1000 things _____ would never say or do.

A fun game I found on the FOX Boneyard website,and this is the sort of thing we do there:
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Angela brings a cake into the lab, with lit candles on top, singing: "Happy Birthday to Temp". She sings the whole song, places the cake on Temp's desk, and gives a big smile.

She then notices Hodgins, Cam, and Booth, sitting in a row behind Temps bench.

"Guys...what....?" She begins to ask, but before she can finish Hodkins starts to speak.

Hodkins:"It was aw-ight for me, dawg. Aw-ight. Not bad to start, dawg, bit pitchy in the middle, and that note at the end! *Rolls eyes.* Just aw-ight for me, dawg."

Cam: *Glasps hands in front of her, and gives a big, seemingly pain filled, vacuous grin that borders on a grimace* "Its was.....it's like. Y'know? You.....I......singing is.....they......cake is.....birthdays don't......you gotta.....yummy.........? Y'know? You look fabulous though..."*another grimacegrin.*

Booth, wearing a low cut and way to tight sweater, with a smarmy look on his face, hesitates for effect for a moment, then says :"Well, I thought it was a disaster!! Terrible!! Sounded like a bad high school musical! Was THAT singing? Don't quit your day job!! Even using the cake for a prop in a desperate attempt to take the attention off your hideous voice didn't work!!" He raises his hand in a stopping motion "Just my opinion!!"
Angela: "Guys, please STOP playing AI!! And you forgot a judge, there's FOUR now, you know. There's no one in that forth chair, there."

Booth makes a dismissive gesture: "Close enough"

Haha..that's hilarious! You totally nailed it! DB actually played Simon on The Graham Norton show, they were spoofing AI with Sharon Osbourne. It was crazy!

that must have been funny!!

Another one.


Booth leads the suspect into the interrogation room. He sits him at the table, and leaves him there as he comes into the room behind the one way mirror, where Brennan and Angela wait.

"How did you catch him Booth?" Brennan asks.

I chased him into a dental supply warehouse, I caught him when I tripped him up and he fell into a vat of novacaine.

"Oh my gosh! Was he hurt, Booth?" Says Angela?

"Nah, he didn't feel a thing" Says Booth.

those were good

Hodgins comes running into Brennan's office, out of breath and excited.
Brennan, Cam, and Angela are there, and listen as Hodgins says: "Guys, you gotta come see this! I spent every free moment I had for the last 6 months building this, and I want you all to see it now. Where's booth, I want him to see it to!"

"See what, Jack?" Angela asks.

"Booth's not in yet, I don't think, Jack. And what are we going to see?" Brennan asks

"I spent the last 6 months building a totally accurate scale model of downtown Washington, so that when we get a call to a crime scene here, we can see exactly where we're going!! And we can also use it to do highly accurate re-creations of crime scenarios in the area!! I was going to make it a surprise, but I just couldn't wait to tell you!! Lets go look at it, I wanna know what you think!!" Jack says excitedly, his eyes sparkling in anticipation.

"What about Booth?" Brennan asks.

"I'll show him when he gets in." Jack says. "I just can't wait any longer!! I spent SO much time and effort at it, I just HAVE to share it now!!Its in the unused storage room down the hall, , I cleared it out, and used the floor space to build my model!! C'mon!!" Jack is like a little kid who wants to show off a new bike to his friends.

Everyone rushes after Jack, hardly able to wait to see his creation, that he spent so much time at.

When they catch up to him, Jack is standing in the doorway of the storage room, tears streaming down his cheeks. The gang hear odd noises coming from inside, and they all peer over jacks shoulders to see what's up.

There, they see Booth, his arms held out oddly in front of him, ponderously trampling trough the model, crushing the exquisitely made buildings and model cars underfoot, striding through scale model bridges and overpasses, crashing through the scale model high rises. Every now and then, he stops and throws his head back gives out a weird sounding bellow, the continues with his ponderous destruction.

Suddenly, he notices everyone in the doorway, and says, "Hey, look guys, I'm Godzilla!! *Big happy grin as he stomps another building.*

That's cruel... LOL

poor Hodgie!!!!!!!!!

The "wand" in this little bit is a running gag I had going on the Boneyard when Booth accidenrally ended up with a magic wand. He's put it to good use against Sully more than a few times. hee hee
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LMAO, good ones!!

Booth is in his office, staring avidly into his computer monitor, when Sully walks in.

"Booth!" Sully barks. "We have to talk, its about Brennan. I love her and.........are you listening to me?"

Booth, barely paying attention to Sully, and not taking his eyes off the screen, says "Whatever, Sully....whatever...."

"Booth!! This is important!! What the heck are you so engrossed in on that computer anyway??!!?

"Well, if you must know, Cam,Angela and Brennan are having a sleepover, and right now, they're in the middle of a huge pillowfight on Cam's bed, and they're all dressed in barely adequate nighties. They wanted me to join in on the fun, so they turned on Cam's webcam, and I'm watching the fun!"

"LEMMIE SEE!!!" begs Sully.

"No way, sully."

"WHY???" sully whines.

"Well, mostly, its cause I hate your guts, sully."

From the computer's speakers, Sully hears giggling, laughing and squeals from the ongoing pillowfight, , and "We hate your guts to Sully, no eye candy for YOU!!!hee hee hee hee hee"

"God....Booth....please let me look!! " Sully begs.

"OK, Sully..." Booth starts to turn the monitor around, then stops and says: "NOT! HAHA!!!"

"Boooooth!!, I'll KILL you!! I want in on the pillowfight!!" Sully reaches for his gun, but before he can:

"Sure Sully", Booth says, and just as Sully hesitates....*FLASH!!* Booth puts the wand back in his desk drawer, then continues to watch the pillowfight with dreamy delight.

*FLASH* Sully reappears, and gets clocked by a pillow so hard it flips him in a complete circle before he hits the floor. He lays there, staring at the concrete ceiling, and then two scarred and tattooed faces appear, attached to heavily muscled necks and bodies, looking down at him.

"Hey Spike, ain't that the FBI guy that put you in here in San Quentin prison 10 years ago?"

"By gosh, you're right, Ripper. How did he just appear here in the middle of our pillow fight?"
"Oh well" Spike says with a horrible leer,"Looks like this pillow fight is gonna be a LOT more fun than I thought!! Its always nice to have fresh meat for this sort of thing"
Spike grabs Sully's collar, stands him up, and says,"Y'know, Sully, you're even cuter than I remembered...looks like we're gonna have a FUNNNNN night!!!" And draws the pillow back for another slam.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTH!!" Sully screams.

Back in his office, Booth chuckles mischievously, then goes back to watching the girls play.

The whole gang are taking a well deserved break, and have decided to take a bit of a tour of the Grand Canyon. They do some sight seeing around some of the famous landmarks and rock formations of the canyon. Sully is a wet blanket about the whole thing.

"So it's a big crack in the ground, big deal." Sully gripes about the entire Canyon..

"Whoop-tee-doo, a rock arch, BOOOOORRRRINGGGGG!" Sully complains.

After white water rafting in the river, Sully snidely says: "The creek outside my back door is faster and more exciting than that!"

While standing on the rim of the canyon, and watching the sun reflect off the breathtakingly glorious colors and rock formations on the far side of the Canyon, Sully throws out:"I've seen nicer colors in a Crayon box"

The whole gang is depressed about ever coming back to this place, as Sully's constant griping and complaining has ruined it for them forever.

Finally they come to a feature of the Canyon known as Echo Gulch. Famed for giving a loud and accurate echo to whatever sound is sent into the far face of this part of the Canyon.

Angela is first to give it a try: "I'm the prettiest girl in the Canyon"
ECHO:"I'm the prettiest girl in the Canyon!"

Hodgins takes his turn: "Angela's hot, and I still love her!!"

Echo:"Angela's hot, and I still love her!"

Angela smiles at Hodgins playfulness. Sully grimaces like he's chewing on a lemon.

Booth yells: "Where can I get some pie??"
ECHO:"Where can I get some pie?"

Cam giggles, and takes her turn: "I'm so glad not to be working right now!!"
Her echo is clear and exact.

Brennan takes her turn: "The Canyon is a fantastic display of how water erosion can reveal the natural development of the area by exposing all the different rock layers formed throughout the long history of the river here, giving scientists an accurate record of geological development here and and in similar rock strata formations around the world!"

The group just looks at Brennan, but the long distance to the rock face that the sound bounces off of delays the echo long enough to make it possible to hear every word Brennan utters repeated in perfect clarity and accuracy.

"UGH!" Sully groans. "Well, since I'm here, I might as well play this childish game."
Sully walks right to the edge of the safety area, where a wire fence about waist high guards against accidentally falling to the sharp rocks some 100ft below.

He leans over the fence, pulling a Titanic pose, throwing his arms in the air and yelling: "I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!!!"

Slight delay, as they wait for the echo, then
ECHO: "SULLY'S AN UGLY FREAKING JEEERRRRKKK!!"

Sully: "What the??........" He tries again, leaning even further over the fence: "I'M THE HOTTEST STUD IN THE CANYON"
ECHO:"SULLY'S AS UGLY AS A DONKEY!!"
Sully, sputtering in anger, leans out even more and yells:"THIS IS THE DUMBEST ECHO I EVER HEARD!!"

ECHO: "HAVE A NICE TRIP THIS FALL, SULLY!"

Suddenly, the fence snaps, and Sully falls to the sharp rocks below, which turn him into so much hamburger. His scream as he falls, and the meaty thud of his impact, are perfectly echoed back for everyone to hear.

The gang just stand there, opened mouthed with shock, til Booth says: "We have GOT to come back here next vacation, this place is GREAT!!"
The echo cheerfully repeats his statement, and the gang all agree wholeheartedly.Brennen then suggests a nearby restaurant where they serve great pie, and the gang all have the greatest day ever from this point on.

you're good at these Pimp...

thanks Howie.

Hehehehehe! Poor Sully LOVE them Gordie

LMAOO!! Loved them Pimp!!

Hahaha! I take it you rather dislike Sully, Pimp!

These are great! They're fun to read.

this only makes sense(Makes sense?) if you've seen the Discovery Channel Boom-dee -ada song advertisent.
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Booth and Hodgins are standing on the upper level of the lab, leaning on the handrail, looking down on the people all going about their business in the Jeffersonian.

Booth: "It never gets old, huh?"
Hodgins: "Nope."
Booth: "It kinda makes you wanna...."
Hodgins: "Break into song?"

Booth: Yup......."We solve weird murders
In the Jeff-er-son-ian.

Hodgins: Some really weird ones,
one guy died in the can,

Booth: But we can solve them
When no-one else has man

Boom dee ada, boom dee ada,boom dee ada, boom dee ada

Angela: I draw nice pictures.
of the rotting head.
So we can tell folks,
Who it is that's dead
they couldn't tell cause,
bugs ate the thing like bread

Boom dee ada, boom dee ada, boom dee ada, boom dee ada

Cam: I look at corpses,
yes that's what I do,
to find out how they died
yes its a fact so true
I look at guts and
even in their poo

Boom dee ada, boom dee ada, boom dee ada, boom dee ada

brennan: I have a big brain
Bigger than all the team
I am much smarter
than all the rest it seems
but there's one problem
I don't know what that means

Boom dee ada, boom dee ada, boom dee ada, boom dee ada

Booth: Look at the doorway
Here comes that ugly guy
Its that jerk sully
I'd like to make him cry
or knock him over,
and poke him in the eye

boom dee ada, boom dee ada, boom dee ada, boom dee ada

Hodgins: Why don't we push him
and make him fall down stairs
We'll knock his teeth out
And rip out all his hair
then he'll look so ugly
And Temp won't give a care

Boom dee ada, boom dee ada, boom dee ada, boom dee ada

Booth: Nah even better
I'll wave my magic wand
He'll end up not here.
but in a nice big pond
and he'll be ugly
he'll be a toad that's blond

Boom dee ada, boom dee ada, boom dee ada, boom dee ada

EVERYBODY....add lyrics....LMAO!!!

Lol! FOX should make an ad like that--have the whole cast sing. That would be awesome.

Cam wheels the rotting corpse up to the examination table. Brennan comes in to help out with the exam, Booth, to gather info for the investigation.

Brenna: "Booth, where did you go last night, I thought we were going to meet after work for a coffee and some pie?"

Booth: "I had some leads I had to look into, sorry Temp."

"He's lying" Says a man with an English accent, as he steps out of the shadows.

"What do you mean he's lying, and Booth, don't worry about it, its OK, I understand."
"She's lying" says the mysterious stranger.

Cam says: "I don't care about their personal lives, or who's saying what, Dr Lightman, its none of my business and I don't want to hear about it, we just need to get to work."

"You're lying" Says Lightman to Cam

"Who is this bozo, Cam? " Booth asks.

This is Dr. Cal Lightman, a noted expert on lying. I brought him in in case we catch the suspect, and we need his help during interrogation,"
"That's the truth", says Lightman..

"OK, fine. Anyway, Temp, sorry about last night, won't happen again", says Booth.

"He's lying" Says Lightman.

Its OK, Booth, really!" Says Temp. I don't care. It didn't bother me.

"She's lying" Says Lightman.

"How the hell can you tell when we're lying or telling the truth, anyway?" Booth asks, exasperated.

"Years of careful study, looking into the minute changes that happen to the body and face when someone lies. It happens far more often than you'd think. Sooner or later, everyone lies"

*WHACK* there's a sickening crack, and Lightman falls to the floor, unconscious!

"Oh my God!" Brennan says, "What happened?? Is he all right?"

"He'll be fine." House says, thumbing the spot on his cane that clocked Lightman. "When he wakes up, he'll have a headache, blurred vision, slurred speech, and the knowledge that he shouldn't steal MY phrases! And THAT'S the truth!!"

Shakari wrote:Lol! FOX should make an ad like that--have the whole cast sing. That would be awesome.

I think Bones should be an entire Musical.... I mean like one whole episode as a musical!

Cam wheels the victim up to the examination table.
Brennan comes in to assist Cam, Booth to gather info.
Booth: "What do we know about the victim, Cam?"

Cam: Here's what we've got so far. His Name is Tom Smith. He's missing all the fingers on his left hand. His friends nicknamed him "Nubber" for that reason. They also say he hated the water, but we found his body at the beach, washed ashore after a week or more in the water. He worked part time in a Flubber producing facility. He was called in when someone was sick or whatever and he filled in for them. His job there was polishing the Flubber.

Booth: "How do you polish Flubber?"
"Well" says Vincent, in his snooty know it all way." The flubber is rubbed to a high gloss finish by polishing it with a sheet of vulcanized rubber. Its the only substance that will smooth the surface of that compound in the proper way. The sheet is called a "rubber", for obvious reasons, and so is the fellow doing the rubbing. Also, did you know, the part time nature of his job is referred to by the people at that facility as "subbing""

"So" says Booth. "What we have here, is: Land Lubber Nubber,rubber Flubber rubber subber?"

I have to say I didn't get all of it, but your piece looks like a good pun!! I love playing with words!! You're awesome, G!!

LOL Pimp!

Cam stood on the upper level of the lab, looking down at the daily routine of the lab. The only problem was, there seemed to be nothing going on! People seemed to be standing or sitting around. No one seemed to be doing any work, or anything at all for that matter, and they all seemed a little confused, and....lost?

Cam walked through the Jeffersonian, peeking into labs and offices here and there, and saw the same thing in every case. People idly doing a lot of nothing, seemingly waiting for something to happen.

Cam went to Hodgins work station, where Jack was just standing by his work bench, peering here and there as if he were looking for something, or expecting something to happen at any instant.

"Jack, what are you doing?"Cam asked.

Jack shrugged, and mumbled "Nothin"

Are you gonna do ANYTHING today?" Cam asked, a little annoyed.

"Beats me, guess we'll have to wait and see." Jack said, with another shrug. He went back to gazing around, like he was looking for something.

Cam bit her tongue, and left before she lost her temper with jack. She made her way to Angela's office, and asked Ange what she was up to.

Angela answered: "Nothing, nothing at all!" Angela said this as if she was on the edge of tears!!

"What's wrong Ange?" Cam asked, concerned.

"I don't know, I don't know what to do!!" Angela said, and then burst into heavy sobs.

Cam, tried to console Angela, but she just kept sobbing, and not knowing what to do, left and went to Brennan's office.

There, she found Brennan sitting in her chair, her feet up on her desk, just staring at the ceiling, a pencil held under her nose by her curled up upper lip. She looked totally bored and unoccupied.

"Temp, why aren't you working? Why aren't you doing.....something??!!" Cam yelled.

Temp uncurled her lip, letting the pencil fall into her hand. She looked at Cam and asked,"Why aren't you?"

Cam said, "Me? I'm.....I......" She didn't finish, and rushed out of Temps office in confusion. Outside, she found Booth, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets, idly whistling, occasionally stopping to look around in a similar way to what Jack had done, then going back to that idle whistling again.

"BOOTH!!" Cam said, fighting down a rising panic she couldn't explain. "Why...what's.......why isn't ANYTHING happening??!!"

"Calm down, Cam, it'll be OK."

"But Booth, I...why........what's....why isn't anything going ON??!!! WHY??" Cam was on the verge of uncontrolled sobbing, just like Angela had been, and she had no clue why.

Booth came over and put a comforting hand on her shoulder, and said, "Its OK Cam. I'm sure something will happen sometime soon."

Cam said, finally breaking into sobs:"But.....why isn't.... ANYTHING.....happening?!"

Booth said, with a shrug: "Gordie just couldn't think of anything today."

LOL! Good one Gordie

*Angela walks into Brennan's office*: "Sweetie, I was just....."

*She then notices Brennan, standing behind her desk, something clutched in her hand, and a shadowy figure huddled on the floor in a dark corner of her office, its head fallen forward , its knees drawn up to its chest like it was trying to stay warm against a terrible chill.*
Angela says: "Sweetie, what...??"

Breennan: "Shhhhh! Angela, come over by me, carefully, don't startle him. I took It from him, and now he wants it back. "

*Angela, trying to see what Brennan has in her hand, asks*: "What? What did you take, and who is that?"

*Brennan, opening her hand, but never taking her eye of the figure in the corner, says gravely*: "This!"

*Angela glances back into the corner, where she hears a gurgled and tortured whisper*: "My precioussssss, must have my precioussss back!! My preciousssssssssss!

*She glances into Brennan's open hand, and sees a huge belt buckle, shaped into the word: "COCKY" then glances back at Booth, huddled in the corner, still muttering*:"My preciousssssssssssss!!!!"

Cam and Bones are looking over the remains of a corpse. Cam says: "The cause of death appears to be a knife wound to the neck, severing the jugular vein."
Bones: "I agree. Looks like this was no accidental death."
A figure in a suit stands near the door of the examination room, his back partially turned, sunglasses on, hands on hips, seemingly examining his shoelaces for a moment. He then slowly takes off his sunglasses with both hands, and turns his upper body partially, raising his head only slightly, looks at Bones and Cam through the corner of his eyes, and says in a low, slow, almost whispered drawl " Looks like we have a case for murder here."

Cam and Bones roll their eyes, and say impatiently: "Doggone it Caruso, you're on the wrong freaking set again!! Get off the Bones set and get the heck back to your CSI Miami set right now!! "