If You're Reading This [Tim McGraw]

AN: I don't own Bones or the song that this story is based off of. Nor do I own the title.

“Booth, I assume that you don’t know why you are here?” Cullen waited on Booth’s answer before proceeding. “It appears that the Rangers need you for another mission. You know of the troubles in the Middle East, I know. And you know of the terrain and gear needed for that area. Pack it. Write your letters. I’ll keep them this time. Is that alright?”

Booth just nodded. The last time he had been in the Middle East was horrible. He had done numerous things he wished daily that he could forget. Now, he was being sent back just as the memories and nightmares were becoming less frequent. However much he wanted to, he was unable to turn down this mission. Only missions that were of utmost importance and security clearing were sent to him. In other words, he next to never got an assignment from the Rangers since he had joined the FBI. He was still able to be called back by the Rangers at anytime for another few years, unfortunately.

He went home and packed the gear that would be required. He checked his mental list numerous times and tried to call Bones. His phone was cut off. “Damn it.” There was a knock at his door as soon as he had finished his last letter. Usually, he wrote only three: one to his family, one to Rebecca, and the final to Parker. This time, oh this time, he had written nine at least. One to each of the following: Bones, Angela, Hodgins, Zack, Cam, Cullen, his family, Rebecca, and Parker. “Coming.”

The Ranger that had been at his door took him back to Cullen’s office. Present there were his CO Commanding Officer, Cullen, his ‘partner,’ and him. “Booth. Have you got the letters?” Cullen took the letters, hid them in a secret part of the safe in the wall behind his desk, shook Booth’s hand which led to the two men hugging, and left. This was Ranger business, not FBI.

“Sgt. Booth. Nice to see you again, although I wish it weren’t under these circumstances. Here is your partner for this mission. Sgt. Booth, meet Sgt. Clark. Sgt. Clark, meet Sgt. Booth.” They each exchanged the niceties expected of them. Clark seemed to know that Booth didn’t think of him as his partner. He undoubtedly had a FBI partner he would rather have beside him. Familiarity, something Clark didn’t get to have with people too often…

“What is the mission?” Booth was to the point this morning. He hadn’t been able to say bye to his child, family, or friends. He was pissed. “It must be urgent seeing as I was just told and wasn’t allowed to tell anyone I would be gone. I’m damn glad I had finished the damned case I had been working on.” Booth had been excused of his actions for the simple fact that it was understandable that he would be upset. He had a new life and had been trying to forget all of the horrors he had seen while in the Rangers. And he had been called back from that new life.

Booth’s CO had promised that his family and friends would be notified of where he was. They would also be told of his anger at not being able to tell them. They would not be given notice of the severity of this mission nor the likely hood of what would become of Seeley Booth.

Cullen had been immensely saddened at seeing his best Agent being called away. He had been told of the probability of Booth’s return. It wasn’t very high. In fact, it was basically a suicide mission. Cullen knew that there would be several battles between himself and Booth’s ‘Squint Squad,” especially from Dr. Brennan and Miss Montenegro. This was going to be a long few months.

A few months after Booth had left, Cullen got the call. Now, it wasn’t exactly one that he had been hoping for. He had actually been dreading it. Booth was gone. His best Agent was dead. Cullen knew it was time to give out the letters. Little did he know what he would find when he began looking at whom they were addressed to.

Deputy Director Cullen:

You were always a great boss. I have nothing but good things of you in my mind as I write this letter. I know there were times that we were face to face arguing, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have doubted your authority. You were my superior and that was disrespectful. Again, I’m sorry. I would also like to thank you for all you taught me. I wouldn’t have been half of the Agent I was without your guidance.

I know I have no right to ask you this, but if something happens to me while I’m gone on this case, I really hope you will continue to protect Parker from people that still hate me. I know that most people won’t know I’m gone until the funeral and even after then. Even then, there will still be some people that will still want revenge on me. They will easily be able to get to Parker if he doesn’t have some sort of protection. I know, as you are a father, that you understand how I worry about him. I love him to death and I would hate to see something happen to him over something I had done to someone.

I know that I have already more than I should of you, but I have to ask you to do two other things for me. First of all, will you please give Dr. Brennan a gun? I didn’t have a problem with her not having one when I was there. However, I’m no longer there and I don’t know what trouble she would get herself into. I think she has learned her lesson about shooting people. Secondly, I would like you to make sure she has a good partner. She needs one that won’t disrespect her or make advances on her. It took forever to get her walls down as much as Miss Montenegro and I have. She trusts few people. So any partner you assign her, is going to have a rough time until she learns to trust them, if she ever does.

I thank you so much for everything you have ever and will ever do for me. You really were a great boss and anyone that gets to work for you is very lucky.

Special Agent Seeley Booth

Dear Bones,

I know that right now you are probably cursing my name. I know why and I deserve it. After all, I had promised to never leave you and I did. I didn’t even tell you that I was. I’m pretty sure that Cullen told you the reason and that I was unable to contact anyone before I left. That, however, doesn’t excuse me from breaking my promise to you. You always told me not to make a promise I wasn’t sure if I could keep. I had really planned to keep this one to you. I’m sorry, Bones. I really am.

To be truthful, I really disliked you when we first met. You were stubborn and used your intelligence against me, or at least that was what I had thought at that time. Now, I know that you simply didn’t know how to interact with people that were of lower intelligence than you and the other Squints. I really hope that you will continue to work with the FBI and get you a new partner. You were extremely good at catching the bad guys. You should continue because you love it. I know you do. However, you may have to start being more careful as I won’t be there to save you all of the time.

I know that you are going to hate having to get a new partner if you decide to continue as the liaison to the FBI. They won’t know what I know and they won’t trust you like I do. Hell, they won’t even understand much of what you say, if anything. Just don’t shoot them, ok? They might not be so forgiving as I was. Please don’t go kicking gang leader’s asses either. You don’t know what I had to do to get that hit taken off of you. Your new partner might not like you so much.

If it isn’t too much trouble, I would like you to continue to see Parker. He really loves you, Bones. We all do; the Squint Squad, Parker, your family, and I. You are a part of our family. Remember what I said, there are more than one type of family. You are lucky enough to have your real family back now and to have the family that took you in when you didn’t. Be glad and count your blessings.

Bones, I have to thank you for not hating me for what I had done in the past. You are the only person besides the people I served along side of that know anything about what happened and how that affected me. Most people would have called me a murderer and never talked to me again. My family doesn’t even know what all happened. They know some of it, but I would rather them not know all of the truth.

Please go on in life with as much time outside of your lab as I forced you to take. Angela can always find somewhere for you two to go. Listen to her sometimes, yeah? It’ll be good for you. She can even teach you more of the pop references that I was teaching you. You were my best friend, Bones, and I don’t want you to go back to shutting yourself in the lab just because I’m gone.

I love you,

Booth

Hey Bub!

How are you doing? I hope you are fine. I know that they told you that Daddy had to go away for a while. Well, Daddy is going to have to stay gone. I’ve gone to Heaven. I will be watching over you though, ok? So you have to be a good little boy or I will get on to you when you get to Heaven with me. I am going to miss you, Bub. I love you so much. I have always been so proud of you. I will miss you so much. Please don’t hurry to come see me though. You can always talk to me. I will be able to hear you here in Heaven.

Love,

Daddy

When you are older, I want you to read this part of the letter.

Parker, when ever I went out into the field before I died, I prayed that you would have a father when you woke up the next morning. I’m sorry that I didn’t get to see you that much when I was alive, but never doubt that I loved you. I always wanted you, but I couldn’t because of the danger involved with my job. Why didn’t I just quit? Well, because as long as I was putting criminals in jail, you would have a safer place to live in. That was so important to me.

I regret that I wasn’t able to watch you grow up in person, and that I didn’t get to coach your baseball and football teams. However, always know that I was watching down on you from Heaven. I will always be watching over the man you are growing into. You have made me so proud, Bub. Please, teach your son to be at least half the man I know you have become.

Love,

Daddy

Dear Mom, Dad, and Jared,

I love you all. I know that you hated when I joined the Rangers and even when I joined the FBI. You always told me that the FBI was what was going to kill me. However many times it came close to doing that, this final mission with the Rangers has me gone to Heaven. I’m sorry to have to leave, but God decided that it was my time. I hope that I finished what he had given me to do with my life.

Mom, please don’t let Dad beat himself up over letting me join. I know he did every time that I was called out for duty. Now that that duty killed me, I know it will be worse. Please just go on with what you always do. Don’t think about me. I don’t want to be a source of pain for you. I love you, Mommy.

Dad, you have no fault in this. I made the decision on my own to join the Army Rangers. Please don’t beat yourself up over it any longer. I chose the life I did because I respected what you did and I wanted to be a part of that. I have no regrets. I loved my life and I love you.

Jared, you are the best brother anyone could ever ask for. I hope that you get everything in life that you want. You deserve it. I ask only that you take time to teach Parker all the sports, music, and all the stuff we know about cars. He deserves to have a father-like figure even if I’m gone. I love you, little bro.

I love you all forever and I’m looking down at you,

Seeley

Hey Angela,

You are the most normal of all of the Squints. You are the party of the crowd and are probably the only link to real life that Bones has. Please continue to be that link. Even more so now. You can’t let her rebuild her walls that we have worked so hard on demolishing. Please make that crazy lady find love and if you can, faith.

You can’t allow her to sit there for hours on end when she gets started on work because she won’t ever eat or probably go home. She has a way of compartmentalizing everything that I doubt she will even feel anything about my death. She wouldn’t be able to del with someone else leaving her. I would hate to see all of our hard work going to waste just because she got hurt again.

You feel things about this team so much harder than the rest of us. You will more than likely be the first to give your trust to the new Agent that will be assigned as the liaison to the Jeffersonian. Please help the poor person taking my place feel even half as at home as I did with you all. It will help things a lot. It will probably keep Agents there for a longer period of time than the ones that were there before me.

Always watching over you,

Booth

Hello Dr. Addy,

You were a great coworker. I thank you for making my time at the Jeffersonian a pleasant one. I appreciate your help with all of the cases we worked with one another. I am also pained with the regrets of never getting to know you as well as I should. I probably should have been nicer to you than I was. I hope you find it in you to forgive me for my harshness.

I ask that you make sure my father understands my choice of entering the Army Rangers. It was a joy working with them as well, although not nearly as much as with you Squints. My father will not understand my commitment to them or to the FBI as he served to make sure that my brother and I would never have to. If you could do this for me, I would be overly indebted to you. Although I will never be able to repay that debt, I hope you will find it logical to put my worries to rest as well as bringing comfort to a father that had just lost his oldest child.

I know of your knack of learning and apparently of teaching. Please help Parker make good grades. He adores you and worships every word that comes out of your mouth. I know that the rest of the Squint Squad will help you.

Always watching over you,

Agent Booth

Hey Jack,

Dude, it was really nice to get to work along side of you even though you were kind of strange at times. You were a good guy and you had a knack of knowing how to put things in laymen terms when I needed them. I’m utterly sorry for being mean to you when I was in a bad mood. It was wrong of me and I hope you know that I really didn’t hate you. The Squint Squad were my best friends and they were like family to me.

I know this is a lot to ask, but could you teach Parker about the FBI? I know you will teach him numerous conspiracies that involve them, but if you do, he will know that not everyone is as honest as they should be. Just please don’t turn him into a conspiracy theorist like you. I have no problem with them, but it wouldn’t set well with Rebecca if that happened and I want Park to know all of you at the Jeffersonian. Also, please tell him stories about me. I know Becca won’t tell him too many nice ones, Zack and Bones would tell them in terms he wouldn’t understand, and Angela would tell him girly stories. I trust you.

Always watching over you,

Booth.

Hey Camille,

I hope this letter finds you well. Now, I know you and Bones don’t get along that well, but please go easy on her. This is going to be hard for her because I promised her I would never leave. I’m not really sure how this will affect you, but I assume that you will be hurt as a colleague would be.

I doubt Bones has worked any cases with the FBI since I left. She probably never will again, unless the need to is dire. Please, please help her, if need be force her, to work with them again. Make Cullen give her a good partner that will respect her and the way she is. She is difficult to work with at times, I will admit, but she teaches everyone that she has the privilege of meeting. She is the best partner anyone could ask for and you have to help her by not threatening to fire her or anything. I know you’ve done it before, and I know your relations have gotten better, but still.

Thanks, Camille, in advance because I know you would do that for a friend.

Always watching over you,
Seeley Booth

Hey Becca,

You are a great mother to Parker. I know that you won’t ever let anything happen to him and he is probably safer now that I’m gone. No one will have reason to come after him or you to hurt me. Please, let him see the Squints more though. He really does love them and they love him. Don’t worry. They don’t let him see anything that children shouldn’t see.

Becca, I know it didn’t work out between us, but I always did love you. I wish our relationship could have been better after Parker was born, but it was fine, I guess. At least we were civil around each other, right? I know you hated it when I did background checks on all of your boyfriends, but I did it for both yours and Park’s safety. Please don’t hate me for that.

I know you hated my family, but please let Parker know them, and know them well. They might not have approved of our situation, but they adore him. It would mean a lot to them if you allowed them to see him as much, if not more than, when I was alive and took him. That goes for the Squints as well. I even asked them to make sure they still saw him.

Please be nice to them. They were my friends, and family.

Always watching over you and Parks,
Seeley

Cullen turned around with tears misting his eyes and punched the closet wall. He busted some of the outer layer off and made a mental note to pay for it to be repaired seeing as it was his fault. He had just lost his best Agent and probably the best relationship the FBI had ever had with the Jeffersonian. He had also lost the best crime fighting duo in the nation.

He yelled for his secretary and told her to call the ‘Booth’s Squint Squad’ from the Jeffersonian and tell them to come there all together as soon as they could. He also told her to dig up Booth’s son and parents addresses from the data bank. Cullen decided that he would personally tell those people and give them their letters.

When he finally made it home that evening after taking care of the requests from Booth, it really began to sink it. Booth had become more than just a co-worker to Cullen. The younger man had become some what like a son and friend to him. After what Booth and his team had done for him concerning Amy, he wouldn’t deny them any last request that he could grant.

The words in that letter had struck a cord with the old FBI Director. He knew that he had trained Booth in some ways, but he didn’t know just how much he seemed to have taught the man. Booth was no longer the boy that had been so silly when he first entered the Rangers. He was also not the same boy that had come to him hoping to get the FBI job he had out in for. Cullen had felt that this one would go far, so he trained him himself, other than the standard training that was taught in specified locations. The field work, however, was left to be taught by someone where the FBI Agent would be working.

Memories flashed through his head as he mentally went through Booth’s file. He had had it memorized when Dr. Brennan became the liaison between the two fine establishments. Dr. Brennan had been disrespectful and had even shot an unarmed man during their first cases. However, Booth had always stood up for her. Cullen had secretly hoped that those two would get personally involved with one another. Now, it seemed it would never happen.

Throughout his dinner that night, he had a dazed look upon his face. His wife had questioned him about what was bothering him, but it was as if he couldn’t hear or see anything except those memories.

That night, as he crawled into bed, he was still thinking of Special Agent Seeley Booth. He wrapped his arms around his wife and cuddled up to her. He figured he was one of the lucky ones. He dreamt of times when he should have told the man that was like a son to him how proud he was of his accomplishments…

Brennan was cursing Booth's name. "God damn it. He wouldn't have wrote the damn letter unless he wasn't planning on coming back. He broke his promise! He lost his faith and now he is gone. Why did he write the letter? Before I got this, I had hope that he would return. Damn you, Seeley Booth!" She was angry. She was disgusted. But most of all, she was hurt. Broken, if you will. She had had hope that her best friend would return, but this letter finally broke her. He wouldn’t be back. It would confirm to some that she was cold and detached, but she wouldn’t allow her emotions or just how much Booth’s death affected her… At least she wouldn’t in the presence of other people.

As she stood in the shower the night she got the letter, she made some realizations that she didn’t like. At all. No one would call her Bones anymore. When a draft of his cologne, or nearly the same cologne as it would never smell the same without all of the other separate smells of Booth combined with it, it wouldn’t be him that she smelt, only someone else bringing up a memory of her friend. No one would come to the platform and yell for her, even if she was right in front of them. There wouldn’t be anyone worried about her wellbeing twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Sure, there were other people that cared about her, but Booth showed it the most and the least at the same time. The realization that hurt the most, the one that caused her to slump against the wall of her shower, was that Booth was really gone. He wouldn’t be back.

Temperance calmed herself down and called Angela. They had had plans to meet at the diner in a little while, but she wasn’t going to be able to meet her friend. The pain was too raw, too visible. She was incapable of hiding it at the moment. When she went to work the next day, however, she would make sure that she was as detached and unfeeling as she could be. If she wasn’t, she would end up breaking down at the lab. She would keep herself busy, so busy she had no time to think of anything but what she was working on. When she got home, she would be too tired to do anything but shower and go to bed. That would work…She hoped.

Feeling the need to do so, she called Parker. The little boy sounded as if he had been crying but was trying to be strong, for Dr. Bones. “Dr. Bones, are you okay? Daddy loved you. He wouldn’t want you to be sad.” His voice broke on the word ‘Daddy’ but he quickly recovered. “You are so much like your father, Parker. He would be so proud of you.” She barely managed to get it out before a sob escaped her throat. Parker broke down. “Dr. Brennan, would you be able to come to the park to meet Parker and I in about thirty minutes? I think he needs to see you as you were both the most important things in Seeley’s life.” Brennan was surprised at Rebecca’s compassion as she thought the young boy’s mother disliked her.

The trip to the park was hard, but she went. “It’s for Parker.” The anthem ran through her head a million times as she tried to convince herself of it. When she got there, they were waiting for her. As soon as Parker noticed her, the boy ran to her. She leant down in order to be able to catch him. As soon as she grasped him in her arms, they both began crying. Rebecca walked away in order to give them the space they needed. When the mother returned, the two were sitting against a tree. Laughing.

As she returned home, she took another shower and went straight to bed. Parker had explained that his father was in Heaven and was watching them now. The young boy’s innocence and promise that he would see her that weekend, Rebecca agreed easily and readily to allow him to go to the Jeffersonian on Saturday, she fell asleep making plans of things for them to do on weekends that he would have spent with his father, but would now be spending with “Daddy’s Squint Family.”

When he was called into the office, he knew something was wrong. He was never checked out of school unless he was really sick or something was wrong. That was his Mommy's rule. One she didn't break often.

"Mommy? What's wrong? Why are your eyes puffy and red? Have you been crying?" He was really worried now. His Mommy never cried. She simply ushered him out of the door into the car quickly. As she drove toward his Daddy’s work place, Parker watched his Mommy’s face from the mirror on the front window. She was crying again.

“Mommy, please tell me why you are crying and why we are going to Daddy’s work place in the middle of the school day? You are scaring me.” He felt the tears starting to come out of his own eyes for the pure fact that he was scared. This had never happened before. He knew it wouldn’t be good.

When he got to his Daddy’s work, his Daddy’s Boss’s Helper Lady told them that they could go in the Boss’s office. Parker had never been allowed in there before so he knew this was really bad. His Daddy’s Boss gave his Mommy some papers and his Mommy told him to go wait outside with Daddy’s Squints. He ran out, jumped on Dr. Bones’s lap, and put his head in her shoulder.

His Mommy came out and sat next to them. She was reading one of the papers that Daddy’s Boss had given her and had the other that his name on the paper coverer. She handed it to Dr. Bones and asked her to watch me for a few minutes. Parker guessed that she went to the bathroom, because when she came back and pulled him onto her lap, she didn’t look so sad anymore.

“Parker, honey, I don’t want to have to tell you this, but your Daddy has gone to Heaven.” He knew what this meant. His Daddy was dead and was watching them from Heaven and protecting them really good. He asked his Mommy what the other paper was. It was a letter from his Daddy!

He looked at Dr. Bones before he opened his letter. “See, Dr. Bones! Daddy and me told you that Heaven was real! This proves it!” Everyone that could hear what was going on smiled real big. He read the paper from his Daddy and cried a little. He thought he would have to be strong for his Mommy so he could make his Daddy really proud of him.

At the bottom of his letter, he saw where his Daddy had even written him a note for when he was a big person like his Mommy and Daddy. Parker knew it was wrong, but he snuck a peek at it anyways. He knew he would have to be like a big person and make his Daddy so proud so he could tell all his friends in Heaven about his Bub.

Booth’s parents called Jared over to their house. It was a letter from their younger son and it was addressed to the three of them. They all knew that this couldn’t be good.

His mom sat on the chair by the window. It was raining outside and she knew that the letter wasn’t going to be a good one. Tears slowly slid down her face. When Seeley wrote them letters, they were never good. The fact that he had sent one when they had been told he had been called by the Rangers by his boss… Her maternal instincts kicked in. It was his goodbye letter to them. She held back a sob as she walked over to her husband and youngest child.

His dad sat on the end of the couch with a blank stare on his face. He was trying to count how long it was since they were told about his older son’s call back to duty. He was blaming himself again as he knew what letter this was. Something went wrong. He had been a soldier when he was younger, and he knew that everyone that had someone wrote at least one letter before they shipped out. They left the letter with someone they trusted, usually their Commanding Officer. Seeley left his, this time, with his boss, Deputy Director Cullen.

His brother was looking at his mother and father. He too knew what was written in that letter. He wasn’t sure what Seeley had written, but he knew what it said all the same. It was the ‘Sorry, something went wrong and I’m dead letter,’ that his big brother wrote every time he shipped out. He wondered how many letters were written this time. He knew it was wrong, but he hated his brother, the one that had always looked out for him no matter what was going on, for the pain he was causing the people who loved and needed him most at the moment. The rain matched the mood and atmosphere wrapped around the family at that time.

“Well, I guess I’ll read it,” Booth’s father said. Slowly, almost hesitantly, he pulled open the flap of the envelope and pulled out the letter covered in the writing he had seen come from a pen or pencil in his son’s hand countless times before. His wife put a hand on his thigh and leaned against him as his other son walked toward the window, not wanting his family to see the tears forming in his troubled eyes.

Quietly, he began to read the letter. He felt his wife’s hand shaking nervously, hoping her instincts were wrong, against his thigh. As he took a deep breath, he looked toward the window at his son. His shoulders were turned in and his hand kept running across his eyes. “’Dear Mom, Dad, and Jared. I love you all…’”

As he finished the letter, his wife let out the sob she had been trying so hard to contain and went to the kitchen to clean. She knew that if she didn’t do something to try to clear her mind before she dealt with this, she would make herself physically sick crying. She looked around the kitchen and saw her son everywhere. Sitting at the table doing his homework. Leaning into the refrigerator looking for pie. Standing against the wall with the phone to his ear, charming the girl that he was interested at that point in time. As her body gave out, she leaned against the cabinets under the sink, and cried until she threw up. She cried herself to sleep after cleaning up the mess, crying all the while.

Jared watched his mother walk into the kitchen. He wiped at his eyes one more time, said “Damn it, Seeley. You *******,” and walked toward the basement to work out his emotions. As he worked to push his body to the extremes, he thought about his brother. Seeley had only been doing what he thought was right -protecting his country and trying to make the world a better place for his family, friends, and the generations to come. Silently, he laid his head against the machine he had been using and cried for the brother he never showed enough respect toward, the brother he loved even though they seldom stood eye to eye.

“Seeley, son, why? Why did you have to follow in my foot steps? I fought so you would never have to,” he murmured as he walked out of the door into the rain. He was going for a run so he could think and try to figure out why his son would risk his life. He knew the reason, of course. It was the same as his reason. But, as a father, he mourned for his lost son in the only way he knew how. He treated his body as if he was back in the Army, the place that took his son away from him. He ran until he was numb. Numb was good. When you were numb, you couldn’t feel pain. He ran all the way to the park. When he got there, he sat against a tree. He sent a prayer toward the Heavens, toward his Seeley. The more he prayed, the harder he cried. He told his son all of the things he wished he had while his son was still alive. He cried until it was very dark. He cried as he ran back home, seeking the numbness and weariness that would make him sleep even though he would dream the dreams of a father would had just lost his son.

Angela stood inside her friend’s boss’s reception room. She had only been in there once before, on a quest of her own. She didn’t like the reason she was there now. They had been called individually, told to come there, then called in his office, one by one in an agonizing time frame. It seemed as if hours had pasted before the next one was called as the previous slumped out of the office. She took out her drawing pad and started a few sketches. Something, she had to do something to get her mind off what she was about to be told.

“Mrs. Montenegro. Deputy Director Cullen will see you now.” went his secretary. Deep breath. Angela walked toward his office hoping it all would be some sick joke. She could tell by the look on Cullen’s face that it wasn’t. “Mrs. Montenegro…” he drifted off as the tears began to pour down her face. “He… He wasn’t supposed to leave us. He was our rock when Bren started to fall. How the hell could you send him back over there? Why the hell didn’t you stop them? You should have stopped them. I know you could have. He was your best Agent. He and Bren had the highest solved cases rate and yet you let them take him. This is your fault and I will never forgive you for it Samuel Cullen. Never.” She picked up her letter and stalked off, tears streaming down her cheeks, dripping off and wetting her shirt. She never noticed, and if she had, she wouldn’t have cared.

She cried through the day as she locked herself away in her office, drawing. She drew pictures of the children Booth should have had, the family he should have been blessed with. She drew of holidays and ends of cases when the team went out to celebrate, when he and Brennan went to the Diner. Each work of art was smudged with tear drops, but it made the pain, which was the main focus, even more real. No one else, other than her team, would ever see these drawings. The rest of the world wouldn’t understand.

As day turned into night, the sun fading to darkness, Booth’s death became real to the pained artist. The day had been passed with some hope, still, that it was a sick joke. The “Haha, Ange. It was all a joke. Booth is alive and well.” never came.

When her lover and best friend besides Bren, came home that night, they curled up together in bed, weeping as they slept, hoping to wake up and it be a dream. She would always carry that hope, no matter how real the death of Special Agent Seeley Booth rang true in her brain, it would never be so in her heart and soul. He was still alive, even if only in spirit.

Zack stared at the page with his former friend’s hasty scrawl covering it. He’d read the words several times over trying to make himself believe Booth was gone. It didn’t seem possible to him, but his thoughts didn’t matter. Only reality mattered.

He realized that Booth had an advanced vocabulary, even if he didn’t use it often. It occurred to Zack that they hadn’t known each other well. The only things they had in common were time spent overseas, a crush on Brennan, and a child they had kept secret. None of that was important any longer especially as the only thing anyone had known between them was the overseas experience.

He read the letter again, noting everything Booth had asked him to do. Zack called Rebecca and scheduled an appointment with her to discuss the part about Parker. He then called Cullen to get the information on Booth’s parents and gave them a call to ask permission to pay them a visit. Forgiveness had been granted though there was no reason for his request of it.

A bar was his first stop after leaving his office at the Jeffersonian. No matter how hard he tried, Zack just couldn’t get it through his head. A few drinks may help his frantic mind find a semblance of peace. If he couldn’t get his mind to settle, he would have to make a trip to the library to find numerous books to submerse himself into.

Before he even began drinking, he called his son back in Michigan. It was important he spoke to the small boy. His son made everything right in the world, or at least as much as one could expect after losing a friend. They talked for nearly twenty minutes before Ella made her son say goodbye. She came on the phone and asked when he was coming to see the boy again. Zack made plans for two weekends after this and they said their goodbyes.

He drank his mind to shatters and called a cab. Home was not where he wanted to be, but he couldn’t go to work. As soon as he arrived at Hodgins’ house, Zack went to his bathroom and stood in the shower. He never cried, but the tears came and he couldn’t stop them. Stepping out, he went and curled up on his bed to try to sleep. Morning had arrived before he knew it.

Jack Hodgins was stunned silly. Booth had just told him that he liked working with the Squints and asked him to teach his conspiracy theories to Parker. Jack knew he had to be dreaming. There was no other explanation.

As he realized that Special Agent Seeley Booth really was dead and had written him a letter with some of his last requests, Jack broke down. Tears poured down the paranoid man’s cheeks and snot ran down his nostrils until he was forced to blow his nose. Wiping his face on his sleeve, he prepared to leave his office for the day, maybe the next day as well. It would depend on how the rest of the Squints handled the situation.

Hodgins sighed as he looked around the lab. It would never be the same. Who knew what Agent would be permanently assigned to the Jeffersonian now that Booth was gone. Since he had left, they had had numerous temporary partners that Brennan had managed to run off within a case. Rumor had it that one or two had asked to be transferred to other states because of the Squints. Jack smirked with delight at the fact that the Jeffersonian played a part in the weeding of useless Agents and would continue to be for a while…

The drive back to his apartment was a simple routine, something he did twice every day without thinking. Instead of going to do more research in his massive home office, Jack went to the game room that had a bar and drank until he passed out, just as he had done when his parents told him they weren’t proud of his choice of a career.