I Hart Booth Fan Club

dawnsfire wrote:I say it's probably simple aging (her mother, as she is fond of telling me, needed help at an earlier age); but I did hear alzheimer's whispered once. Nobody pursued that thought.

DBCrazy wrote:

dawnsfire wrote:

DBCrazy wrote:

dawnsfire wrote:I begin to see why my mom is worried about how I'll handle things when I'm living there (it's her mother, so if there wasn't my dad and my college-age sister among other things...well, I'm sure you can imagine). It might not just be the demands on my time/attention.

Yeah. It sounds like your mom has plenty of things for her to worry about right now, and even tho you're helping IN A BIG WAY she's even worrying about you.

Part of the job description, I've been told--at least for a good one. She's a lot like Grandma in her way--gives and gives and worries even when told not to. I'll probably never get accolades like they do..take after the wrong side of the family.

We have something in common!! Our mom's are Givers, but we take after the "wrong" side of the family. I know she's counting on you tho, in a big way. It may feel like all she's doing is worrying but you gotta know that you're helping ease her load in a big way.

She's told me that and I do believe her. I've been trying to work out a plan of action (what to help with, etc--all this free time, you know) and keeping her abreast of it. And to be honest, I've known for a while I would have to do this--I'm the one best suited in some ways. But knowing it and understanding the fullest need are 2 different things, right?

DBCrazy wrote:

dawnsfire wrote:I say it's probably simple aging (her mother, as she is fond of telling me, needed help at an earlier age); but I did hear alzheimer's whispered once. Nobody pursued that thought.

My dad is 76 and has vascular dimentia. Some days are pretty good and others not. I would think that at 87 she's just getting old and things are slipping. Lord only knows that I'm not gonna be my ol' snappy self when I'm that age!

I try not to think about what I'll be like at that age! It's a scary thought under all circumstances! I was pretty upfront with my mother about watching her, tho--which doesn't sound right, but she knew what I meant. She's got no reference point (we were out of the country when gr-grma needed help), but she's mine in about 25 years or so. At least what to look for, ask about, that kind of thing.

I've not heard of vascular dementia--is it like alzheimer's?

DBCrazy wrote:You're right. Knowing it is one thing. Really knowing what it all means is something else entirely. By plan of action, are you referring to what you're gonna do with gma?

Yep--how to be of assistance. I doubt she's going to put me down as her medical person or on any bank accounts, but there are other, smaller things I can do around the house. She's been trying to re-organize things, things have been lost, and similar little details I'm going to try and get straightened out, and I can walk with her when sidewalk conditions are iffy--dr visits and church, stuff like that. Plus my company might keep her mind stimulated; like exercise, she does better after warming up. The hardest part is going to be realizing when I can't or shouldn't step in.

dawnsfire wrote:

DBCrazy wrote:You're right. Knowing it is one thing. Really knowing what it all means is something else entirely. By plan of action, are you referring to what you're gonna do with gma?

Yep--how to be of assistance. I doubt she's going to put me down as her medical person or on any bank accounts, but there are other, smaller things I can do around the house. She's been trying to re-organize things, things have been lost, and similar little details I'm going to try and get straightened out, and I can walk with her when sidewalk conditions are iffy--dr visits and church, stuff like that. Plus my company might keep her mind stimulated; like exercise, she does better after warming up. The hardest part is going to be realizing when I can't or shouldn't step in.

DBCrazy wrote:So your mom can't really give you any good advice? I feel confident that aging is probably a lot like personalities - they all do it a bit different. Which will probably be good since you know your gma well.

Vascular dimentia is somewhat like alzheimers but is caused differently. Some symptoms are common and others, like sundowners, aren't present. Sundowners is how they seem to get more and more agitated after sundown. (What a name!?) And vasc dim aren't likely to just up and disappear.

We're just playing it by ear; fortunately, I think she and I (and grandma usually) are blessed with basic common sense. Mom's worried in part about overstepping boundaries, which I completely get. My uncles don't see the concern as much...is it because they're men or is it because they don't want to see it or something else? *shrugs* At least one of them told he was glad I was moving in tho.

Sounds as though you have as big a job on your hands as my family does.

DBCrazy wrote:

dawnsfire wrote:

DBCrazy wrote:You're right. Knowing it is one thing. Really knowing what it all means is something else entirely. By plan of action, are you referring to what you're gonna do with gma?

Yep--how to be of assistance. I doubt she's going to put me down as her medical person or on any bank accounts, but there are other, smaller things I can do around the house. She's been trying to re-organize things, things have been lost, and similar little details I'm going to try and get straightened out, and I can walk with her when sidewalk conditions are iffy--dr visits and church, stuff like that. Plus my company might keep her mind stimulated; like exercise, she does better after warming up. The hardest part is going to be realizing when I can't or shouldn't step in.

You're ahead of the game already with just those two. I even think it an easy prediction that she will do much better with your stimulation.

And be careful with the stepping in. I would even go so far as not doing things for her! Sounds mean I bet. Help her do things, encouraging her participation as much as possible. Kinduv like with kids. Get her to do as much as you can stand. I messed up with my dad here badly. And it's hard to step back out.

Yeah, it's hard to watch someone (anyone!) struggle with something without stepping in. I've caught myself starting to reach out a few times already; so far, I've managed to confine it to words--can I help?

DBCrazy wrote:Think of your uncles like this...you haven't even moved in yet and see how much your eyes have been opened? Whether they're the "considerate" type or not, it tends to be invisible until you have to look at it.

As for me...between raising my nephews and now taking on my dad I have my times when I get kinda mopey and feeling sorry for myself.

So how's your father seeming to be in the midst of all this?

Lord. Mom says he's mad all the time, tho he keeps it under control when he's on the phone with us, but he doesn't rant about the cancer itself. It's the drs, the medications, stuff about work, delays, etc, etc. I think I finally got through to him that we (his loving daughters) weren't hovering when we asked how he's doing, which would be funny in other circumstances; is it wrong that I find it scary that he's taken to ending his calls with me by saying "I love you"? I can count on my hands the number of times he's said that to me--he's a very contained man. I've never doubted that he does, but to hear it like that--
Anyway, he's doing what the drs say, will probably go to work until he can't anymore, and goes in for a pre-chemo treatment in a few days. Don't have his schedule yet.

DBCrazy wrote:Mad all the time doesn't sound good for either of them emotionally or physically. Do you think they've brought it up with the Dr?

As for the "I love you"s I can see how that would feel scary to you, like he's feeling the end is near or something. Which is possible. But even if that's part of it, I would have to think that part of him just feels a backlog in saying it to you and he wants to be sure you know it, and that he's telling you. Not too old of a dog to learn a new trick. I would see it as a positive - no matter.

And it's good he's following the dr's orders. Is he pretty resilient with medicines?

I know it's not good; I wish he had an outlet. Mom's got friends to talk to, I have friends (physical and online ); he really doesn't. I wasn't kidding about contained! And I think he's a little old-school about men and emotions, too.

You're right--I should look at it as a positive. I hope he's saying it to others, then, and not just me b/c I called him on it.

Overall, the family's pretty healthy, so I haven't seen him on many meds. Outside of a painkiller, I think the last time he had anything like that was when he broke his ankle, oh about 9 or 10 years ago. And this is a very treatable cancer...it's just that it's my father, with all accompanying baggage thus implied. I reassure myself on a regular basis, and sometimes it sticks.

i_heart_bones wrote:hey Sherry!

haha no celebrity citings this week...unless you count an ex big brother contestant

Hows life?

i_heart_bones wrote:Im jealous!
It was so hot here today, even in the airconditioning!
I've got it set to 18 at home now!

dawnsfire wrote:

DBCrazy wrote:Mad all the time doesn't sound good for either of them emotionally or physically. Do you think they've brought it up with the Dr?

As for the "I love you"s I can see how that would feel scary to you, like he's feeling the end is near or something. Which is possible. But even if that's part of it, I would have to think that part of him just feels a backlog in saying it to you and he wants to be sure you know it, and that he's telling you. Not too old of a dog to learn a new trick. I would see it as a positive - no matter.

And it's good he's following the dr's orders. Is he pretty resilient with medicines?

I know it's not good; I wish he had an outlet. Mom's got friends to talk to, I have friends (physical and online ); he really doesn't. I wasn't kidding about contained! And I think he's a little old-school about men and emotions, too.

You're right--I should look at it as a positive. I hope he's saying it to others, then, and not just me b/c I called him on it.

Overall, the family's pretty healthy, so I haven't seen him on many meds. Outside of a painkiller, I think the last time he had anything like that was when he broke his ankle, oh about 9 or 10 years ago. And this is a very treatable cancer...it's just that it's my father, with all accompanying baggage thus implied. I reassure myself on a regular basis, and sometimes it sticks.

i_heart_bones wrote:Yes please!
Although i must tell you i cant cook at all!
I actually just had a frozen vegan pie for dinner...