Absolutely Anaesthetized - BB Humour! Oneshot, rated K+ ish... Author: Rosie

A/N: I really hope you like this oneshot! It served as a really nice break from my studies, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it! This little fic deals with getting your wisdom teeth removed! I got mine removed a few years ago, so my experience is what this story is based on. Well... loosely based... hahaha!


Absolutely Anaesthetized

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“MhfmBones” Booth croaked; peering up at the white sterile door as his partner entered the room.

“How are you feeling?” she asked, assessing his pale face and puffy cheeks and knowing full well how he was feeling.

Booth grunted sorely and immediately regretted being put in a situation that allowed his partner to see him like this. He was swollen, sore, and drooling like a one year old with a lollipop.

Booth had been pestered by his dentist for nearly two years to get his wisdom teeth removed, but it was only when he started feeling the effects of jaw pain that he finally decided to make the appointment. Booth hated dentists with a passion, and it was his mandate in life to avoid them at all costs. However, he knew that he had to have the procedure done sometime, so it might as well have been during his precious vacation time.

Unlike most dental patients of his age and physical maturity, two of Booth’s wisdom teeth hadn’t yet ruptured, making the procedure a little more intrusive. Rather than having a local anaesthetic applied, Booth had to have been completely unconscious for the procedure.

This meant, of course, that there was no way Booth could drive himself to the appointment, much less drive home. Booth has rolled his eyes when the nurse mentioned this little fact during his preliminary appointment two weeks ago, and he’d mentally run through the people he could ask to do the honours of being his chauffeur. The guys at the office? Not a chance. If any of them saw him like this, there’s no way Booth would ever live it down. Rebecca? Though she was the mother of his child, there was no way that her relationship with him extended further than the occasional heated phone call over their son.

Nope, there was only one person that Booth knew he had to ask and he hated himself for it. Since when had he become more trusting and comfortable with his beautiful partner than his old army buddies? Seeley Booth was a man’s man, but when it came to conquering his fear of dentists he knew that the only person that would make him feel better would be his Bones.

She’d been admittedly surprised when he sheepishly asked if she’d give up her morning to be with him at the dental surgeon’s, but had agreed immediately when she saw the glint of desperation in his eyes. She knew how much he had been dreading this, and a part of her happy that she’d been the one he’d picked to help him through the first few hours after the procedure.

And now, the time had come. Brennan had waited in the Waiting Room for just over an hour and had just finished reading an article in a well worn, germ infested magazine when a nurse came out to summon her. Brennan’s pulse quickened slightly as she followed the plump nurse down to hallway to one of the modest recovery rooms. Brennan would be lying if she said she hadn’t been thinking of him the entire time. She wouldn’t call it worry... but she was anxious to see him and get him out of this sterile prison.

So there she was, peering over at her puffy partner. Rather than feeling happy to see him, she immediately felt very awkward. She pulled over a metal chair and sat down next to the recovery bed. They were in complete privacy, and the room was silent other than the sickening song of the dentist drill coming from the room across the hall.

“The doctor said I had to try to keep you awake. You’ll still be feeling the lingering the effects of the anaesthetic, so it’s dangerous if you fall back to sleep.” She explained, parroting the advice that the dentist had given her that morning.

Brennan knotted her eyebrows as Booth’s glassy eyes began flutter shut. “Booth... Booth...” she said, awkwardly poking him in the side. “Stay awake, I said.”

Bedside manner had never exactly been Brennan’s strongest attribute. She prided herself on being clinical and professional in her line of work, and she never really had to tend to anyone. However, Brennan kept reminding herself that she was here as Booth’s friend, not as his partner. Okay, let’s be a friend... she said determinedly in her mind.

“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from indomitable will.” Brennan blurted out suddenly, causing Booth to open his eyes and peer at her like she was insane. He may be semi-conscious, but that didn’t mean he was deaf.

Thankful that she’d finally gotten his attention, she pointed up at the tacky inspirational poster on the wall beside the bed. It had a picture of two people holding hands, and then the quote had been printed in a bold and unnecessarily colourful font.

“Um... Gandhi said that.” She continued, feeling the need to explain herself a little more. Though Booth was too sore to laugh, she could see the glint of amusement in his eyes. The smirk on her face vanished when he started to close his eyes again.

“Booth!” she said exasperatedly, resorting to another series of gentle pokes to his muscular side. He opened his eyes which portrayed more than a hint of irritation.

“Sorry Booth, but you’re just not allowed to go to sleep. Stay awake for me, okay?” she explained again, feeling more than inadequate in this position. She should have encouraged Booth to ask Angela or anyone who would know how to properly act in a situation like this.

“So Booth... last night for dinner I made chicken. Well, I didn’t really make it considering it was a microwavable dinner. And I suppose you could argue that it wasn’t really chicken... more likely it was made from processed scraps of meat combined with harmful additives. But there was broccoli, which was nice.” She rambled rather thoughtlessly, watching to make sure that Booth didn’t fall asleep.

“MhfBones.. what fe hell?” Booth mumbled, staring at her like she was the one drugged out and not him.

“Booth, you really shouldn’t talk either. The stitches in your mouth are under a great deal of pressure and you don’t want them to rip.”

Booth sighed through his nose and shifted slightly on the uncomfortable bed, the paper cover of it crinkling under his weight. He was touched that Brennan cared enough to be this proactive about his recovery, and he felt guilty that she was obviously uncomfortable in this situation. He was just so, so tired. His eyes felt weighted and he felt as if his mind was in a cloud. He truly wanted to stay awake for Brennan, but at this point he had very limited control over his body’s reaction to the drugs.

“Once the nurse comes back I’ll take you home and you’ll be much more comfortable.” She said quietly, handing Booth a tissue to wipe away the embarrassing line of drool that was seeping down his left cheek. Before he could grasp the tissue, she changed her mind and wiped the drool off herself.

Booth swore silently in his drugged-out haze. Did his partner seriously just wipe his messy face? That was definitely unexpected, and definitely embarrassing. He prayed to every saint he could think of that he wouldn’t remember any of this later. Or, even more importantly, that she’d never remind him of these events in the future.

She wadded up the tissue and tossed it into the garbage can across the room. “Angela sends her best. I spoke to her while you were in surgery and she’s instructed me to ensure you eat an unhealthy amount of ice cream.”

Oh great... Booth thought. Angela is in on this too? Although, the thought of Brennan feeding him ice cream in his bed wasn’t that bad of a mental image. Maybe he’d end up thanking Angela after all...

Just when Brennan was about to reread the Gandhi quote again and remark upon its significance, the nurse re-entered the room. Looking up from her chart, she grinned at the large drooling man splayed out on the bed.

“Hello Mr. Booth! I’m happy to say that you and your wife can go home now.” She said, her voice chipper and sweet as she passed Brennan a bag full of different shapes of gauze.

“Oh, we’re not married.” Brennan said quickly, causing the nurse to nod awkwardly and freeze the chipper smile right on her face.

“Of course you’re not!” She nurse said, not missing the smirk on the patient’s face as he stared at the woman at his bedside.

The nurse walked over to Booth’s side and Brennan stepped out of the way. “Now, I need you to get up extremely slowly. You don’t want to pass out now, do you?”

“Why would you ask that in the form of a question? Of course he doesn’t want to pass out.” Brennan interrupted from the other side of the room. The nurse looked at her curiously and Booth murmured something incomprehensibly. A brief moment of silence fell over the room and Brennan simply stared at the nurse expectantly, waiting for her to continue so she could get Booth out of here.

Not missing a beat, the nurse put a supporting arm behind Booth’s back and helped him up into the sitting position. Waiting for several moments to make sure the patient didn’t lose consciousness, the nurse smiled and looked up at Brennan.

“He’s all yours! Let me just get some release forms for you to sign, and then you can be on your way.” She said as she flicked open the file folder she’d been carrying and handed over a form to Brennan.

Brennan only took her eyes off Booth long enough to scribble her name messily on the bottom line of the document. She was afraid that he would topple over any minute.

“When he’s ready, just turn right out of the doorway and down the stairs out the back door. Have a great day.”

Before the nurse could leave the room Brennan’s eyes snapped off of Booth’s swaying body and up to the woman. “Wait – stairs? He’s not fully conscious. Isn’t there an elevator somewhere in this building?” she asked.

The nurse frowned. “Sorry, but no. It’s only one flight of stairs though, so I’m sure you’ll be fine. If you’d like I could help the two of you get to the car?” she said apologetically.
Brennan frowned and shook her head, wanting to get rid of this woman as quickly as she could. Some would say that she was being overprotective of Booth, but Brennan felt as is this woman was inherently incapable and she wanted her nowhere near Booth. “That’ll be all, thanks.” Brennan said, dismissing the woman and walking over to Booth.

After the nurse left the room Booth looked up at her vulnerably. “Stairfs?”

“I guess so. We don’t have to go now though, if you’re not ready. The least they can do is let you stay here so you don’t fall and break your neck on the way out.” Brennan said cooly, staring up at the closed door where the nurse had just been. “I mean, I bet that’s what that paper was for. Probably to protect them from a multitude of law suits that would arise from the insufficiency of their building and –“

Booth reached up a hand in an attempt to reach for Brennan’s mouth to silence her. However, the motion looked more like a bizarre version of a wave. “Isso kay” he reassured her as put his feet on the ground and slowly stood on his own.

Following his lead Brennan slipped her arm under his and held him securely, horrified at the thought of him falling. Booth tensed slightly at their close proximity, but he knew that he honestly did need her help.

“Just relax” Brennan said gruffly, as if reading his mind. Accepting her offer, he allowed a portion of his body weight to lean dependently on Brennan. They took slow steps towards the door and both were very thankful to bid that recovery room goodbye.

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“So here we are.” Brennan said, feeling the need to break the silence as she stared down the ominous set of stairs ahead of them.

“Isso kay” Booth said again and nodded, trying desperately to maintain his wits and not give in to the overpowering need to close his eyes and nestle his head into his partner’s shoulder.

“Let’s just take it really slow, okay?” she said gently, wrapping her other arm around his body.

“Okay, baby...” Booth said drowsily, clearly misinterpreting the meaning of her words.

Brennan rolled her eyes and decided to let the objectifying term of endearment go. Brennan edged him forward and the climbed down the first step together.

“Oh, that’s really good. Do that again.” She whispered into his ear.

“I phthought we wanted to take it slooooow” Booth said, caressing his partner’s back.

Brennan clearly had not clued into the sexual metaphor that Booth had weaved into the situation. “I know, but I have to get you home to take care of you properly.”

“Mmmmm...” Booth groaned approvingly as they slowly took another step down. Just then Booth stumbled slightly and Brennan tightened her grip on his body. He was easily twice her weight, so if he lost his balance there was no telling what might happen.

“Booth, are you okay? Do you want to stop?” she asked breathlessly, staring down at the seven stairs they had left to climb.

“Don’t stop, baby... I want to get you bed...” he said incoherently.

Brennan shook her head in confusion, and decided to let it go. Booth was clearly still on the quest for consciousness, and he wasn’t himself.

It took the partners nearly ten solid minutes to safely climb down the short flight of stairs to the door. Sighing thankfully, Brennan nudged the door open with her foot so that she could maintain a firm grip on Booth’s body.

They made their way to Brennan’s car just as slowly as they had left the recovery room. Thankfully, there weren’t many cars on the parking lot so they were able to take their time. She dug through her purse and was thankful to hear the resounding beep that signalled that the doors had been unlocked.

Brennan opened the passenger door for Booth and helped him slowly ease his way into the vehicle. He leaned his head back against the headrest, clearly exhausted by the physical exertion. Without thinking, Brennan reached over his body and buckled his seatbelt for him. Her hair gently tickled his nose and Booth said something that Brennan couldn’t make out, though she was pretty sure it had something to do with Gandhi.

“Booth, did you just giggle?” she asked curiously, tossing her purse onto the back seat. Booth didn’t answer her, and instead he rubbed his eye methodically.

Brennan smirked and closed his door. She walked around the car to get in the driver’s side, and was rather surprised to see Booth looking over at her rather vulnerably.

“Thanks Bones...” he said, reaching out to pat her appreciatively on the arm.

Brennan smiled at him genuinely and started the engine. They drove far away from the dentist’s with the knowledge that their friendship was stronger than any drug. Though drugs can numb the pain, it takes a good friend to mend and comfort.

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THE END

I really hope you enjoyed it, and I’d love to hear from you! Thank you for reading