Intending to Forget - Author: hifi22

Hey folks – only my second attempt at fanfic. It’s a songfic again – to “I’ll Keep Your Memory Vague.” By Finger Eleven. Hope you like it! ~ Hifi

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Silence. She could always count on the silence. It stayed while she slept, greeted her as she woke up, continually resurfacing throughout her days and nights. She trusted the silence – to constantly feel the same to her, to be as rational as sound to her and to be found when she needed it. Always.

However, as she stood alone atop the steel platform tonight, her eyes closed, desperately trying to regain the familiar stillness she knew, she realized the silence had betrayed her.

[g]This won't break your heart
But I just think it could
Cause I haven't tried as hard as I should
To separate you from everything I do
But I would never want to come between us two[/g]

She hadn’t meant for this to happen. But it did. She even marveled at how two opposite actions, pushing and pulling can still occur in the same direction – away. Away from her and away from him. Her laughter splintered the silence as she mocked the physical impossibility of a person pushing and pulling simultaneously. I guess there’s more than one way to break the laws of physics.


[g]I'll keep your memory vague
So you won't feel bad about me
I'll say the things that you said
Sometimes so it reminds me

I'll keep your memory vague
So you won't feel bad about me
I'll say the things that you said
Sometimes so it reminds me[/g]

She gripped the cold metal of the railing, her knuckles paling as memories of that conversation and all the others that came before and after, flooded her consciousness. The tears that had evaded her since he left rolled slowly down the ivory of her face. That discussion in the diner was when she knew. Not that she loved him – hell if she had been honest with herself she’d always known that. It was his lecture on making love that had been so open, so honest that had made her realize she could never be that for him. She could never surrender her self and pour all of her being into him. She knew he deserved better. She wanted, demanded more for him.

[g]Now I'm thinking back
To what I said before
I hope your heart won't have to hurt anymore
Cause it's really not that sad from here
Because the moments I can feel you near
They keep you close to me my dear
And if they ever become too clear...[/g]

He would have argued differently. Taken whatever scraps of herself she could spare. And he did for awhile. She could tell every tiny moment she gave him while they worked he treasured. So she gave him less and less, until professionalism was the only shred of their former relationship that remained. She was friendly but not a friend. She didn’t know what his son was learning in school or whether his beloved Bruins were going to make the playoffs. Going for coffee was just a distant memory.

[g]I'll keep your memory vague
So you won't feel bad about me
I'll say the things that you said
Sometimes so it reminds me[/g]

She didn’t want him to leave but she didn’t want him to hurt anymore either. She had reasoned that if she slowly shifted him out of her life and out of her heart, he would slowly shift her out of his. A makeshift evolution. She ignored her heart aching every time he walked in the room, her breath robbed from her body at the sound of his voice. What she wanted wasn’t important. What he needed was her only concern. Someone to be there for him, to heal his scars. Someone who could match him – soul for soul. Someone who believed in things beyond science, beyond flesh and bone.

[g]I'll keep your memory vague
So you won't feel bad about me
I'll say the things that you said
Sometimes so it reminds me[/g]


She sighed as she leaned back, struggling to be content with this altruistic notion. Loving someone, letting them free and all that other crap she’d seen in the movies. Stretching her neck, the lights from the lab caught her eye as they reflected off the skylight, twinkling like tiny stars on the glass. So entranced by her artificial stargazing, she didn’t even hear him come in.

“You quit.”

[g]Now you've gone away
Don't worry it's ok
That you're gone away
And you’re gone away
Further than yesterday
But you'll never leave these scenes
My mind replays[/g]

The simple statement shattered the silence and snapped her out of her reverie.

She stood and stared at him wordlessly. “The race wasn’t over. For Christ’s sake it had barely started!” His voice rising as he spoke.

Her spine instinctively straightened at his accusatory tone and she found her voice. “What race? There was nothing…we were partners. That’s all. ” She finished shakily.

He shook his head as he stepped closer. Trapped between the railing and him, she stared at the floor trying to avoid his gaze. Pointless as it was though, as all her other senses were rapidly assaulted by him. His voice, his smell, oh god his touch……as he gently lifted her chin forcing her to meet his intense stare.

“You, your journey. That’s what this is about.” Her eyes clouded with confusion and so he continued. “You started down this road, discovering the world and all it and the people in it had to offer. But when you didn’t think you could finish, you quit.” Her eyes widened as she realized he knew. Of course he knew. Because he knows people. He knows me. Suddenly even more vulnerable and unsure, she searched his features for something, anything, to indicate what she should do next. And then true to form – he smiled. She released the breath she hadn’t even realized she’d been holding as she watched the edges of his eyes crinkle and soften. He leaned in closer, and she shivered, involuntarily closing her eyes as he whispered “I’m still standing at the finish line.”


He left without a sound. The silence obediently returned. However, this time it didn’t get to stay for long. Her high heeled shoes echoed her hurried footsteps after him.

Forget silence, stillness and being alone. Temperance Brennan is going for a run.


[g]I'll keep your memory vague
So you won't feel bad about me
I'll say the things that you said
Sometimes so it reminds me

I'll keep your memory vague
So you won't feel bad about me
I'll say the things that you said
Sometimes so it reminds me

I'll keep your memory vague
So you won't feel bad about me
I'll say the things that you said
Sometimes so it reminds me

I'll keep your memory vague
So you won't feel bad about me
I'll say the things that you said
Sometimes so it reminds me[/g]