Totally Random ...

G-Woman wrote:These are actual instruction labels on
consumer goods:

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)
(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this..)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

G-Woman wrote:MORE WAYS TO ANNOY PEOPLE!

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which.

2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes.

3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would.

4) Act like a hillbilly. Period.

5) Improvise Italian operas.

6) Gossip about someone to their face.

7) Answer every question with a question.

Repeat yourself constantly.

9) Act like a member of the opposite sex.

10) Repeat yourself constantly.

11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons.

12) Repeat yourself constantly.

13) Change what you repeat every now and then.

14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks.

15) Change what you repeat every now and then.

16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else.

17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries.

18) Change what you repeat every now and then.

19) One word: Caffeine.

20) Another word or two: Caffeine and Sugar.

21) stringwhateveryousayintoonelongwordsoitshardtomakeoutwhatyou'resaying.

22) Using non-existent words like George Bush would.

23) Change what you repeat again.

24) Speak in rapid Spanish.

25) Pretend not to know about the rule of personal space.

26) When doing number 25, pretend to have a heavy nose cold causing you to breathe heavily through your mouth. Sneeze occasionally.

27) Change what you repeat again.

28) You are better than everybody else. Let them know so.

29) Rudely correct everybody's grammar.

30) Don't proper grammar use while you are correcting them.

31) Pretend to be drunk.

32) Groom yourself while standing backwards (towards everybody) in an elevator.

33) Change what you repeat again.

34) Pretend your name is Cletus-Atkins-Wheatherby-Percival-Smith, and don't answer to anything else.

35) Call everybody you know Bob or Georgia. Bob for girls, Georgia for boys.

36) Fine people for stupid things, like being too popular, or having to many teeth.

37) Change what you repeat again.

38) For those who wish to annoy, riddles is that in which you should speak.

39) Lick your lips constantly, acting as if doing so is pleasurable.

40) Pretend to be high.

41) Become severely narcoleptic in the middle of a conversazzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

42) Change what you repeat again.

43) You ARE the lord of the dance. Never forget that.

44) Speak in Gaelic.

45) Blink rapidly and constantly.

46) Scratch yourself constantly. I am not saying where.

47) Strut.

48) Start repeating what you say as soon as you say it.

49) Start repeating what you say as soon as you say it.

50) Become "The Masked Wedgie Giver."

51) Have this list printed on a T-shirt and write above it "Check list for Today." Don't let anybody forget that you have it on.

i_heart_bones wrote:I want to quit my life, pack my guitars and run away!!!

I'm with you! Ah... to be far, far away from the madding crowd! Where idiot relations can't get at me would be best.

dawnsfire wrote:

i_heart_bones wrote:I want to quit my life, pack my guitars and run away!!!

I'm with you! Ah... to be far, far away from the madding crowd! Where idiot relations can't get at me would be best.

dawnsfire wrote:I've created a monster!

I sent the King over to Yahoo Answers and he is going insane! So far, he hasn't started a flame war, but early days, early days...

THX1138 wrote:

dawnsfire wrote:I've created a monster!

I sent the King over to Yahoo Answers and he is going insane! So far, he hasn't started a flame war, but early days, early days...

Is it my fault people are basically morons? Yeesh! Read some of the questions at Yahoo answers, the gene pool needs some bleach!

RM

dawnsfire wrote:For Nightowl: [Only admins are allowed to see this link]

dawnsfire wrote:For Nightowl: [Only admins are allowed to see this link]

Nightowl wrote:

dawnsfire wrote:For Nightowl: [Only admins are allowed to see this link]

*falls on knees* NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Superman is such a slut... he won't be there for you...
I won't be needing this anymore...

[Only admins are allowed to see this image]

This childhood shattering image doesn't mean I have to grow up does it?

howie wrote:Can someone please tell me why the Mom's who take their kids to the kiddie pool insist on wearing the skimpiest bathing suits known to man. Oh, especially the ones who really shouldn't be wearing them. I am all for self expression, but seriously cover up around the little ones, I don't need to see all God gave you!!

P.S. Just because it comes in your size doesn't mean you should wear it!!!

flyersfan35 wrote:

howie wrote:Can someone please tell me why the Mom's who take their kids to the kiddie pool insist on wearing the skimpiest bathing suits known to man. Oh, especially the ones who really shouldn't be wearing them. I am all for self expression, but seriously cover up around the little ones, I don't need to see all God gave you!!

P.S. Just because it comes in your size doesn't mean you should wear it!!!

Not just the kiddie pool...they shouldn't be wearing them in public, period! If you're past a certain size and don't have a flat stomach, don't wear a bikini! *shudders*

jsgemini wrote:

flyersfan35 wrote:

howie wrote:Can someone please tell me why the Mom's who take their kids to the kiddie pool insist on wearing the skimpiest bathing suits known to man. Oh, especially the ones who really shouldn't be wearing them. I am all for self expression, but seriously cover up around the little ones, I don't need to see all God gave you!!

P.S. Just because it comes in your size doesn't mean you should wear it!!!

Not just the kiddie pool...they shouldn't be wearing them in public, period! If you're past a certain size and don't have a flat stomach, don't wear a bikini! *shudders*

I have a funny random story that goes with this discussion. I used to work at an amusement park and I was one of the supervisors in the waterpark section. One year we recieved complaints of a woman not wearing any bottoms to her 2 piece bathing suit. Myself and four others, including the manager of the waterpark, went in search and sure enough, a very heavy set woman was standing by the wave pool and it looked like she was only wearing the bikini top that mind you, was straining to hold that part in. No matter what angle you looked there was just no material showing on the bottom half because of her giant muffin rolls. So we rock, paper, scissored on who was to approach her and the manager lost. He walked over to her and we got close enough to watch and hear this unfold. He apologized and said its a family park, yada yada I hate to ask but do you have bottoms on and she happily said of course and proceeded to lift her giant belly roll to show a very tiny white bikini bottom. The mangered quickly said thank you then ran away. I don't know how none of us