Boothtivities

Before you proceed to read this piece of I don’t even know what to call it….. let me just say this.

You all had been the most wonderful group of ‘peeps’ in the whole entire world…. we have helped each other out and gotten thru the summer which means NO bones for months …
But the night has finally arrived and we are only about 3 hours away to watch our favorite couple fight crime!!!

So this is for all of you:
A2B, WILLI, PYRO, BANDBI, LOONY, HIFI, ROSIE, ANAG, AMO, GI GI, LACEY, ADDY, SANY, CARI, FAB, POLY, PUPPET, BON BON, CHEESE, FLYERS, KIKI, HAR HAR, ASH, KASPER, REDRIDDER (I don’t think I’ve actually chatted with you but your stories are really really really good) .. if I forget someone please forgive me … those are A LOT of names to remember!!

And last but not least HART or as I like to call her CUZZIN TINK!!! without whom, with her wonderful stories and unique personality brought us all together.

So I will stop now and let you all read...
Also wanted to thank SANY for betaing it ... and correcting all my herrors (a made up word for horrors and errors LOL)

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The news had traveled so fast, that as soon as he had seen the yellow sticky note on his desk he had picked up his jacket and ran out of this office.

Note read:

“Hart on tonight after 9PM”

Those five little words had brought joy to the Agent’s face.

*It’s been too long kiddo**

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The black SUV pulled up in a deserted lot.
**Hmmmmmmmmm that is strange** Special Agent Seeley Booth thought.

The building that seemed so full of life before now looked like a house out of some old horror movie. He walked across the parking lot and stood in front of the door. He heard shuffling noises coming from around the corner; he saw two figures emerge from the shadows.

He puts his hand on his holster, but removes it immediately after hearing the familiar voices coming from the people walking towards him.

“Well Deputy Director A2B, I thought who better to come on this mission with me?” said the unmistakable voice of Willi.

**Deputy Director? What the hell!!!** Booth frowned.

“Oh Moderator/Administrator Willi, you would have done just fine by yourself,” said A2B while adjusting her badge to the side of her shirt.

**Moderator?!?!?** Booth frowned deepened.

“Yeah that is true. But if you are worried that the ABYarders are going to get a bit out of hand; one: they do that every single day and night, and two we left our Deputy Directors Loony and Har Har there so they could contain them,” explained Willi.

The two of them had been so immersed in their conversation that Booth’s voice made them jump slightly when he spoke.

“Ladies, A2B, Willi. What are you talking about?!?!? Deputy Director? Administrator? I don’t understand!! and most of all What the hell happened to this place?!?!?” he asked while gesturing to their surroundings.

“Boothy Boo!!! We knew you were here!! See we at the ABY and the IHBFC took all the necessary precautions to be the first ones to know that you had come by” said Willi, barely containing her excitement.

“Yep that’s right, so as soon as the alarms at the ABY went off we made our way here to make sure that you come visit us at our new place!” A2B exclaimed while polishing her DD badge with her sleeve.

“New place?!?!? What happened!?!?... And why does A2B have a badge? And did I hear you correctly Willi you called her Deputy Director and then mentioned you have more than one?”

“I am so confused!” were the last words Booth said before he sat down at the edge of the sidewalk shaking his head from side to side.

“I mean… I forget to check up on you for a month… and……….. I am afraid to ask any more questions” he said looking utterly confused.

“Oh Boothy Boo,” A2B and Willi said at the same time, while they took a seat on either side of him and patted him on the shoulder. The patting turned to rubbing and then into sliding their hands down his arm or down his back.

“Ladies, PLEASE before you put me through whatever activity, would you mind explaining what went down?!?” he pressed on.

“We’ll explain in the car Boothy Boo. Come on let’s go. We have to take you to the ABY!” said A2B, while Willi continued moving her hands over Booth’s fine structure.

“Willi,” A2B said “remember we have to get him there on time. She said she was going to come by tonight!”

“Right. Get the Boothy Boo to the ABY before that, gotta concentrate to the task at hand,” Willi said nodding her head but keeping her hand where it was.

Booth was distracted by his own thoughts .. **ABY? Do I even want to know?**
He stood up and waited for A2B and Willi to guide him to their car.

“You will also have to explain what does A.B.Y means to me, and also I originally came here because I received some important information that…” before he could finish two hands flew to his mouth.

“We know why you are here. We figured that the Booth-tector going off and the news from this morning just HAD to be related, so no need to explain yourself,” said Willi while moving her hand from his mouth down his neck with A2B’s hand following suit.

“OK…. well fine and remember you have to tell me what is an aby and …. please… would you mind… you know....... keeping your hands to yourself,” he said while taking a hold of them and putting them back down.

“As we said before we will explain everything in the car” said A2B.




The ride was fairly uneventful… except for the occasional “REALLY” , “they did that”, “well you should have told me” “And Pyro is back” “HOW MANY members you have now!!” coming from the male voice and the car.

And the “yeap”, “we couldn’t believe it”, “revolution” “so happy that mama Pyro popped in again” “well as you said… we recruit people faster than the army” spoken by either of the female voices.

They pulled up into a very colorful building. The happiness and uniqueness of it was evident to everyone who passed thru it.

Taking one look at the edifice in front of him Booth couldn’t help but smile and chuckle…
“CONGRATULATIONS Willi !!!!... you did an AWESOME job at picking the location” he gave her a charm smile.

“She did!!! We all LOVE her for doing this for us!!! She is one of those people that you can always count on,” A2B said proud of her companion. Who seemed to have lost her ability to speak after receiving a charm smile ALL to herself.

“Well… shall we go inside? I am dying to see what you have done with the place” Booth said while walking from the car and across the parking lot.

“Let me say this before we go thru those doors, cause I know it’s going to be madness after that, I DIG YOUR NEW CRIB!” he said while shaking his head up and down.

They entered and saw the halls deserted there was nobody by the computers; and this took Booth aback.

“Where is everybody?!?!?” he asked confused.

“Oh my gawsh A2B what time is it?!?!?” asked Willi with a bewildered look in her eyes.

A2B’s jaw dropped “It’s 7:58PM…. we got distracted … WE GOTTA RUN!!”

As Booth turned around he saw the two figures disappear in one direction.

“Willi who were those...” he couldn’t finish his question as he looked behind him they were both gone.

“Well that answers my question,” he chuckled.

“Hmmmmmmm I wonder where they went?” he shrugged “Oh well, in the meantime I will make myself at home and wait for them to reappear.

Now I see why Willie managed to lure Pyro back. This place is really cool.
But most importantly I will get ready to welcome Hart back!!! I have missed her soo much, and from the conversation we had in the car so has everyone here at ‘THE ANTI-BONEYARD’ and especially all the ladies of IHBFC. After all Da Club was named after her.”

With that he found a computer or as the sign read “Compooper” he laughed
**glad to see nothing’s changed**

But before he started reading he caught sight of a board that read
Rankings

There were 7 columns with a different title each:
Newbie, Intern, Squint, Agent, Doctor, Special Agent, Deputy Director.

**so this is what A2B and Willi were referring to earlier**

He proceeded to read the names under each category…

**WOW they sure have more people than they did the last time I saw them… that can not be good… more of them … only means more trouble**

His lips suddenly curled up in a smile

**But I wouldn’t have it any other way**



He wanted to get caught up with all the fics. “Let’s start with…” he took a look at the list right next to the screen that had the fics organized by genre.
He read “Celia Joy” fluff , “Nasty Naughty Boy” M for MMMMMMM!!! among many many many others.

He chuckled at the warning under the M section “Please have cool drinks, ice anything cold while reading these.

Let’s start with the Fluff: this “Celia Joy” sounds... I don’t know… I just like the sound of that name and it’s written by AnaG so it should be good, after all I really liked what she wrote about Parker.

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I decided to finish it there and let you all take him around the place once you are all done watching the season premier tonight!!!

This is my way of saying enjoy tonight’s epi…. even though I may not be here to chat about it after it’s done I will be thinking about the ABY!!
One more things… thoughts will be appreciated it!!!

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Ok…. Ladies… As we promised… we present to you the FIRST part of our parties….
I decided to started it today Sunday May 6th… in honor of ‘loony’s and my B-DAY!!!.... can I get a HOORAY !!!!.

Loony and I worked hard on this … and are working even HARDER on the second part… so I hope you enjoy it…….

I like to dedicate this to my B-SIS without whom……. I would have given up on writing this earlier this week…. THIS IS FOR YOU LOONY!!!..... YOU ARE A GREAT HELP!!!…. and the BESTEST B-SIS one could ask for!!!!

**turi goes to hide and wait to see how much they hate her after they all finish reading this**


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Earlier that day ‘loony’ was driving while turi looked at a map…

“turn left here………… the Hoover building should be on the next block…..”

No sooner these words escaped turi’s mouth that loony had stopped the car “We are here” she nodded “Yep”…. Neither one moved for about a minute staring at the edifice … it was as if they were glued to their seats.

“So……….. ready B-sis” asked turi while loony could only nod.

Inside the building….
They were stopped by the guard at the entrance

“How can I help you ladies”

“We are here with the IHFBC….. we are here to see Special Agent Seeley Booth; he is expecting us” Just as he turned to call upstairs and confirm their appointment …. They made a run for the elevator leaving the guard frozen on the spot…… he thought to himself

**IHFBC….. that is the club for all the ladies….. oh Agent Booth you are in trouble now**…. It seems as if our reputation precedes itself ….


The door of the elevator opened and they stepped out …. Scanned the room until they saw him sitting at his desk ….. they let out squeal of excitement …. And as if hearing a familiar sound… he looked up from the papers he was reading the two of them holding on to each others as if preventing one another from taking off running towards him…… he grinned and signaled them to go into his office… they did so …. They made their way to two chairs that were placed in from of his desk and sat…….

“Ladies nice to see you again….. not that our last encounter was really all that pleasant… at least for me…. All I could find when you left were clothes that could probably fit Zach ……..and needles to say Bones and the rest of the squint squad have been making fun of me since……”

“Come on Agent Booth…. Really it could not have been that bad” loony said

“Oh really not that bad…. When I got to the dinner where Bones and I were supposed to meet… I found the whole lot of them laughing at me as soon as I sat down…. And to top it all Zach was wearing the SAME shirt”…… he fought REALLY hard to keep his tone leveled….. but failed to do so as he recounted the last part of his odyssey!!

**This can NOT be good** they both thought at the same time.

“Just wait till I catch up with the mastermind behind it… it was AnnaG right?!?!?.... she is going to have some explaining to do!!!”
Seeing that neither one was responding to his question He took a couple of calming breaths and counted to ten ..

“So what brings you two here….. come on explain yourselves.”

“Well you see…. We wanted”…. “To know if you could” they started talking … more like stammering at the same time

“Whoa… Whoa… breathe ….. please talk one at the time”

“Ok … today May 6th … turi and I celebrate our birthdays and since you have been SOOO kind to participate in our little get togethers before”…. “We were wondering if you could be our guest of honor”

He waited a few seconds .. got up from his chair … rounded his desk so that he was standing merely a foot away from them….

Holding their breath they waited for his response.

“You think that after what you girls have done to me… I will willingly set myself up for another stunt like the ones you usually put me in…. sorry but my answer is NO… besides I have A LOT of paperwork to do and Bones will have my head if I don’t give this to her tomorrow”

“Oh… OK… well…. Sorry if we wasted you time Agent Booth…. We will be going now” Turi and loony couldn’t hide their disappointment as they exited his office.

Running a hand thru his face… he asked the heaven’s for some patience and got back to his work …. Not without feeling really guilty for the way he had just treated them…after all they named their group after him … he chuckled as he remember the name

“Tinky-Pooh and the Boothy Bunch”….. he sighed

“What am I going to do with them” and shook his head.

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A peculiar looking van pulls up to the front of a hotel this vehicle had been receiving some questionable looks during the trip… but not only for the unique behavior of it’s passengers; which could only be described in 3 words “OUT OF CONTROL”… this vehicle was a VW van… it had decals “Tinky Pooh” … on one side .....over the hood you could see the word “And” on the driver’s side “The Boothy Bunk”.

The van came to a stop and Pyro opened the driver’s door…. When she did so you could see a shirtless Booth bubble head figurine on the dashboard …. The “tiny toons” song played on the background …

“Ok girls.. that’s it… this is the third time we have sung BOTH version of it… everybody come on out … we are here!!!!!” Pyro said on her best ‘mom’ voice

You could hear a few groans as they all climbed out of the van.

Hart and Sarah had been struggling trying to get Izzie out of the van ….. her skates were making it difficult for her to come out…

“Oh come on!!.... just take them off!!!!” Sarah grunted while trying to keep her skirt at a decent height and being careful not to break the heels of her boots.

Izzie shook her head furiously making her helmet tip to one side “NO!!... Izzie does what Izzie wants!!!”

“Could I get some help here please?” Hart called out…

At that moment one of the valet guys.. that had been staring at the animated group …. Came up behind them… went in the van….. picked up Izzie and sort of carried her outside. “There little one…. You are all set!... next time just listen to your sister OK?

Izzie stuck out her tongue at him and crossed her arms; while Hart and Sarah said thanks.

“A2B count heads for me and I will check the list…..”

A2B glanced at her watch……. ‘loony’ and turi had told them that they will meet them there… but had been very tight lip about what errand they needed to run….

“Including me and you I only counted 13… who are we missing?!?!?!?”

Pyro started to call out names… just when she was about to get to the bottom of the list .. they heard someone running towards them…. A girl out of breath stood in front of the group….. at that moment they all screamed “ROSIE!!!!”…. she was inhaling an exhaling trying to get her breathing back to normal…

“Sorry …. Guys…… ‘loony’…. Called me … last night….. with my flight information and then….. it was delayed for 30 minutes”

“We are glad you are here… my wonder twin”… A2B approached Rosie with a bottle of water…

“OK… we have everyone now…. Let’s get inside”

Turi called A2B who was with the rest of the girls standing outside a hotel waiting for them… but since they were running late …. She told them just to go ahead and ask the person at the check in desk to guide to the place where the party was being held… It should be under the named “IHB” party.

As they made their way thru the lobby to the concierge’s desk A2B couldn’t help but notice a familiar face staring at them…. When they approached the counter A2B saw that the name tag of the person was ‘Dawn’
“Ladies you must be with the IHB club … right?”… they nodded…
“I was told it will be quite the chatty group…. Your party is being held by the pool…. It’s been closed to the guests for the late afternoon and night.. so you can have it all for yourselves … the staff is in position.. and they will take care of you every need”

The thanked her and as they made their way towards the pool… A2B look back at the lady and to her surprise she received a wink.

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As they stepped outside they felt the cool breeze on their faces, blowing their hair… and took in the sight in front of them… the whole area had been decorated with different element that made the atmosphere very tropical…… with various pieces of furniture; they had a wicker finish to them, there was a clear dance floor that had been set up on top of the pool…. The messages ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY TURI AND LOONY’ reflected on the water …

A tropical bar had been set up in one corner, the bartender was ready for any request that the guests may have… and had been giving pictures of the underage members; and had been specifically instructed to serve virgin drink to them.

Tiki torches had been set up around the perimeter …. To be lit as soon as the sun went down


Tables had been placed alongside the pool one side was decorated with light blue tables cloths and matching chair covers with white chair bands… the centerpieces for those tables were of a miniature dolphins figurine floating in a clear bowl that had the message "Happy Birthday Turi” around it….it was filled with water and had blue orchids placed in the middle.

While the other side was decorated with china red table covers, matching napkins and gold color chair covers… they chair bands had the message “Happy Birthday Bella ‘loony’” printed on them ….. the centerpieces consisted of a figurine of a white horse running on sand carrying a mini bouquet of gerber daisies and hydrangeas on it’s back.

They had all started to get comfortable and making conversation between one another…. When the animated chatter is interrupted by two squeals of delight…..

‘loony’ and Turi had just made their way outside …. “it turned out beautiful” turi said to ‘loony; she turned to look at her and both of the said “GOOD JOB B-SIS!”!!!! at the same time and gave each other high fives.

NO sooner after this the two of them were attacked by a mob of hugs and birthday congratulations..

After a while of pleasant conversation and laughter… music started to play in the background … and they made their way to the dance floor…. The DJ’s voice cam on “There were two special songs that had been requested for our B-Day girls……. Let’s move to the first song “Fergalicious”….. turi gave Rosie a huge knowing smile …
The DJ’s voice was heard over the speakers again…. “Ok… let’s get ready for the remix…. This is for our other Birthday lady ‘loony’… ‘cause she is “Brining Sexy Back“…. They all started shouting and dance to the music some more!!!

Just as they finished dancing the DJ announced that it was time to cut the cakes…. They all gathered around the bali table that was surrounded by two (lounge chairs) and 11 ottoman cubes…. They were waiting anxiously for the cakes to be brought out .

The looked up to see a large manly figure make his way to them …. His face was partially hidden by the fire the candles were making in front of him….

He stepped into the circle they were forming and set the cakes down: one was a turtle mud cake that had “Happy Birthday Turi” written in caramel syrup … the other one was an Angel Food Cake with Strawberries and whipped cream and it read “Happy Birthday ‘Loony’ ” in chocolate syrup.

It was then when screams and squeals were heard through out the whole hotel ……. It was none-other than our own FBeye Candy sporting a tremendous ‘charm smile’

Turi and ‘loony’ looked at each other in disbelief .. while the rest just sat down on their cubes gazing up at him incredulous…

“but we thought you….. “ ….. “You said that…. “ ……..was all they could say in very high pitched voices and lastly they both said……………. “OH MY GOSH!!!”.

“Well I am glad to see you all too” he said while chuckling

“After you left the office I started feeling bad for having yelled at you …. And I remembered all the fun times we have had … and after all it is your birthday…. And you went to my office personally to invite me… so I decided to come and join your party”

The both felt their cheeks get a little warm from the looks that the rest of the bunch gave them…

“ they will tell you ALL about it as soon as we finish with this”

Turi spoke “But we never mentioned where the party was”……

“That is one of the benefits to work for the FBI… I can find out EVERYTHING about EVERYONE”….. he gave them all a knowing look.

“One thing though.. I didn’t bring you girls presents… I hope that is OK?”

“Don’t worry that is just fine” said loony and then whispered to turi …….“ we will think of something you can do to or for us”…. She chuckled at the look he was giving them.... one eyebrow raised.

The group was still sitting and haven’t moved an inch … they were stunned . He turned to face them.

“well ladies …. Let’s sing Happy Birthday to our friends”

He started singing by himself and chuckled as he watched them start singing along with him each at different times…

After they finished singing… turi and ‘loony’ blew their candles each giving him a wicked look while making their wishes… they traditionally bit their respective cake.

Turi looked up at him …. He chuckled while extending his hand to the side of her lip and touches it with his thumb “You had a little chocolate there” … her knees gave out a little but thankfully Bandi was standing by her and was able to catch her before she hit the floor and sat her down on the chair ….. she whispers “I had NO idea that wishes came true this quick”

‘loony’ had a jealous expression on her face.. but it was quickly wiped out when she noticed that a strawberry was being held in front of her lips…. She followed the fingers that were holding it.............to the hand.. to the arm.. to the beautiful chocolate brown eyes that were staring at her…. Her mouth fell open in disbelief. He spoke with a sultry voice that sent shivers thru her back.

“Come on take a bite… they seem to be delicious… thought you might like to taste one before they cut it”

She did as she was told and after having some difficulty swallowing she turned to turi and said “Me neither”

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Booth and Willie had been in deep conversation about her latest fic “Four Years”
“But you are going to continue right…. Because you know I am a ‘fixer’ and I just HAVE to make her feel better… you are going to help me with that right?”

“Don’t worry Agent Booth.. I am working on the sequel…… I always thought you weren’t a fan of angst though?”……..
And their conversation carried on….

Turi and ‘loony’ were re-counting their eventful morning… the group had been distracted and didn’t notice when Hart and Gi.Gi. got up and made their way to the bar….. they were flirting with the bartender .. so he could give them something that had even jut a drop of alcohol…. Amo had seen this and was nudging Pyro so she could go and stop them… she was about to get up … when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder… she looked up to find Booth looking towards the bar.. he bent low and whispered in her ear…

“I will take care of that”… she nodded.

Amo crossed her arms ins front of her and pouted “How come he didn’t whisper to ME?!?!!?.... I was the one that saw them first”

Booth heard that… he turned around and walked towards where Amo was sitting and told her “Thank you and gave her a wink!.

Gi.Gi. and Hart were in deep conversation with the bartender and didn’t notice when Booth came up behind them … gave the guy a killing stare .. and placed his head in between theirs and said.. “just what you ladies think you are doing?!?!?!..... startled booth jumped loosing their balance.

He was able to catch them before they hit the floor .. one in each arm.

He turned to his face to Gi.Gi. “BE careful we don’t want any more concussions Do we?” He said in a teasing tone.

“If you are there to take care of me… I wouldn’t really mind” she whispered

Then he turned to Hart who had tilted her head to one side and was staring at him with wide eyes.

“And you…. We don’t want you hurting your wrist… if not then how will you keep writing your wonderful stories” she smiled at him

They both straighten themselves up “And NO more trying to work your charms on this poor guy….. OK”

“And you buddy” he was speaking to the bartender now… “If I see you even waving a bottle of alcohol over any underage girls drink.. I will come back here.. and trust you don’t want to see me mad… GOT IT!” these tow words were spoken in a VERY threatening tone.

“Yes sir”…

Booth stood in the middle of Hart and Gi.Gi. put each of his hands on the small of their back and guided them back to the party.

Bandbi had been watching intensely this situation unfold while chatting with Hifi about Boothcamp and it’s aftermath… Hifi had been concerned about the mental state of the rest of the club.
“You are sure that the hospital said that after fainting so many times and hyperventilating they were all going to be OK”
She assured her that we all enjoyed the experience and were certainly looking forward to the next one….
“The doctor said it was normal that after such an exciting experience those symptoms were to be expected”

Bandbi waited a few seconds before approaching him… she tapped him on the shoulder.. when he turned around she had to clear her head from smutty thoughts…. Clearing her throat and taking a sip of her drink .
“You know… if you keep ‘punishing’ them like that they will try to do it again”

He raised an eyebrow in a questioning manner… “You mean… to tell me that they did it on purpose?..... just to get my attention”

Bandbi sighed took him by the elbow and sat him down on a chair.

“If I was underage … I would have done the same thing… we ALL know about your ‘alpha male’ tendencies …. That is one of the reasons that makes you HOT!… that and some other things”…. She eyed him from the end of this hair to the point of his shoes.

He looked at her, got up and gave her a sexy grin…. “Now I see why they call you smutty”

“Oh… trust me baby,.. you haven’t seen anything yet” she answered back and winked at him.

“Is that supposed to be a threat?” he put his hands on his hips

“You can take it any way you want!”… she said while walking away….

He called after her… “ There is something that I had been meaning to ask all of you…. What is this ‘ROD”… that you guys keep bringing up in your conversations at the Fan club…. I don’t get it……... what exactly are you referring to!?!?!?”

Ok…. so this is the first one that I wrote (besides the little parade we had when Hart announced that she was posting “Great Leaps of faith”)…. We vested Bandbi as the THE QUEEN OF SMUTTINESS!!!....
Hope you enjoy it… sorry for any grammar errors and spelling mistakes!!!.... (english is not my first language)

This is like taking a trip down memory lane!!!..... one last thing… THANKS to the power of technology for creating the sent folder!!!!
Let the parties begin!!!


The party will be held at the Room of Smutiness and it will be decorated with nut shaped twinkle lights in honor of our Hart’s love for squirrels …………………and there will be banners; with different messages written on them such as:
“Our randomness can take us far!”, “We LUV our Hart”, ”

The entrance to the room will be adorned with a sign that says “TinkyPoo and the Boothy Bunch celebrating their 3,000 posts”

There will be trained squirrels at either side of the door checking in our jackets and providing you with pins that read “I_H_B.F.C reached the 3,000’s” the letters will be made of blinking lights with the image of a wide eyed squirrel in the background.

The tables will be set up around a nut shape dance floor………….. the table cloths colors will be an olive green shade to complement the chair covers and chair bands……………
Gift bags have been set at each chair….. in them you will find mints and boothpaste, a variety of Booth greeting cards for every kind of holiday; this are courtesy of F.B.P. And as a special surprise you will all receive memberships to the platinum Benefit of Booth's Package.

The centerpieces will consist of figurines of a pool with bone shaped votive candles…and a miniature scale Booth in swimming trunks…
The buffet table will be set up along the perimeter…… with different kinds of food and beverages…. Non-alcoholic drinks served will provided to our younger members.
For dessert we will all have Booth in loin-cloth mini-cakes.

And right in the middle of our party ‘Loony’ and I (turi) will call on your attention.

“Dear guest…..Ladies………. please could we have your attention for a moment…… Thank you……. We wanted to let you know that we are HAPPY!!... that you are having a wonderful time and enjoying yourselves…….. But we have an announcement to make…………”



Disclaimer: Again NO squirrels were harmed in the making of this event!!!...



“Please take your seats and we direct you to look and NOT blink towards the east corner of the room”

At that moment a HUGE plasma TV pop’s out from the floor… to show a “charm smiling” Booth to all the guests……

Loony speaks “We are broadcasting a very special congratulations from our very own FBI-candy…… our Boothy Boo…. The ‘cause of all our smuttiness”

At this turi nudges ‘loony’ slightly on the ribs….and murmurs “control yourself… or we will scare him off “

Turi continued as ‘loony’ seems to be in a smuttiness trance “Please Agent Booth you can speak now”

”Thanks turi…. I was called to see if I could say congratulations to all of you for being the most creative group of females that I have ever seen post…… and I have a surprise of my own… which couldn’t have been made possible without you two”….
He looks at turi and loony’…………….

”if you could all look at the papers underneath your seats….. read them and sign them for me”

He has provided us with waiver………………a please don’t manhandle me….. I am government property and there could be serious repercussions…..

Gathering all the signed papers turi and ‘loony’ proceed to hand them to a couple of FBI agents that had shown up suddenly after Booth finished talking.

Just as the agents proceeded to take posts by each side of the door…. The figure of our favorite “alpha male” appears and enters the room ………….


This goes dedicated to our Dear ROSIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know we missed you and are glad you are back…. This is from little ME to YOU!!


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Just as the agents proceeded to take posts by each side of the door…. The figure of our favorite “alpha male” appears and enters the room ………….
Just as he steps into the lights surrounding the tables……. The side door, over which a banner reading “We are all Silly ‘cause WE LOVE Seely” had been placed, flings open to reveal a slightly dazed and confused girl …………………………. Looking around she speaks “Ummmmmmmmm…. Guys what is going on!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?........ why isn’t anybody downstairs?!?!?”
Upon hearing this voice everybody turns their attention to her ……………….. you hear squeals come thru the microphone from Turi and ‘loony’….. and a general chatter breaks into the room!!!
A2B rises from her chair with a look of disbelief on her face; her mouth hanging open before uttering an ear pitching squeal……………………… “ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YOU ARE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK”……………… Both of them take off running towards each other thinking ** O.M.G my twin..We have been separated too long....we are almost together....oh the anticipation........its been way too long**
Agent Booth clear his throat to get everyone’s attention again!!!
The wonder twins stop dead in their tracks....at this sound…… and smiling at one another, they say...."this reunion can wait right?"
On their way back to their seats A2B tries to get Rosie up to date into what has been going on!!!!
He makes his way to the stage…………… everybody is staring at him still in shock at the sight of his presence …… when suddenly he feels pinches on each side of the end of his back “Ouch”……. He turns to look for the owners of the offending fingers and finds two girls giggling uncontrollably at either side of him he reads their name tags……
“Bandi - Boneyard Queen of Smuttiness” and “Hart - Queen of the IHB Fan club”…… He laughs and give them each a “charm smile” and a sexy wink…..
He finally makes it and stands next to Turi and ‘loony’ who are both turning redder by the second……. “Ok girls!!................. You asked me to come and here I am what can I do for ya?!”
Recovering from their trances “Yeah …. Well…. You are here to help us celebrate our 3,000 posts…. Due to the arrival of one of our members we are going to have to add something else to this party…. So if you could please be so kind and stand there for a couple of minutes we will be right with you” Turi nudges ‘loony’ so she can start the new arrangements…. In a few seconds she comes back with:
A Booth shaped cake, ………….. A giant banner reading "WELCOME BACK ROSIE, WE MISSED YOU!!!"………….. A few boxes of Booth shaped chocolates…… Two squirrels are trailing behind her carrying bags labeled ‘Assorted welcome back Rosie paraphernalia’.
Booth couldn’t help it anymore and he let out a heartfelt chuckle!!! “You are ready for EVERYTHING right?!?!?............. could I have some of those once you are done ……….. Bones will get a kick out of them”
After re-arranging everything ‘loony speaks….“Everything is set turi………………………. LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED”
With that the music started playing again………………… Booth started mingling with the crowd……….. the girls are all behaving and trying to keep themselves in check ….. asking him all sorts of questions…….. of course you have the ones that can’t help it and just jump at him and start hyperventilating at his sight……………..
Hifi works her way to Turi and ‘loony’ and asks to speak with them in private…….
After a few moments you see the three of them grinning with a mischievous look on their faces …………. They part ways turi makes her way to Hart and whispers something in her ear… she nods an proceeds to exit the room…………….
When all of a sudden you hear a few grunts coming from the door….. two ju-jitsu fighting squirrels have taken down the 2 FBI agents that were guarding the door…. ‘loony’ was dragging them with Hart’s help to a room until they regained consciousness.
You hear a voice making another announcement thru the speakers……… Ladies…. After the party is over please gather your belongings because we will be starting the “Boothcamp” today!!
Upon hearing this Booth shot a look to turi and ‘loony’ who have been talking in a corner not far away from him…… they just winked at him…………. He looks at the door and sees that his two friends have gone missing
“What is going on?!?!?!?!?!?..................... what is this camp you are talking about.!?!?!?!?!?!............. Somebody explain!!!!!!”
“Don’t worry Agent Booth…. You will find out soon enough”
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Booth Camp Resort and Spa

________________________________________________________________
The sun is shining at the Booth Camp Resort and Spa on the “anonymous” island in the Bahamas…… Hifi looks around at the empty resort…..the palm trees are swaying lightly in the breeze…… the buffet tables that surround the pool are adorned with colorful linens and with set with platters of cupcakes and pastries and bowls of carefully arranged tropical fruit. From the large terrace above the pool, Hifi can see the various little huts with straw thatched roofs are all set for each of the days activities and the “well-equipped” staff of the resort are busy putting together the final touches, including setting up lounge chairs on the beach. Hifi turns around and smiles at the bartender at the far end of terrace, thinking *He is going to be one busy guy in a couple of minutes – I wonder if the Booth Camp Resort and Spa knows what they have gotten themselves into*

Hifi feels a light tap on her shoulder and turns to face the source……she is met with those dark, dreamy eyes the I_Hart club swoons over……”Ummmm...Ms. Hifi, these are the swim shorts I was supposed to wear for the first session right?”…..Hifi momentarily frozen in space, attempts to get a coherent word out……”uh….ahem….yeah those are them.”

Booth tilts his head to one side…..and grins at Hifi…”I’m going to have an interesting couple of days here aren’t I”

“You have no idea………” replies Hifi

Suddenly, Hifi hears all sorts of laughter, squeals and general commotion…she turns to the direction of the check in desk-…. the limo carrying the rest of the I_Hart Club has arrived! Hifi sees loony first……………..”Loony!!!!!!! So glad you could make it – I made sure that the TV in the lounge gets the Canucks game and *wink wink* Booth told me this morning that he really likes hockey!” *Mischevious grin spreads across loony’s face as she nods her head in understanding*

After a quick hi-five to Hifi, a2b heads over to the cooking class tent to check and make sure everything is ready for the “Hot Dishes” seminar tomorrow…….I_Hart is at the concierge desk ensuring that her squirrels will have everything they need during their stay…….Rosie and Turi are chatting up a storm as they head to check out the pool…..Hifi scans the crowd for Willie, Pyro and Bandi the Smutmeister, finally settling on the corner of the terrace by the bar……but wait…..”Hey Everyone – where’s Gi Gi?” Hifi no sooner gets the words out when the loud unmistakeable roar of a Harley engine interrupts the chatter……..Everyone rushes back to the resort entrance, just in time to catch one of Gi Gi’s Booth clones, dropping her off at the gate. “Gi Gi!!!!” Everyone shouts in unison.

Now that everyone is here….a loud voice comes over the speaker….”Welcome to Booth Camp Ladies! The I_Hart Club’s reputation is legendary, so I expect we are all in for a fun couple of days! Our staff will take care of your luggage, so now if you all could please follow Jose to your first class. And from the staff here at Booth Camp we sincerely hope you all enjoy your stay!”



Using the complimentary fans found in their gift bags……the I_Hart Club slowly makes it’s way back to the main terrace for lunch. Hifi chuckles as she listens to the swirl of conversations around her *Man, these guys talk faster in real life then they do on the computer!* :

“Did you SEE how those abs rippled??!!! If he was in my fic, he’d never get to put a shirt back on ever again!”
“I know, I actually think I heard everyone’s jaw drop when he flexed his back muscles! What I wouldn’t give to rub those shoulders every night!”
“Did anyone else catch that sly wink he gave Bandi has she “inspected” his biceps? Whew…that was soooo hot – I think she may have actually gone into “smut overload!” ”
And “How’s Willie doing?
“Oh I heard she’s resting in the lounge. Guess that’s why medical services were included in our all inclusive package – I almost passed out too when she started to rub suntan lotion over Booth’s legs.”

The voice from the loud speaker interrupts the excited chatter and giggles “Okay ladies it’s time for the “Cardiovascular Test” please make your way over to your seats.”

Hifi stands and takes the microphone…….”So are we having fun yet???!!!!” ……everyone in the crowd cheers and raises their daiquiris, magaritas and mojitos. “Excellent! Well, as you all know this course requires some audience participation. So who would like to volunteer to help Booth demonstrate a Fluffnado? A Smutslide? Flashfluffing?



“And that….” Booth says as he places a kiss on Loony’s forehead…..”Is why I will always love you and never leave you.”………*End Scene* ….. The I_Hart Booth crowd erupts in cheers and squeals of delight as Loony stays rooted to the middle of stage with a dazed goofy grin……Booth walks over to get a glass of water as Hifi takes the microphone….. *Waits for Booth Camp staff to pick Loony up and remove her from the stage*…..”Okay so that was the well known and well loved FLUFFNADO everyone! *The crowd breaks into another enthusiastic round of applause* Next up we have Gi Gi with the -Flash Fluff! *Gi Gi runs up stage steps and does the “Rocky” dance at the top*

Hifi and Turi go to check on Loony in the lounge…….they can hear the whistles and cheers across the entire resort……..Hifi chuckles, ”Bet you 10 bucks he used the charm smile and eyebrow waggle on Gi Gi”……..

Hifi, Turi and Loony return to the Cardiovascular Testing Room, just as Booth is tracing his finger along AnabelleG’s jawline…..wordlessly he then proceeds to slowly unbutton his dress shirt, one……painstakingly button….at…a…time. Booth then leisurely slides his dress shirt off his well muscled shoulders……he reaches down to unbutton…..THUD!!!!

“Oh no not again!” The Booth Camp bartender mutters as he pushes past the crowd of stunned ladies and motions for the other staff for help………….The well muscled men easily gather Annabelle up in their arms and whisk her off to the lounge for some rest and a cold NON-ALCOHOLIC drink.

Hifi takes the stage as the rest of the I_hart Club take out their Double S Sponges (Smut Sweat Sponge) from their gift bags and hold out their gutter room membership cards to be stamped……..”Okay ladies, that concludes the Cardiovascular Testing and Day One of Booth Camp. Please enjoy dinner and be sure to check out the Boothslide that is set up next to the pool. Booth Camp courses resume tomorrow morning at 8:00 sharp. Thank you.”


The pool sparkles in the early morning sun……Hifi slowly makes her way down to the beach trying to decide if her headache is due to the numerous mojitos or just a serious case of being smungover from all of yesterday’s events…….a2b is already set up on the beach in anticipation of this morning’s event “Hi hifi!” she says as she adjusts her sunglasses…….the rest of the gang arrive shortly after, all moving a little slower than yesterday but still arriving well ahead of schedule for the “Flexibility and Endurance Test”………..the crowd hushes as our favorite muscle-bound FBI agent easily jogs up the beach, beads of sweat rolling down the contours of his chest……..Booth proceeds with the rest of his morning workout, as the audience silently looks on……..suddenly a loud “ooooooooooooo” escapes the crowd as Booth bends down to touch his toes and stretch his calves……….

As the I_Hart club makes their way back up from the beach towards the cooking class tent, Booth approaches Hifi…..”Ummm Ms. Hifi, I was wondering if you could explain to the group that the “hands on” demonstration was yesterday, I think some of them don’t understand that part is over…..” ……..Hifi smiles a knowing smile and places her hand on Booth’s well defined chest muscles…….”Oh don’t worry, I promise I’ll take care of it….”……….

a2b’s cooking class is off to a “sizzling” start as Booth appears in just an apron…..unfortunately for the crowd he is behind a counter but that’s enough for some members to hold out their gutter room passes to be stamped again…….a2b (the lucky assistant who gets to stand behind the counter with him) announces the recipe they are going to demonstrate “It’s called Baked Alaska – many of you might know the dish as “S*x in a Pan…..” ……*More cheers and whistles from the crowd*……as Booth starts mixing ingredients, Rosie motions for a2b to come over……Rosie whispers something in a2b’s ear and we see a2b’s lips form a wicked grin……a2b steps back behind the counter and just as Booth turns his back….SMACK! a2b slaps Booth’s backside with a wooden spoon……*The crowd goes wild for this, as Booth rubs the offending spot and a2b looks on innocently*

“Owww…..that hurt” Booth says…..”WAIT, I’ll rub it for you!!!!!” Bandi cries from the back of the room…….”Uhhhh…thanks but I think I’m okay now” Booth says as he backs himself up against the counter……Bandi shrugs “Your loss my friend” as the crowd giggles loudly.

Cooking class continued, followed by a lively discussion at the last session of Booth Camp…….Hifi moves to the stage and takes the microphone…”Ladies, unfortunately we have come to the end of Booth Camp *Loud groans and sighs from the crowd*…I know…I know….I was having too much fun too, but all good things must come to an end. I hope you all enjoyed Booth Camp and I want to thank all of you for making this possible. I would especially like to thank Special Agent S. Booth because without him this camp, and this club would not be possible. *Loud applause and whistles*. I’m told that Booth has one more surprise for us all, so if you could all take your seats, I’ll turn the microphone over to him.”


“Well ladies….” Booth begins “I wasn’t sure what to expect from Booth Camp…..but Turi’s party was just so much fun, I knew I couldn’t say no. Nevermind the fact that Loony and Turi took out my other FBI friends – guess you could say the choice was easy *the crowd chuckles at the memory*. Honestly though, I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know all of you – I never thought so many intelligent, witty and creative women could be found in one place. I would like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you for all the love and admiration you show me everyday – really does wonders for a guys’ ego. That being said I have a gift for each of you, so when I call your name please come forward.” *The crowd buzzes with excitement*

“Gi Gi, I heard you have a whole line of back-yard recreation toys patented. Parker would think you were the coolest! Hifi tells me you are considering moving out on your own one of these days, so I thought you might need this.” Booth hands Gi Gi an ironing board. “It has a picture of me in boxers on it and when you run the hot iron over it….well…” *Booth blushes* “Maybe I’ll let you figure it out.” *Gi Gi runs off frantically looking for something, ANYTHING, to iron*

“Loony, I really enjoyed watching that hockey game with you last night and I promise to keep cheering for the Canucks during the playoffs. I got the picture of you and me watching the game framed for your new house, I heard something about a Boothment? Anyway, hope you enjoy it.” Loony smiles and hugs Booth reading the signed picture that says “Canadian Girls kick a$$. Always, S. Booth”. *Hugging picture to her chest and sighing contently, Loony returns to her seat*

“a2b, you were a great kitchen assistant and I wish you the best of luck in Vegas. To you I give you an apron – see those are my arms that look like their wrapped around your waist. I promise you I will never look at Baked Alaska the same again!” Booth smiles as he hugs a2b goodbye.

“Rosie, I’ve been told that you’re soon headed to the UK for school. For you I found a Booth Umbrella – I’m told it rains a lot in England. I hope it will always protect you from the elements.” *Rosie returns to her seat and giggles uncontrollably when Bandi whispers something about “protection”*

“Hart – I’ve heard that someone at your school is giving you a hard time about the invitations you designed for an art show, so for you I give you this.” Booth presents a plain white card to Hart. “It’s a coupon for one good smackdown to be delivered by myself to whomever is causing you grief. And take care of these little guys – Parker would love them”. *Hart melts as Booth pets each of her squirrels*.

“Pyro – I’m told that you are the mom of the group with infinite wisdom to share. If you’re the mom of THIS group, it probably means that you have a lot of work on your hands trying to keep everyone in check. This would be pretty stressful, so for you I present a video of this morning’s workout session, to watch whenever you’re feeling a little overwhelmed. Hope it brings a smile to your face whenever you watch it.” *Pyro grins with glee and smacks Willie’s hand away as she tries to take it*

“Anabelle, sorry about yesterday I hope you’re feeling better. Whenever Parker doesn’t feel well I make him some chocolate chip cookies. So to you I give Chocolate chip cookies….with an adult twist. They’re Booth-shaped cookies, courtesy of a2b. I hope you you like them. For some reason, she also insisted on a jar of icing as well, something about licking if off….” *Annabelle, winks at a2b in appreciation*

“Smutty – I’m told you are the Queen of Smut and I searched high and low for something special to get you, but all I could think of is this. Rosie took this picture of me in a loin cloth for her fan fic and I decided to enlarge it and give a framed copy to you. I hope you enjoy it. It’s a bit of a spoiler for “Lessons in Anthropology”, so it’s our little secret for now” Booth says to smutty giving her a tiny charm smile and wink.

“Willie, I hear you are causing a serious amount of angst around the club with your Four Years fic. And although, Bones is an author so I do respect the creative process, in the interest of the rest of the girls, I’m giving you the bottle of sun tan lotion from yesterday hoping that it might inspire a least a little fluff for you. And Hifi said just in case you need a little inspiration for smut – I give you a Booth shower curtain.” *Willie smiles in awe at the gift and realizes she may never leave the shower again*

“Turi, I saved you for last because you were the one that arranged that great party for everyone here. You my dear get a special gift – a new computer with internet! No more waving from your phone at night!” *The crowd all cheers for this one* Booth then leans down and whispers seductively to Turi “And there is a special screensaver just for you on there.” *Turi tosses cellphone into pool and proceeds to find outlet for new computer*
_______________________________________________________________________
As the last of the Booth Camp guests leave, Hifi slumps into a lounge chair exhausted from the events of the day. Her cellphone rings….it’s her husband wondering where she has been for the past two days and why the FBI is calling looking for some guy named Seeley Booth. Hifi sighs and packs up her bags to head back home from Booth Camp, thinking *it’s been a slice ladies*.

And who can forget Booth's Crazy Rocks and Flies Wilderness Expedition??? a2b - I know you loved it, even if we didn't let you bring your Vera Wang sheets!
_________________________________________________________________

The giggling and shrieks bouncing off the walls inside the plane were beginning to make his ears ring. *Why did I agree to this again?* Booth sighed as he rubbed his temples.

When Hifi had called and proposed the camping trip, he had hesitated at first. But he promised Hifi he would give it some thought. Parker was going to be away at Rebecca’s parents place and Bones was off in Guatemala studying some rare hunting ritual in the rainforest, so he reasoned what would it hurt? The IHBFC was a lot of fun and he always left their parties smiling. Booth glanced over at Hifi - she had the rest of the girls in fits as she explained her last trip to the woods where her dog chewed a hole in their tent. Hifi caught his eye and winked.

*Yep, should have listened to my gut. This is going to be one busy weekend!* Booth closed his eyes trying to get some sleep – he had a feeling he was going to need it!

………………………………………………………………………………………………

The club had assembled in D.C - the American crew arriving first. Gimmie, Smutty, AnaG, Pyro, Hart, A2b, and Turi all raced from their respective planes to meet Booth. Well, A2b ran as fast as she could with what seemed to be an excessive amount of luggage for a camping trip. They were followed shortly by the Canadian team – Hifi, Willi, and Loony excitedly discussing the NHL playoffs and the possibility of the Cup finally coming back to Canada. The European Contingent arrived next – Niah, Amo, Addy, Hella and Rosie (the temporary European). Last to arrive was BB – who still looked quite lively considering the long flight from Australia.

Now as the plane began it’s descent to it’s finally destination, the chatter in the plane was almost deafening as the IHBFC tried to guess where they were. Booth stood up slowly and stretched as he made his way to the stewardess. She started to flirt with Booth but abruptly stopped when she noticed the plane had gone silent and sixteen pairs of eyes were glaring at her. She handed him the microphone, as Booth smiled apologetically.
“Well now that I have your attention” Booth began. “I thought I would let you know that Hifi and I decided that we hold “Booth’s Crazy Rocks and Flies Wilderness Expedition” on Vancouver Island in beautiful British Columbia Canada!” Enthusiastic cries and a wave of applause erupted from the crowd. As the noise died down, Booth continued “Glad you all approve of the location! Well now that we have landed – “let’s take off eh?” There were a few more giggles, as the Canadian girls explained “The Great White North” reference. Which of course led to another explanation of the exact definition of the term “hoser”.








The parade of black SUV’s bumped along the gravel road, finally coming to a stop in a parking lot surrounded by trees. The IHBFC jumped out of the vehicles and slowly surveyed the situation. Gimmie, Hifi, Loony and a few others all grabbed their gear and smiled as the less eager members slowly started to unpack their things from the vehicles. Booth grinned as he saw A2b staring warily down the rugged path into the woods. *Right, A2b isn’t too keen on camping, Hifi warned me about this*

“You know it’s not as bad as it seems” Booth said as he placed a reassuring hand on A2b’s shoulder.

“Well, you don’t understand…you see there was this bear…..” A2b started as she told Booth her story.

“And that, is why I’m a little unsure of camping” A2b finished with a sigh.

Booth smiled and squeezed her shoulder. “Well I guess you just have to stick close to me, because I’m the one with the gun.”

Smutty stopped unloading her stuff, about to ask “Really, tell us how big is your gun Booth?” But was distracted by the sudden shrieking coming from BB. “Eeeeeeeeeeee, what that heck is that????!!!!” The IHBFC members heads snapped in the direction she was pointing.

What started as a snicker became full out laughter as the rest of the IHBFC watched a moose plod slowly across the road. “Well……., that is one large and ugly animal…..” BB insisted, as snapped a picture to show her friends back home. The IHBFC smiled in agreement.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

After watching Booth sort through A2b’s bags, trying to get her to pack only the essentials (which involved a hilarious tug of war between the two of them over her Vera Wang sheets and comforter), the IHBFC were on their way. To scare off bears and mountain lions, Booth encouraged the group to make lots of noise – an easy feat for this group. Pyro suddenly had a great idea. “Hey everyone lets sing a “camp” song as we hike into the campsite!” Booth agreed, imagining the peaceful choruses of Koom-by-yah and Home on the Range. His thoughts were interrupted by the resounding melody of the IHBFC’s “theme song”. *Yep, wild animals are no match for the IHBFC*

The group continued on their way making frequent “rest stops”, where Loony graciously passed on her wisdom of “how to pee in the woods without peeing on your leg”. Finally, after what seemed like days of hiking, the group finally arrived at the campsite. Booth pulled Pyro aside first. “Umm….Pyro I’m not sure how much camping experience you have but I know you’re a mom and well it’s been my experience that mom’s just seem to know things, so I was wondering if you could help me show all the other girls how to set up these tents?” Pyro could see the anxiety in Booth’s eyes as he imagined tangled tents and broken poles. “Of course Special Agent I’ll try to help, but as you probably know this group can take on a mind of it’s own” Pyro said grinning wickedly.

“Mind of it’s own…what do you mean?” Booth asked suspiciously.

“Oh you’ll see”

After setting up all of the tents, Booth took Addy, Rosie, Hella and Willi to collect firewood from the bin near the outhouses. As she followed Booth, Willi winked at Turi, Smutty and Amo, who nodded their heads and grinned. Meanwhile, Hart was instructing her squirrels that they were not to mix with the “wild Canadian squirrels” and was desperately trying to get Izzy out of the pine tree before she fell and hurt herself. A2b and Niah were planning the ultimate smores for later that night using the finest Belgian chocolate, courtesy of Niah.

Booth sauntered back to the campsite, his well muscled arms bulging under the weight of the logs. He glanced over at Addy, Rosie, Hella and Willi. *Wow those girls can sure hold their own, that’s for sure. Maybe this excursion into the woods won’t be as disastrous as I originally thought*

Booth’s thoughts were interrupted by the scene he found back at camp. In the entire 5 minutes he had been away from the campsite, Turi, Amo and Smutty had rearranged all the tents in a circle with one tent in the middle – HIS tent. Pyro snickered as she helped Booth unload the logs. “See told you – mind of its own”.

“What the….why???..” Booth wondered aloud trying to figure out the new configuration of tents.

Willi stood up and explained. “Sorry Agent Booth but when Hifi originally mentioned this trip there was some discussion as to who got to sleep, umm…..closest to you. This was the best solution we could come up with.”

Booth smiled and shook his head. *These girls are more headstrong than Bones. I wish she could see this. I have a feeling she would really like this group*.

The rest of evening was filled with hotdogs, smores and loads of laughter and stories. Wink productions even came up with a wicked two part ghost story that gave everyone goose bumps.


The next morning over breakfast at the picnic tables, Booth announced the days activities. “First I thought we would try some rock climbing - but don’t worry nothing too extreme, just something easy and fun.” The IHBFC let out a collective sigh of relief. *The IHBFC is fearless and all but not that crazy!*
Booth continued “But for this activity, AnaG and Gimmie I have to insist you wear these.” Booth handed each of them two hot pink “Hurry Hard Hats”.

“Gimmie you’ve just had too many concussions to risk it and AnaG well you have a tendency to go *THUD* without warning and I wouldn’t want either of you to get hurt.” Booth explained.

Touched by his concern, Ana and Gimmie eagerly donned their protective gear, as the rest of the IHBFC also got ready for the climb.

Rock climbing turned out to be tons of fun, especially once the girls discovered that if they slipped slightly at the very bottom, Booth would catch them in his arms. Not surprisingly all sixteen members of the IHBFC had trouble with that first step up. The IHBFC also discovered giggling while rock climbing makes the sport much, much more difficult.

With that adventure out of the way, it was time for the afternoon’s activities. “Now I haven’t discussed it with Loony and BB but I’ve arranged for all the gear for scuba diving and surfing lessons! I hope you girls don’t mind showing us a thing or two?”

Loony and BB nodded enthusiastically and the rest of the IHBFC chatted excitedly about learning to surf and dive.

“I didn’t know y’all could surf here in Canada – it seems so….well…cold.. here” Smutty observed. Loony, Hifi, Willi and Rosie laughed and agreed.

“That’s why I brought everyone these.” Booth said as he came out of the bushes zipping up his wet/dry suit. Suddenly the only sound on the beach was the waves crashing against the shore as the IHBFC stood gaping at the sight. The stretchy fabric Booth wore hugged every taut muscle in his body – he was a like a neoprene covered Greek god.

“What? Do I have the suit on wrong?” Booth asked self-consciously.

Pyro was the first to recover “Oh no Agent Booth, that suit is definitely on right.”
“Or should I say Right On!” Pyro whispered to the rest of the IHBFC, causing everyone to burst out laughing.

The water sports continued for the rest of the afternoon, pausing only when Hifi shrieked because she thought she saw a shark. Booth of course dove right in to save her but it turned out to be nothing more than a Killer Whale in the distance. Hifi blushed and apologized for being such a drama queen, explaining she’s deathly afraid of sharks. She felt slightly less embarrassed though when a short while later Booth screamed like a girl as a hermit crab crawled across his foot.

As the second day of the wilderness expedition drew to a close, Booth found himself watching the girls of the IHBFC around the fire. As the flames illuminated each of their faces in an eerie orange glow he marveled at how different each member was from the other yet the same all at once. They came from different eras, backgrounds and countries yet they were all funny, creative, smart, persistent and way too stubborn for their own good. Just like his Bones. And then it clicked for the Special Agent. That’s why he is drawn to these women (even if sometimes it’s against his will) – they’re just like Bones. And THAT must be why I find them so unbelievably exhausting at times!


The final day of the wilderness expedition saw Booth seeing every member of the IHBFC off on to their respective planes. They were covered in mud and mosquito bites and smelled of campfire smoke but they looked like “happy campers” Booth thought. He smiled at the cleverness of his own pun. As he waved goodbye to the last IHBFC member he felt a tiny twinge in his gut. *Yep I’m going to miss them. Although I’m sure I haven’t seen the last of that bubbly bunch. Oh well at least they’re MY bubbly bunch. Until next time ladies!*

So for today we are “Tink and the Bubbly Boothy Bunch”! Hope you all had fun!

12 Steps of the Smutaholics Anonymous

(equally applicable to Boothaholics, FB-eye candy addicts, etc. etc)


1. We have stared directly at photograph of <<insert favorite Booth image here>> and with glazed unblinking eyes admitted that we are powerless over effects of said imagery.

2. We have come to believe that continued and prolonged contact with our favorite FB-eye candy is not only capable of producing dangerously high sugar levels but does little in the way of restoring our sanity. And that we are quite okay with that.


3. We have made a conscious decision to turn our visual imaginations over to the care of any writer and their naughty muses, with full encouragement to keep us well stocked in imagery for sweet Booth filled dreams.

4. We have made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves finding bookmarked pages of favorite smut-fics, shorted out keyboards, empty ice trays, mountains of drool rags, and a number of oscillating fans that just plain gave out.

5. We have admitted to another human being and pretty much the entire e-universe (should they choose to peruse) the exact nature of our addiction by writing, reading, re-reading and/or responding to said smutty fics.

6. We were entirely ready to remove all smut related tendencies until we realized that the end of Season 2 is steadily approaching (ack!) and we NEED something to get us through the drought, and instead decided from that perspective said tendencies can really be an essential part of mental stability. Any smut currently produced can be attributed to honing our craft.


7. We were also entirely ready to ask that all shortcomings be removed, until somebody pointed out that, um, shortcomings, is not a word that even translated in the world of smuttydom. So we let that one be.

8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed during the course of our obsession—including all beaux current and um, ex-pired, that could not handle the occasional but inevitable comparisons, children that may have wondered why mommy’s face was so red, bosses of suddenly unproductive and unfocused employees, and any pets that stared on in bewilderment as their owners stood with their heads in the freezer while reading a stack a printed fics.

9. We attempted to make amends for said obsession, only to find that anyone of age (and not a pouting ex-beau) seemed to take on similar traits. Apparently smut addiction is quite contagious among human females.


10. We have continued to take personal inventory finding freezer doors left ajar, mountains of smut-tinged fluff, scorching hot writers’ notebooks, embarrassing memories of lame excuses used to explain to the family doctor exactly how that case of frostbite was obtained…and the occasional empty glass from last night’s frozen drink.

11. We have sought weblinks for more photographic renderings of our source of smut-spiration in futile effort to build immunity but have found that it only serves to brings us further in contact with our inner smuttiness.


12. Having had a smut-ual awakening as the result of these steps, we continue to carry this message to smutaholics, boothaholics and FB-eye candy addicts everywhere through continued propagation of fics all along the fluttersmut- smutterfluff continuum, and have promised to practice these principles in all of our, um, affairs.

a mini-field trip for the Boothy Bunch, complete with souvenirs. Hope you guys enjoy the, um, excursion.  --Ana

The Raid

He steps out of the sauna, steam billowing around him as he secures the white terrycloth towel around his waist. Rolling his shoulders, he can feel the difference the few minutes in the steam room has made, the tension in his muscles all but gone. As he walks into the locker room, passing row upon row of gun-metal grey lockers, he says a silent prayer of thanks that the old army buddy who owned the gym was willing to let him use the place after-hours…

Approaching the row where his own locker is located, he hears a slight shuffling sound and feels the hairs on the back of his neck rise. There is someone else in the supposedly deserted building…

He stops, listening carefully, and hears a series of muffled whispers. But something is off…. female voices…in the men’s locker room. He rolls his eyes as understanding dawns…

*Not again, ladies….*

Stealthily, he moves closer and peeks around the corner of the row, not entirely surprised by the sight that greets him.

There are more than a dozen women of varying ages, heights and coloring scattered along the row. They are all dressed in black…their version of cat burglar costumes, he supposes. Some are seated on the wooden bench in the center of the aisle, a few leaning against the metal lockers, a couple are even sitting on the floor. But each and everyone is focused on the same spot…

….his locker….the door hanging open, contents spilling out…many of them distributed among the women.

His green jacket, name stitched above the pockets, is wrapped around one of women sitting on the floor. The side of his mouth quirks upward as he takes in the dented helmet sitting at an odd angle on her head, the words “Hurry Hard” stamped across the front.

There is another one kneeling in front of her, offering her a frosted thermos. It isn’t until she stands and turns around that he sees a flash of red around her neck….wait a minute…that’s his new silk tie! He starts to take a step forward, ready to interrupt their felonious little raid on his possessions, when a movement catches his eye…

Two of them sitting on the bench, each one with a hand on his black t-shirt, are staring down at a coin on the floor. One of them stands and lets a quiet cheer, “Heads! I win…” , and presses the fabric of the shirt against her cheek, and then inhales deeply. “Ah, BB…it still smells like him!” He raises an eyebrow at the clear Scottish accent….they were recruiting from overseas now?

Apparently so, he thinks as the young girl who lost the coin toss responds to her in an obvious Australian accent. “Yeah, Amo…but look what I still have….” She lifts a foot clad in one of his black and red striped socks, and wiggles it back and forth. Expecting jealousy between the two, he is pleasantly surprised as both give heavy sighs of satisfaction, dreamy expressions on their faces.

He catches a familiar scent, and turns his head to find another one spraying his cologne into the air, then watches as she steps into the mist, arms spread wide as she turns in a slow circle. A woman moves closer to her, and inhales deeply. “Sweet Gigi…oh, you lucky, lucky girl…”

Gigi stops turning, and gives a little squeak as she notices the white sleeveless undershirt her friend is wearing is wearing over her own black shirt. “Oh, but Hifi…you…oh, you are wearing his oh…think about it chica……that shirt was next to his….”

He doesn’t hear the rest of Gigi’s commentary. His attention is drawn away when one of others emerges from her search of his gym bag, holding her arm high, his belt dangling from her fingers, the “Cocky” buckle swaying from the end. “Lookie what I found Loony! Perfect for the Boothment, dontcha think?”

Another one runs up to her, excitement blooming across her face as she reaches out and traces the leather of the belt, holds the buckle with her hand. “Oh, you’re right…it’s perfect! But Rosie…what about you…did you find something….”

Her friend responds with a wide grin, snapping open his credentials and holding them near her face. She adopts a serious expression and deepens her voice, “Special Agent Booth, at your service ma’am!”

He finds himself caught up in their enjoyment of the moment, smiling as both dissolve into girlish giggles. Shaking his head, he knows he should do something to stop all of this before he has not a stitch of clothing left to wear…but part of him can’t help but admire their tenacity. They are definitely a devoted bunch, and instead of finding their unrelenting fascination…well, stalker-ish…he has to admit there was a part of him that finds it….endearing.

Still smiling, he watches as the tall blond woman, his jeans draped over one arm, moves closer to the open locker and peeks inside. Her mouth drops and she begins fanning her face with one hand. She turns, and motions to some of the others. “Hart…Turi…Willie….you have GOT to see this.”

Three of them—one fastening his watch around her wrist, one with her eyes hidden by his sunglasses, the third one slipping his phone into her pocket— join her, looking into the locker with open mouths, awe in their expressions. One of them bites at her bottom lip, and with eyes wide, she slowly reaches into the locker, one finger outstretched. His forehead creases….what could possibly be left…?

**Oh, God…the gun! Okay…time to put a stop to this…**

He straightens, crossing his arms over his bare chest before leaning against the last locker in the row.

He clears his throat, bringing the activity in the room to a screeching halt. “I thought we had talked about this sort of thing after the…..”

“SQUEEEEEEEE” Everyone of them seems to squeal in unison as they turn to face him. As each one takes in the sight of him, they freeze, possessively clutching their newly acquired items.

Struggling to keep a serious expression as thirteen pairs of wide, unblinking eyes stare back at him, he continues…

”Having fun tonight, ladies? You know, I think you’ve probably committed about 42 felonies between the lot of you…”

When that gets no response beyond mouths opening and closing without making a sound, he steps forward and begins walking among them. “I thought we agreed after that little after-hours visit to my office that we wouldn’t do this again. Anyone care to explain….Pyro….a2b… someone?”

The blond woman squares her shoulders and steps closer to him. “Well, its like this…Turi…she’s the event planner for our next party…she needed party favors….and then…” Her words trail off and her hand slowly reaches out towards one of his shoulders. He waves a hand in front of her face....

“Pyro, focus….and then?”

Her eyes snap back to his, still slightly unfocused. She tries to continue, but her eyes keep drifting back to his shoulders.

A2b steps forward, her speech punctuated by sighs as her eyes roam over his chest and stomach muscles. “And then…Loony has the Boothment to decorate….and the rest of us…well you know….never leave a man, um…woman…behind….”

Nodding his head, he responds. “Okay…I guess I can forgive this slip-up…just this once….but ladies…” He flashes his best charm smile….”Can I please have my clothes back? I have to meet Bones….and you really didn’t plan to make me to walk out of here in nothing but a towel…”

He chuckles, expecting a least a giggle or two in return. When he is greeted by silence, he turns to look at them, finding newly intent expressions on all of their faces…..noticing too, that since Pyro’s explanation began, they had all been slowing inching their way closer. Very, very close.

Seeing the gleams in their eyes as they start to circle around him, he starts to feel more than a little nervous. “Um…ladies…?” His eyes move from one face to another, looking for an ally among them.

He feels a flood of relief when one of them nods her head at him and steps forward, motioning the others back. “No, of course not, Agent Booth. We wouldn’t want you to meet Brennan in nothing but a towel.”

“Great, great…..thank you…Bandbi, right?” He flashes a charm smile at her in gratitude, but the smile fades as he notices her slowly shaking her head back and forth.

“Tsk-tsk…did you forget? Sometimes they call me….Smutty.”

**Uh-oh**

After that, everything happens so fast, he barely has time to process it.

Bandbi…Smutty…turns her head, calling back…..“Pyro…ya better cover BB’s eyes…”

When she turns back to him, her apologetic tone doesn’t match the gleam in her eyes.

“Sorry, Boothy Boo. But…I want a souvenir too….”

With lightening speed she reaches towards him and then moves away. For a split second, he wonders what she…..until he feels the cool air against his skin….and looks up in alarm, finding her several feet away, waving a white towel victoriously over her head…

Later, he would remember flashes of what followed….trying to cover himself as his eyes dart around trying to find something…anything to hide behind….instead meeting feverish gazes, blushing faces, and wide grins.

Dodging behind the open locker door, he can hear them calling out, their words blending together….

“Don’t worry…don’t think Bones will mind if you show up like…”

“Way ta go, Smut-ty!”

“Why can’t I see, too!”

“Oh, gawd….did you see…..”

“Better than I ever imagined….”

Then suddenly, there is complete silence. He wonders for a moment if they are out there… waiting for him, but he senses a certain stillness. Cautiously leaning from behind the locker door, he breathes a sigh of relief when he confirms that the room is now empty.

**Where did they…..of course…..probably sucked right back into that gutter room of theirs!**

He shakes his head in amused disbelief. “Hope they at least left my….”

Stepping out, he looks around for his clothing….

**Great…..just…..great**

The Counterattack...poor Booth, he actually thought he could get one past the ladies of the Boothy Bunch!


So, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY my dearest chickies, sweetpeas, chicas, girlies, ladies….I think the world of all of you…here’s a little pressie in celebration….a companion piece to the Raid seemed appropriate…Hope you enjoy! --Ana

Oh…and if I missed anyone I am so sorry…I swear that it wasn’t intentional and will promise to make it up to you…-A.
***

>>>A short rustle of the leaves, the swaying of a small branch. The movement was so subtle that it would have been easy to miss it. And who could have blamed us? After all the man was dressed completely in black…he’d had even used dark face paint to help him blend in. To tell you the truth, at first we were not sure that it was him. Eventually though, he slipped up. There must have been something that he found amusing, because someone spotted a flash of white in the darkness. The charm smile alert went through the group like wildfire…we knew that we had our man.

Returning to his hiding place behind an oak tree, Booth smothers the grin on his face. Bad form when on a mission, not matter how great the idea of a little payback might be. Game face back on, he places a gloved hand on the trunk for support and takes another look at the target area. Small brick house, light shining from a single window, the faint sound of music playing. It appears that this is his lucky night…the gang must be taking a night off from adding to their felony counts. Good thing too, he’s not sure if he could handle all of them on his own…and no way would he be calling in reinforcements. This was personal.

Too keyed up to wait any longer, he leaves the shelter of the woods and stealthily makes his way across the lawn. Staying within the shadows created by the eaves of the house, he does a quick check of the perimeter to make sure that there are not reinforcements waiting to ambush him. He definitely wouldn’t put it past this crew. Once he is sure that the coast is clear, he moves closer to the open window, crouching low beneath the sill. His plan is to wait it out and strike once the lights are out.

A loud racket pouring through the window puts an end to that plan. Curiosity gets the better of him. He has to know what is causing that god-awful noise. Cautiously, he stands just enough to peek over the window sill into the room…and is completely dumbfounded by the sight before him.

She’s wearing a shirt proclaiming “FB-eye Candy…The ONLY Food Group” in hot pink letters and pajama pants printed with little guns and handcuffs. He assumes that she’s dancing…elbows flying out at odd angles, an awkward leg kick or two, head bobbing almost in time to the song that she’s singing into the top of a hairbrush she’s holding in one hand.

“….I’m a b_tch…I’m a lover…I’m a child, I’m a mother, I’m a sinner, I’m a saint…I don’t not feel ashaaaamed…”

For a split second, he almost forgets why he is here…almost laughs at loud when she gets up on the bed and starts jumping around as the song continues. Until he notices the olive green jacket hanging from one of the bedposts. His eyes narrow as he remembers his mission. Slowly, he sinks back to sit on the ground, prepared to wait her out. How long could the song be?

Thirty minutes later, he is rubbing his eyes in frustration. After the first song ended, he’d been treated to a rendition of “Hot Blooded”, a couple Beatles tracks, “Keep on Trying”, and oddly enough “Bed of Roses”

Suddenly, mercifully, there is silence. The light coming from the window above him is extinguished. Time for someone to go nighty-nite…and then he would have his chance at last.

He sits through the strangest bedtime prayer he’s ever heard…”please gawd make sure the boothy bugs are biting tonight…” and then waits for several more minutes to be sure she is asleep.

***

>>>Silly man. I think he really thought he could pull one over on us. Didn’t he realize that we are always on high alert? For days, our Booth Detector…patent pending by the way…had been constantly scanning the area for a specific levels of testosterone, pheromones, and cologne in combination with unexplained spikes in temperature. We have this down to a science, believe me. Boothology. Or maybe Boothistry. We haven’t quite made up our minds.


In one fluid movement, he lifts himself up, clearing the window sill and dropping silently into the room. He pauses, giving his eyes time to adjust to his surroundings.

Years of sniper training give him confidence as he moves across the room, and he is certain that he is going to win this round. He’s already feeling the exhilaration of victory as he reaches out to claim his jacket. His hand closes over the fabric…

And then all h3ll breaks loose.

***

>>>Gotcha. Oh, mercy me, the look on his face when he realized…just priceless.

At the sound of the faint click, his blood runs cold. There isn’t enough time for him to say a prayer to remain at least partially clothed this time… much less escape…before the sound of metal bolts driving home come from the direction of the bedroom door and a sheet of galvanized metal slides over the window. He doesn’t need to check…he knows he’s trapped. Again.

The lights come on, and he sees her sitting up in the bed…holding a remote control in one hand. When he sees the number of buttons on it, he swallows hard. That can’t be good…what else…

He never gets to finish the thought…suddenly there are black-clad women appearing everywhere …crawling from under the bed, tumbling out of the closet, rushing out of the bathroom…the little Aussie surfer chick even drops down from her perch on top of the bookcase. Oh, God…they are everywhere…. he’s surrounded.

The woman who owns the house approaches, a sly grin on her face as she taps the remote against one palm.

“Umm, Ana….do you think we could talk about this?” He’s willing every ounce of charm he can muster into his smile, maybe if he can get some of them to…what was it they called it…”go thud”…then maybe he could deal with the rest…

“Hmmmm. Talk? Sorry, but I don’t think that’s on the agenda for tonight…”

He hears a sound behind him and then finds himself being pulled down into a chair. A soft cloth is being used to gently wipe the dark coloring from his face.

“What are you…”

“Can’t have all of this covering up that handsome face, now can we?”

“But, Pyro…there’s not any paint on my shoulder.”

She looks down as her hand massages his shoulder, and smiles with a gleam in her eyes.

“No…no, that part is for me.”

With reluctant sigh she removes the last of the paint from his face and gives his shoulder a final squeeze before stepping back.

Almost resigned to his fate, he shakes his head.

“Okay, ladies…can you at least tell me what’s going to happen to me this time?”

“Oh, but that would take the fun out of it. First, introductions…I don’t believe you’ve met Fab and Hel yet?”

As two of them step forward, he commits the new faces to memory, thinking that it’s best to be prepared…he never knows when or where any of them will show up.

“Nice to meet you…Hel and…Fab,is it? Maybe you two can talk some sense into…”

His words trail off as they both reach out, running their hands along his chest with glazed looks in their eyes.

“So…maybe not. Okay…anything else ladies? If not, I’ll just be going…”

He starts to rise from the chair, but is halted by a chorus of “Nooo’s”

“All I wanted was to get my stuff back….well, ladies, can you at least promise that I’ll have something left to wear?”

“I suppose we can let you get dressed once you are done…”

“Done with what, exactly?

“Well, there’s the little matter of a missed opportunity for a lap dance…remember during the last encounter when Silky and Lacy arranged for you to meet with us?

“Arranged?...” He starts to reply that it was more like kidnapping, but decides it may be best not to provoke them. “Of course I remember…that time I was a birthday present for Turi and Loony… how could I forget…they put me through quite a bit before turning into puddles of fluff, unbelievable…um, stamina…”

He pauses for Turi and Loony to giggle and share a high-five before continuing.

“So….all of this…the dancing, the singing…the open window…the jacket…it was all a set-up…for one lap dance?”

“Oh, no….not one. You see, we have this pact….no one walks away empty handed…so to speak.”

His eyes dart around the room trying to determine exactly how many…

“You don’t mean….”

“Yeppers. That would be…sixteen, I think. But don’t worry…we wouldn’t be so pushy as to not give you a choice in the matter…”

“A choice?” He starts to feel faint stirrings of hope.

“Well, yes. Chickies…shall we show Boothy Boo what’s behind door number 2?”

Smutty and Rosie move towards a table in the corner and reach for the hem of the cloth covering it. His eyes widen as the material rises to reveal that the “table” is actually a large plastic container. He easily makes out the words “100% All Natural” stamped diagonally on the front. He is wondering what that could possibly mean for him when he detects a new scent in the air. A sweet, sugary smell coming straight from the vat of…

“Syrup? Oh, please ladies, not the syrup again…”

The sound of two distinct chants starts to fill the room.

“Dance…dance….dance…”

“Syrup…syrup…syrup…”

Ana steps forward with the remote at the ready.

“So, what shall it be? Sticky buns? Or…”

She presses a series of buttons on the remote and the opening chords of “Pour Some Sugar On Me” start pouring from hidden speakers as a disco ball lowers and colored lights begin to swirl around the room.

“A little dirty dancing…?”

***

>>>Well, we did want to give him some choice in the matter. It was the polite thing to do after all. He was our guest of honor. Of course, we would have been more than happy with whichever one he decided upon. What happened after that was completely unintended. Honest.

Sometime later he finally stumbles out of the front door…he can’t tell how much later…he’s too exhausted to even guess…and the one with the green hair, Hart…Tinks…she still had his watch. He’d seen it on her wrist as she was changing the music to…he shudders as a flashback hits…”You Can Leave Your Hat On”.

After what seems to be a never-ending trek, he reaches the SUV he had hidden away earlier in the evening, back when he was still naïve enough to believe that he could actually get within an arm’s length of any of those women without something smutty happening….He stops in his tracks…smutty? He is stunned by the fact that their language is starting worm its way into his vocabulary. What was next….would he start talking about horny muses and butterbows and…

Shaking his head, he climbs into the car and breathes a sigh of relief. At least he can….he stops, sniffing the air. Syrup…the smell is still clinging to him. He’d chosen to dance…hoping that maybe it would be enough to end this once and for all…and was just finishing off his dance for Hifi with a little wink…when Willie ”accidentally” ended up with syrup on her hands. Of course he shouldn’t have been surprised when she thought his chest was the perfect place to clean up…which encouraged A2B and Amo to join in…by the time that they were done, he felt like every square inch was covered. Gigi and several of the others made a big production of “cleaning him up”, but it felt more like “feeling him up” by the time that they were done.

He turns the key, and ready to put the entire experience behind him, hits the accelerator. As the car jerks forward, something shifts on the seat next to him.

Panicking, he hits the brakes. What if one of them somehow managed to…..He hesitantly looks over to the seat beside him, and breathes a loud sigh of relief when he sees what is there.

It’s his jacket. They gave him back his jacket. He reaches for the note pinned to it.

>Boothy Boo-

Thank you so much for attending our meeting tonight. We had a very enjoyable time, and were so thrilled that you were willing to participate in our activities. Please do consider joining us again. You are always welcome.

-The Boothy Bunch

P.S. –Sorry about the syrup.

As he reads the last words, he manages a faint smile. Maybe they weren’t so bad…a little felonious, and a bit obsessive when it came to getting him out of his clothes. But they did apologize for the syrup…and they did give back the jacket.


***

>Don’t act so surprised. Naturally we sent our little version of a thank you card. Despite the occasional (and understandable) lapses, we are very cognizant of what we put the poor man through. Though I can understand why the return of the jacket may have been a shock. The Boothy Bunch returning an authentic item that he actually wears on that body? I can assure you however, that it was a completely logical and strategic move.

Exactly how long do you think that we will actually let him keep it before we stage another… meeting?

Now….on to the yummiest piece of FB-eye candy to walk the planet earth…..
***


Seeley Booth was a very nervous man. He’d taken to carrying a handkerchief to wipe the sweat that kept beading on his forehead. Jumped at the slightest sound, refused to sit with his back to the room in restaurants. Wouldn’t even consider getting on an elevator unless there was someone else with him. It was embarrassing. He had been a Ranger…a sniper sent on the most sensitive of missions. For god’s sake, he was a gun-toting, body-armor-wearing special agent of the FBI.

But he couldn’t help but feel that he had done something very, very….very dangerous. It would have been smarter to wave a red flag in the middle of a bullfight. A piece of raw meat in front a pit-bull. A bowl of pasta in front a woman that had spent three weeks on a low carb diet. He was a marked man, and he knew it.

At the time, he hadn’t felt as if he had a choice. His girls…he was shocked to find himself thinking of them that way, but he couldn’t help it….after all, being bathed in syrup in a locked room had a way of bonding people together...so yes, his girls…there was something downright…unfluffy…going on with them. Though it pained him to admit it…he would rather have a root canal without anesthesia while Zach asked him questions about women…but he…god help him…he missed them. He had actually been glad to hear them tumbling around on top of the elevator the other day…had even tempted Loony with a clear target for a good butt pinch…and then…nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zippo. They had just left him there. He woke up woozy, expecting to be covered in syrup or little welts from all of the pinching…but they were gone. They had even left his shirt on!

So, when Turi had come to him for help…he had signed right up. Lined them all up and gave them a good no-nonsense talking to about their responsibilities. Did they have any idea what it did to a guy’s ego when his most dedicated and enthusiastic stalkers just up and disappeared?

At the time, it had felt like the right thing to do. But now he felt as if he had thrown down a gauntlet without thinking about the consequences. It had been quiet….too quiet….and he knew they were out there….waiting….lurking….plotting.

***

>>Somewhere at an undisclosed, highly classified location….

There are probably two dozen women at the top-secret training location. It is hard to be exact, as they all swarm over the various obstacle courses and training equipment. Everyone is dressed in black and wears pink helmets despite the summer sun. They are dedicated, their spirit and focus renewed…and if it means sweating, then it means sweating. (Though…it must be said…there was just the slightest bit of complaining on this point.)

And there is a lot to get them worked up….there are the shirt removal drills. Life-sized replicas of a dark haired, chocolate eyed man dressed in a pristine white shirt. All the buttons must be unfastened and the shirt on the ground in less than ten seconds.

Then there is the sticky rope course. A crawl through a pool of syrup then a sprint to where a buddy waits to have her hands tied with a length of rope. Tying a firm knot with syrup-coated fingers is a very handy skill to have.

Weight training is required. Everyone has to use one of those hand-squeezing-do-hickey thingies to build up the muscles in their hands in case the perfect pinch opportunity arises. A chica must be prepared for any situation.

Seeley’s Alley….a row of fabricated buildings that replicates a very specific locker room, office, and apartment. It even had a black SUV sitting in the “street”. Every woman is required to infiltrate each of these while avoiding detection by fake Brennans, Cullens, and various squints and security guards.

Aerobic training to the beat of “Hot Blooded”, “Pour Some Sugar on Me” and “Baby You Can Leave Your Hat On”. “Keep on Trying” is used for the cool-down period. The “B---” song, that one they sing just for inspirational purposes.

There are many more. Thud-rescue and recovery training. Helmet repair classes. Towel removal stealth drills.

And every morning and every night, they line up and patrol the perimeter, calling out in the perfect cadence….

One, two, three, four
Vats of syrup we will pour

The boothy boo
He will see
What loving stalkers
We can be
The loco ladies
Of Company B!

Flashy ties
Hoo-rah
Chocolate eyes
Hoo-rah
Smiles that charm
Hoo-rah
Oh those muscles in his arm
Hooo….

(at which point…the patrol usually falls apart as the ladies begin to wander aimlessly with glazed eyes and drool on their chins…)

***

To be continued…

tee-hee

poor boothy boo….he had no idea the tempest he was stirring up….

Part 2


***

Booth let the hot water pour over his head and down his shoulders, a slight smile growing into a full-fledge grin as he felt the tension slip from his muscles. He had come to a realization earlier that day when he had been so worried about entering an elevator that he had enlisted…well, dragged Zach along with him. Things were pretty bad when he was so paranoid that he was resorting to using one of the squints for protection against the ladies. It was time to face facts…they were gone. Not coming back. He was free. He would never have to wash dried syrup from his hair, explain to Cullen about missing credentials, no more chafing on his wrists from the handcuffs and the ropes..he could quit thinking about how to put Lo-Jack on his clothes….

He started to run the bar of soap across his chest and abdomen (whoo boy…hold on…ana needs a second……*adjusts helmet, takes deep breath and shakes pictures from mind*…) another realization hit…he could stop with the extra push-ups and pull-ups he had been doing to bulk up the biceps and delts…the extra money spent on those super-tight t-shirts....god, he had even found himself looking in the mirror the other day wondering if maybe he should use some sort of moisturizer or a new cologne, maybe. All of that in the insane hope of luring his stalkers back. Now he didn’t have to worry about it anymore.

He thought he heard a low thudding sound coming from the next room and froze right in the middle of rinsing the foamy soap from the smooth planes of his well muscled chest. Then he shook his head, laughing at his own ridiculousness. Lotta big bad talk and then he was jumping at imaginary noises.

But that didn’t keep from hesitating a second before peering around the edge of the shower curtain to make sure the coast was clear before stepping out. Or from making quick work of toweling off the droplets of water clinging to his skin. But by the time he wrapped the towel around his waist, he was feeling much more comfortable in his own skin.

He walked into the bedroom and turned on the radio as he began to pull clothing from the dresser drawers. A catchy and familiar melody filled the room as he dropped the towel ….................………………………………………………………………………….(oops….sorry ladies…had another um, moment) and stepped into a pair of <<insert the boothy boo undergarment of your choice…and yes ladies…he has to wear something…pg-13, remember>>.

He found himself humming and then singing along as he perused his selection of t-shirts trying to decide which one would accent his biceps the best. By the time, he grabbed one he was singing and dancing around the room, shaking his booty and belting it out like Kelly Clarkson on steroids.

Then…..he froze, listening carefully….the hair on the back of his neck standing on end.

There it was again. A giggle.

And there was no mistaking the voices he heard next……

“Shhhhhhhhh.....”

“But didja seeeeee him….”

“Yeah, I did….”

The sound of several thuds confirmed it……and he began to slowly edge his way towards the door. But it was too late…..there was the rustle of fabric, the jangle of what could only be handcuffs……the patter of feet heading in his direction…..and then his world went black……

***

A group of black-clad women gathered around the half-naked figure lying prone on the floor. Slowly, they removed their masks….it was hard to breath through drool-soaked cotton after all….and stared at him with awe….many of the already reaching out with grabby hands….

They all jumped back when another woman joined their group….

“Loony….what did you give him…..”

Loony looked at the spray bottle she held in her hand in bewilderment….

“Pyro….I swear….I thought it would only make him all swoony….not pass out….”

She looked at the bottle and wailed. “I just started to train as a pharm tech….I didn’t knooooooooooooooowwww…..”

Pyro patted her on the shoulder with assurance. “I know you are wonderful pharm tech…now just tell Mama Pyro what you put in that magic bottle…..”

“Um….it’s two parts pheromones and one part Brennan’s perfume….or is it two part perfume and one….”

Their conversation was interrupted by a squeal from the other ladies…

“Awwwwww…..look y’all….he smiling in his sleep….”

“Ohhhh…and it’s a charm smile tooo!”

Noting the dangerous tilt of some of the ladies, Pyro called out for reinforcements.

“eh-TUBE-ee…hurry….oh no…there they go….”

***

Booth nestled further into the silky sheets and tightened his arm around Brennan. He couldn’t be happier….lying there in bed, his best girl resting her head on his chest while she traced her hands over his chest and whispered sweet-nothings in his ear…

“Oh, Boothy Boo…I think this is the happiest moment of my life….and this body, these muscles…they are all mine……”

“No…they’re mine too…..my turn hifi….”

“No…it’s mine…it’s harts turn!”

And that is Booth knew something was very very wrong….it suddenly felt like Brennan had a dozen hands and they were all kneading and rubbing and pinching…..

His eyes opened with a start…..and he found himself looking up into a circle of women all of them arguing with each other about….whose turn it was?

He became of a heavy weight on his arm…and looked down to find an all too familiar face staring back at him.

Wills smiled from her comfortable perch lying next to the booth boo…arms wrapped tightly around his chest as the other ladies tried to pull her away….

It was about to become a free-for-all when a loud voice broke through the chaos…

“Ah-ten-hut!”

Suddenly all of the ladies were lined up, staring straight ahead as if they were…..and that is when he noticed the uniforms…..but he didn’t have time to take it in when someone walked up to him and settled down on the cot next to him….

“Ah, Boothy Boo…did you have a nice dream….

“Dream! You drugged me!”

“Oh, now, don’t be that way…..it was just a little pheromone…”

One of the other girls broke rank…

“It couldn’t be bad….you were having a VERY good dream…”

“How did you….”

“Cause you talked in your sleep…..”

Almost as one the girls closed their eyes and puckered their lips making kissy noises….

“Oh…Bones…I love you soooooo much…..”

They all dissolved into giggles as Booth waited for the earth to open up and swallow him whole. He was saved from further torture when the woman who had been sitting next to him stood up….

“Now ladies….this is no way to welcome our favorite FB-eye candy to the Boothagon….”

“Boothagon? What the hel….?”

“Yes. The Boothagon. Super secret, highly classified training location of Company B of the S.T.A.B.L.E Force.”

“Stable? You people…stable? That has got to be a joke….”

“No, Booothy Boo….I assure you the Specialized Tactical Acquisition of the Boothy-Boo Lead Expeditionary Force takes the matter very seriously”

“Oh-kay…I got it. Serious. Now, can I go home?” He flashed his favorite charm smile but felt is slowly fade away as he saw them all shake their heads in unison.

“No. ‘Fraid not. See…we have spent ALL of this time training….and then it hit us…”

**uh-oh**

“…it hit us that we were doing ALL of the work….and that it was very important to make sure that you were up to the challenge….we can’t have you falling out in the middle of a good raid or kidnapping now could we….”

Booth rolled his eyes in disbelief…and then stopped as he realized it was a very brave but dumb thing to do when it came to these…

“So…we brought you here for Boothy Boo Stalkee Training.”

“And what make you think that I am going to do….”

“SANY….bring the camera…..

One of the ladies hurried forward with a video camera. She handed it to him with a giggle and then stood there sighing heavily….

He open the viewing panel of the high tech camera and pressed play. His faced paled at the video….him dancing in his underwear…moving his hips and flinging his arms out…

“Oh…I forgot the sound…..” Sany leaned forward and pressed a button and the barracks was filled with the sound of Booth singing…..

“You make me feeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllll….. You make me feeeeeeelllll like a nat-ur-al wo-man….wo-maaaaan”

He felt a hand patting…and then rubbing….and then squeezing….his shoulder. He looked up to find fab staring at him with a wicked gleam in her eyes.

“Oh, don’t worry Boothy Boo, we won’t let it fall into the wrong hands, as long as you…..”

***

to be continued….

Part 3


Well…hope we are not wearing him out…but the boothnapping continues….hope you likee! –ana

***

Booth sat with his head in hands, wondering what they were going to do him. There was no use trying to prepare…there were no limits to what these ladies would do…but not knowing was so much worse than not knowing….and the way they were whispering over there in the corner….but if that tape every got into the wrong hands….he shuddered at the thought.

Which caused a huge flurry of activity on the other side of the room. It was like a stampede, but Poly made it there first.

“Oh, no….is the boothy boo cold?” She tried to looked concerned but the look in her eyes as they traveled over his body gave her away.

“No…well, yes. Listen, maybe if I could get my shirt back…..?”

Poly was too-crestfallen at the very idea of a shirt covered Booth, so Kmmy jumped right in.

“Nope. ‘S against the rules. Sorry.”

“Fine. But can someone tell me what I am supposed to do now?”

“It won’t be too much longer…we are just waiting on some supplies to arrive from….”

She was interrupted by a loud squeal and the sound of someone running as if the hounds of hades were hot on their trail. The knot of women surround him dissolved as they all went to welcome the newest arrivals.

“Amo! Rosie!”

Booth actually forgot the circumstances and smiled as he saw all of them so happy to see their friends, chattering away and hugging as if they hadn’t seen each other in ages. Slowly they calmed down, all of them out of breath from trying to fit months worth of convos into two minutes.

“Can you believe we were on the same flight? And look….look what Rosie found!”

Rosie smiled wickedly and pulled a small swatch of fabric from her purse, holding it high above her head for all of them to see. When Booth finally realized what it was, he felt the blood drain from his face.

“Is…is…that…what I think it is?”

“Yep.” Addy leaned forward with a teasing smile on her face, and pinched his cheek. “Your very own loincloth, boothy boo…”

Booth groaned in dismay as they all started to advance on him with a look of purpose and their eyes, Rosie leading the way, holding the scrap of material from the tip of one finger.

“O, Boothy boooo…..”

“No way. A man’s gotta have his dignity ladies….”

“Dignity?” Kiki snapped her fingers and suddenly the room was filled with the lyrics of “Natural Woman”…in surround-sound. She saw the look on his face and sighed. “Sorry, Booth. But you…loincloth….its gotta happen…..”

Knowing that he was beaten, Booth sighed heavily then reached out to take the…..

***

Booth felt his charm smile grow thin as the camera flashed in his face.

“Lacey….how many more?”

“One…I promise….or three, maybe six?” She snapped another close up of his torso. “I just need a few more for the Booth Express….”

“The Booth….Express?” He asked the question while keeping a careful eye on Bandbi, who kept creeping closer and closer to the loincloth that was all that stood between him and…he had learned the hard way never to turn his back on that one!

“Smut. Its our smutty hideaway…and this is going to be plenty of inspiration for the writers too…..mmmm-hmmmm…” Flyers adjusted her pink helmet as Lacey instructed Booth to flex a bicep….

She had just started to tilt dangerously to one side when a whistle sounded, signaling the next drill.

***

Booth waited patiently as the thud-recovery team carted away an unconscious Bonbon from the line and the next eager lady appeared in front of him.

“Hart? Didn’t you already have a turn?”

“Yeah…but, Boooooooth….pleeeassse just one more?”

He pretended to think about it, but it was so good to see the IHB of the IHBFC again, in full green haired glory just for the occasion, that he gave in.

“Okay, Tinks. But…could I have some chapstick first….all of this….”

He never got to finish his sentence as least a dozen tubes and pots of chapstick were held out in his direction. He started to take one, but the girl holding shook her head and smiled shyly.

“Oh, no….only if I can….” She pointed towards his mouth and giggled.

“Okay, Turi…but make it quick, please?”

He waited patiently as she squeed and sighed and blushed her way through applying the chapstick to his lips. Eventually, she reluctantly stepped back and allowed Hart her turn.

Hart quickly removed her pink helmet and closed her eyes as she waited….and then she felt it …the press of his lips against her forehead just before she slowly sank into oblivion.

The thud-recovery team quickly retrieved her from the air mattress they had set up behind each of the ladies for just this occasion. (Hurry hard helmets having been removed as they interfered with the forehead-lips interaction.) He still could not get over the sight of his face printed on the 6-ft square surface. But he didn’t have time to think about it, because the next girl was waiting for her turning to participate in the kissing booth drill….

“Red, right?”

She nodded her head slowly, unable to speak as she waited for her own forehead kiss.

Finally, after kissing forehead after forehead, hearing sigh after sigh and thud after thud came the sound of the whistle announcing the next drill.

***

He was being escorted to the site of the shirt removal drill, gimme holding tight to one arm and cari to the other.

“This is gonna be sooooo much fun, Boothy Boo….”

“I just bet…..we couldn’t maybe go out for group root-canals or something instead right…?”

“Oh, this is much much better than that. Didja know Hifi says she’s going to show us how she undresses you with just her eyes…..

“Wh-what….?”

“Yep…without ripping a single button, too….”

Booth wisely decided that he didn’t want to hear anymore. Maybe knowing wasn’t as good as not knowing after all.

But as a2b handed him a white dress shirt, and carefully buttoned him into it….while managing to graze his chest or abdomen with her hand each time one was fastened…he started to think it couldn’t possibly be that bad……so he had to take off his shirt again… well, that was like riding a tricycle with training wheels after the other things they had done….

Then his jaw dropped. Three large piles of folded shirts with legs were headed in his direction.

“You can’t mean….ALL of those?”

A smiling face appeared from behind one of the stacks.

“Yeppers!”

“Kizzy! What are you…..I didn’t think…..!”

“Oh….I’m in DA club all the time, watching, popping in from time to time…and when I heard something about shirtless Booth, I made sure to be here!”

**….oh, no….not kizzy too….will the madness ever stop…**

Then he felt the first button pop loose, and shook his head.

**…no, it won’t ever stop….**

------------------------------

to be continued….

there is one more part to go…

and if i have forgotten anyone so far….please let know….soooooo sorry……just let me know and i PROMISE to make it up to ya….

Part 4

**leans down and whispers to musie in hushed tone**

Are we sure we want to…

**listens as musie replies with emphatic tone and wave her hands in karate-esque move**

But it’s a little different from the usual boothna….okay, okay….ow!....i’m posting it, good gravy musie…give a girl a….ow!

**grabs flip-flop from the musie and rubs new red spot on forehead**

Alright…before she really gets aggravated…here we go with that last installment of this particular boothy boo adventure… like I said a bit unusual for a boothnapping…but apparently what musie wants....musie gets! Hope you like….ana***


Booth walked towards the dressing area with trepidation. They had been very excited when they told him there was another outfit waiting for him, but wouldn’t give him any details. Just said that it was the best one yet. Knowing these ladies, it would be something the size of a postage stamp held together by dental floss.

But he was stunned when he opened the door and saw what was waiting there on the hanger. Suspecting a trap, his eyes scanned the room looking for the tell-tale signs of a hidden camera or syrup bottles. Finding nothing, he finally shrugged his shoulders and began to change. After all, what the ladies wanted…the ladies always got. One way or the other.

***

Taking a final look in the mirror, he adjusted the black tie and smoothed the fabric of the jacket. Then he took a deep breath and made his way outside of the small dressing area. When he saw what was waiting for him, his jaw dropped.

The large barracks had been transformed into a ballroom. The room had been dimmed, light coming from strings of small white lights scattered around the room. Bouquets of fresh flowers were everywhere. Soft music flowed from the hidden speakers. And standing two lines on either side of a smooth wooden dance floor was the biggest surprise of all.

The ladies were all dressed in flowing gauzy dresses. Soft pinks, greens, blues, yellows… not a swatch of black anywhere. Some wore their hair up with soft waves framing their smiling faces. Others had chosen to wear theirs down with a flower behind one ear, or a sparkly barrette on one side. There were towering heels and delicate slippers. Every one of them was different…and everyone was beautiful.

As he walked along the rows, he noticed that while they had all added their special touches, they all wore a thin gold chain around their necks, a small oval pendant engraved with a delicate “B”.

He stopped, feeling as if he should say something, but he could not find the words. Then as the music changed and the first notes of “Crazy for You” drifted across the room, one of them left the line and approached him. Her face flushed and her eyes bright, she extended her hand, taking his and leading him to the center of the dance floor.

It was like a magic spell had descended over all them. He danced a single dance with each of his girls. Some rested their heads against his chest and sighed. Others rested their hands on his shoulders and looked into his eyes as the music played on. No one pinched, no one grabbed, and he was able to remain clothed the entire time. As each dance ended, he kissed each of them on the cheek and lightly squeezed her hand as she gracefully ceded the floor to one of the other ladies.

After each one had taken a turn, they had made their way over to the refreshment tables. There was an assortment of food…chocolate cupcakes from a2b, small candies stamped with the letters “F”, “B” and “I”, miniature pancakes and small bowls of syrup… champagne (and sparkling cider since they were NOT in Canada…Hart!)…in delicate crystal flutes engraved with the words “Booth Nap 2007”.

He had taken a glass of champagne and retreated to a corner, a smile on his face as he watched the enchanting sight of the loco ladies of Company B of the S.T.A.B.L.E Force transformed into princesses.

Booth sensed a presence next to him, and turned to find one of the ladies standing at his elbow with a slight smile on her face.

“Not thinkin’ that we are mellowing are you, Agent Booth?”

He chuckled. “No….no, I’ve learned my lesson about that. I was just thinking how this was a nice way to end this adventure….”

“Oh, but Booth, this isn’t the end….” She laughed softly as she saw the way his eyes widened at her statement. “Don’t worry….I think you’ll like this part. See, the Stalkee Training was not just about fulfilling our fantasies…okay, well it was…a little, a lot actually. But it was also about preparing you for fulfilling one of YOUR fantasies…”

His confusion was written across his face, but it fell away in the next second as he heard a familiar voice coming through one of the open windows, loudly protesting being sprayed down with pheromones and cologne and dragged off to……

“You don’t mean….”

“Hmm-hmmm. All of it…charm smile practice, forehead kissing, shirt removal…it was all to help you practice for what might happen….”

“But what about the…” He leaned forward and lowered his voice. “…the loincloth?”

“Check the right inside pocket of your jacket….just in case you and the good doctor decide to get….frisky.”

She studied his face as he reached a hand into the pocket and then jerked it away. She was very pleased to note that while he was blushing furiously, he hadn’t immediately discounted the idea. Maybe they were finally making progress.

He tried for a stern look, but couldn’t follow through. The smile on his face as he looked at the woman was sincere.

“Thank you. I owe you ladies….”

“Only for you boothy-boo….only for….” She stopped as a new song began to play. “Sorry, that’s my signal….Now, go get your girl, bub.”

She gave him a swat on the butt that would have made a linebacker blush, and then began to walk away. As he heard the sound of her heels clicking against the wooden floor, something occurred to him. He called back to her.

“Ana…..why?”

She stopped, turning to look at him for a moment before speaking.

“Because…even though we put you through things that would have made lucifer sweat bullets…tonight you gave us all a reason to believe in fairy tales. Because…because you are a good man, Seeley Booth.”

She walked away, not giving him a chance to respond. That is when he noticed that all of the ladies were gone. The lights in the room dimmed completely excepted for a lighted circle in the middle of the dance floor…..where Brennan was waiting for him, dressed in a smoky grey chiffon dress, and looking at him with a nervous, but expectant look in her eyes.

He began to walk towards her as the words to the song…. “You Look Wonderful Tonight”…fell softly into the room.

When he reached her, they were both silent, unsure of how to proceed. Then she laughed nervously.

“Booth, these…friends…of yours, they are a little…um,…”

“Yeah…” He absently replied as he reached out pulling her close to him, placing her hand on his chest, wrapping his arm around her back as they slowly began to move to the music.

“I think they would be excellent subject for a study for the Journal of Anthro….”

“Temperance….”

She stopped talking, her eyes wide as she felt the heat of his stare on her face, her mouth.
They were both holding their breath as he leaned forward to…

The perfect silence of the moment was broken by the sounds of sighs and awwww’s coming from the shadows of the room.

Booth leaned back slightly, rolling his eyes at the sound of muffled giggles, as he called out into the supposed-to-be empty room.

“Um, Ana?”

“Some privacy, please?”

“Sure thing, boothy boo….sure th…...”

***

So…that is the end of the boothnapping….well….**wiggles eyebrows suggestively** for now anyway…..

Okay..The Funky Challenge...I LOVED this one! Came out of one of those amazing convos with the ladies...if I remember correctly, a2b challenged me to a fic with...Tony the Tiger and Cap'n Crunch in a celebrity death match, an explanation of why boy dwarfs had prettier eyelashes than girl dwarfs, the lace place, and the cheese place....AND THEN THE MADNESS ENSUED!

Part 1


>>Booth leaned his forearms against the railing as he observed the bustle of activity on the floor below him. He slowly ran his thumb over the poker chip he was holding in one hand, trying to come to terms with things that he’d encountered in the short walk from the doors.

**From here, they almost seem normal. Regular, functional human beings capable of carrying on a conversation that didn’t require a dictionary or a psychiatrist to translate.**

A shudder ran through the muscles of his neck and shoulders as an involuntary flashback takes him back to the beginning.

***

He’d entered the lab with a whistle on his lips and a bounce in his step. He was sure life couldn’t get any better than it was right this minute. Three cases put to bed in a week. A new record. He felt a little weight lift from his soul every time he snapped the handcuffs around the wrists of another murdered.

As great as that was, it paled into comparison to the weight that had lifted from his heart when he’d told her how he felt. From that moment on, they’d been more inseparable than ever. And every second, he fell a little harder for her.

As he crossed the room towards her office, his eyes fell on two figures huddled over a lab table in the far corner. Exuberance clouding his better judgment, he changed his direction and headed towards the pair.

Fully intending to sincerely complement them on their contributions in solving the last case, he reached out clamping an open hand on each of their shoulders.

“Zach. Hodgins. Just wanted to say that…”

The words died on his lips as he took in the sight on the table in front of him.

Two of the largest, most disgusting cockroaches that he had ever seen in his life were in opposite corners of a high plastic box. They were so enormous that he could clearly see the segments of their bodies, the tiny hairs extending from their spindly legs and antennae.

The part that made him question his sanity though was the fact that each of them had bright markings painted on their backs. He could swear that he was looking at…

**Tony the Tiger? Cap’n Crunch? Can’t be. No way.**

Quickly removing his hands from their shoulders, and looked at them both with disbelief on his face.

“What in the name of…”

“Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches.” Zach tapped his finger against the side of the box, causing a faint hissing sound from the two insect.

“Right. Okay. But what’s with the….”

“Celebrity Death Match, dude.” Hodgins grinned at Booth’s obvious discomfort.

“Celebrity Cockroaches…?” Booth regretted the question as soon as it left his mouth. He really, really didn’t want to know.

“Yeah, man. You are looking at two of the baddest of the bad in the lab. This one is….”

Holding up one hand, Booth stopped him.

“Don’t tell me. That one is Tony and that one is the Cap’n”

Shaking his head, he didn’t know what disturbed him more. The fact that two cockroaches were ready to battle to the death…or the fact that he had been able to guess at what the psycho-squints were up to.

“Listen, guys. Forget I asked, oka…”

He froze as he felt a tickling sensation along the curve of his ear.

“Is that what I think it is?”

Hodgins took his time moving over to Booth, noting with amusement that the man’s face was almost as pale as his white shirt.

Invading Booth’s personal space, he pretended to carefully examine something on his neck.

“Hmmm. I think that might be Toucan Sam. You know the Fruit Loo…”

“I don’t give a tinker’s….just get it off of me. Right now. Or I swear I will…”

Opening chuckling as Booth’s voice reached higher and higher octaves, Hodgins reached out and plucked the roach from Booth’s neck just as it started to make its way under the loose collar of his shirt.

“….shoot me?”

Hodgins started to laugh until he noticed that Booth’s hand reaching towards his holster.

“Here, Zach. Catch.” He tossed the wildly hissing roach in the general direction of the other squint and started to walk quickly from the room.

Booth, knees still shaking from at the memory of feeling of tiny legs crawling over his skin, knew better than to chance running after him. He called out to the retreating figure.

“Run and hide all you want, bug man. But this isn’t over!”

Part II

Okay…this is Part 2 of the Funky Challenge…this takes care of the eyelashes in the dwarves a2b…though their not attached…that makes no sense right now, but it will…hopefully…oh, gawd this is sounding a bit off…and the cheese place and the lace place will have to be a Part 3... :-)

And…lol…if NONE of that makes sense to some ….the link to Part 1 is below…and if you read the series of posts before that it may help…

And well…that’s it for me tonight....wishing you all those sweet dreams! –Ana

***

As he walked across the lab, Booth tried to put the incident behind him, but the thought of never being able have Cap’n Crunch for breakfast again had his blood pressure rising. The flakes and the fruit loops he could live without…but the Cap’n?

**Bug man. Bet he wouldn’t be so smug if I used one of his precious pudding cups for target practice.**

He stopped short, his attention captured by voices coming from one of the offices. Immediately honing on one voice in particular, he felt his anger seeping away.

Wanting to relish the moment, he waited before entering the room, listening to the rise and fall of her voice. He only caught of few of the actual words, but he found he didn’t really care what the words were. Until he heard….

“.....Hodgins…..”

The name of his newest arch-nemesis caused him to utter a muffled curse, capturing the attention of the two women in the room.

A smile broke across Brennan’s face when she saw him standing in the doorway. She waved him into the room.

“Booth! I am so glad you’re here…”

Sheer joy radiated through him.

“Ah, Bones…you really missed me didn’t you?”

“No. I mean, yes. I did. Miss you. But that’s not why I’m glad you’re here…”

His shoulders dropped slightly at her words and his thoughts turned inward.

**She’s not glad…ah, man…get past it…rationally you know….oh, God…rationally… when did I start using that….**

His internal monologue was interrupted as a large square of paper was waved inches from his face.

He blinked his eyes rapidly as he tried to focus on the drawing that Angela was holding in front of him. Two small figures…one shorter than the other….dressed in some sort of costumes.

“So, Booth?”

He looked to find Brennan standing next to Angela, hands at her waist and impatience growing in her eyes. He blinked rapidly, realizing that while he’d been lost in thought, he’d missed something very important. Like the question.

He reached out and took the drawing from Angela, pretending to be contemplating the figures as he scrambled for something to say that wouldn’t give him away. She got really annoyed when she thought he’d tuned her out.
Finding nothing related to recent cases or any other clue to help him save face, he finally gave up and said the first thing that came to mind.

“So, they’re....dwarves, right?”

He could have kicked himself, when he saw her eyes narrow in suspicion.

“You didn’t hear any of what we were talking about, did you?”

“Noo…I mean, of course, I…”

“Hmmmm…okay. So tell me then…”

Brennan paused…All they had really wanted was an objective opinion regarding the Angela’s design for the bride and groom topper for her wedding cake. But now, certain that he’d tuned her out, she found herself unable to resist the opportunity to play a little trick at his expense. She pointed at the two figures in the drawing…

“…which one has the prettier eyelashes?”

“Eyelashes? What the he….”

“Yes, Booth. Since you were listening, you know that Angela is having trouble with the design of the figures for her wedding cake…and was wondering…”

“….which one has the prettiest eyelashes?”

Relieved that he finally had enough to go on….he randomly placed a finger on one of the figures.

“That one...I guess, I’d say that one has the nicest eyelashes.”

“Aw, dude…you think I’ve got pretty eyelashes?”

Booth stiffened at the sound of the voice behind him. Looking down, he realized that he was pointing to the shorter of the two figures…and that it had curly hair, blue eyes…and was wearing a tux.

In dismay, he slowly turned to find Hodgins standing directly behind him.

Rapidly batting his eyelashes.

A strangled growl came from his throat and he started towards Hodgins, only to find that Brennan and Angela each had a firm grip on his arms, holding him back.

“Get out…now, Jack.”

The words were barely out of Angela’s mouth as Hodgins disappeared through the doorway…Booth calling out after him.

“Keep it up bug man….and I really AM going to shoot your pudding!”
His frustration vented, he realized that Angela and Bones were both looking at him as if he’d grown horns in the center of his forehead.

“What? You mess with a man’s breakfast cereal and then bat your eyelashes at him… don’t expect your snack food to be safe…

Part III

Here we go…the third and final installment of the Funky Challenge…managed to get the cheese place AND the lace place in one post…it is a little longer than I intended, but musie insisted on making her presence known in this one…hope you enjoy! -Ana

Oh…and now that I’ve completed the challenge issued by a2b…issuing one right back to her….do you think you could come up with a Funky Challenge II? Not right away…gotta get a lot more done on Parallels first…but I had TOO much fun writing these…and would love to do another…

***

He felt the muscles in his jaw twitch as he watched Hodgins hot foot it to the far side of the lab, Angela following close behind.

“You seem a bit touchy today, Booth.”

He turned to face Brennan, a sharp retort on the tip of his tongue. But the moment he looked into her eyes, he lost track of the words.

“No, I’m okay…really.” He flashed a quick charm smile. “See?”

“Good. Ready to get out of here? Maybe grab some Thai food?”

“Yeah, Bones. That’d be great.”

As they gathered her belongings and began to make their way towards the exit, he felt a himself returning to his earlier exuberance.

**THIS is what matters. Hodgins can have his precious pudding AND the Cap’n. Cause I love Bones and Bones loves me.**

Unconsciously he turned the thought into a internal chant, pacing the each word to the rhythm of his stride.

**….love…Bones…and…Bones…loves…**

“…the cheese place!”

He turned to her perplexed, not realizing that he was blending his thoughts with her words.

“You love…the cheese place?”

Waving the cell phone she was holding, she responded without missing a beat.

“No, Booth. I have to call the cheese place.”

**You’re gonna regret this, but….**

“What…exactly…is a cheese place?”

“A wholesale supplier that sells blocks of cheese by the gross.”

He waited for the rest…there HAD to be more to this. But…nothing.

“And….?”

“And…what, Booth?”

“Why do you need a gross of cheese blocks?”

“An experiment.”

“What kind of….”

His words trailed off as he recalled what had been perpetrated on the spam. Spam he didn’t care for. But he didn’t want to know what they were going to do to the cheese. Especially if it was cheddar.

He was quite fond of cheddar.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of slurping coming from behind him.

His shoulders tensed as his internal squint radar sounded the alert. Slowly, he turned to find Hodgins behind him…spoon in one hand…pudding cup in the other.

Amazingly though, the remnants of his earlier zen moment remained, and he was able to acknowledge the other man with a civilized nod.

“Actually, Booth…you should stick around for this.”

“For…?”

“The cheese deal…we’re expecting a big breakthrough…major doings in the lab biz…replicating a polymorphic lipase enzyme inhibition analy…”

Trying hard…really hard…to remain polite, Booth just nodded along and made non-committal noises as Hodgins continued.

“Funny when you think about it…the same stuff that puts the cheese in the mac’n’cheese has..

Booth attention increased dramatically at the mention of….

“…the same protein-to-lipid ratio as decomposing fl….

Hodgins never got the chance to finish his sentence as a low growl was heard for the general vicinity of Booth.

Within a nanosecond, the only sign that the bug man had been there was an empty pudding cup spinning on the floor.

Booth stood there…already pulling together a plan to make the bug man pay big, when Brennan spoke up.

“Maybe you need to go see Wyatt again.”

Perplexed, he turned to look at her.

“Why would you think….?”

“I’m worried, Booth. First, it was the clown. Then the pudding. What’s next? What if you want to shoot Hodgins next?”

“Now that….” A loopy grin spread across his face as he imagined what it would be like to …

The images were knocked from his mind as Brennan practically hurled herself at him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck.

“I’m really worried, Booth.”

“Awww…Bones, don’t…don’t worry about me. It’s just a little stress…that’s all.”

She shifted slightly but didn’t end the embrace. The feel of her body against his gave him an idea…

“You know what would make me feel a lot better than seeing the shrink?”

“Hmmmm?”

“If we were to ditch the cheese place…and go to the LACE place instead…”

She leaned back to look him in the eyes. She knew exactly where he wanted to go…and a wicked gleam appeared in her own eyes.

“That sounds very…..relaxing.”

***

Booth stood alone among shelves and racks filled with frills and ribbons, lace and silk. The more he looked around the tiny lingerie shop, the more worried he became.

Brennan had headed to the dressing room with a gauzy negligee a few minutes before…but not without telling him to pick out something that he would like to see her wearing.

As he selected something pink and strappy, his concern grew.

He had no idea what her size was.

But he knew enough to know that if he choose wrong and gave her a too-large size…well, she’d probably be using HIM for target practice.
Then inspiration struck! He might not have known her exact size…but he’d held her enough to know how her frame compared to his.

Delighted at his own ingenuity, he was smiling as he held the tiny nightie against his own chest.

He walked over to an ornately framed mirror so he could better see how the…

“DUDE!”

Dismay on his face, Booth turned to see Hodgins and Angela standing in the doorway, both of them failing miserably at hiding their amusement.

***

Booth walked out of the shop in a daze, unable to believe his luck. How had he managed to choose the exact same shop that…

**Why does this keep happening to ….**

He stopped short.

Standing on the sidewalk on the sidewalk in front of him was an all too familiar person.

“YOU! You did this!”

The woman attempted an angelic who-me expression.

“No, Booth. It wasn’t me…”

“Really, Ana? Do you honestly expect me to believe that you…”

“It’s not my fault. Pinky swear.”

“Yeah. Un-huh. And I’ve got a nice bridge in Brooklyn for sale.”

“Sorry, Booth. I didn’t mean too. It’s just…I have this musie on my back.”

**What? They are using Brennan-speak now?”

“Don’t you mean that you have a monkey on your back.”

She shook her head at his naivety.

“No…I mean…a musie…on my back.”

She slowly turned to reveal a small figure strapped into a baby sling. Though the muse was facing him now, she didn’t notice him at first. Her head was bent over her notebook as she scribbled furiously.

“…cereal…check…cheese…hee-hee…check…”
Then the little imp raised her head sharply, sensing a change in the atmosphere around her.

When her eyes fell on him, a loud squeal pierced the air as she stretched her arms out and made grabby motions with her hands.

“Boooothy Booo….gimme…gimme…musie want the boothy booooo”

Hearing the sound of his hastily retreating footsteps, Ana called out.

“I tried to warn you…ooommph.”

“Now don’t kara-tay me cause you scared him away…I TOLD you to stop with the cheese... owwww… musie…dang it now…cut it out….”

With a last longing glance at the retreating FBeye-candy of her dreams, Ana slowly walked away, the musie’s wails for the boothy boo trailing behind her…

bump