Archive #17

SPAIN ARE THROUGH TO THE SEMI'S

hmm italy are out..mr m say's they are wankers anyway..the itallions...hmm a wild misconception..as he doesnt actually know any itallions!!!..silly man!

now they are hugging on the pitch..

are you about to enter the gutter again?

well they are quite fit..and cuddling and hugging and shit..wouldn't mind a piece of that spanish action..

ohhh ohh me too me too...lets go....

i wonder how many people will read this and think...yep..CJD..allert...the cow finally went mad!

mad?...me/you..no really?

yep..mad ole cow is what i am..

what makes you think that?

i am talking to you..which technically is me...so

you are chatting with yourself..again

yes...

magicstar wrote:nope sweets...not really for me to say..you see it as logistics then fine..but i would call it emotional collaspe...which takes a while to rebuild

OK. So here is where this leaves me. Yes. I'm stuck in a rut with no new things to talk about. Everyone is tired of the same crap over and over. I can understand that. But it really isn't an emotional issue anymore. That part is resolved. What isn't resolved is how I'm going to make money. If I can't get my job back - I have been applying for the months I've been on medical leave without pay for anything else and I get only rejection letters. If I can't get my current job back I am literally out of options. I am 1900 miles away from the nearest family. So there is no network of support.

I owe the hospital that they took me to, when I blacked out, thousands of dollars. I owe the Internal Revenue Service just under $9000. I owe back child support thousands of dollar. They could arrest me for that one. I will have my cell phone cut off next week. That's my only means to communicate with my doctors and my company to try to fix this situation and get back to work. Because I owe the IRS, if I cross the border into Canada to try and visit my children I will be arrested on my return into the U.S. I have no means to pay the rent or the utilities due on July 1. I have $36 to keep gas in the car and buy food. I am not in a situation with any time for an emotional crisis. I have too much real, precariously balanced crap going on. I could simply surrender and give in to what seems inevitable within the next five weeks if I can't return to work. Homelessness.

That's not for seeking attention that is all just real. That's what I think about and try to resolve every day. I have contacted everyone and anyone. Kissed a lot of ass. Had a lot of promises of helkp getting another job. None of it materialized.

I am in a crucible being squeezed and compacted and compressed and I would argue I am holding up very well under the strain.

I come here to get away from all that so I will stop talking about it after this. But it isn't an emotional collapse it is an entire collapse.

I get my emotional and ego strokes here. That's the one area I have a positive balance in my account. You guys make me laugh and forget and become concerned about other people and not myself. I consider that an indication of fairly good emotional health.

On Thursday, I told my cardiologist all that I just told you and he told me the medications I'm on shouldn't even be able to help me with that level of duress.

I offer everyone this. If I can't shut up about this stuff I will not participate anymore. I'll probably lurk and enjoy all of you but I don't know how not to express what I think and feel in real time.

Aren't you listening to the podcast? That's probably where everyone else is.

oh i knew it..ok this will take a while to read!..where my dictionary??

jonezy, you have no disabilty or unemployment?

Podcast is up!

Fly, you just asked the question I was going to ask!

man, I'm drunk!

this party is awesome

ok..you have no money but you still pay for internet?....and as you have internet most companies have email..so even when your phone is cut off you can still contact them....

im pleased for you it makes you feel better by being here..we all like it here..as you can probably tell...so you should stay for that reason...though i dont want to be part of any ...stroking.. ..lol
and everything has a silver lining....though i cant quite see yours..im sure its there somewhere...
sorry about the short crappy response...but when you spill like this..i never know quite what i should say.....i dunno...im crap with emotional shit..my own or others....people in my real life who kno me well..know not to come to me for emotional help, guidance or a support why they cry.....it makes me uncomfortable because i dont know what they expect me to do?....just listen?....i dont see how that helps anything....

yo magic I love you

magicstar wrote:ok..you have no money but you still pay for internet?....and as you have internet most companies have email..so even when your phone is cut off you can still contact them....

im pleased for you it makes you feel better by being here..we all like it here..as you can probably tell...so you should stay for that reason...though i dont want to be part of any ...stroking.. ..lol
and everything has a silver lining....though i cant quite see yours..im sure its there somewhere...
sorry about the short crappy response...but when you spill like this..i never know quite what i should say.....i dunno...im crap with emotional shit..my own or others....people in my real life who kno me well..know not to come to me for emotional help, guidance or a support why they cry.....it makes me uncomfortable because i dont know what they expect me to do?....just listen?....i dont see how that helps anything....

magic, just want to say, listening does help, trust me.

holy crap spoon...are you about to do the whole..."i love you"..drunken convo....lol..i did that last night..glug glug wohoooo

Podcast is up! Wait, did I already say this?

love you too Fly...and everyone else...don't know whAT i
M RAMBLING SABOUT TOO DRUNK

Back...

Okay, gotta run for the pizza I ordered...from the place I always get it from. Stupid internet was wrong, they are open till 9 on Sunday's, not 5. I knew I should've just called last week.

Anywhoo...be back soon.

What's up?

Silly karlia...

flyersfan35 wrote:jonezy, you have no disabilty or unemployment?

Nothing. I found out while in the hospital that my company failed to initiate my health insurance and would not make it retroactive. I applied for social service programs, health discounts, food stamps - you name it and was told I earned too much to qualify for anything despite proving I was out of work without pay. It is a limbo situation with unemployment as everyone is operating under the expectation I will be returning to work "shortly." I myself anticipate I would be back to work by the end of March! Oops. Missed that call.

My parents are on a fixed income but have taken money out of savings the last three months to help me. Two friends show up every once in a while and take me to get food or put gas in my car. One shows up spontaneously. A week or two later the other one does the same thing. Talk about humbling.

I'm making a ledger of every penny plus interest to pay them all back.

magic, just want to say, listening does help, trust me.

..

people tell me that...so i will listen...as long as peeps dont expect me to answer..cos im crap at that!..lol..

damn willi i cant listen to podcast thingy now...i am meant to be watching Big Bro with my man..have to wait a bit now....grrrrr!!!

magic I'm more than glu glug whohooo...hahve had like 3 bottles of wine

love you all....you're so funny and smart...def love mary...she's my big sister...probably gonna regret thus convo in the mroning