thousands of people to read. It had bothered her on some level, but it did make for a good scene.

She had wondered briefly if she could be that flexible in real life. A smirk had graced her lips as she thought about this, and that thought had led to other thoughts, and before she had known it, her entire body felt enflamed. She had downed a glass of water, and had glanced at the clock. Time to get ready for work.

And thus, the day had begun, chaotic as usual. She hadn’t been able to think on her sleepless night, but, sitting there after it was all over, with her cup of tea, the thoughts on the dream crept back into her mind. She put the cup down on the coffee table, feeling the heat spread through her that had nothing to do with the hot water in the cup. She took note of the time. She needed to get to bed at a decent time tonight, and, hopefully, Booth wouldn’t invade the sanctity of her mind for a second night. She felt her pulse quicken as she thought his name, instantly chiding herself.

She thought to what men did in this situation. Cold shower. Why should it be any different for women? She was, after all, feeling extremely overheated, and wanted desperately to banish all erotic thought before bed so she could have a peaceful sleep. She went into the bathroom, and turned the shower on, testing the coolness of the water before stripping and stepping in. She let out a loud yelp as the cold water hit her, and she leapt back out, hands quickly adjusting the temperature of the water. No way in hell was she taking a shower in freezing water. A warm one would be just as effective, right?


She came out of the shower some time later, the steam enveloping the room. She toweled off, wrapping another around her hair, and wiping the fog from the mirror. She looked at herself, dressed in a towel, her skin pink from the heat of the water. She didn’t feel much different, just cleaner. Perhaps she’d been wrong about the effects of a warm shower versus a cold one. She threw on some pajamas, and went back to her living room, hair still wrapped up. She checked to make sure all the doors were locked, then padded down the hall to her bedroom, pulling the towel off her head as she went.

She shut her light off and slid between the sheets. She had felt tired, exhausted really, but once she had laid down in the darkness, she realized she was still very much awake. She mentally went over the things she’d just done, having concluded that perhaps she’d left something out of her routine that her brain wanted her to remember before she could truly turn in for the night.

It then occurred to her that her cup of tea was still on the coffee table. That had to be it. She always cleaned up after herself. She got out of bed, not bothering with the light, and went back to the living room. She picked up the cup, the remaining tea in it now lukewarm at best. She carried it to the kitchen, dumped the remnants down the drain, and placed the cup in the sink. She put both hands on the counter, leaning against it, wondering why her brain was still so active when it should have been muddled by fatigue.

She turned then, and made to go down the hallway again, when the soft knock on the door reached her ears and made her jump. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. It was late. Everyone at the Jeffersonian knew better. Booth knew better. If it was Angela, she would call first to make sure she was awake before coming over.

She tiptoed over to the door in the dark, not wanting to alert whoever was on the other side that she was home by turning on the lights. The knock repeated itself, but no voice was forthcoming. Then she heard a mumbled ‘come on, please answer.’ The voice was one she recognized, so she relaxed a bit, but she was extremely bothered by the tone, and the obvious hitch in the words.

She took a breath, unlocked the door, rested her hand on the knob, and opened it to reveal Booth, tears in his eyes, his face an emotional wreck.

Tozika:

What's wrong with Booth?
I hope Parker is alright....you wouldn't hurt him, right?

Although I'm slightly worried about the end of this chapter, I really liked the rest.
Especially the part, when she changed the names in her book to Booth and Brennan.....
I would have loved to read more about this dream, but now I think it would be better if I could first find out what's wrong with Booth....

I hope you continue soon!

Thanks so much for reading!!! Enjoy!!! =)




Chapter 2: Long night


She stood there in her doorway, taking in the image of him. It was shocking, seeing him like that. He looked at her almost pleadingly, and she finally came to her senses, realizing that he was standing before her, crying and, well, vulnerable, and she was gawking at him like an idiot.

“Can I come in?” He asked, voice still shaking.

“Yes.” She stepped aside immediately, shutting the door behind him, and moving into the kitchen automatically to make more tea, while he crashed on her couch, head in his hands, looking absolutely lost and completely distraught.

She put the water on to boil, turning the fire down low, and stood in the kitchen, almost afraid to move into her living room. She couldn’t think of what could possibly be wrong, what could have brought him to this state. Then it hit her. There was one thing. Parker.

Suddenly concerned for the little boy’s well being, she crossed into the living room, the water temporarily forgotten, and sat down beside him. He hadn’t moved a bit in the time she’d been gone. She grew a bit nervous, and tapped him on the shoulder, feeling ridiculous as she did so.

“Booth? Is Parker all right?”

He spoke into his hands, his voice muffled. “Parker’s fine, at least physically.”

The mention of his son’s name caused fresh tears to flow, and she could visibly see him shaking, his face still hidden from her.

Still not sure of what she should do, she put her hand under his hands, finding his chin, and pushing it up until his face was level with hers. He looked broken, and like he wasn’t ready to tell her the whole story yet.

She wasn’t used to being in the role of comforter, but she did remember what Angela had done for her in the past when she needed to be comforted. She held her arms out, a silent invitation. He met her eyes for a moment, then buried himself in her embrace.

She held him, gently patting his back and letting his tears soak her top. She ran her fingers through his hair, and although she felt silly, began whispering to him, trying to soothe him.

To her surprise, it appeared to work, and after he had calmed sufficiently, he pulled away from her. The whistling of the kettle reminded her of the tea, and she went back into the kitchen, returning with two cups, which she set on the coffee table. She sat down again, and faced him, her eyes telling him she was ready to listen whenever he was ready to talk.

He took a breath, trying to steady himself. He still had what she remembered her mother referring to as the huffers, when you can’t seem to catch your breath when you’ve been crying for awhile.

“After we all left for the day, I went home. I just wanted to relax, and crash. I was just about to go to bed, when there’s a knock on the door. It’s Rebecca, with Parker, and she looks so serious, and he looks worried about something. So I ask her what’s going on, and she tells me that her boyfriend, oh, excuse me, fiancé, has this job opportunity in Alaska, of all places, and he can’t turn it down.”

He paused here, letting what he’d said sink in. Brennan put a hand on his arm, letting him know he could continue if he was ready.

“So then she says, ‘we’re moving to Anchorage’, just like that. So, I’m reeling from the shock of that, and then she says, ‘our flight leaves in a couple of hours. I brought him to say good-bye.’”

Brennan’s eyes widened. “She just sprung this on you, two hours before they were due to leave?! Why didn’t she tell you when she first found out?” She was shocked by the whole thing. Having met Rebecca, she had seemed like a good woman.

“She said it’d be easier if neither of us had a lot of time to think about it. She likened it to pulling off a Band-Aid real fast.” His eyes darken with anger at that statement. “She gave us 10 minutes, then she hands me this paper with their new phone number on it, says she’ll call when they arrive, then she just leaves. Parker was crying. I know she must have explained it to him beforehand that they were leaving, but…” He trailed off, the tears springing into his eyes at the image of his son being taken away from him.

Brennan was struck by the cruelty on Rebecca’s part. She could understand that with her fiancé’s job there weren’t a whole lot of options, but, in her opinion, that had been a horrible way to go about it, and if the woman were here now, Brennan wouldn’t trust herself not to get violent.

“What did you do?” she prompted.

“I was in shock. I just shut the door, and kind of…crumpled I suppose. I don’t know how long I just sat there against the door, but it must been quite awhile. Then I grabbed my keys, left, and you know the rest.”

“Is there anything you can do?” She asked, not knowing what else she could say.

“No. I’ll tell you what I told Dr. Goodman that night we were in quarantine. My parental rights are, for all intents and purposes, non-existent. And I’m willing to bet my life that once they’re married, he adopts him.” This thought caused his hands to ball into fists. “The only thing I can do is move, get reassigned.”

“Would you?” Her voice was practically a whisper.

“I don’t know, Bones, I just don’t know.” His face disappeared in his hands again, and he said no more.

She put her hand out and rubbed his back. “You shouldn’t have driven here, not like this.”

“I had to Bones. I couldn’t be alone, I just couldn’t.”

“Well, you’re not driving home, not if I have anything to say about it. You’re not in any kind of state to drive, and you’re right, you shouldn’t be alone.”

She was worried about him. She knew emotional people were capable of all kinds of things.

She reached for his cup of tea, and handed it to him. He took it, sipped it, then replaced it on the coffee table. Brennan took hers, downed it, and carried both cups to the kitchen.

“Come on,” she said gently, taking his hand, and pulling him off the couch. She led him to her bedroom, and sat down next to him on the bed.

“Stay here tonight, ok? And don’t tell me you’ll take the couch. You’re staying right here.”

“What about you?”

“I’m staying here until you fall asleep, then I’ll most likely sleep on the couch.”

They looked at each other for a moment, and he took her hand and squeezed it.

“Thanks Bones.”

She leaned over and hugged him, feeling his go around her as well. They didn’t let go, carrying it on longer than a normal hug. When they pulled apart, she noted that the sadness was still rampant in his glassy eyes, but there was a hint of something else as well, an emotion she was surprised to see there, considering the circumstances. Desire. Was she imagining that? She certainly felt it in herself.

Despite the situation, she found herself leaning closer to him, until their faces were almost touching and she could feel his shaky breath across her own lips. She was about to bridge what little distance was left between them, when she came to her senses. What was she doing? He was an emotional wreck, and she was taking advantage of his state. She knew full well that if she kissed him, it would lead to other things, things that shouldn’t even be thought of right now. She pulled him to her in another hug, short this time, and stood up, sitting in the butterfly chair in the corner.

“Good night Booth.” She watched as he pulled the blankets over him and closed his eyes.

“Good night Bones.”

She sat for about an hour, in the dark, just thinking, about nothing in particular. She noted his even breathing and concluded that he was asleep. She watched him for awhile, not wanting to leave him just yet. Satisfied that he wouldn’t wake up, she got up and crept out the door as quietly as she could.

She was down the hall when she caught the rustle of blankets. She made her way in to the bedroom to check on him. He was awake, staring straight ahead, seeing and yet, not seeing.

“Booth?” She stepped toward him.

“Just when I start drifting off, really getting to sleep, I hear him as they’re leaving, I see him. It’s like it keeps happening over and over again. I can’t get it to stop.” His voice cracked at the last sentence, and Brennan found herself sitting on the bed, then laying behind him, her arms wrapping around him.

“Just let yourself go for now, Booth. You need to sleep.” She pulled him tightly to her, making sure he could feel her even breathing and steady heartbeat. “Just…shhhh.”

She was awful at this and she knew it. She wanted him to feel better enough to sleep, and that selfish part of her knew that she needed to sleep too.

She felt his hand cover hers where it lay against him, and he tried to match her breathing. It worked and, in time, they were both asleep, Brennan hoping he’d feel even a bit better in the morning, and at the same time thinking that this wasn’t how she’d pictured their first night together

Tozika:

Rebecca didn't really do that?
How could she?
Poor Booth and poor Parker have to feel very very sad now.....and he can do nothing about the situation.....maybe he could get reassigned, but then he would have to leave Bones.....
I can't believe she did that to him.....I hope you will find a solution.....maybe he has more rights then he thinks.....he is his dad and he is noted in the birth certificate or whatever thing you would note something like that.....maybe he can try to get full custody....but he's not married and doesn't even have a girlfriend.....
I hope you'll make it better soon.....

magic:

wow this is amazing. I like seing booth vulnerable for a change and bones did the right thing not taking advantage! And Rebecca, wow this woman is a bitch...oh i hope parker doesn't try and run away to find his dad and get into trouble lol...think of the angst! keep going, i love this story x x

Thanks so much to all who replied and are reading!! Enjoy! =)



Chapter 3: Busted

Brennan woke up from a sound sleep by the buzzing of her alarm clock. It had been a long night. She estimated that she’d accumulated only about 3 hours of sleep total. She extricated herself carefully from Booth, who was sleeping fitfully next to her. He’d kept waking up through the night, plagued by nightmares or thoughts from the day’s events; she couldn’t be sure which it was, or if it was a combination of the two.

Thankfully, he didn’t awaken, and she tiptoed around the room, gathering up clothes to change into for the day. She’d decided firmly that there was no way he was going into work that day. She’d deal with Cullen herself. Unfortunately, as tired as she was, she couldn’t give herself the same break.

She crept to the bathroom to shower and change, letting her thoughts drift to how it had felt to have him in bed with her. Although she would have preferred different circumstances, the feeling of having another body next to her had been satisfying.

She emerged from the bathroom, dressed, and checked on him one last time before heading into the kitchen to have a quick breakfast before she headed for work. She had just poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table when she heard him coming down the hall.

Her eyes met his as he entered the kitchen and sat across from her.

“You should stay in bed. You didn’t sleep much last night.” Try as she might, she couldn’t hide the concern in her voice.

“Which means you didn’t sleep either.” He looked guilty as he said this, and ran a hand through his tousled hair. “I shouldn’t have stayed.”

“Yes, you should have. Don’t worry about me. Here, have some coffee.” She got up and got him a mug, which he took from her gratefully.

He stared into the mug, but didn’t drink. “I keep thinking it was all a bad dream,” he said. “Like I’ll call over there like I always did, and talk to him. Go over there, and take him out for ice cream or to the zoo or something like that, like I used to.” He bit his lip as he watched the stray tear fall into the mug.

She reached over and took his hand. “You’re not going to work today. You’re staying right here, and you’re going to rest. I’ll take care of Cullen. Are you gonna be all right while I’m at work?”

He nodded, not even protesting that she wasn’t allowing him to go to work.

“You’re sure?”

Another nod.

“If you need anything, call me. Please.” She was worried about leaving him alone, although she felt she was being slightly irrational. She’d had her own bad dream, involving him leaving for Alaska without even telling her. Perhaps it was part of the reason she was reluctant to leave him.

She squeezed his hand, standing, and leaving for the day.

When she arrived at the lab after stopping to speak with Cullen, she walked around in a sort of daze, which Angela Montenegro immediately picked up on, following her into her office, and shutting the door behind her.

“Sweetie, what’s up? Something’s not right.” She looked concerned; her face the mirror image of Brennan’s earlier.

Brennan sighed. She’d apparently left her mind and thoughts at her apartment with Booth. All morning, she’d kept thinking of how he was doing, wondering if it be ridiculous if she were to call him every so often to check up on him.

“It’s nothing, Angela.” She wasn’t sure how Booth would feel if she explained to Angela what had happened.

“Sorry, sweetie, that’s not gonna fly. I know something’s wrong. I can tell just by looking at you.” She reached out and put her hand on Brennan’s arm. “Please talk to me. Maybe I can help.”

“I don’t think you can.” Brennan looked at her sadly, then launched into the whole story from last night when Booth had appeared at her door, to her dream, and, finally, to the moment Angela had entered her office.

Angela gave her a tight hug. “I’m proud of you. You were there when he needed you.”

“I messed the whole thing up. I had no idea what I was doing.”

“You did perfectly, sweetie; you did everything right.”

“I felt silly.”

“It doesn’t matter how you feel, Bren. What’s important is how you made Booth feel. And I think you helped, more than you realize. Give yourself more credit. He obviously did. He wouldn’t have come to you if he thought you wouldn’t help him, be there for him.”

Brennan shrugged. “I suppose that’s true.”

“It is. Trust me.” Angela gave her friend a little grin, then led her over to the couch.

“Do you really think he might move?”

“I don’t know Ange. It was just a dream. But, when he mentioned it last night, I thought my heart had stopped. I couldn’t breathe. Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without him.”

Angela looked at her sadly. She had always wanted Brennan to admit to her that she had feelings for her partner, but not like this. It was supposed to be a happy admission, not a sad one.

“Would you stop him?” she asked.

“How could I? Parker is his life. If he decided to move, it wouldn’t be my place to say anything. Except good-bye, I suppose.”

“Well, we’re getting ahead of ourselves,” Angela said, trying to lighten the mood. “Now, tell me about what it was like to be in the same bed.”

Brennan had to smile at that. She knew what Angela was trying to do.

“It was…nice.”

“That’s it?! Just nice?”

“Yea, neither of us got much sleep.”

Angela nodded. “I suppose not. Although not for the reason I would have preferred.” She grinned. “You ready to work now? There’s a skeleton from Limbo with your name on it.” Brennan nodded, and moved out of her office where Zach was waiting with the skeleton.


After several hours, she couldn’t take it any longer, and went back into her office to call him. She dialed the number with shaky fingers, wondering why they were shaky in the first place. Did she expect him to be at the airport? Or was she just nervous because it was him? Either way, she was being illogical. He wouldn’t leave without telling her, and it was Booth. She had no reason to be nervous. Never mind that her not so bad dream from the night before last kept popping into her head.

He picked up on the third ring. He had been sleeping, she could hear it in his voice.

“Hi, I was just checking on you.”

“You were?” He yawned in the middle of the short sentence, further confirming her thoughts that she’d awoken him.

“Yes, is that…ok?”

“Yea, I’m just surprised, is all.”

“Why?”

“Because…I know you’re busy.”

“I’m not that busy. Besides, I was worried about you. I wanted to make sure you were all right and that you were still here.” She clapped a hand over her mouth. She hadn’t meant to say that. It carried an implication she didn’t want to deal with. She didn’t want him to know her preoccupation with him leaving.

“I’m ok. I was just trying to get some sleep.”

“And have you? Been sleeping?”

“It comes and goes.”

“Good. I’m going to leave as soon as I can, and I’ll bring us back some dinner.”

“I’m not hungry, Bones.”

“Too bad. You’re eating.” She put a tone of finality in her voice so he wouldn’t argue. Although, now that she thought about it, he hadn’t argued with her thus far, which was very unlike him. He seemed to have lost that fighting spark he’d always possessed before.

“All right, Bones, if you say so.”
“I’ll see you this evening then. Feel free to read anything on my shelves if you need something to do.”

She hung up the phone, and tried to write up her report on the skeleton she’d just finished examining.

She was out of the lab at 5 on the dot, leaving a very surprised Hodgins and Zach in her wake. She usually stayed later than any of them. Angela only smiled reassuringly and gave Brennan a hug. Hodgins and Zach glanced at each other. Angela definitely knew something they didn’t.


Brennan stopped on the way home to pick up some Thai food, then drove to her apartment. She hoped he was asleep. He’d looked awful that morning. In a sexy kind of way. She shook her head to clear out that last thought. No, no, not sexy, just awful. Tired, beaten down emotionally, and, yet he’d made it look good. She shook her head again. No, no , no! Even if thinking like that was ok, which it wasn’t, she shouldn’t be thinking it now. Now was not the time. She cursed the erotic dream she’d had; it had been that dream that had started her mind thinking about him like that.


She parked in the lot, and made her way to her apartment with the food. She juggled everything in her hands as she unlocked the door. She supposed she hadn’t needed to lock it with Booth there, but it was habit.

“Booth?” She said his name quietly, in case he was sleeping. No reply. She checked her bedroom. No sign of him. And he wasn’t in the bathroom, or the living room, or the kitchen. For a frightening moment, she thought he had actually left, but then she recalled seeing his car when she’d arrived minutes ago. Then she saw the light on under the door in her office.

She opened it, and there he was, in front of her computer, reading something. Her novel.

“Booth?” He jumped a little at the sound of her voice.

“You shouldn’t be reading my novel. I have plenty of books out in the living room.” She wanted to be angrier; she’d always been against him reading her novels before they were published, but she couldn’t be mad at him; not now.

“No offense, Bones, but all your books are boring.” He still had his eyes on the screen, talking to her but not really paying attention to the conversation. She watched as his face took on a strange look; one she wasn’t familiar with, a mixture of surprise, disbelief, and something else she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

“What is it?” she asked, looking over his shoulder to see what had caused him to look like that. When she saw what it was, her eyes widened, and her cheeks flushed. He had been reading the sex scene she’d written the other night, and it was with a feeling of horror that she noticed that even though she’d rewritten the entire scene, there was still one place that she’d still typed out the wrong names.

magic:

holy crap....fantastic title to this chappy...bones got totally busted!

I absolutely love this story...the convo with brennan and angela was perfect and fitting. Cant wait for more x x

Tozika:

ohoh wrong names.....what will Booth do now that he knows what she is dreaming about.....can't wait to read more soon.....I really hope they find a way to bring Parker back......I don't like the idea of Booth moving....

Thanks sooo much to those reading!! It means a whole lot!! I love reading your responses; they keep me updating this on here! Here's chap 4, hope you enjoy!!! =)



Chapter 4: Feel


Her first thought was to just shut her computer off, or unplug it, consequences be damned. However, she thought this an exercise in futility because the damage had already been done.

He looked up at her, face blank, pointing at the screen.

She decided to play it casual; hoping the flush in her cheeks wasn’t too obvious.

“It was 2 a.m. I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to write. Clearly, some part of my mind was still thinking about the case we were working on, and I mistyped.”

“Clearly,” he repeated her word in a monotone, his eyes not leaving hers. She was suddenly aware, again, of how tired and defeated he looked. The spark had left his eyes, and neither his voice nor his eyes held any emotion. Even the look on his face at first reading the scene had vanished. It had been a reaction, nothing more.

“You should get some rest.” She was desperate to change the subject.

“I suppose so.” He ran a hand over his face and returned his gaze to her computer screen, staring, no doubt, at their names, stuck in the sentence amongst the phrases hard fucking and screaming orgasm.

After a moment, he shut down her computer, and walked slowly into her living room, where he plunked himself on her couch. She followed him, hoping he wouldn’t feel the need to discuss the issue any further.

“Are you all right?” she asked.

“Bones, do you know what it’s like not to feel?”

She looked at him, confused, trying to see the meaning of his words in his eyes. She couldn’t. They were dull, blank.

“What?”

“To not feel anything. Like you’re dead on the inside, do you know what that’s like?”

She nodded slowly. She did know that feeling.

“I thought you might. I haven’t felt like myself since the other day. I’m not sure I will again, and that scares me, Bones.” It scared her too, although she wouldn’t admit it to him.

“I don’t feel anything, not really. I react, like I did at your computer, but I didn’t really feel anything.”

Brennan didn’t reply. She thought about what Angela would do. She heard her friend’s voice clearly in her head. Lame is good, Bren. Trust me. The sillier you feel, the better you’re doing. Cheese it up girl! She frowned at the expression mental Angela had used, but she still got the drift. She moved closer to him and took his hand in hers, placing it over her heart.

“Can you feel that?” He nodded. Her heartbeat was fast. She moved his hand over his own heart. It, too, was beating fast. “Feel that too?” He nodded again.

“So you can still feel Booth. My heart’s beating, so is yours. We’re alive. And as long as we’re alive; we can’t give up, neither of us.”

“You’ll help me get him back?” She caught a glimmer of his old self in his eyes as he said this.

“Yes. One way or another.”

“Bones, I…” he didn’t finish his sentence, just hugged her tightly. She returned it, thinking that perhaps Angela was right; she was doing everything right, no matter how silly it seemed to her.

They pulled apart, and whether it was a lapse in judgment or the heat of the moment, she gently placed her lips over his. And with the simple contact, all the thoughts she had had of him over the past few days came rushing over her like a tidal wave; a force of nature that she was powerless to stop.

She parted her lips and ran her tongue across his, slightly surprised when his mouth opened to her. When she broke the kiss, she met his eyes, trying to read his reaction. She couldn’t tell anything.

“Booth-…” She began an apology, knowing that this was probably the last thing he wanted, but he cut her off with a finger to her lips, shhing her.

“No, Bones, don’t say anything.” It was the most he’d felt in days. Some emotion other than depression and hopelessness. And now, he wanted more of it. It just felt so nice to feel something, to feel her. He fought the urge to continue wallowing in self-pity, but it was a losing battle.

He put a hand behind her head, gently pushing her closer to him, and this time he kissed her. It was long, slow, and deep. Brennan felt things in that kiss that she hadn’t been able to see in his eyes or hear in his voice. There was still sadness behind it, but the overall meaning was clear. He wanted this. And it was that revelation that made her pull away, stand up, take his hand, and lead him down the hall to her bedroom.

Once she shut the door, she looked at him, standing a ways away from her in the darkened room, the streetlight filtering in through the blind, the weak light casting the room in heavy shadow. “Booth, I don’t know what I’m doing. I must be insane. I’m sorry. I’m gonna go back to the couch. You get some sleep.” She made to leave when she felt a gentle pressure on her arm. She looked down to see his hand lightly gripping her, keeping her from going.

“Stay with me,” he said, looking at her. She was tempted to ask in what capacity. Despite what his kiss had told her, the situation wasn’t appropriate and although she had to admit to herself that she wanted him, it just didn’t seem like the right time.

“I need to feel Bones,” he told her, stepping closer to her. “Please.”

She closed her eyes. Despite what he thought, she wasn’t the answer for him right now. Or was she? Clearly, their contact made him feel the same way it made her feel, and he wanted more of that. But, would he regret it in the morning? Would she?

She thought for a moment, then came to the conclusion that right now she didn’t care. She wanted to help him, and if this was what he needed, then she’d give it to him. Plus, it was something she wanted as well.

She gave in to him then, putting her arms around him, and pulling him against her, her mouth finding his in the dark.

Tozika:

I really don't know if she is doing the right thing.....what if he regrets it in the morning.....she will be hurt and he already is hurt.....and there would be no-one to help them getting better.....
But maybe it is what he wants and what he needs right now and he won't regret it in the morning....
Can't wait to read more!

Magic:

have been away for a week and i missed all my fave fanfic stories including this one.

I loved this chapter...and ok i admit i was sqeeling just a little lol

and i dont know if maybe he is too vulnerable or not...but this is booth we are talking about, something tells me there is no way he will regret finally boning bones.....haha

she is the one who is more likely to regret the whole thing....ohhhh this is getting good, roll out the smut!!!! yay

Jremme:

Thank you to all who are reading!! Here's the next one. Enjoy! =)




Chapter 5: Whispers in the Dark



She pulled away from him, and crossed to her nightstand, turning the lamp on, casting a dim light throughout the room. She turned back to face him, her eyes searching his, looking for even a shred of doubt in their depths. She found none.

She went back to him slowly, her body quivering with…fear? Maybe anticipation? Or perhaps a bit of both. When she was close enough, she captured his mouth in another kiss, and when it was broken, she noted that his breath was uneven, rather like her own. She felt his hands on the back of her head, fingers running through her hair before moving to her face.

It was as though he was trying to convince himself that she was there in front of him, that she was for real and not some figment of his imagination. As his fingers ran over her mouth, she placed a feather light kiss on each one. She felt his hands move down her throat to the collar of her top, then down her sides.

She became aware that, while he was doing this, her own arms had stayed glued to her sides. She moved them up to his shoulders and wrapped them around his neck, her fingers lightly caressing the short hair at the back of his head.

His hands paused at the bottom of her top, and she heard him swallow. With shaking fingers, he slowly pulled it up, and she removed her arms from around him so it could be brought over her head.

As the cool air in the room hit her, she became suddenly aware that she was topless, and wasn’t wearing a bra. This brought about a feeling of self consciousness entirely foreign to her and she quickly covered herself with her hands.

His tongue darted out to briefly to wet his lips and he looked at her. “Bones, it’s ok, it’s me.”

“I know.” She didn’t move her arms.

“So, it’s all right.”

“No it’s not.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s you,” she said quietly, meeting his eyes. He put a hand on each of her arms, and gently pulled them away from her chest. She could feel his hands trembling where they touched her skin, and his nervousness surprised her. She averted her eyes, looking at anything but him as he stood back a bit and took her in.

“Look at me. Please.” She obeyed, still embarrassed, the flush still evident in her cheeks.

“You’re beautiful. Just beautiful. Never doubt that.”

She felt her eyes get glassy at his statement, and stepped back to him. Her mouth wanted him again. Ever since that first kiss, the demand had always been there. The mouth to mouth contact was always so fresh and satisfying, she couldn’t imagine ever having enough. She put her lips over his once more, pulling him to her. She wanted to close her eyes, but she fought the urge. She wanted to see him in every moment, every reaction, everything.

She deepened the kiss slowly, opening her mouth and running her tongue along his lips until he opened his mouth and she felt his tongue against hers. His hands moved down her sides to rest on her hips, and she felt the surge of electricity go through her entire body, beginning from where their mouths were joined, down to her feet, and leaving small fires in its wake until her entire body was enflamed.

She broke the kiss, her teeth pulling gently at his lower lip as she withdrew. His hands continued their exploration of her body, caressing her bare shoulders and arms, then, ever so softly cupping her breasts.

She hissed in a quiet breath as his fingers brushed over her nipples, and then they were gone, continuing their journey down her torso, running over the soft skin of her belly and around to her back, just feeling her, becoming accustomed to her skin and her body.

She stopped him, her hands going over his and setting them away from her. He glanced at her briefly, a question in his eyes. She answered it by pulling at his own shirt, bringing it over his head, and lightly tossing it in the corner where her own lay. There was no need to talk. Communication was happening solely through the eyes and touch. She then began to copy his actions, familiarizing herself with him.

She did this one handed, however, keeping her other hand clasped firmly in his, giving it a reassuring squeeze when she felt him shudder or tremble beneath her touch. He did the same to her when he felt her breath shake or saw the beginnings of nervousness or self-consciousness in her eyes.

She traced the line of his jaw with her fingers and followed it with her tongue, noting how his eyes shut and his breath hitched momentarily in his throat. She gave his hand a squeeze and continued the pattern down his neck to his clavicle, then following it to the other side.

She tried not to let any scientific thoughts invade her mind as she felt the bone beneath the skin and flesh. She wasn’t Dr. Brennan the scientist tonight; she was Temperance Brennan the woman. It was an important distinction. She needed to keep the two aspects separate. To feel, rather than think.

She brought her mouth to his chest, planting kisses everywhere her fingers touched. She roamed over his abdominal muscles and then brought her hand around to his back, caressing him softly, tracing the line of a scar whenever her fingers touched raised flesh. Finished with her exploration, her mouth sought his again, this time moving him slowly backward to her bed. She leaned into him, easing him down onto it, her hand still holding tightly to his like a lifeline.

He let go of her hand for a moment, his hands going to her hips and the waist of her pants. He slowly pulled them off her hips, pulling them down to her knees, where she kicked them off to the floor.

Moments later, she was kicking her panties to the floor, and sucking in her breath when he caressed the skin between her thighs, never breaking eye contact. She struggled to keep her eyes open as the sensations bombarded her brain. She managed well enough, until she felt his fingers enter her moist center.

She snapped them shut and let out a shaky breath that ended in a whimpering moan. As soon as the sound escaped her she felt his other hand grab her own. A simple touch, and yet it meant so much.

This initial sound melted into many more as his fingers probed inside her, then withdrew and began stroking her sensitive nub. She let loose a cross between a moan and a groan, instinctively moving her hips into him, feeling his hand squeezing hers throughout.

She felt his mouth on her breast, sucking gently on the nipple for a time, before giving the same attention to its twin, the one he’d just left feeling cold when bereft of his warm mouth.

When his fingers moved out of her, her eyelids fluttered open, and caught his. She rolled off him to the other side of the bed, pulling him with her until he was looking down at her, her head nestled comfortably against the pillow. The instant she’d heard herself moan, she had come to the realization that she wanted to hear him, wanted him to make those same sounds.

She followed his earlier example, relieving him of his own pants and boxers, which joined her clothing on the floor at the foot of the bed. Giving his hand a light squeeze as she felt a nervous tremor run through him, she brought her other hand down his stomach to the hardness that lay between his legs.

She kept eye contact as he had done with her. Although sorely tempted to look, she thought eye contact was the most important aspect of their coupling. It kept them connected. It let him know that she was there for him, in every possible way.

She had heard someone, she couldn’t recall who, say that the eyes were the window to the soul. She had scoffed at it; it made no sense. The scientist in her had disregarded it instantly. But, the woman in her realized now that the words had some substance.

She wasn’t too familiar with the concept of ‘souls’ or believed they existed, but if they did, she was looking at Seeley Booth’s, unadulterated and bared before her, as surely as she was lying beneath him at this moment.

She stroked him running her hand up and down his length, delighting in the sounds that came from his throat, reaching her ears. Even when his own eyes closed, she kept hers open, watching his face, his reaction to what she was doing to him. It was a nice feeling, and she could only hope that she was making him forget about his troubles, even if only for a short time.

She continued her ministrations until she felt his hand grip her wrist, moving it away from him. She studied him and concluded, based on his facial expression and action, that he was close. A shudder went through her. This was it. She felt one go through him as well, a reaction to her own, perhaps, and each gripped the other’s hand tighter.

He looked into her eyes, silently asking her if she wanted to stop. She met his gaze and put her other hand around him once again, this time guiding him to her entrance. For the first time in what felt like an eternity, his lips met hers, and as their mouths connected, he slid himself inside her, their moans drowning in their kiss.

She kept her eyes locked with his, but every time she felt him thrust inside her, her eyes shut of their own accord. Giving up for the moment, she let the darkness envelop her and just felt him moving on top her, her own hips in perfect rhythm with his, hearing his groans and her name coming from his lips. Never had she thought her name sounded as beautiful as it did when it came from him in this fashion.

She also heard herself urging him on quietly, growing louder, building up to a crescendo she hadn’t anticipated wherein his name came screaming from her throat, and she felt herself clench tightly around him, pulling him over the edge into complete and utter bliss along with her, squeezing his hand so tight her knuckles turned white.

As she came crashing down, she forced her eyes open and looked at him. He had tears running down his cheeks, and he was looking at her as well. She realized then, that she too had tears in the corners of her eyes.

She squeezed them shut and opened them again, feeling the salty taste of them hit her mouth as they followed a path down her face. They looked at each other’s teary eyes for a moment and then their mouths came together with a force close to that of their joint orgasm.

She felt him collapse against her, feeling a certain comfort in the weight of his body on top of her. He lay there for a moment, and she caressed his face, running her hand lazily through his hair, damp from his exertions. She felt his hand go to her own face, his fingers tracing a pattern across her forehead, cheeks, lips, and chin.

After a time, he shifted to pull out of her, but she stopped him, her hand placed firmly on his back to keep him from moving.

“Not yet,” she whispered. Her voice came out husky and choked, and she realized she was thirsty. She wouldn’t get up for anything, though. She didn’t think she’d ever want to get up.

She let go of his hand, and wrapped both her arms around him, holding him to her. His eyes had closed and he nuzzled against her, lightly kissing her shoulder.

She had made up her mind that she was going to take care of this whole thing. Do whatever was in her power to do. She knew that his pain was going to come back, that it was just temporarily in hiding. She didn’t want to see him like that anymore, the way he’d been when he’d first shown up at her door that night.

She took a deep breath, and cleared her throat, speaking in a quiet whisper that he wouldn’t have been able to hear if he hadn’t been so close.

“I’m going to talk with a lawyer tomorrow, see what we can do.”

“I can do it. You don’t have to.”

“I promised I’d help you. I want to do this. You don’t have to do it all alone. I want you to concentrate on your mental and emotional states for now. Leave this to me. I’ll talk to Caroline. There’s got to be something.”

At the mention of Caroline, his eyes opened and his brow furrowed slightly. “She’s on vacation. Tahiti.”

“Well, then I’ll talk to Amy.”

“She moved. She’s practicing down south somewhere.”

Brennan frowned, running through her mental database of the lawyers she knew. None she could come up with would want to help her. She seemed to put off every lawyer she’d ever been in contact with. But she was determined. This was another way she could help Booth, and she was going to do it one way or another. Then another name came to her mind. Someone who might help. She nodded to herself. It was the only other option she could think of when it came to legal advice.

Mind made up, she engaged him in yet another kiss, long and sweet. After they parted, she allowed him to move off her, feeling strangely empty as he left her, taking the warmth of his body with him.

She curled into him after he’d gotten comfortable, seeking out that warmth. She found his hand again, giving it a last squeeze before closing her eyes, the image of him above her, inside of her, burned on her retinas, his cry as he came inside her echoing wonderfully in her ears.

Magic:

OMG, im so glad you are continuing this story.....it that chapter was amazing. Your writing really captured something special in both characters. I love reading dirty hard sex but this was brilliant...much more romantic, fluffy sex. It was perfect, i could feel the passion in your words and there were far to many parts to quote them. There are not enough people reading this story so i will try to put it out there a bit for you, it deserves to be read!!!!! well done, more soon please x x

Tozika:


wow that was one of the best smut scenes I ever read......especially that the keep holding hands and look into each others eyes was very intense....
PPS

Jremme:

Ok, here's the next chap. Sorry to keep those reading waiting. Just a note here: it gets really angsty from here on out, so consider that a warning. Also, I got mixed responses for this chap before, so I'm begging those wonderful peeps who are responding to please be nice!! It's a story after all, and everything's done in the name of plot. Enjoy!! =)



Chapter 6: legal advice



The next morning, Brennan awoke slowly to the feeling of Booth’s arms around her and his steady breathing on her neck. After he’d fallen asleep last night, she had remained awake; waiting until she was certain he wouldn’t wake up before allowing herself to sleep. She’d half expected to wake up that morning feeling some semblance of regret or doubt. To her surprise, she felt neither.

In contrast, she felt perfectly at peace; happy even. She snuggled closer to him, not wanting to get out of the warm bed just yet. That was, of course, until she looked at her bedside clock. It was late morning. With a quiet groan, she grabbed her cell phone from the table and turned it on. She had two messages from Angela, and one from Cam. Oh, why couldn’t she just be lazy and stay in bed today? She carefully removed herself from Booth’s embrace, crossing to her closet and throwing on a robe. She then went out into the kitchen to make coffee and call them back.

She called Cam first, explaining that she had an important personal matter to deal with, not willing to divulge any more than that. Frankly, it wasn’t any of Cam’s business. Next, she called Angela.

“Sweetie, I was getting worried when you didn’t show up for work. Is everything ok? Is Booth all right?”

“Everything’s fine, Ange. I’m taking the day off. I have…things to do.”

Angela nodded, understanding. “I think what you’re doing for Booth is amazing. You’re doing really well.” Brennan smiled at the assurance.

“Thanks. I just hope it all turns out all right.”

“Me too, sweetie. Me too.” They hung up.

Brennan sat down at the table with a cup of coffee, and sipped it slowly, thinking over her day’s activities. She felt hands on her shoulders and a gentle kiss on the top of her head. She moved her own hand to cover his, and smiled at his sleep filled ‘good morning.’

“How did you sleep?” she asked.

“Much better than the night before.” She moved to get up and get him a coffee cup, but he gently pushed her back down and got it himself. He sat down across from her and ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m going home today. To get my stuff. I’d like to come back here though, if you don’t mind.” He looked down as he said it, staring into the mug.

Brennan thought this over. “I will stop by and pick up your things. I’m going to be out anyway. You can stay here and relax.” She said it causally, but she was concerned that after the progress he’d made, it would all vanish once he set foot in his home, and she figured there would be a message from Rebecca as well.

Coffee finished, she stood up and headed for the bathroom to shower, pausing when she felt his hand cover her own. She looked back at him for a moment, then turned and continued down the hallway, Booth in tow.

Emerging from the bathroom after a nice long shower and a speedier repeat of last night, Brennan picked out clothes for the day, dropping her towel and getting dressed, feeling Booth’s eyes on her, but no longer feeling the self-consciousness she’d experienced the night before.

“Thank you for this, Bones. It means so much; I can’t even put it into words.”

She paused from buttoning up her shirt, and smiled gently at him, telling him what she thought.

“I would do anything, anything to keep you from being the way you were the other night.”

He came over to her then, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in for a kiss. She pressed herself against his chest; her hands went to his waist, her thumbs hooking the towel around his waist. When they pulled apart, she grinned up at him.

“Throw your clothes in the wash before you get dressed, ok? You have been wearing them 2 days in a row, after all.” He playfully swatted her shoulder, but nodded.

She turned to go, despite the fact that she wanted to stay with him. It made it even harder to leave him knowing that he’d be spending the remainder of the morning in that towel.

“I’ll call you before I come back here, ok?” she said as she grabbed her purse from the table by the door.

“Ok,” he replied simply, giving her a wave and a smile that melted her heart, and cheered her somewhat. The last couple of days, smiles had been a rarity. She shut the door behind her, and went out to her car.

She stopped first at Booth’s to get some clothes and things together for him. She opened the door with her spare key, stopping at the threshold and imagining the scene that had taken place earlier. She shook her head, and stepped in. She paused as she noticed the blinking light on the answering machine, and she hit the play button.

Rebecca’s voice filled the room, saying that they had gotten there safely and that Parker was doing all right. A man’s voice could be heard telling Rebecca to let Parker say hi. Rebecca’s voice became muffled as she had apparently held her hand over the receiver. Brennan could vaguely make out the words ‘not a good idea right now’. The man responded and then the phone was transferred and Parker’s small voice came on the line, telling about the plane trip, and his new bedroom. This was followed by a sad ‘I miss you’ and ‘I love you Daddy’ that tugged at Brennan’s heart, making her all the more determined to succeed on her mission that day.

The machine beeped again after the phone had been hung up and Brennan went to Booth’s bedroom to get a bag ready for him. She took her time going through his clothes, and superficially picking out things that she remembered him looking especially good in.

Once the bag was ready, she left, locking the door behind her, and getting back in her car to make the drive to the law firm. She knew that matters like this weren’t the lawyer’s specialty, but she had to know something.


Upon arriving, she stepped out of her car, and walked to the front door of the firm, her back straight and her nose slightly in the air. She stopped at the front desk. The receptionist there looked up. “Can I help you?”

“I need to speak with Tessa, please.”

“Do you have an appointment?”

Brennan paused. “No, but she knows me. Dr. Temperance Brennan?”

The receptionist frowned, but reached for the phone on her desk. She dialed an extension.

“Hello. There’s a Dr. Temperance Brennan here that says she needs to speak to you. Yes, I’ll send her on back.” She hung up the phone, and looked up at Brennan. “She’ll see you. Second door on the right down that hall.” She pointed, and Brennan made her way slowly to the door, pushing it open without knocking.

“Dr. Brennan.” Tessa said without looking up from her computer.

“Tessa,” Brennan acknowledged politely.

“Please, have a seat. What can I do for you?” She looked up from her screen, meeting Brennan’s eyes.

Brennan explained the situation, not sure how the other woman would react.

When she finished, Tessa didn’t say anything at first, but tapped a pen against her desk.

“So you want advice? Is that it?”

Brennan nodded. “Yes. I want to know if there’s anything we can do to get Parker back.”

“We?”

“Yes, we. We’re working on this together.”

“I have a question for you, Dr. Brennan. Who are you doing this for?”

Brennan paused at the question. “Excuse me?” In her mind, it was a ridiculous question. Of course, she was doing this for Booth and Parker. And because it was the right thing to do.

“Because I think that you’re doing this for you. I think that you don’t want him to go to Alaska, and leave you. If he does, you’ll be without him, and you don’t want that. So you’re doing everything you possibly can to resolve this legally, so Parker can come back here, and Seeley won’t have to relocate. It’s incredibly selfish, Dr. Brennan. I won’t be a part of that.”

She smiled smugly, making Brennan’s blood reach boiling point. “Frankly, I’m surprised he’s trusting any of this to you. You seem like such a cold person, and I only met you briefly. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be around you all the time.”

Brennan stood up from her chair and calmly walked around Tessa’s desk. When she reached the other woman, her fist shot out and connected with Tessa’s jaw. Her hand flew immediately to her jaw, and she looked up at Brennan in shock.

“You bitch! You’re crazy! Get out of here or I’ll call security!” She reached for the phone, picking up the receiver. Brennan knocked it out of her hand, and put her face close to Tessa’s.

“I want information. Now.”

“Too. Damn. Bad. If Seeley wants it, he can come see me. Now get out of here.”

But Brennan wasn’t through. “He has feelings for me, you know. And I have them for him. That’s why I’m doing this. I want him to be able to be happy. With me. And I want Parker to be happy. You wouldn’t know what that’s like though. He never felt that way about you.”

Tessa met her eyes, not backing down either. “You never saw us in bed Dr. Brennan. If you had, you wouldn’t be saying such things.” That smug smile returned to her face. “He’ll never come as hard for you as he did for me.”

Brennan couldn’t remember being that angry in a long time. She balled her hand up in a fist once again and brought it to Tessa’s face. There was a sickening crack, and Brennan shook her fist, surprised at the force that had been behind it. It was going to be sore for awhile. Then she turned on her heel, and strode from the room, not looking back.

She paused briefly at the receptionist’s desk. “Tell her thank you from me,” she said with a slight smirk of her own.

When she was back in her car, she took a deep breath. She had gotten nowhere. While punching Tessa had been extremely satisfying, she wasn’t any closer to finding any helpful information. They’d have to this the long way. She pulled out of the parking lot, and made her way to the closest library to get some books.

Magic:

what a bitch....i never did like tessa. But I am worried now the brennan is going to be in big trouble. And what if booth goes to visit tessa and she seduces him...oh god, hurry up with the new chapter x

Tozika:

I never really liked Tessa but know I might start hating her....

She's only jealous, because she probably never got to know Parker.

Can't wait to read more!

Nane:

I just found your story here and read it all at once. Let me tell you, you have a new fan here.....
All this emotional rollercoster is angsty but addicting. I love it how Brennan does the right thing following her gut and of course how she comforts him.
Don´t know if I like the getting physical approach that much, but more because I hope it will not backfire in Brennan´s aim to help Booth. I guess Tessa will not stay silent now.

Jremme:

OMG!You all who are responding are awesome!! It keeps me updating on this site, so thank you!! It gonna get more angsty from here on out, so just a warning. =) Enjoy!!



Chapter 7: realizations



As Brennan drove to the library, she replayed the scene in Tessa’s office over and over again in her head, in slow motion. What on earth had made her act like that? Obviously, Tessa’s comments had gotten to her, but her reaction hadn’t gotten her anywhere, certainly.

Was she reacting to the fact that Tessa made a valid point? Was she doing this for herself, deep down? She shrugged that thought out of her mind. No, no, she was doing it for Booth and Parker. If the end result was positive for her as well, then that was a bonus.

She then turned to the possible repercussions of her actions. Surely Tessa would be calling the police. Although, she could have done that while Brennan was still in her office, called security like she’d threatened to. Brennan’s brow creased with worry.

If she got arrested, how would that help Booth? It wouldn’t. It’d only make things worse. On the other hand, she had something on Tessa too. Her behavior had been anything but professional, and Brennan could take action against that. They’d bring each other down.

Brennan knew Tessa wasn’t stupid. She’d keep her mouth shut about the whole thing; just like Brennan intended to do. Booth needn’t know which lawyer she’d visited. He hadn’t asked. He trusted her. She sighed, and her thoughts turned again to Tessa’s statements. Was there a hint of truth in them?

She felt the impending feeling of doubt and struggled against it. She had known him for years before they were together. She had no reason to feel doubt. She stayed in her car for awhile longer after she’d parked at the library, pulling herself together. Once all Tessa-encounter related thoughts were banished from her mind, she got out of the car, and headed inside.


When she came out again, a stack of thick heavy books in her arms, it was early evening. She lugged the books over to the car, shoved them into the passenger seat, and slid behind the wheel. When she arrived home, she juggled the books, Booth’s bag, and her own purse, managing to open her door without too much trouble.

She found him on the couch, asleep, one of her novels on the coffee table next to him. She found herself smiling, and she gently placed their bags on the coffee table and the books on the kitchen counter, then busied herself in the kitchen making dinner.

As she was standing in front of the stove, she felt his arms snake around her and a gentle kiss on her ear. She let a satisfied sigh escape her lips, and turned her head to kiss him. When they broke apart, he asked her quietly, “How did it go today?”

She hesitated, wondering what to tell him. She didn’t want to lie, but the truth might make things more complicated. In the end, she settled for the truth but not the whole truth.

“I didn’t get anything helpful, so I stopped by the library and got some books. We’re going to research this ourselves; come up with a plan.”

“Thank you.” The two little words carried a lot of meaning, and Brennan shut the fire off the stove, and stepped over to the sink with the pan of water and pasta. She drained it, and after all was finished, they sat down to eat.

“How are you feeling?” she asked as they were clearing the table.

“Better.” She peered carefully at him, checking his eyes for the truth in his response.

“Honestly, Bones, I’m feeling a lot better. Just knowing that we’re going to do something helps. I feel more like myself than I have since…since it happened.” He moved over to her and wrapped her in a hug.

“I’m sorry Bones,” he said after a moment.

“For what?” she asked, surprised at his statement.

“For being worthless these last couple days. I shouldn’t have let it get to me like it did. I let you do everything, and I should have been helping out.”

“Don’t be sorry. You had a perfectly good reason to act the way you did. It was a natural response. And I’m glad to do everything I’m doing. I want to help.” She leaned her head against him and closed her eyes, just savoring their contact.

“You’re my best friend Bones,” she heard him whisper, and it made her smile. She pulled away from him slightly, then, the question that had been lurking in her mind all afternoon finally pushing its way out of her mouth.

“Booth, about last night…” she stopped.

“What about it?”

“Was it just a one-time thing?”

“Do you want it to be?” He couldn’t hide the disappointment from his face, and it tore at her heart. She was quick to reassure him.

“No, I don’t want it to be, but I want to know what you want. I mean, I know you were hurting last night, and now that you feel better…” she trailed off again.

“Bones, trust me when I say that I don’t want any experience with you to be a one-time thing. Ever. Yes, our first time came about as a result of what happened to me, but now we can have other times for other reasons. I want this to go on for as long as you’ll have me. Ok?”

She had put her head down as he said this, the sheer emotion of his words affecting her. He put his fingers under her chin and tilted it up. She continued to avert her eyes.

“Bones, look at me. I need to know you know.” Finally, she looked up at him, understanding and the beginnings of tears glistening in her eyes.

“All right. Now, let’s get crackin’ on these, huh?” He grabbed some of the books and moved them over to the coffee table, sitting down on the couch, Brennan joining him. As she picked up the top book of the stack, she felt him looking at her hand, the bruises already starting to show.

“What happened to your hand?” He looked worried.

“It’s nothing. I hit it against something hard. I don’t even remember.” She shrugged it off as unimportant.

“If you say so.” They turned to the books and became engrossed in their research. It was late when Brennan thought to glance at the clock. She tugged at his sleeve.

“Booth, it’s late. Let’s go to bed.” It felt so odd, saying ‘let’s’. Odd, but also good.

He ran a hand tiredly over his face. “Did you find anything that could be useful?”

She shook her head. “No, did you?”

“Not yet. Hell, I couldn’t understand most of it. But, I suppose these things take time.” He stood up and stretched, taking her hand in his and pulling her up alongside him. Together they made their way down the hall, him pulling her along.

She removed her hand from his, and wrapped her arms around his waist, and pressed herself up against him, still walking. This slowed them down considerably, and he turned his head as far as he could, and gave her a questioning look.

“We’re never going to get there at this rate.”

He was smiling though, and so was she. She was feeling quite playful, and she wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was his earlier reassurance or the fact that she felt really tired. Either way, it was a different feeling, and not a bad one at all.

“Why are you in such a hurry?” she asked, biting her lower lip as she grinned at him.

“You’ll see,” he said with raised eyebrows. She let a giggle escape her at his expression, and replied, “If you thought this was slowing us down, how about this?”And with that, she moved her arms up around his neck and jumped up, locking her legs around his waist.

“Whoa, Bones!” He was startled, clearly, but then he started laughing. She rested her head against him said, “Well, let’s go! I haven’t got all night!” He shook his head and they continued on their way to her bedroom.


Over the course of the next couple of days, they spent their evenings doing research on her couch. On the fourth day of this, he went back to his apartment to gather some more things. He didn’t want to stay at his own place while they were still solving this, and she didn’t want him to either. She went with him just in case, but he was ok. He even listened to the message from Rebecca and Parker.

“Booth? Are you all right?” she asked, a hand on his shoulder as he trembled at his son’s voice on the machine. He sniffed and ran his arm over his eyes before turning to her.

“Yea, Bones, I’m ok. We’re gonna get him back.” She nodded, and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. He packed another bag, and they went back to her apartment.

The next couple of weeks were busy ones. They had two cases back to back, and as a result, didn’t have as much time as Brennan would have liked to research. The going was slow. There were several things in the books, jargon and technical language, that even she didn’t quite understand.

Early one morning, she found herself awake, thinking to herself about an issue that had been gnawing at her for the last couple weeks. Something she’d been forgetting since the night Booth had shown up at her door. It wasn’t like her to forget, and she couldn’t believe she’d been so stupid.

She could tell herself it was because of the sudden change in routine, the torrent of emotions and the disruption of her usual schedule, but they would just be excuses. It was her responsibility ultimately; she’d always thought so, and she’d messed it up.

She bit her lip to keep from waking up the man fast asleep beside her, and made her way into her living room, where she’d left her cell phone. She looked at the clock on her stereo. 4:30 am. It was early, but Angela would understand. She couldn’t deny the possibility any longer. It would be pointless to try. With shaky fingers, she dialed her friend’s number.

Angela yawned into the phone as she picked up. “Hello?”

“Ange, it’s me.”

Angela was instantly awake, the time of the call and Brennan’s tone alerting her that something was wrong.

“What is it sweetie? Is everything ok?”

Brennan took a deep breath, and said quietly, so Booth wouldn’t overhear in case he’d woken up.

“Ange, I’m late.”

Tozika:

Ohoh that doesn't sound too good....
She is not really pregnant, is she?
It's not the best time for her to be pregnant with Booth's child, when he is still trying to get his other child back.

I can't wait to read more.
PPS

Chapter 8: decisions

Brennan met Angela at the Jeffersonian. She hadn’t wanted to say much more over the phone, paranoid that Booth would hear. They had instead agreed to meet at the lab and Angela had promised to pick up the test on the way.

She had hung up the phone and moved to the bathroom as silently as possible to shower and dress, hoping that she could slip out of her apartment without being noticed by Booth. It was still early and she figured he wouldn’t wake up for about another 45 minutes or so.



She was wrong, however, as he caught her right when her hand was on the doorknob to leave.

“Bones?”

“Just leaving a bit early to get some work done.” She didn’t have to fish for the excuse. It was something she’d do.

“It’s not even 6 yet.”

She shrugged. “I didn’t even notice the time. There are eggs and toast for breakfast.” She came back to him and kissed him good-bye, feeling oddly domestic as she did. He kissed her back, slight confusion written into his features.

“I knew you were a workaholic, Bones, but geez.”

“I know. It’s just that I have only a little bit of paperwork left on this one skeleton, and it’ll gnaw at me until it’s finished. I just figured better sooner than later.”



She was talking at a faster speed now, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear, and hoping that he wouldn’t notice her rate of speaking and the slight shake to her fingers. She was nervous about the impending test, and wanted to get it over with.

He nodded. “All right. Want me to stop by later? We can go to lunch.”

“That sounds good. I’ll see you then.” She gave him a little wave, and left, shutting the door behind her and leaning against it with a sigh, having no idea that he was doing the same thing on the other side.

When she arrived at work, Angela was waiting in her office, holding a bag containing the test. Brennan silently thanked her friend for opting for a paper bag instead of a see-through plastic one. Angela always thought of those little things.

Angela stood up upon Brennan’s entrance and engulfed her in huge hug. No words were exchanged. They moved as one out of the office to the restroom.



Back in Brennan’s office, they sat in silence, Brennan in her desk chair, Angela on the couch. Angela looked at her friend sympathetically, not wanting to be the first to speak. Brennan, however, remained absorbed in her thoughts, and didn’t speak.

Finally Angela couldn’t stand the silence any longer. She cleared her throat and began quietly.

“I know I’m supposed to say ‘congratulations’ but somehow, I don’t think that’s what you want to hear; I’m at a bit of a loss.”

There was a quiet knock on the door. Angela looked out. Zach was on the other side of the door, holding some papers. She went to the door, and opened it.

“What is it Zach?”

“I just have some papers here that need Dr. Brennan’s attention. Angela grabbed the papers from his hands and shut the door in his face. Zach’s face squished up in thought, then he turned away and went back to what he’d been doing.



Angela looked back at her friend after closing the door. Brennan returned the look sadly, the beginnings of tears forming at the corners of her eyes. Angela crossed the room in an instant and wrapped her in her arms, dropping the papers in the process. She could feel herself beginning to cry as well. Her friend’s mental agony was just so palpable.

“What’s going on?” Both women looked up to see Hodgins standing in the doorway, concern evident in his tone.

Angela swiped a hand across her eyes, and faced him.

“What do you want Jack?” she asked quietly, still feeling the emotion churning through Brennan.

“I just wanted to say that the test Dr. Brennan asked for is finished. I have the results whenever she wants to see them.” He talked slowly, sensing the mood in the room. “Is everyone ok?”

“Everything’s fine. Colin Farrell just got married. We’re in mourning.” Angela knew it was a flimsy excuse, but an excuse nonetheless.



“O…k.” Jack looked at Brennan. Something was wrong with her, something that went deeper than Colin Farrell’s nuptials.

Angela gazed at him with sad eyes. “Jack. Just go. Please.” He nodded, and slowly backed out of the room.

She closed the door behind him, and turned back to Brennan.

“Sweetie, are you gonna be all right? Do you want to be alone?”

Brennan shook her head. Angela took her hand and led her to the couch. They sat down together, and Brennan finally began to talk.

“He’s coming here to get me for lunch Ange. I can’t see him when I’m like this.”

“I’ll take care of it. Are you going to tell him?” Angela asked, rubbing Brennan’s back in slow circles.



Brennan shook her head. “He’s got enough on his mind. I don’t want to trouble him.” She sighed. “I never wanted kids. I still don’t.” Angela wasn’t sure if Brennan was speaking to her or to herself. She responded anyway.

“I know, I know. It’ll be ok.”

“No, it won’t. I don’t think I want this. In fact, I’m almost positive I don’t.”

“Sweetie…what are you saying?”

Instead of replying, Brennan went back to her desk and picked up the phone. She pulled a phone book out of a desk drawer, and thumbed through the yellow pages. She then dialed a number.

Angela wanted to find out what was going on, but noticed that the lab doors had opened, and Booth had come in. She hurried out of the office to intercept him.

“Hey, Angela,” he greeted her with a smile, which she returned halfheartedly.



“Booth, what are you doing here?”

“I was just gonna pick up Bones for an early lunch. Is she around?” He tried to see around her into the office.

“She’s way busy, Booth. We just got some new remains in, and Goodman says they’re top priority. I think she’s gonna have to take a raincheck.”

Booth looked flustered for a moment. “Are you sure? Cause this morning when I talked to her, she said lunch sounded good.”

“I’m sure she’ll call you if she finds a minute. I need to get Hodgins and Zach so we can work. You should be getting back to your office!” She began ushering him back to the door. He looked back at her skeptically.

“Is everything all right?”

“Everything’s fine Booth. You know us squints. New remains are like treasure around here. Have a good one!” She’d succeeded in getting him out the door, and gave him a wave before 

closing the glass doors behind him. He stood there for a moment, confused. Angela gave him a thumbs up and another smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

Booth shrugged, and headed back to his car. As soon as he had left the parking lot, Angela hurried back to Brennan’s office.

Her friend was off the phone, and was back on the couch, her arms folded across her stomach. Her eyes were dry, but they looked unfocused, like she wasn’t looking at anything.

“Bren?”

“Ange.” She held out her arms, and Angela came over and they hugged again. When they pulled apart, Angela could tell a decision had been made. She was afraid to ask, but she forced the question out.

“Why the phone call?”

“I made an appointment for later this afternoon.”



Angela closed her eyes, hoping it wasn’t true, that she was hearing things.

“Where at?”

“The clinic on 4th.”

Angela focused on not letting more tears fall from her eyes. Brennan needed her to be there for her right now.

“Do you want me to go with you?”

“Yes.” Angela held out her hand and Brennan took it. Angela gave it a squeeze.

“Ok.”

I don't think that that is the way to deal with her problems.
If Booth will ever find out he is going to be pissed.
She can't just decide on her own about their child.

Maybe she will change her mind?
I sure hope so....

PPS

holy crap..im worried for the horrific fallout that will occur if brennan goes through with this..then he finds out!!!!

first he loses his son then another child..OMG..you really have me on the egde of my seat with this one..poor booth..hurry up with the next chappy....please.. x x x

I'm currently reading this on Fanfiction.net and I love it!!! Especially the chapters that are coming up next. I can't believe you let Brennan do that, but it's very awesome!

Hugs

Thanks everyone for reading this!! More angst to come! I'm being cruel that way, but we have to deal with the bad before the good. Enjoy!





Chapter 9: plans


The time of Brennan’s appointment drew near. Angela had stayed in her office the whole time, holding her hand and comforting her when need be. She had really hoped that her friend would have second thoughts and decide not to go through with it. She could see that Brennan was torn up about the whole thing.

Angela checked the clock for about the hundredth time.

“Sweetie, it’s time to go. Are you sure about this?”

Brennan stood up and took a deep breath, but it came out shaky.

“No, I’m not sure about this.” She walked to the door of her office and stepped out. Angela followed.

They headed for the front doors, keeping their eyes straight ahead, and ignoring the looks they knew they were getting from the people they passed. They made it to Angela’s car, and made what Angela thought was the longest drive of her entire life.

They didn’t talk. Brennan stared out the window, and Angela simply drove. When they arrived, they checked in at the front desk and sat in the waiting room.

“You don’t have to do this,” Angela said. “There are so many other options. If you really didn’t want to keep it, you could put it up for…” She trailed off, leaving the sentence unfinished.

Brennan placed her head on Angela’s shoulder and began sobbing softly. At that moment, a nurse came into the room.

“Temperance Brennan?” she asked, looking around the room.

“I can’t do it, Ange. I don’t think I want it, but I can’t…” Angela locked eyes with her friend.

“It’s ok. You’re doing the right thing.” She looked at the nurse and shook her head. She helped Brennan up and they made their way back to the parking lot. Once outside, Brennan leaned against the car door and slid down to the ground. Angela sat beside her and held her.

“I don’t think I can do this,” Brennan said.

“Yes, you can. You are the strongest person I know. You can do anything. And you won’t have to do it alone. Your family’s right here for you.” She took Brennan’s face in her hands so she could look her in the eye.

“You have to tell Booth. Then he can be there for you too.”

“Angela, I can’t tell him. Not now. Not with this whole mess going on with Rebecca. Maybe if everything was all right and Parker was here, I could, but I just can’t.”

“Sweetie, you can’t avoid him forever. He’s gonna know something’s up.”

“I know. What if he doesn’t want it? He already has Parker.”

“You know he’ll want it, Bren. He loves kids. He wants more. He’ll be beyond thrilled.”

Brennan just looked at her sadly. “I don’t know that for sure. I mean, it’s highly convenient isn’t it? Just as he loses one child, he gains another? It…just seems strange.”

She thought for a moment, the scientist in her coming through.

“I need to know for sure that he’ll want it, I need to do something to prove that.”

“Bren…” Angela wasn’t sure she liked where this was going.

Brennan was deep in thought. “You don’t know how much you want something until you think it’s gone,” she muttered to herself. Angela heard her though.

“Brennan, I think I know what you’re going to do, and I really don’t believe that’s a good way to go about it.” She knew it was pointless. Once Brennan had an idea cemented firmly in her head, there was almost no turning her from it. She hadn’t been sure about her clinic appointment, so there had always been a chance at her changing her mind. This, on the other hand, she was certain about.

Brennan climbed back in Angela’s car. “Take me to Booth’s.” She shut the car door.

Angela climbed up off the ground and made her way to the other side of the car. “Why do I have the feeling this is going to get a lot worse before it gets better?”

She pulled up in front of the building, and before Brennan could get out, she locked the doors and put on the child safety locks.

“Angela, let me out.”

“Not until you think some more about this. I think it’s a big mistake. You’re essentially lying to him. How do you think he’s going to react when you tell him that you terminated the pregnancy?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m doing it. If he reacts negatively to the news, I’ll know he wants it, and I can tell him the truth. If not, then, I guess I’m on my own.”

“You don’t need to do this. I can tell you what will happen. He’ll go ballistic. He will want it, believe me.”

“Conjecture.”

“No, it’s not! I’m basing this on what evidence I have; what I know about Booth coupled with how he is with Parker and how he feels about you indicates that he will want this baby!”

Her scientific approach fell on deaf ears. “I have to do this Angela. I have to know, without a doubt.”

Angela rubbed her temples vigorously and then leaned her head on the steering wheel, snapping it back up when the horn honked. She shook her head slowly. “It’s not a good idea.”

“It is. It’s perfectly logical and scientific.”

“But it isn’t either of those things! You’re messing with emotions here, and, no offense, but emotions are not your strong point. You’re not taking into account the intensity of his reaction, and it will be intense.”

Brennan looked away from her friend. Angela was arguing with her, and she didn’t like it one bit. She needed Angela to support her.

“Angela, whose side are you on here?” Brennan turned toward her and met her eyes. They looked sad.

“The baby’s.” Angela paused, tears in the corners of her eyes. “This baby deserves to have two parents right there when’s it’s born; two parents who love each other. And if you do this…I don’t know.”

“I don’t love Booth,” Brennan said immediately.

“But you care about him, right?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then stop and consider what you’re about to do to him. And the consequences it could hold.” Angela reached over and squeezed Brennan’s hand.

“I understand that the outcome may be less than desirable, but I have to find out. If I just tell him I’m pregnant, then he could…”

“Act.”

“Exactly.”

Angela sighed. She wasn’t getting anywhere with Brennan. They were going around in circles. She gave up. She let up on the locks and resigned herself to the inevitable.

It was twilight as Brennan knocked on his door. She knew he’d be here and not at her place. Over the last couple days, he’d been spending more and more time in his own apartment. He had assured her it wasn’t because he didn’t want to be with her, but because he knew she needed her space from time to time. She had appreciated the gesture immensely, although it had been nice having him around all the time.

Now, though, she was nervous about what she was going to do. He opened the door, and looked at her.

“You just getting done now? Wow, you were busy.” He kissed her cheek, and stepped aside to let her in, closing the door behind her.

He turned to her, noticing that she wasn’t coming in, sitting on the couch like she usually did. Instead, she stayed rooted in front of the door.

“Bones, are you ok?” He looked worried, and his expression tore at her heart. She had to remain strong. She had to do this. Had to lie.

“We need to talk,” she said, still not moving.

“All right. Sit down.” He motioned to the couch, and she sat down, but didn’t relax. He sat by her, not looking at her.

“I know what you’re going to say.”

Brennan was taken aback. How could he possibly know? “You do?”

“Well, yea. I mean, I was hoping it wouldn’t happen, and it did take awhile, which I’m grateful for, but somehow, I knew it was coming. You want out.”

Brennan was confused. “Excuse me?”

“Hey, I get it. You can’t be in a relationship with me and that’s…that’s fine. I want you to know that I’m completely cool with it, and you’ll always be my friend and my partner. Nothing’s gonna change with us.”

“Booth…that’s not what I was going to say.”

“Really?” A smile appeared on his face. “That’s a relief, cause you know, I thought…”

She cut him off. “I was pregnant.” She stood up and looked away from him.

Booth jumped on the last word. “Pregnant?” His mouth hung open for a moment, then he grinned. “You and me? Pregnant?” Then the beginning of her sentence hit him. “Was? I don’t…what do you mean was?”

She didn’t say anything for a moment, still facing away from him. She had done a lot of difficult things in her life, but this was swiftly climbing to the top of the list.

He was behind her in half a second, his hand on her shoulder, turning her to face him. Her eyes were glassy. “Talk to me, what do you mean?” He looked panicky.

“I terminated it. Today.” She met his eyes as she said this. The second the words came out of her mouth, shock, disbelief, and hurt collided in his eyes, followed by a touch of anger. Anger at her, for what he thought she’d done.

“You had no right to do that without even telling me. We could have talked this over, decided what to do together! Plus, the fact that’s it’s wrong.” He pulled his hand away from her as though she were on fire, and stumbled backward until he crashed on the couch.

“You…you…killed it. Killed my baby, our baby, Temperance.” He looked at her, the tears threatening to fall from his eyes. “How could you do that?”

Brennan had her answer. She looked at him, crumpled up on the couch and decided to tell him that she was, in fact, still pregnant, and would be having their baby.

“I…” She never got to finish the sentence.

“Get out.” He said it so quietly she almost didn’t hear him.

“What?” She said it almost as quietly.

His head was buried in his hands, and he lifted it up, not looking at her, but at the wall. She could see that he was crying now, and she began to think that Angela had been right.

“I said, get out. I can’t even look at you right now.” He returned his head to his hands, leaving Brennan standing there in complete shock.

“Booth…”

“Out! Now!”

Brennan backed away from him, toward the door, not taking her eyes off him. Her hand found the doorknob and she wrenched it open, stumbled through it, and hurried back out to Angela’s car.

She slammed the car door, her eyes wide, her breath coming out fast and shaky, her tears on the verge of falling.

Angela looked over at her, deducing immediately what had happened. She had known all along that this wouldn’t end well. She said nothing but leaned over, wrapping her arms around her friend and holding her as the tears came spilling out.