Tell Me What You See--posted by anaG on 10/9/2007

by redrider Fri Jun 13, 2008 10:28 am

There are a lot of influences that shaped this story, and I would be remiss if I didn’t mention just a few of them…

>”Tell Me What You See” - The Beatles….the last part of this was rescued from a failed attempt at the last CH Challenge. The melody is all wrong for this one, but the lyrics…to me, the lyrics are a thing of beauty.

>”(You Want to) Make a Memory”- Bon Jovi…once I heard this song, the idea of a memory for these two would not leave my head.

>”I Let Myself Fall”-Rosie Thomas…this was the song playing on the iPod as I wrote most of this. It has a haunting quality and defined a lot of this story.

AND last but so very not least….

This one is for A2B…you saved this one from the recycle bin…and though the story is complete, the copy of that poem will remain right here on my desk…

—Ana

***

She steps from the last faded gray wooden slat onto the sand and stands there for a moment, taking in the sight before her. Stunned at the simple beauty, she hesitates before taking a deep breath and sliding off her shoes. Leaving them behind, she makes her way, the soft sand shifting beneath her feet, to the place where the water gently rises forward to meet the land. She stops there, curling her toes into the damp sand as if anchoring herself to the moment.

She stares across the mirrored surface of the water, its smooth darkness broken only by the reflection of moonlight across the tops of the small swells. Searching the distance, she can’t find the horizon, the ocean blending into the night sky above it.

Her breath catches as she is transfixed by the sheer vastness of it. The rational part of her mind knows that there are boundaries, here at this shore and at others that she can’t see. Yet, it is not rationality that has captured her mind, but the sense of being adrift. The knowledge that the sand beneath her feet consists of countless tiny particles worn down over millennia, the understanding that there were miles of water beyond where she can see, even imagine…it all serves to make her feel very small and lonely in a much larger world.

It is a familiar feeling, one that she has often battled to keep from overwhelming her…a mood that had followed her since her family left her behind, through the many moves from foster home to foster home, all the way to her adult life. She shakes her head, remembering a bitter phrase used by of one of the other fosters…that they were all “throw-away kids”. The label has haunted her over the years, and returns any time that insecurity threatens. Even now when she has finally allowed herself to establish connections beyond the security of her work…to think of the possibility of…to think of possibilities…it challenges her. It is like a taunt…why would a throw-away like her even consider those possibilities? What if there is something fundamentally wrong with her, something that prevents her from being able to…

A strong wind moves across the dark water, and she unconsciously folds her arms tightly across her body, warding off both the sudden chill and the ache in her chest. She doesn’t want this…this fear, but she has no idea at all how to save herself from it.

***

That is the way that he finds her. Standing silently at the water’s edge, looking towards an unseen horizon as if she is certain there are answers out there somewhere. As he studies her profile, the wind shifts, lifting her hair away from her face and he finds himself unable to breathe as the moonlight casts her beauty in stark relief.

He remains silent, as he tries to capture every detail of this moment, knowing with every fiber of his being that this is a memory that he will carry with him until his last day.

***

She knows he’s there, watching her from just a few feet away. She speaks without turning to face him.

“How did you know where to find me?”

Something in her voice makes him hesitate before he moves to stand closer to her.

“Angela might have mentioned…”

“Angela…...of course.”

Both of them unsure of what to say next, they stand facing the water, allowing the sounds of the water and the wind to fill the silence between them.

“Booth.”

“Yeah, Bones?”

“Why?... Why did you find me?”

An excuse involving the loose ends of their last case leaps into his mind, but as he turns to look at her, those are not the words that he finds himself saying.

“Because….because I didn’t like not knowing where you were”

As his words fade, she finally turns to look at him. His eyes never leave hers as he watches the emotions trace across her face like flashes of lightening…shock, gratitude, fear, amazement, doubt, need…until all that is left in her eyes is a question.

He’s seen the question before, has even asked it of himself…always knowing the answer that he wanted to give, and now here, in this place…

He leans forward, brushing his lips lightly against hers. For the briefest moment, he feels the movement of her lips against his, allowing him to believe that he had found the right answer.

Except that in the very next moment, she is backing away from him.

“Why did you….I'm sorry...I...I can't…”

“Don’t…don’t run.”

She’s already turning from him, but at the sound of his voice, the strength of his tone layered with need, she finds herself unable to move any further away.

He walks closer to her, close enough that the space between them all but disappears.

“Please, just look at me..”

Her stance is stoic and her stare is level, yet her eyes are focused not on his face but on the notch of his collarbone. The need that she is fighting makes her too afraid to meet his eyes.

“No, Temperance…..look…at me.” He waits as she slowly raises her eyes to his.

“Tell me what you see.”

He doesn’t say a word, knowing that in order for this to be possible, she has to recognize the answer for herself. He can only pray that she can see….wills her to understand that she can trust him, that he will do everything that he can to protect her from being hurt…from feeling the loneliness that he knows overtakes her…because she’s so much a part of him that he can’t separate the idea of the two of them any more. If she gives him her heart, he would spend the rest of his life proving all of it to her.

But first, he needs her to be able to see it.

Reading the emotion in his eyes is like looking out across the night ocean. Again she is unable to see boundaries…feels the knowledge of an infinite depth. But this time, as she searches that depth…she is not adrift…she is not lost. She feels certain….certain that she is safe, that she means something in this world, means something to him…

A weight inside her loosens, breaks away….

He watches as it happens…watches as the barriers begin to fall…

She reaches out to him, as if to steady herself, her hand coming to rest against his chest…

He feels the slight pressure of her fingertips as she leans in towards him…

She speaks, her words a whisper against his lips…

“I see…I see you.”