Just Socks... Wannabe induced Author: phoebsfan

I laughed.

He told us about the socks and I laughed. I couldn't bring myself to worry about it. Irrational. Incomprehensible.

But these are not the things I think about as I watch him fall, as his blood seeps past my fingers, as I pull the trigger.

All I can think is how I'm screaming. Inside I'm panicking and nothing seems real.

He could be dying. And there is nothing, absolutely nothing, I can do about it.

So I plead with him. I tell him he'll be fine.

I need him to believe it. Because I'm terrified that I can't.

There are things I never told him, things I don't want to believe.

I never thought...

He was Booth, invincible.

He could be blown up, beaten, captured and tortured. But he was my constant. I don't know when it happened, when the thought of facing the day without seeing his face started to disturb me.

This wasn't supposed to happen. Some... Some... Some... woman with a gun... crazy... Irrational. Uncontrollable.

If I could...

All I can think is: “Don't close your damn eyes!”

Don't leave me here!

I'm losing him! I can't. I can't.

Helpless. So... so... God, I can't find the words.

There are no words...

Then someone is pushing me away, but I can't let go.

I know it's not logical to think that once I let go... That he's staying because he knows I need him to. Because I'm holding him here, forcing him to stay by strength of my hands on him.

And then I'm pulled away.

People are telling me it will be ok. Holding me back, as he's rushed away. But it's not ok, I let go and I'm afraid I'm never going to see him again.

Don't leave me here!

I need to go with him, but an officer is asking me questions. People are distracting me.

I [g]need[/g] to go with him.

It's Sweets who gets them to leave me alone. Sweet's who gets Angela to drive me to the hospital, or maybe it's Hodgins who is driving.. I don't know and I don't care.

I'm angry.

I [g]need[/g] to go with him.

I'm scared.

I laughed and he's bleeding.

I killed a woman, but he's dying.

Don't leave me here!

Then I think about socks, about warning signs.

She bought him socks, and I thought it was funny.

I can still feel his hand wrapped around mine. Still smell the coppery tang of blood, his blood... like dirty pennies. Still see his eyes, those eyes... I'll never forget... I'm afraid to look away. Scared to blink... If we break that connection... I'm terrified I'll lose him.

All I can hear is chaos, the little voice in my head.

Don't leave me here! Don't you dare! Not after everything! Not after... I need you!

My mouth is dry, my heart is racing.

The last time I was this scared... I never wanted to be this scared again...

I was singing, he was smiling, joking with me from his seat. I wanted to make him laugh. Love being immature with him. He makes me feel like I'm not so different. He understands me...I never thought I cared. We were having fun. I was going to finish the song and sit next to him. We were going to mock Sweets.

We'd stay out too late. But it would be worth it.

Now I'm pacing the floor in a hospital, waiting.

Angela tries to get me to sit, but I shrug her off.

Can't sit when he's in there fighting for his life. I need to fight with him. Want to scream, to... to...

Need to do something...

Is this what crazy feels like?

Why can't I control this? Why can't I think? Why does it hurt so much?

Why Booth? Why me?

Why did I laugh?

Could this have been prevented? Could we have stopped it?

Is he going to be ok?

He won't leave me. He can't leave me. He needs me too.

Doesn't he?

I want... I need... I can't...

They were just socks...

That was very good....I could see her harbouring feelings of guilt for not forseeing what would happen even though there was no way she could have.

Good work!


gd215

That was very good....I could see her harbouring feelings of guilt for not forseeing what would happen even though there was no way she could have.

Good work!

csi4077

YAY!! Phoebs wrote for Bones!!!
Loved it babe - I'm so glad you were inspired for this - I love your writing... and this is no exception. I love the frantic flow of it, you just captured her in that moment perfectly.
More from you soon, k

space

Thanks guys... you're great...

GD215, glad you enjoyed it. Brennan scares me, I don't so much like writing her... so thanks for the encouraging words.

CSI-4077, I really want it to be next week... or sometime in the future so that I can see how she deals with this... or doesn't.

Ah Space.... don't tell anyone alright. It will be our little secret that I wrote a Bones piece... is this soon enough?

Much shorter but then I'm not trying to write a novel here... frantic is a good word... I like it... lets repeat it shall we.




Booth's POV


This isn't new. The sudden shock, the sharp jolt of pain. The world suddenly jumping a million miles away, drowned out by the loud thud of my heart. The warm splatter on my chest.

But it feels like an eternity before I put it all together.

That crazy bitch was going to shoot her. My Bones. I didn't think, I reacted. She's gonna be pissed.

Except years later...what took her so long... when she finally gets to me, after the floor and I get acquainted... really didn't miss this feeling... she doesn't look pissed so much as worried.

There is another shot... another thump...
My gun... where?

Sweets is gonna love this. He'll go to town. She's...

It must be pretty bad... At least looking at her...

She seems really worried.

I'm not going anywhere. It will be fine.

Except that I don't think I actually told her that.

Huh.

I'm feeling kind of funny. And I think she might be crying.

Damn it Bones. You know I hate that, makes me feel awkward. Except it doesn't right now... just kinda worried. Disconnected.

Tired. Want to close my eyes.

She pulls me close.

Her hand is warm.

I cling to her fingers.

Can't.

Can't leave her like that.

Can't believe she shot me.

“Come on! Come on, Booth!”

Lips are moving. Am I making noise?

She doesn't seem relieved.

I think I might love her.

Not. Going. Anywhere.

Is this really it?

Must.

Keep.

Eyes...

So... sorry...

Awesome! God, I love the 'She's gonna be pissed.' lines... that's so what he had to be thinking! Greatness!

space

agree with space sweetie...both were awesome with loads of greatness...
frantic and fantastic...
and loved Booth's even more..

fab

wow nice.....*cries*

dbangelfan

holy shit pheebs.........that was freaking brilliant.....loved it....and i too loved the 'she's gonna be pissed' line.....wonderful...........oh and brennnan........how heartbreaking...........again........it rocked....good job.........

Okay well that was bloody awesome..all those feelings....so simple but yet so powerful..absolutely fantastic job!

karlia

Very intense... and yeah, frantic is the right word.
I liked that Sweets took care of her.

sarah9488

[g]Sarah[/g]...thanks for leaving a note. I really like how Sweets seems to see between the lines. I just felt like he would be the one to really get it. Though after last night's ep... who knows anymore...

[g]Karlia[/g]...You're bloody awesome for reviewing. I like simple. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[g]A2b[/g]... hahaha... holy shit...you're review made me smile... so thanks... again...you... rock...

[g]DBAngelfan[/g]... *hands you a tissue* Thanks.

[g]Fab[/g]...I love Booth's anything better...smiles...thanks for your kind words. Glad you enjoyed it...


Alrighty now... so THANK YOU LOADS...[g]space[/g]... for the beta on this and for being so awesome all around. now without further ado...




[g]Day One[/g]



Gone.

I can't believe it. I can't really believe that he's gone. Dead. That I'll never hear his voice, see that smile.

That we won't go to the diner. He won't order pie. We won't argue.

Someone will replace him.
It doesn't seem real.

So I lock it away. I don't have to think about it. I don't have to feel any of it. There is nothing to feel.

We worked together. All things have an end. This is ours. No, not ours. The end of two people's working relationship. There is no ours. Ours is too personal. It implies more.

I had a perfectly acceptable life before Booth. There is no reason to believe that I won't get on just fine after.

Still my eyes sting.

But I'm not going to cry about it. Crying accomplishes nothing. And there is no need for tears. Life ends in death. Booth just got there before the rest of us. He had a good life, and a reasonably good death as well.

I'm just not going to think about it. Besides, if anyone should be upset, it's his family. I hope someone has explained all this to Parker. And even though I don't agree with Booth's religious views, I'm sure it will give his son some kind of comfort.

I'm still angry about it. That Booth will never get to see his son grow up. That his son will have to live without his father.

I sit at my desk and watch the cursor blink on an empty screen. I was going to write the next chapter in my latest book. No one else showed up for work today except Zack of course, but even he has left for the day now. The lab is silent, I should go home. But still I sit here and stare at an empty screen.

Part of me feels that way. Empty. Part of me is afraid that if I leave here, if I go home, that emptiness will consume me. That is completely foolish and unfounded, but I'm having a difficult time compartmentalizing this. It's much harder than I expected it to be. Things don't seem to want to stay in the boxes I put them in. So carefully labeled: Do Not Disturb. It's messy, and I'm finding it harder to clean up after than it should be.

In fact, I'm thinking about it again. Perhaps it is the silence in the lab. The absence of co-workers and the routine of it. I'm certain that once everyone returns to work, life will go on as it always has. As if he never walked through that door. The other's will take longer to accept this and move on, as evidenced by their absence.

He died yesterday, so it's culturally acceptable for them to take the day off. It's hard to believe that it was only yesterday. It feels like so much longer. Ancient history.

Yes, I'm certain that after a week or two things will be back to normal in the lab, and that Booth's replacement will have brought us a new case to work on.

I can't believe that I was so afraid of this. Sure it won't be easy. But it's done. There is no logical reason to drag it out. I just have to remember that when things start to slip.

I'm not going to his funeral. I've mourned him already. There is no reason to stand above his grave while everyone drags up things better left buried. He'd want us back in the lab. He'd want us moving forward, not standing around a hole wasting time.

I know that this is going to be a sore spot with the rest of the team, but I'm putting my foot down.

[g]Day Two[/g]

I finally wrote the next chapter. Booth would have enjoyed it. He always seemed to enjoy the chapters where Andy and Kathy bicker. He used to say it reminded him of our arguments, except that they ended up in bed. I never could see the connection myself.

I deleted the chapter.


[g]Day Three[/g]

Cam thinks I need to go to the funeral. I told her it wasn't happening then went back to work. I'm getting a lot done. It feels good to accomplish so much.

I haven't been sleeping well. Something about my apartment makes me uneasy. It frustrates me to not know why I can't sleep there, but seem to have no problem doing so on the couch in my office.

[g]Day Four[/g]

I keep expecting Booth to walk through the door.


[g]Day Five[/g]

Angela finally came back to work today, but she still seems upset. The slightest thing sets her off. I'm unsure how to act around her, or what to say. Her tears make me uncomfortable. I don't enjoy seeing her so upset over this.

I asked her to create a model for a skull I'd pieced together and she burst into tears. Hodgins gave me a stony look and put his arm around her. After they left the platform I decided to avoid the both of them for the rest of the day.

Cam told us the funeral was scheduled for next Friday. Two weeks seems like a long time to drag this out. I just want it to be over so things can go back to normal.


[g]Day Seven[/g]

Zack told me he thinks I should go to the funeral as well.

I worked alone for the rest of the day.


[g]Day Ten[/g]

I told Angela I wasn't going to the funeral.

She cried and told me that I didn't mean it.

I didn't push the issue.


[g]Day Twelve[/g]

I'm still waiting for him to walk in the door, so I can yell at him and tell him I can take my own damn bullets.

I didn't ask for him to do that.

Everything is still weird at the lab.

oh, that's awesome!!! It really fills in the blanks between wannabe and pain in an insightful way!!! keep up the greatness!

cheesebk

wow nice......It does fill in the blanks

dbangelfan

God, I love your sig...

space