I Still Miss You, One Shot

Title: I Still Miss You
Author: Me (missdebra87)
Rating: T
Spoilers: Takes place after Pain in the Heart
Paring: Booth & Brennan

Any comments would be appreciated.



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It’s never just the one person that dies, Bones… never

It had been six months since she stood on that stage, belted her heart out to Cindy Lauper. It’s true; all girls really do want to have fun. There were very few times in Temperance’s life that she felt one hundred percent at ease, comfortable and having a carefree time. One of the most memorable was the night she and Booth danced to Hot Blooded. The memories of that night always made her smile, but also caused her pain. She let her guard down, enjoyed a few minutes with Booth, and he had gotten hurt. The next time she put her guard down, she realized that having fun always came at a price. That night, the price had been Booth’s life.

Standing beside his grave, she relived the moments leading up to his death. Could there have been anything she could have done to save him? She had done all she could to stop the bleeding; every one told her it wasn’t her fault. If only he wouldn’t have stood in between her and that woman; taken that bullet. That bullet was meant for her, not him. ‘Damn him and his need to protect me.’

She came here often. It was the only place she truly felt herself. At work, she could compartmentalize; she could handle the absence of his warmth, his scent. She kept herself busy, knowing that once her mind stopped even for a brief second, thoughts of him would creep in. Temperance Brennan was not a woman that cried easily. However, when it came to Seeley Booth, she could not seem to help herself.

Some days, she would just sit down beside his grave, and cry. It felt therapeutic, as though being near him would dry her tears and sooth her pain. But that only lasted a brief moment, and her tears would again begin to fall. Other days, she would simply bring flowers, or a pie. She knew bringing these things did no good. Once a person dies, there is no remnant of them. It was illogical to think that their spirits lived on, knowing whether their loved ones came. But when it came to Booth, logic flew out the window. During the majority of her visits, she would talk to him as if he could respond back. Telling him about her day, what quirky thing Angela had said, or how much her new partner annoyed her. It seemed to ease the pain, but never completely.

She missed him every second of every day. Little things would remind her of him. All around her were reminders of him. Pictures of them sat in every room of her home and office. She missed having him constantly at her side, teasing her for something. It took her months to eat at the diner again, and when she finally did, she sat at their table until Angela found her. Tears ran down her face as she tried to eat a plate of French Fries. She hated how her new partner questioned everything she told him; Booth never did that. She hated how everyone looked at her with pity. But most of all, she hated that Booth was taken from her.

The first day she went to visit his grave, she stood there, not knowing what to say. Finally, she remembered the day he took her to see her mother’s grave and how he had told her to just talk to her. So that is what she did. She talked to Booth as if he was beside her, hanging onto her every word. Amazingly, she found that it helped. Not a whole lot, but being near him, or what was left of him, seemed to help.

It was near sunset when she arrived, a pie and fork in hand. Sitting down on the grass, she leaned against his headstone, took a bite of his favorite pie, and began to tell him about the recent events in her life. She told him how she had solved a case. Yes, she had done it with only the help of the squints. Her new partner didn’t believe her gut instinct, and left to solve the murder on his own. Since Booth’s passing, she learned to use her gut instinct; it only seemed fitting that she carried on as Booth had.

“I remember the last time I touched you. The doctor told us that it was too late, you were already gone, and there wasn’t anything they could do. I felt so numb. I asked to see you, one last time. Everyone but Angela said it was a bad idea. She walked with me into your room, standing just inside the door, waiting to comfort me. When I felt your hand in mine, you still felt warm. I can still feel you, Booth. I still feel your touch every day.”

The day of the funeral was one of the worst days of her life. When she arrived, Parker came running up to her, threw his arms around her waist, and cried. Instinct kicked in, and she bent down, picking him up in her arms. The two held onto each other, crying all throughout the service. She was shocked when she received the flag, symbolizing Booth’s commitment to his country. She knew it symbolized military honor, and should go to the next of kin. Parker deserved the flag his father fought for, not her. He and Rebecca both insisted she keep it; he loved her, and every one knew that.

“I’ve done so much to try and move on Booth, but I can’t. I still… I still miss you. You promised you would never leave me. I believed you. I still do. I know that if you had the choice, you would be here with me. I can’t move on. Every thing reminds me of you. I’ve done so much to get away from the memories, but you are everywhere I go.”

I've changed the presets in my truck
so those old songs don't sneak up
they still find me and remind me
yeah you come back that easy
try restaurants I've never been to
order new things off the menu
that I never tried cause you didn't like
two drinks in you were by my side

“I know in time, the pain will go away. It is all part of the grieving process. I just hate that I can’t go anywhere with out you, but yet you are never there. Angela has been there for me so much lately. There have been so many nights I end up at her door crying. No matter what time it is, she lets me in, holds me, listens to me ramble on about you, and calms me. If she wasn’t around, I don’t know what I would do.”

I've talked to friends
I've talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed liked hell but I still miss you
I tried sober I tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
and I still miss you
I've done everything move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you I still miss you baby

“I even tried talking to God, Booth. I asked him why he would take you from this world, if he was who you say he is. I never got an answer, Booth. I tried talking. I even pleaded with him to bring you back to me.” Tears now began to stream down her face, but she didn’t care. The pain was almost too much to cope with. “You’re still not here. I’m still… alone.”

I never knew til you were gone
how many pages you were on
it never ends I keep turning
and line after line and you are there again
I dont know how to let you go
you are so deep down in my soul
I feel helpless so hopeless
its a door that never closes
no I don't know how to do this

“You are everywhere I go. Everything at work reminds me of you. That is where started out as partners, and ended as friends. Even going home reminds me of you, or the absence of you. I can’t eat at the Diner or Wong Foo’s any more either. There are too many memories there. Everything reminds me of you. God, I miss you.”

Temperance sat in silence for the longest time. It was pleasant outside, even with the lack of wind. She wished that by staying here, she could be with him again. She longed for one more touch, one more smile, one more something. One last memory that she could hold onto.

“In the first year we were partners, you opened up to me about your past. I will never understand why you choose me to relieve your past with. I am so very glad you did though. Do you remember what you told me Booth? I remember every word… You said, ‘It’s never just the one person that dies, Bones… never. We all die a little bit, Bones. With each shot, we all die a little bit.’ You’re right Booth. You may have died, but you took a piece of my heart with you. I died inside. I never told you, but I love you. With all of my heart do I love you.”

Slowly, she pulled out a double picture frame from her purse. The pictures captured the essence of them completely. In the first, it appeared as they were fighting. She looked upset, as if she were trying to make him believe some fact he claimed to be false. He had his hands thrown up in frustration, and Temperance could see the passion in each of their eyes. The next picture seemed to be a polar opposite of the first. He had his arm slung around her shoulders, and her arm was gently wrapped around his waist. They were looking into each others eyes, the love radiating from them. Smiles were on each of their faces; they looked happy.

As she looked at the pictures, the tears began to fall once more. “Oh Booth, I miss you.” The caption on the photo frame was simple: Soul Mates. That is what they were, and would always be. Moving her hand to touch his headstone, she spoke softly, “You waited so long for me to realize I loved you. And when I did, it was too late. You believed you would go to Heaven, and I have faith in you. If you are looking down upon me today, I have one last request. Wait for me; Once more. It may take me a lifetime to get to you, but when I do, we will have eternity to spend together. I love you Seeley, and I always will.”

It was as if he were there beside her, letting her know he would wait. She felt the gentle breeze across her skin; it was his way of being near her. It was then that she knew he would wait for her, no matter how long it took.

I still miss you…


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So, what'd ya think?

Deb, this is so beautiful and so sorrowful. I started crying at the funeral with Parker and with them giving her Booth's flag. And the song lyrics fit so perfectly, especially this ...

I never knew til you were gone / how many pages you were on

Thank you.

Thank you so much. That really means a lot.

omg!!!!!!!! What did you do???? You killed him????

That was really beautiful, deb...very moving and sweet. Even though you killed Booth...lol. jk...wonderful job! I loved it!

This song was a perfect choice for a fic. It's so beautiful and sad.

Thanks for sharing it.

Wonderfully angsty. You know as much as I love fluff nothing satsfies as much as a good angst fic, and this one was good. Poor Brennan, you can feel her pain, her loss, it was beautiful.

RM

Oh geez.....here I am crying over a fic.....
but it's sooooo sad....he really died.....and Parker was my undoing too

Thanks everyone, I appreciate it.

ha ha......you killed him!!!!!!!!!!!!.....omg.......how incredibly sad.........but then again how beautiful..........well done.............thanks for making me cry.........took my mind off adam.......lol................oh......and parker..............omg!!!!!!!!!!!! i lost it..........again....it was wonderful deb.........but for the next one........can you let booth live???????

Thanks, Cup! And yes, if I write another one, I'll let him live!

Deb, that was utterly brilliant! Although you did kill Booth, but I think I can forgive you for that. I love how you kept her slightly cynical and true to Brennan instead of completely changing her personality.
Loved it!!!!!