Totally Random ...

G wrote:

Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test
and don't ask why.

It's not a question
but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind.

Hang it on a shelf
In good health and good time.

Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial.

For what it's worth,
it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

-Green Day

That is one of my favorite songs of all time. The first time I heard it, I said it would be a great graduation song...and that year, 5 schools in the area had it as their senior class song, lol. Then they used it on the Seinfeld finale, (which let's face it, the song choice was so much better than the damn finale was...*sigh*). Hell, they even played it on ER at a funeral, no less!

20 Ways to say your fly is open:

20) The cucumber has left the salad

19) I can see the gun of Navarone.

18) Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out

17) You've got Windows in your laptop.

16) Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.

15) Your soldier ain't so unknown now.

14) Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bell.

13) Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...

12) You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

11) Your pod bay door is open, Hal.

10) Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!

9) Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.

Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!

7) The Buick is not all the way in the garage.

6) Dr. Kimble has escaped!

5) You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."

4) Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...

3) You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

2) I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?



AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY TO TELL SOMEONE THEIR FLY IS UNZIPPED...

1) I thought you were crazy; now I see your nuts.

What about the famous, "Put the mouse back in the house", ala Gunther from Friends...lol

flyersfan35 wrote:What about the famous, "Put the mouse back in the house", ala Gunther from Friends...lol

Oh Gunther.

G wrote:

flyersfan35 wrote:What about the famous, "Put the mouse back in the house", ala Gunther from Friends...lol

Oh Gunther.

Everybody else was afraid to tell him...lol

Night Classes for Men:

TOPIC 1 - How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays. Step by step, with slide presentations.

TOPIC 2 - The Toilet Paper Roll: Do They Grow on the Holders? Round table discussion.

TOPIC 3 - Is it Possible to Urinate Using the Technique of Lifting the Seat Up and Avoiding the Floors/Walls and Nearby Bathtub? Group practice.

TOPIC 4 - Fundamental Differences Between the Laundry Hamper and the Floor. Pictures and explanatory graphics.

TOPIC 5 - The After-Dinner Dishes and Silverware: Can They Levitate and Fly into the Kitchen Sink? Examples on video.

TOPIC 6 - Loss of Identity: Losing the Remote to Your Significant Other. Help line support and support groups.

TOPIC 7 - Learning How to Find Things, Starting With Looking in the Right Place Instead of Turning the House Upside Down While Screaming. Open forum.

TOPIC 8 - Health Watch: Bringing Her Flowers is NOT Harmful to Your Health. Graphics and audio tape.

TOPIC 9 - Real Men Ask for Directions When Lost. Real life testimonials.

TOPIC 10 - Is It Genetically Impossible to Sit Quietly as She Parallel Parks? Driving simulation.

TOPIC 11 - Learning to Live: Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. On-line class and role playing.

TOPIC 12 - How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion. Relaxation exercises, meditation, and breathing techniques.

TOPIC 13 - How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy: Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries, Other Important Dates, and Calling When You're Going to be late. Cerebral shock therapy sessions offered.

~Upon completion of the course, diplomas will be issued to the few survivors

Important Trivia about men: heehee!

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

3. Men who have tattoos think they have a piece of artwork on them. Yeah, like a flaming skull is art?

4. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

5. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

6. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

7. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

8. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

9. All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwartzkopf.

10 Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

11 Men have an easier time buying bathing suits, Women have two types: depressing and more depressing Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

12 Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

13 Women take clothing much more seriously than men I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh no, I'm so embarrassed; I've got to get out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

14 Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

15 If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

16 If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.

17 No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

18 When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

19 When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

20 Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.

21 Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"

22 If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget.. He didn't lose your number.. He didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.

23 Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis I asked him, "Are we going to have fun again?" He said, "Maybe.. next year."

24 Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you.. I want to marry you.. I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.

25 Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super- heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

26 Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to flirt with young girls and drive motorcycles.

27 Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports They've already forgotten what happened.

Okay, it wouldn't be fair if I didn't post one for the men too!


Women's Training Courses

Long awaited training courses are now finally available for women on the following subjects:

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits

4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game

5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First.

8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking

9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging

10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

12. Introduction to Parking

13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space

14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat

15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption

17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

19. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His

20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To

21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have

22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice

23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together

24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both

25. TV Remotes: For Men Only

Wow. Just wow.

I may or may not have an addiction to watching Whose Line is it Anyway...

Kasper wrote:I may or may not have an addiction to watching Whose Line is it Anyway...

I love that show...though I haven't seen it in a long time.

These past few weeks have been so beautiful weather wise, and now today it was pretty hot again. Apparently the bugs decided they no longer want to be outside, and decided to come on in. Without an invitation, I might add...(at least vampires have more courtesy than that). So we've had to barricade the windows just to keep them out. So much for opening windows to let the air in...

This is kind of random.

Old friend of the family sends me this email this morning. She's designed a necklace for one of her friends to sell with all the proceeds to go to helping the seaturtles affected by the oil spill.

I've never seen any of her stuff, but this really surprised me.

Here's a link if anyone is interested:
[Only admins are allowed to see this link]

[Only admins are allowed to see this image]

I feel as though there isn't enough bouncy monkey in your life. Yes... you!

Nightowl wrote:I feel as though there isn't enough bouncy monkey in your life. Yes... you!

And certainly not enough

flyersfan35 wrote:

Nightowl wrote:I feel as though there isn't enough bouncy monkey in your life. Yes... you!

And certainly not enough

As I arrived home today, my phone rings and it's the woman who calls the substitute teachers for one of the school districts I work in. I am scheduled for a 3rd grade class tomorrow and she wants to double check to make sure I can handle a rough class. My first question was "Rough like they bring knives to school or rough as in behavior issues?" Never has that happened to me before..now I am afraid.

PS..I said yes, I could handle the class. What was I thinking????

howie wrote:As I arrived home today, my phone rings and it's the woman who calls the substitute teachers for one of the school districts I work in. I am scheduled for a 3rd grade class tomorrow and she wants to double check to make sure I can handle a rough class. My first question was "Rough like they bring knives to school or rough as in behavior issues?" Never has that happened to me before..now I am afraid.

PS..I said yes, I could handle the class. What was I thinking????

Good luck howie!

Happiness keeps you Sweet,
Trials keep you Strong,
Sorrows keep you Human,
Failures keep you Humble,
Success keeps you Glowing ,
But Only Friends Keep You Going!

What if the least you deserve is a real human being, and what you get instead… is me.

flyersfan35 wrote:

howie wrote:As I arrived home today, my phone rings and it's the woman who calls the substitute teachers for one of the school districts I work in. I am scheduled for a 3rd grade class tomorrow and she wants to double check to make sure I can handle a rough class. My first question was "Rough like they bring knives to school or rough as in behavior issues?" Never has that happened to me before..now I am afraid.

PS..I said yes, I could handle the class. What was I thinking????

Good luck howie!

They are quite the handful but no prison tattoos or shivs....yet. Sharpened pencils are a bit scary though.

howie wrote:

flyersfan35 wrote:

howie wrote:As I arrived home today, my phone rings and it's the woman who calls the substitute teachers for one of the school districts I work in. I am scheduled for a 3rd grade class tomorrow and she wants to double check to make sure I can handle a rough class. My first question was "Rough like they bring knives to school or rough as in behavior issues?" Never has that happened to me before..now I am afraid.

PS..I said yes, I could handle the class. What was I thinking????

Good luck howie!

They are quite the handful but no prison tattoos or shivs....yet. Sharpened pencils are a bit scary though.

Yay Howie. Watch out for shanks and sharks. lol

Tonight's rock out session has been brought to you by Judy Garland and Nirvana. Stupid ipod shuffle.

G wrote:

howie wrote:

flyersfan35 wrote:

howie wrote:As I arrived home today, my phone rings and it's the woman who calls the substitute teachers for one of the school districts I work in. I am scheduled for a 3rd grade class tomorrow and she wants to double check to make sure I can handle a rough class. My first question was "Rough like they bring knives to school or rough as in behavior issues?" Never has that happened to me before..now I am afraid.

PS..I said yes, I could handle the class. What was I thinking????

Good luck howie!

They are quite the handful but no prison tattoos or shivs....yet. Sharpened pencils are a bit scary though.

Yay Howie. Watch out for shanks and sharks. lol

Haha! Every single teacher I came across today asked me how I was doing. Apparently they made the sub for Spanish cry in the first 5 minutes one day! They were good for me..even got them to play the quiet game for a full 6 minutes during dismissal. It won them all a silly eraser.

You rock howie!