Fairytale Dreams-Humor and Fantasy...wackiness, rated M for later - By Jremme Posted 13/04/2008 07:07:57 PM

Hey all, I just thought I'd post this here, since it was getting a pretty good response elsewhere. Just a note before you read, this is a series of one-shots the nature of which is implied by the title. Each one will be a different tale dreamed by a different member of the team, with the members in the various roles. They are DREAMS, so keep that in mind as they get kinda ridiculous in places. First up, Angela dreams Little Red Riding Hood. Enjoy!!



Angela-Little Red Riding Hood



Angela Montenegro, nicknamed Little Red Riding Ange, picked up the basket of bones that sat on the table in her little cottage. She was off to deliver them to her best friend, Temperance Brennan, so she could ID them. The artist was a little nervous as this was her first trip through the woods alone. She had heard of a big bad bug man living in those woods who liked to prey on unsuspecting young girls. Hopefully, she wouldn’t run into him, but her father had always told her not to talk to strangers.

She fastened the dark red hoodie cape around her shoulders, and set off into the woods. It was a stupid place to put a cottage, but it had been cheap, and the woods were peaceful although it was kind of a pain being so far from civilization. How was a girl supposed to meet any hot guys living in the middle of the woods?

She skipped along amongst the trees, humming to herself, when she suddenly felt someone watching her. She glanced around behind her, but didn’t see anything. When she turned around she found herself looking into a pair of huge blue eyes.

It was the big bad bug man, and he was…fine! She looked him up and down approvingly. He couldn’t be all that bad, looking like that, could he? He smiled at her.

“Hey baby, what brings you to this part of the woods?”

Little Red Riding Ange paused, debating whether or not to answer. In the end, she replied, holding up the basket.

“I’m taking this basket of bones to my friend’s house so they can be identified.”

The man nodded his head, and said, “Why don’t you let me see those bones first? There might be particulate evidence on them that could aid your friend with identification.”

Little Red Riding Ange took a step back. “I don’t think so. I was told to bring them straight to her, and that’s what I’m going to do. Please leave me alone.” With that, she turned away from him and continued on her way, wondering if she should’ve asked him for a date.

Little did she know that the big bad bug man knew exactly where Temperance lived and was headed there himself, using a shortcut. He arrived before Little Red Riding Ange, and knocked on the door.

“Who is it?” said the voice within.

The big bad bug man cleared his throat, raised his voice in pitch, and said, “It is I, your friend in the red hoodie cape. I have come with this basket of bones for you to identify.”

She opened the door, only to be confronted by the big bad bug man, who knocked her on the head, and dragged her into the bedroom closet, tying her up and gagging her so she’d stay quiet.

Little Red Riding Ange reached her friend’s cottage. She’d really have to try and talk her into moving in with her or something. Temperance’s side of the woods was even more isolated than her own. The only other person she’d ever seen out here was that hot woodsman with the weird socks and sexy belt buckles she’d been trying to get Temperance to go on a blind date with. If she started dating the big bad bug man, perhaps they could double date.

She knocked on the door, and heard the high pitched voice call, “Come in!” She entered and walked through the house, looking for her friend.

“Sweetie, where are you?”

“I’m in the bedroom.” She entered the bedroom, and found her friend, or the person she believed to be her friend, in the bed. She looked at the bed’s occupant quizzically. It was Temperance’s clothing, and clunky jewelry, but something was off.

“Sweetie, what amazing eyes you have.”

“All the better to see those bones with.”

“And what manly hands you have.” This was looking more and more suspicious to Angela.

“All the better to identify those bones you brought with you.”

“And what curly hair you have.” She was positive her friend didn’t have curly hair, unless she’d gotten a perm, of course.

“All the better to…all the…better to…ahhh, forget it.” The occupant stood up, throwing off the blankets that had covered him. Angela gasped loudly, a hand over her mouth.

“You’re not Temperance at all! You’re the big bad bug man! Where’s my friend? What have you done with her?”

“She’s all tied up in the closet, baby, which is exactly where you’re going to be in a minute! You should have just let me take those bones.” He moved towards her, and although she couldn’t stop looking into those brilliant blue eyes, she let out a loud squeal of fear, and began backing away from him, clutching the basket.

Little Red Riding Ange’s squeal carried through the open window of Temperance’s cottage and reached the ears of the hot woodsman, who was chopping wood nearby. He figured something must be wrong at the nearby cottage, so he shouldered his trusty ax, and headed off in the direction of the squeal.

Little Red Riding Ange was racing around the cottage trying to get away from the big bad bug man, but she was running out of energy fast. He, on the other hand, had what appeared to be a never ending supply of energy and she couldn’t help but wonder if, under different circumstances, that energy could be channeled into bedroom activities. If only he weren’t being such a jerk. Typical man. She was about to go through the front room again, her pursuer close behind her, when the door burst open.

She found herself staring at the hot woodsman as the big bad bug man bumped into her from behind. She immediately ran behind the hot woodsman as he asked her, “What’s going on here?”

Little Red Riding Ange pointed at the big bad bug man. “He tied up my friend and he’s trying to steal these bones I brought for her!”

“Are you going to leave them alone now?” the hot woodsman asked, glaring at the other man.

“No way! I want those bones!”

“Suit yourself.” The hot woodsman brought his ax in front of him and raised it. The big bad bug man’s eyes grew wide as he stared at the weapon.

“Whoa, dude! Put that thing down! Someone could get hurt! I’ll go, I’ll go…just put the ax down!”

The hot woodsman lowered the ax and pointed out into the woods. “Go!”

He turned to go, but Little Red Riding Ange stopped him. “Wait a sec. You’re terrible and a big jerk, but I was wondering if you were interested in maybe going out with me sometime. The village is holding its spring celebration next week and I don’t have a date yet.”

The big bad bug man nodded, and Little Red Riding Ange beamed. “I live in the cottage on the east side of the woods. Pick me up at 7 ok?” He left, and the hot woodsman looked at Little Red Riding Ange.

“Where’s your friend at?”

“In the bedroom closet. You know, I think you should ask her to the celebration. She doesn’t have a date either.”

They stopped at the closet door and the hot woodsman opened it, and untied Temperance, removing the gag from her mouth.

“Little Red Riding Ange? Are you all right? This psycho broke in pretending to be you and tied me up, and…” Temperance trailed off as her eyes landed on the hot woodsman. “Who are you?”

“I’m the hot woodsman, but you can just call me Booth. I heard Little Red Riding Ange’s squeal and came to the rescue.”

“Well, I’m sure that wasn’t necessary. Little Red Riding Ange and I had the situation under control.” She smirked but couldn’t take her eyes off him. Little Red Riding Ange grinned, then held out the basket.

“I brought these for you.”

“Thank you. I’ll get started on them right away.”

“Ummm, sweetie, I was just thinking that since I’m going to the spring celebration with the big bad bug man, you should have a date too.”

“Uh, huh.” Temperance seemed to have fallen in some sort of trance. This was going to be a piece of cake.

“I’m glad you agree. I’m sure hot woodsman Booth would love to take you, right?” She elbowed him gently in the ribs.

“Sure, I could do that.”

“Great, it’s all settled!” Little Red Riding Ange let out a happy little squeal. She would get her double date after all. She said good bye to Temperance, adjusted her red hoodie cape, and left the two still staring at each other, heading for her cottage on the east side of the woods.